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[roxynmae]

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[roxynmae]

He can make me look at the heads, she told herself, but he can’t make me see them.

[roxynmae]

“i can fix him” “i can make him worse” well you know what?? i can project onto him

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“how can u be team green” first of all how can u not when this shot exists

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self care is writing a fic that you’re literally the sole target audience for

[roxynmae]

Nothing hits hard than Alicent saying,

“And know you take my son’s eye and even that you feel entitled too.”

But the direction decides that, “now they see you as you are” is what they hold on. It’s such a weak line and I know Emma is giving it their all but it just doesn’t make sense! They see Alicent as a mother willing to defend her son? Someone who’s not putting up with Viserys’ bullshit?

Alicent should get 10 minutes to attach all of them to her heart’s content with the amount of shit she’s been put through.

[roxynmae]

let me go……

[roxynmae]

Sins Of The Past - Part 10

Notes: This chapter is a continuation of Tibbe's pov. It was one very long chapter so I split it into two parts for easier readability. It's OC-centric but covers some important info plot-wise. Otherwise, enjoy!!

OCs Julian and Vivienne Blake belong to my friend @roxynmae (hope I'm doing them justice). Also Italian translations done by her as well!!

CW: cursing, mild recreational drug use, suggestive content

After a long day in the forest and an even longer flight back to Bridgehead aboard the Scorpion gunship, Tibbe was bursting with energy, more so than he had been that morning.

He strode down the long corridors of the SciOps floors in the operations centre with Julian striding ahead. His hand pressed protectively against his vest pocket that contained the mushrooms. “Wow, big moment. Finally get to meet this wifey of yours. Does my hair look okay?”

Julian spun around on his heel, walking backwards and smiling. His green eyes traced over Tibbe from his shaggy curls down to his mud-stained boots. “Don’t worry, it’s not your hair she’ll be looking at.” 

Where the corridor intersected with another, Tibbe knocked into another moving body. Instinctively, both his hands clamped over the pocket containing his mushrooms. He staggered to the side, readying to say something unkind and unwarranted until he saw it was Eden who walked into him. “Amo’, you scared the shit out of me.”

[roxynmae]

Sins Of The Past - Part 9

Notes: This chapter was originally 10k words long, so I split it into two for easier readability. Been a while since I updated, really wanted to get this one right. It's OC-centric but covers some important info plot-wise. You might wanna go back and re-read chapters 14-16 and the end of chapter 13 to refresh your memory if needed. Otherwise, enjoy!!

CW: cursing, mild recreational drug use, suggestive content

Sunlight warmed Tibbe’s striped skin, stirring him from a long night’s rest. Awakening, he stretched his arm across the bed in a pointless search. The space next to him was empty.

It had been since the moment he’d been decanted. His palm inched across the mattress dampened from his sweat, smoothing over the rumpled sheets. Wanting to touch skin, flesh, warmth, and finding nothing but air in their place.

The pillow he rested his head on smothered his face. He inhaled the polyester scent, burying his nose into the soft material. He grumbled into the cotton at the lemon-scented product that had been to clean it.

He groaned, fingers dragging along the mattress back to him. Rolling over onto his back, hands over his toned abdomen, he stared up at the ceiling.

[roxynmae]

may boosty content

[roxynmae]

the concept of the admirers of knights giving them tokens or "favors" to show their love before a tournament or battle has me so fucked up today. like it's such a small gesture but it speaks volumes. i cannot be there in body next to you in the dust and blood and pain to share your victory or defeat, your suffering or your celebration, because honor and duty and social convention requires that i be elsewhere, so wear me over your heart so that my own might go with you. i cannot keep you safe but if you wear my love perhaps the world and its people will be kinder to one it knows has another waiting for it to rejoin them. nobody else might even know who the ribbon tied to your arm or flower tucked in your breastplate belongs to unless they saw us exchange it, but you and i know. and they will know that we exist. they will know that our love exists.

[roxynmae]

Sometimes I think about how the audience was made to feel horrified by this:

And we are even shown Rhaenyra wincing and Alicent feels horrible for doing it.

But this was viewed (by many members of the audience) as being justified:

This is a child who has been given no milk of poppy and we don’t really focus on HIM while he is being stitched up, it’s about others.

And not ONE person who was a part of the party that initiated the attack against him ever seems to feel sorry for it.

I’m sorry, but Rhaenyra is a grown woman and the visual narrative affords her more sympathy than a, what, ten-year-old child who just lost an eye and had it sewn shut while his freaking father never once hovers over him to see if he is even okay and just brushes to whole incident off.

One of these wounds created a legitimate disability for a child. One will scar but otherwise doesn’t impede a woman going about her business.

[roxynmae]

I've seen people responding to it being pointed out that Daemon is so obviously a worse person than Alicent or Criston by saying that "at least he isn't a hypocrite" or "at least he doesn't pretend he's better than he is." Which is perhaps accurate, but is really just saying "at least Daemon doesn't make any attempt to be a good person or voice any desire to be better."

This leads me to something I've been noticing: none of the team black characters voice or show any regret for their misdeeds while team green characters do so constantly. Daemon never apologizes or show any regret for any of the brutally evil things he does. Alicent on the other hand is constantly looking apologetic and regretful, even when she didn't do anything like in the case of Larys killing his family.

After the eye incident Alicent is extremely regretful and apologetic for her actions while Rhaenyra isn't at all. In fact Rhaenyra's response is to seek out more power through marrying Daemon so that she can more effectively hurt anyone who states an obvious truth. Her children similarly show no regret for escalating that fight, nor seem at all apologetic for having permanently disfigured Aemond.

The comparison is most striking between Criston and Daemon who have semi similar misbehavior that only Criston acknowledges in any way as bad. First in episode 5 they both smash someone's face in. Daemon's is clearly premeditated and his entire reason for being in the vale, while Criston's was planned at most ten minutes before it was carried out and was a response to an assumed attempt to blackmail him. Daemon has absolutely no shame about the murder, even going so far as to try to claim his victim's inheritance. Criston on the other hand is so ashamed that he tries to kill himself. They both also have incidents of misogynistic language. Criston calls Rhaenyra a cunt once and promptly apologizes. Daemon refers to his first wife as a 'bronze bitch' more than he uses her name and calls Alicent a whore. He does not apologize for any of those instances or show any indication that he doesn't think those are appropriate things to call a woman. Finally in episodes 8 and 9 Criston and Daemon each attack a man from behind after he insults their wife. Neither is their best moment, but again Criston is pretty clearly regretful of it, and it seems like he didn't mean to kill Beesbury and that he just forgot how fragile old people are. Daemon on the other hand clearly intended to murder Vaemond and was happy to quip about it and then chuckle when he's mentioned again.

The one sort of exception to this is Rhaenyra's toast to Alicent in episode 8. She does apologize in that scene. However, she isn't apologizing for mistreating Alicent. All she is apologizing for is not helping to take care of Viserys and not acknowledging her care taking previously, which like it definitely means something that she said that, but implicit in what she says is the idea that it's Alicent's role and duty to be taking care of him. There's kind of an implication that Rhaenyra views Alicent as having redeemed herself through serving Viserys when in reality her care taking is just another facet of Viserys's abuse, abuse that is never acknowledged or apologized for. Still I do love that scene and the way it is beautifully, pathetically, sad that Rhaenyra can only connect and forgive Alicent when she's in her subservient role and that Alicent is so desperate for connection with Rhaenyra that she will accept that barest hint of an apology even in the face of all the evidence that it's meaningless.

Now one would think that some characters regretting their misdeeds would be viewed as a sign of them being better people, but I think it actually has the opposite effect. Because the green characters are shown being regretful, their misdeeds are focused on and emphasized. In episode 5 it's possible to forget that Daemon killed his wife at the start of the episode, because it seems like he's forgotten as well. However it's impossible to forget what Criston does because his actions for the rest of the episode are all a reaction to his shame and horror about having just murdered someone. Then in the next episode when Criston has his one instance of misogyny, the entire show pauses to take note of it and wait for him to apologize (which he does!), but on the numerous occasions when Daemon is misogynistic the show breezes right past it, treating it as just a bad boy Daemon moment. Daemon's misdeeds can be enjoyed without an imediate reminder of how evil he is, letting him be a cool fun badass, while Criston's can't. You can't look at him awkwerdly and regretfully standing over Beesbury's body and say 'oh wow, such a badass male wife he really told Beesbury to keep his Wife's name out of his fucking mouth.' Though to be clear I also very much judge anyone who says that about Daemon killing Vaemond.

This is seen again in the eye incident. For most of the audience that goes into the incident not thinking that Rhaenyra is a significantly worse person than Alicent (a reasonable assumption), Alicent being extremely regretful afterwards while Rhaenyra isn't at all, is an indication that Alicent acted far worse than Rhaenyra did. A misreading that is helped by Rhaenyra's call for violence being couched in the 'sharply questioned' euphemism while Alicent's is stated outright. That is perhaps Alicent's most badass scene where she does her best to stand up to her abuser and those who allow that abuse in defense of their children, going so far as to physically fight back (though Rhaenyra perhaps wasn't the best choice of target), but the audience doesn't have any encouragement to see her badassery, instead we're to wallow in her shame at having fought back and watch her shrink back into herself with the implication that that's what she should be doing.

This pattern shows a fascinating tension between the events portrayed in the show and their framing. The show gives us two groups of people who range from very flawed to evil, but they are framed as a group of heroes and a group of villains. The greens are villains and their actions can only confirm that, while the blacks are heroes and their actions no matter how violent can only provide more evidence of heroism. I don't know how much actual meaning can be made from that tension, I wouldn't even be surprised if it was entirely accidental, but it is at the very least interesting enough to note.

[roxynmae]

tired of hearing that wanting a man to save you is sexist. maybe i just want some prettyboy in armour to do all the work while i lay back and watch, did you ever think about that?

[roxynmae]

Reasons to keep writing:

it brings you joy

somebody has to take care of the characters

you have a lesson to teach

it gets you through everyday life

there's people excited for the next chapter

to provide hope for yourself and others

if you don't tell the story, no one else will

it's a way of expressing yourself / what you go through

to make yourself and others feel less alone

people adore your writing

your characters would miss you if you left

nobody can take your place / write your stories for you

to leave something behind to be remembered by

to release your emotions

to inspire other people

[roxynmae]

Alicent study

i'm still working out how i want to do hair highlights please excuse

[roxynmae]

someone: so whats your favorite scene from hotd season1?

me: oh, the dinner scene

me *inside*: the scene where aegon smacks luke’s head into the table

You cannot tell me that was not satisfying after that shithead laughed at Aemond's face, i love how Aegon didnt even hesitate

i have no shame whatsoever about it. aegon ii targaryen did what he had to do and tom glynn carney looked good doing it.