royalarchivist

[royalarchivist]

Slimecicle: [Reading chat] Someone just came out as trans? Oh! Congrats on finding yourself, man! That's awesome. Or woman! Sht. Ok– regular like, gender...? Ok, I feel like– Agh, I've already fcked it, I've already fcked it! CONGRATULATIONS!!! Congratulations!

Slimecicle: The gender-neutral– [Stammers] Lady��� Oh sht, oh sht, listen– I– [Laughs] Good job! Oh, fck. Oh, sht... Oh no, oh no...

Slimecicle: But seriously, that's- that- that's amazing! That's amazing, you should be very very proud of yourself! 🫶

[royalarchivist]

Ironmouse: Left stomach! Left stomach! Left stomach YOU FCKING PUTA COÑO, I SWEAR TO GOD! LEFT STOMACH! LEFT STOMACH! Oh— [Realizes she got a raid from Etoiles] Oh, Etoiles! Etoiles, thank you for the raid! I had fun today, thank you for the raid, I hope you had a fun time, I had fun. Hello everybody! Please forgive me, and what I'm about to say right now—

Ironmouse: YOU FCKING CUNT, I SWEAR TO GOD I'M GONNA FCKING KILL YOU— LEFT STOMACH!!!!!

[royalarchivist]

yeah man?

[royalarchivist]

foolish: bending my knees makes me faster? no it does. dude i learned bending my knees does help. cause i become more aerodynamic. that's science 101. newton discovered that by the way. you know that? an apple fell on his tree, and then- and then thats when he discovered the aerodynamicicy um funneled with wind currency helps create a faster movement. help thus creating solar energy as we know it

[royalarchivist]

Abueloier: [While looking at the Ordo Theoritas logo] Look here, it says "Gordo tetitas, gordo tetitas" [fat tits].

Quackity: [Cracks up] Gordo-

Baghera: It's my name! :D

Quackity: What?

Abueloier: Gordo tetitas!

Quackity: [Cracks up again and starts hitting his desk]

Baghera: Ok! Let's go- to the Nether, guys, together!

[royalarchivist]

Cellbit: You were the first person I saw when I arrived on this island. In the middle of all that chaos, you were the first one that appeared in the glass, and when I saw your smile, I knew I would not forget it. When I needed somebody, when I was alone, you came. And I want you to know that as long as I’m here you will never be alone.

Roier: Cellbit. I didn’t prepare vows, however… I will speak from the heart. You are... the person I trust most. You are- You are the person I trust most. I love you. I love you with all my heart, and I will always be by your side for anything you need.

Happy 1 year wedding anniversary to the happy couple! In honor of these two, I've re-edited and subtitled the video of their wedding vows, because even one year later, it's still as sweet.

[ Full Subtitle Transcript ↓ ]

—

Roier: Cellbit?

Cellbit: Roier-

Capybara: [Recorded voice] Excellent!

Cellbit: You were the first person I saw when I arrived on this island. In the middle of all that chaos, you were the first one that appeared in the glass, and when I saw your smile, I knew I would not forget it. When I needed somebody, when I was alone, you came. And I want you to know that as long as I’m here you will never be alone.

Roier: Awww

Etoiles: Whoaaa that’s so sweet!

Baghera: Aww….

[...]

Roier: Cellbit. I didn’t prepare vows, however… I will speak from the heart. You are.. the person I trust most. You are- You are the person I trust most. I love you. I love you with all my heart, and I will always be by your side for anything you need.

Padre Peta (Maximus): Wow. And now, with the joy of everyone present, by the power vested in me, ( I ) pronounce you married! You may seal your commitment with a kiss!

Roier and Cellbit: Mwah!

[The crowd cheers]

Cellbit: Yeah!!!

Roier: Yeah!!!!!! Yeah!!!

Vegetta: Bravo, son!

Roier: Thank you, papi!

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Maxo: Where is Roier?

Cellbit: I don't know! He is in Japan– [Laughs] He went to Japan with Missa!

Tina: He's in Japan!

Cellbit: He left, he abandoned me.

Maxo: Confirmed that he doesn't love you? Question mark question mark?

Cellbit: "Question mark" [Laughs] Well, I guess we'll never know!

(VOLUME WARNING! via @ RoierEnglish )

[royalarchivist]

Phil: I swear to god, the translator is so fcking funny. Baghera: Oh ye- oh no [dissolves into laughter] NOOOOOO TODAY'S AWFUL.

[royalarchivist]

Jaiden: Fishing is just like– WHOA! Gay fish! 🌈🐟

[royalarchivist]

Cellbit: Everything is ok again, I'm not a sad gay man, I'm a happy gay man. What is this?

Bad: No, thank you, I appreciate Richarlyson.

Richarlyson: dad is saying how the final plan for the date was making sx

Cellbit: No– IT WAS NOT MAKING SEX! I'm not- I wasn't- I wasn't making–

Richarlyson: [Hits Cellbit repeatedly]

Bad: WHOA– WHAT THE FUDGE! Why would you say that in front of the kids?!

Cellbit: Sorry, sorry. No, 'cuz– he is lying!

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Mona: Hey.

Pac: [Laughs] Hi, it's nice to meet you. How are you?

Mona: I'm good, and you?

Pac: [Trying not to laugh] I'm alright! Sorry, this is the first time I've seen you! I've never seen a cat here – I've seen a dog, but a cat?

Mona: Charmed, I'm Mona. ✨

Pac: Mona? Mona, it's a pleasure to meet you! Wow... What a joy to have you here in my house, Mona! How cool.

Mona: Thanks. My collar is the latest fashion, it's Gucci. 💅

Pac: Oh?

Pac just met a new friend – a queer little cat with a trans flag bandana / collar named Mona!

[ Additional context: 'mona' is Brazilian slang used by gay people, and apparently Mona speaks like a very stereotypical Twitter gay]

[royalarchivist]

Slimecicle: Ok guys, do you have the 64- you have the stack of diamonds right– oh hey Missa.

Missa: I'm not part of the team, but I just want to tell you guys that I love you guys.

Foolish: FCK YOU!

Phil: Aww, love you too, man, love you too.

Baghera: Aww.

Slimecicle: I love you too, I love you too.

Baghera: You're gonna die.

Foolish: Wait- no! He's trying to coerce us!

Missa: We're all gonna die, SEE YA! SEE– [Missa disconnects]

[royalarchivist]

Foolish: I'm kinda like the mouth of Phil when he's not around.

Cellbit: Yeah, you have the same accent too.

Foolish: Yeah! Hola- oh wait, fck, he's not-

Slimecicle: Nope, nope, not even close.

Jaiden: You know, Phil loves saying "Hola".

Slimecicle: Yeah, Northern England accent right there.

Cellbit: Yeah, they always say that, those English people, they always say that.

Baghera: They just say "Hola, amigos!" all the time, I don't understand him.

Jaiden: He can't get enough of "hola."

Foolish: Bolas. Bolas.

Carre: [After saying absolutely nothing for 20+ minutes] Bolas and dick.

[They all laugh]

[royalarchivist]

Baghera: What's happening?

Slimecicle: [Pretending to cry] No, it's fine! You guys go on, I'll catch up. I'll catch up.

Jaiden: Wait- come out! Come out, you gotta see these boobs!

Baghera: Oh, boobs! :D

Jaiden: You gotta see these boobs.

Baghera: Oh yeah, that's a boobie.

Jaiden: Cellbit, you don't wanna come out and see boobs?

Slimecicle: Why do we– Why are we looking at boobs?

Baghera: Cellbit, if you want to see boobies, you have to go out! [Cellbit doesn't respond] Oh, you don't want to see boobs? You can see an ass too.

[ Full Transcript ↓ ]

-

Baghera: What's happening?

Slimecicle: [Pretending to cry] No, it's fine! You guys go on, I'll catch up. I'll catch up.

Baghera: Is it because of your parents? Because of your friends? What happened?

Jaiden: Wait- come out! Come out, you gotta see these boobs!

Slimecicle: I ate-

Baghera: [Cutting him off] Oh, boobs! :D

Jaiden: You gotta see these boobs.

Slimecicle: Wtf

Baghera: Oh yeah, that's a boobie.

Jaiden: The underboob on this woman, insane.

Baghera: Yup.

Jaiden: Cellbit, you don't wanna come out and see boobs?

Slimecicle: Why do we– Why are we looking at boobs?

Baghera: Cellbit, if you want to see boobies, you have to go out!

Cellbit:

Baghera: Oh, you don't want to see boobs?

Jaiden: Boobs?

Baghera: You can see an ass too.

[royalarchivist]

Ironmouse: I love it when you punch me.

Baghera: Yeah, you do? Oh, I'll keep going then. [Punches Mouse off the walkway]

Ironmouse: What a treat. What a treat to be punched by Baghera!

Baghera: You can crush me too, if you want.

Ironmouse: I WANNA CRUSH YOU! YEAH!!! ...If only I had the guts to crush such a beautiful person.

Baghera: One day you will. Oh yeah, please!

Phil: ...What am I hearing right now? 🤨🏳️‍🌈

[ Full Transcript ↓ ]

-

Ironmouse: Baghera! :D

Baghera: Hiya! How are you?

Ironmouse: I love it when you punch me.

Baghera: Yeah, you do? Oh, I'll keep going then. [Punches Mouse off the walkway]

Phil: [Laughing in the background]

Ironmouse: Oh, thank you.

Baghera: Yeah, don't worry.

Ironmouse: What a treat. What a treat to be punched by Baghera!

Baghera: You can crush me too, if you want!

Phil: [Dying in the background] Wtf!

Ironmouse: I WANNA CRUSH YOU!

Baghera: YEAH! Do it!

Phil: Oh my god...

Ironmouse: YEAH!!! ...If only I had the guts to crush such a beautiful person!

Baghera: One day you will. Oh yeah, please!

Phil: ...What am I hearing right now?

Baghera: Oh, yeah, sorry. Yeah.

Phil: [Cracks up]

[royalarchivist]

Tubbo: Why have they changed it? These colors are awful. I– ew! I actually hate it! Where– what happened to the orange? Why’s it purple?

Tubbo: [Realizes] OH—

Tubbo: Oh, I'm actually– I'm actually a bigot, it’s Ace Race, I get it. Ohhh, ohhh that’s awkward. Ohhh, that's awkward. I’m a bigot. Oh, I'm a bigot. Oh, I'm a bigot. Ohhh. It’s crazy that they let bigots into MCC these days! Well actually, they’ve always done that.