royalbluelox-blog

[royalbluelox-blog]

Life goes on...so Unpause

I just want to take a moment and appreciate the new female rap artists/creations. They are so delicious but these two are my absolute favorite! #TinaMontana #LondynnGOoff

Now that I’ve got that out the way, and I should’ve done that last and did what I’m about to do first. I’m a work in progress and I’m #RisingAbove the old habits.

#God is awesome. It’s crazy how when you think He’s not moving or you feel everything is going array, that’s Him putting things in order. When things seem to be going crazy, that’s only because everything is being out in order, we’re just used to operating in disarray, confusion and dysfunction. It’s absolutely amazing how He works. It just goes to confirm and bring revelation to the scripture in Isaiah 55:8-9

“8For my thoughts are not your thoughts, neither my ways your ways, saith the Lord. 9For as the heavens are higher than the earth, so are my ways higher than your ways, and my thoughts than your thoughts..”

The revelation in that is this..there are first multiple dimensions to God. Once you think you’ve got your grip on the relationship with Him, He beckons you to a deeper setting IN Him and still requires you to go deeper still with every dimension you encounter. There are several different levels in Heaven; Heavens which means the deeper you go IN Him, the higher you go WITH Him. Not that you’ll ever understand His ways because He’s been God a LONG time so He’s been there, done that, we’re just getting there. Next, He doesn’t think. He knows ! Everything we’ve ever thought about, He knows before we think it. Why do you think we call Him Alpha and Omega? The Beginning and the END? He’s at the end of your life already, but He walks with you through ALL of our lives, moment by moment, year after year, decade after decade. No wonder why when He speaks to us, He knows what to say cause He lived your life before he formed YOU and ME. He CHOSE every moment. Every person. Anything you can think of, He was right there before it happened. It tells us in Psalms that His throne sits High above earth and earth is his foot stool. His thoughts are higher because He KNOWS the thoughts He thinks towards us. Think of it like this. The Universe is SO vast that it takes light or signal or anything in the vastness of space years to get to us. Not just a couple of years but several couple of years..

Oh no, I’m getting sleepy and all I want to do is express the importance of How amazing He is. How does one love the vastness of the Oceans but hate the same one that can keep them from mixing. The one who puts lakes and rivers into the oceans..and life in the abyss of the oceans?? How?? Imma go to bed now! I’ll drone on about the Most High tomorrow!

[royalbluelox-blog]

It’s not that I can’t, it just doesn’t work.

So for the past couple of years and some change, I’ve sucked tremendously at relationships and friendships.

Not because I want to, ew; but because it just happens. I don’t know why but getting close to someone never works out for me. Don’t get me wrong (not like you did) but i desire to be close to someone for more than several months...

Like for once, I’d like to be beautiful and worthy of a LONG term relationship. A person, human, man or woman who decides to stay regardless of whatever happens. I’m weird, I can vouch for that shit, but who isn’t?! I’m a little crazy, obsessive, jealous, and territorial but with all that comes a woman full of intimacy and willingness to be there. I DON’T WANT TO SHARE...bitch. And the effin nerve of you to be mad cause I don’t...

You got the WRONG one #daddy. #sorrynotsorry but I felt that. Anyway!

When I decide to be with someone, I look past everything and focus on how that nigga or bitch (in this post everybody is a nigga and BITCH) makes me feel. What they make me think..how they handle me. What they act like in public and in private but most of all, how they handle intimacy.

Intimacy, sadly is mistaken for sexual acts..*Suprise* it’s more than that! It’s the ability to hone in on the person you like/love and figure out where they are mentally and emotionally. Share a joke. Ask if they hungry. Ask if they okay. THIS IS WHAT PISSES ME OFF. I’m tryna have intimacy and you talking to everyone AND me..

Bitch, if you don’t talk to me! If I was talking to them, I would’ve raised my voice a whole other octave but I didn’t and you did, which is very disrespectful of the nature of this love affair that is now going NOWHERE. If you can’t focus on me in the middle of a thousand a twenty people talking to you, it ain’t gon work.

Look at me laying down laws..

I got a nigga right now talking about he wanna be the step dad to my kids and my husband but nigga ain’t hit me up ONCE today cause I tell him I’m no longer interested in relationships..

Keep fucking trying. Like if I’m the one you can see that with, NOTHING I SAY OR DO will stop you, him or her. NOTHING!! That’s me! And I’ve seen it happen. If i know I love someone and definitely wanna be with them, imma keep trying regardless of the response. I’ll be yo best muthafuxking friend my nigga..happily just as long as I get to talk to you, see you, be around you, FaceTime you, hear you laugh, see you smile, see the muscles in your arms or curves in them hips. See how you handle a complete stranger or how your drop down to pick up something off the floor..it’s YOU. That’s what I WANT! But...

#EricBellinger sings a song called “Can’t hurry love” and what he sings is #RealSHiT. I Admire so much that he even thought to make a song like that for women’sz.

So, I’m doing my darnedest to stay single and BE HAPPY with just me. Niggas and bitches come and they go..honestly, I’d wish someone would stay and make a difference. (Scary ass muthafuxkas)

It’s not that I can’t , it’s just it doesn’t work...