royalhoot

[royalhoot]

Dream Daddy: A Dad Dating Simulator Sentence Starters

“Betrayed by my own butt yet again.”

“Can you explain memes to me?”

“Contrary to popular belief, penguins are… birds.”

“Did you think I was gonna stab you just now?”

“Don’t cry. Don’t cry. I swear to god if you cry again.”

“Don’t write checks your dick can’t cash.”

“Here’s to bad decisions and relaxed moral values.”

“How’s the…… jeeeeeeeeeesus?”

“I am a happy little cheese monster.”

“I am spinning a web of lies that I fear will one day consume me.”

“I don’t want your stupid fruit leather.”

“I have to get a solid two to three hours of brooding in per day. Filling quotas.”

“It’s called ‘string cheese’ and not ‘chompy cheese’ for a reason.”

“I’ll probably end up standing uncomfortably in the corner with a plate of food and hope that nobody talks to me.”

“I’m so many levels of irony deep I’ve forgotten what humour is.”

“I’m suddenly struck with the overwhelming need to crawl back into bed.”

“Mothman is bullshit.”

“My ultimate sexual fantasy is sleeping in on a Saturday.”

“OH SHIT THAT’S A KNIFE.”

“See you in class… bitch.”

“Sharks are tight.”

“So, you ever kill a man?”

“Stop being so desperate to please your hot friend.”

“That… that is a good butt.”

“The key to being cool is acting like you don’t care about anything but actually care very deeply about everything to the point where it’s debilitating.”

“This ice cream cake is my new boyfriend.”

“This is where I come to masturbate.”

“Wait, I’m a wreck.”

“WHAT HAVE YOU DONE.”

“You can never be too careful. See that baby in that stroller over there? Government operative.”

“Your face… is… good.”

“Your unending thirst will be your ultimate downfall.”

[royalhoot]

このシーン衝撃的だったなぁ…

[royalhoot]

steelgrey-demon​:

@royalhoot​ started following you

“Dude, you’re way too tall…”

   “am i?”

   “makes grabbing things that are fairly high up quite a lot easier, i must say."

[royalhoot]

...i forgot what i was gonna say. ...pineapples. i dunno. i'm very tired. and a bit loopy. thats the term i think. im too tired to think straight. sorry.

  “quite alright. there’s no need to apologize. i do recommend grabbing some much needed rest from what i am hearing, however.”

[royalhoot]

I no longer know if it's him or me that is a very touch starved person... probably both of us at the same time. Which means we feel very very touch starved and are in desperate need of affection.

     “ah .... well ... that certainly does not sound very pleasant.”

[royalhoot]

Reblog if your inbox is ALWAYS open for random asks, even if you haven’t reblogged any meme

[royalhoot]

christ, work is going to end me before the holidays so consider this a small semi-hiatus until things calm down a bit 

[royalhoot]

And when creation goes to die You can find me in the sky Upon the last day And you will be okay

[royalhoot]

What — the — FUCK — dad !?

[royalhoot]

good lord it’s almost 1am i need to grab some sleep oof

[royalhoot]

Stolas do you prefer fucking blitzo or the other way around?

   “hmmmm  i  am  not  opposed  to  either  way,  but  i  have  to  give  it  to  the  little  imp.  blitzy sure  knows  how  to  take  charge.  i  may  even  prefer  it  so.”

[royalhoot]

Um, Stolas? I know you've probably heard this already, but don't you owe it to yourself to be happy? Stella's right to be upset, but (and maybe I'm reading the situation wrong here) she doesn't exactly seem like the best mother. She may be a good wife, but maybe Octavia wouldn't be too upset if you took custody of her? It's pretty obvious that you were a really good dad to her as a kid and Stella didn't seem to play a big part in her childhood... Feel free to correct me if I'm wrong.

“ah.  i  am  afraid  it  is  a  bit  more  complicated  than  that.” 

        if  only  it  were  as  easy  as  doing  just  that. 

[royalhoot]

shiverofmuses​:

As soon as the words had left him Blitzo felt like he’d been punched full force in the gut. He didn’t have the guts or willpower to face this and yet, it was to late. He had dove headfirst into it with no good way out.

“I had tried but…something happened.” he said, not wanting to say he might of had a bad dream or two after certain events at a amusement park. He curled up a little, tail coiling and tightening around his leg.

“No…I am…” more then he’d openly admit to even himself. “I just…don’t want to lie to myself. It’s just, you have everything Stolas, I’m just…” some imp but he couldn’t bring himself to say it, his pride would never allow it. “I guess just…” he growled, reaching up to hold his horns, pulling his head down a little bit. “What am I to you Stolas?? Am I just some whore trading my services for the book as payment? I’m fine with that but I’d like to know.”

  “something happened?” the excitement that had been present a mere moment ago is gone -- replaced by something much more ... sad. this has taken an odd turn indeed, but the prince ached seeing the imp visibly deflate as he does. and then blitzo poses the question that had been present ever since they started their little escapade and stolas .. for once, is at a loss for words. 

  because how does he even begin to answer something he’s not even sure of himself? well. he’s certain that this is bringing him more joy and excitement than his broken marriage is, surely, but ... putting a mark on it ... a name. quite a hefty ordeal.

   “you are someone i care for deeply, blitzy. why else would i keep nagging you for these little ... outings of ours? you think i would let you use my book if i didn’t like you, hmm?” and it’s entirely too easy to put on that sweet voice, eyes narrowing a bit as he tries to answer as vaguely as he possibly can. “and it is not just payment, we are both getting immense enjoyment out of this, are we not?”

[royalhoot]

hazmoonxmuses​:

The fires of her anger have simmered after plenty of hours of abuse of the house staff and shattering of countless pots and plants. Anything that could break and in her sight was broken. Thrown at a butler or at a wall. What remained now was the toxic taste of bitterness and resentment toward her husband.

At the very least they’re able to speak without her threatening to slam something at him.

“AM I? You sure as FUCK haven’t proved it! QUITE THE OPPOSITE, IN FACT! Do you REALIZE what people will think of me? Of US?” Her tone continued to rise and fall in her anger, hands gripping the table in front of her as to stop herself from the urge of throwing the nearest object at him again. “YOU HAD to go and throw your COCK at such a DISGUSTING creature IN OUR OWN HOME! I can’t go showing my FACE around half of the court anymore! You’ve made an EMBARRASSMENT of this fucking family!”

A huff - her chest heaving in and out as her eyes were alight in her rage. Brows furrow as her beak clenches, talons digging into the wood quietly. His question would give her pause - seeming to think. Before finally there is a spark of grief that flashes over her eyes. It was there for a moment - it could almost be missed if one wasn’t paying attention.

Unfortunately the flames swallowed up the snowfall.

“You are to cease this little exotic filth escapade of yours. I do not want to see that vile little imp in this house or any trace of him on you. Whenever I stop getting SICK when looking upon your sorry face I expect us to make public appearances. As a family. I’ll plan events when this illness leaves my stomach and whenever you manage to clean the disgust off yourself. You’re staying in a guest room for the following fortnight. . I can’t stand to sleep under the same sheets as you right now. I’m going to order a new bed and burning our old one. Until then I’m staying in one of the other guest bedroom.”

  as far as their arguments went --- this one has simmered down immensely. no more plants are being thrown, at the very least. a small victory, if anything and stolas is going to take that for what it is, although the verbal onslaught that follows is far, far worse. the prince visibly flinches, feathers fluffing up as shoulders tense. 

     “what goes on behind these walls and in private is none of their concern, is it not?” 

  and yet, as convincing as he wants it to be, stolas knows very well that that is far from the truth. people talked -- gossip was a fun past time, especially in their circles. and with their reputation? he had to have gone out and ruined that.

   a sigh escapes him then, talons scratching at his neck as gaze turned elsewhere -- anywhere, but to those piercing eyes. “stella .. dear, i have already apologized for not booking a motel. the thought .. hadn’t occurred then. but you are right.” of course she is. he’s the one messing things up with his little escapade, despite the fact that that escapade may as well be the only thing that leaves him feeling alive. 

       not this ... broken relationship. 

                 right?

   but it’s not just them. he ought to think better --- if not for his own, for their daughter’s sake. so stolas doesn’t dare say anything, save for nodding along to her requirements with a small sigh, visibly deflating. sleep in a guest room? he can do that. public appearances? ought to be easy enough, but ending ...whatever he has going on with his little imp? much, much more difficult. “ah ...hmm .... very well.” and yet he doesn’t end up sounding quite as confident as he would have liked to. “i ... yes, dear. i suppose i can try doing that.”

[royalhoot]

@helluvaxhazbin​ 

❝ fuck you. ❞ (blitzo)

“mmmmm,  you  would  like  that,  wouldn’t  you,  blitzy?”

[royalhoot]

@hazmoonxmuses​ 

‘ i’m worth so much more than the ways i’ve been treated. ’ - stella!

    “and  you  are,  dear.  you  ...  are.”  though  actions  often  speak  louder  than  words,  do  they  not?  something  the  prince  should  have  taken  into  account  given  how  badly  things  are  progressing.  then  again,  this  ---  this  isn’t  love.  it’s  been  a  long  time  since  it  was  anything  closely  resembling  that  word.  could  she  really  blame  him  for  trying  to  make  his  life  a  little  more  ....  exciting?  yes.  absolutely.  “i  ...  i’ve  apologized,  already,  what  ---  what  would  you  have  me  do?”

[royalhoot]

Behold, a good father!

   “ hmmm ....that  is ...  debatable.”