royaljdae-blog

[royaljdae-blog]

it's stupid. it's so stupid that he's crying because of a few words, because of his weak heart and his even weaker strength. but jongdae is not only a prince, he's human too and the words had felt like a catalyst, a push towards some sort of reaction and jongdae can only be so good at keeping things to himself, bottled up in the form of ignorance.

he's almost too busy, lost in the thought of self hatred to the point where he doesn't hear the light taps on his door. and perhaps if he did he would've stopped crying almost immediately, hidden the tears with a smile. but he's a second too late because there's a voice and immediately his heart almost leaps out of his chest and his swollen eyes only widen.

"t-taemin!" he says in surprise before he quickly looks away, rubbing his face with the back of his sleeve. no, no no no -- he doesn't want to be seen like this. he should never be seen like this "prince's don't cry," his father had said and here he was, cheeks wet from tears already spent.

jongdae's never really cried before, he isn't one to cry and he prefers to be left alone in moments like these. despite his bright demeanour, he prefers to sulk without pulling others down with him. which is exactly why he plasters on the smile he's mastered so many times before, the one he'd through to the guests whenever they'd arrive for a ball of some sort.

"i didn't see you there," he says after a moment though his voice is still raspy. "the... the weather it's really bright today isn't it?". screw the weather, he thinks. the weather is the last thing on his mind but jongdae has to make do with his current situation and he musn't look at taemin. because he knows fully well that if he does the ache in his chest will only grow and that he'll simply give way.

he can't look at taemin in the eye without spilling out the truth or crying. he's always found comfort in taemin but this time jongdae doesn't let himself have the advantage of doing so. opening up to taemin would be so easy but he doesn't want to worry anyone, especially his best friend.

when he feels as though he's regained enough composure, he finally turns around though his eyes never meet taemin's. "did you uhm... need something?"

— to be king

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— nightingale

it's tiring sometimes doing nothing -- when life itself sucks the life out of you leaving you exhausted for no apparent reason. jongdae doesn't like that, he detests having to be kept behind walls because of where he'd been born. he preoccupies his time with reading but there's only so much you can read before your eyes get tired as well and soon enough your mind starts to wander.

jongdae does that a lot, let his mind wander that is. and though he'd like to think of himself as an optimistic man, jongdae enjoys the leisure time and solitude he gets to himself as well. though he doesn't quite enjoy the castle, it's thick walls daunting to him, he does at the very least appreciate the courtyard. it's the closest thing to the world outside that he has and the fresh air is enough to give him some peace of mind.

vaeviel's sky is beautiful, jongdae thinks, as he stands in the green courtyard, surrounded by nature's flora and fauna. he takes a seat at one of the benches and for the first time in a while he has no book at hand. instead he's busy admiring the view and relaxing. being a prince is hard -- there are a lot of things you have to think about. how to rule a kingdom, prospective wives and all that jazz. as excitable as he may seem jongdae doesn't like to think too hard for a very long period of time.

he shuts his eyes, taking in a deep breath before his eyelids flutter open and he sighs, lips slowly parting as well. and it all comes too easily for him, the song, the music, the melody in his head as his throat tightens and loosens in a motion that has his mind resting but his heart at ease.

singing has always been jongdae's sweet escape, a guilty pleasure that he kept from most because -- 'a prince doesn't need to know how to sing. it's absurd!' his father had told him. but for now as he's seated on the bench, soft words escaping his lips in harmonious melody, he thinks it's okay for 'a prince to sing his heart out'.

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— to be king

as ignorant and naive as he may seem, jongdae isn't completely blind. hushed whispers, the gazes they send him while he's walking down the halls and how they completely change when he looks up -- replaces the look of hurt with one of curiosity. he tries not to let it show, he never really lets it show instead he bottles it inside, keeps it hidden but there's only so much one can take before they break.

"honestly," he's by the corridor when he hears a voice -- one of the servants -- and he's not too sure what it is but he decides to stay, unmoving as he listens in on their conversation. "he'd make a terrible king. i worry about our kingdom," he hears movement and jongdae is careful to not make a sound as he slips into the shadows. "he's terrible. i mean i can tell he's a good king but really... the kingdom doesn't need a king like him."

"i worry for our people," comes another voice, "our kingdom is going to fail with him in the throne."

"his broth --"

jongdae decides to step away, slowly making his way out of the corner with his head hung low. his steps are loud and his heart is heavy. immediately the two servants cease their conversation and if jongdae had had the energy to look up at that moment, he would've seen the way they froze, breath halting.

"your highness," one of them says, bowing to him. "is there anything we can help you with?" her voice is shaky and jongdae stops walking, pausing for a moment eyes still downcast.

but it takes a moment for him to plaster a smile on his face, "no," he replies and he keeps his thoughts hidden, as though the words from before hadn't affected him. "continue on. have a good day."

he leaves, silencing out their replies.

it's funny because jongdae had always thought of himself as a good man, noble at the very least and he'd always thought that that was what this kingdom needed -- a noble king, one clear of dirty work. he knew that many weren't comfortable with him being the next ruler, with him being the one to take over the kingdom. but he's always tried to brush it off, as sensitive as he may be jongdae had tried to stay unaffected as possible (because a good king-to-be would've tried his hardest to prove them wrong).

but jongdae is not only a prince, he is human too and he finds himself slowly and softly breaking in between the sobs that seem to escape his lips as he sits by his bedside. he gazes out his window, bottom lip trembling as he tries to find the own voice in his head. "am i --" he begins, whispering to no one but himself, " -- that horrible?" 

[royaljdae-blog]

"you don't have to call me that," jongdae replies, almost spilling that he'd rather taemin not call him 'your highness' under any given circumstance at all. because the term irked him sometimes, made him feel as though he was unable to make a friend or meet someone of his level (which was true and which was also something he'd rather not come to terms with). "jongdae," he continues, smile still on his lips. "you can just call me jongdae."

maybe, jongdae begins to think, when they get closer he'll tell taemin his pet peeves, how he'd prefer to be called by his name than 'your highness' under circumstances like these. but for now they're acquaintances but even that in itself is enough to have jongdae's heart thrumming in excitement.

"then is it alright if i just called you taemin?" he asks after a moment, brows furrowing, afraid that perhaps he's crossed a line. jongdae might be fine with not having the title of 'your highness' or 'prince' when he's spoken to but he's not too sure about taemin.

it's funny because jongdae has had this all planned out somewhere at the back of his mind but right now he's not too sure what to do next, instead looking at taemin with a smile plastered on his face. "oh!" he beams, running to grab at a book he'd placed on the floor not too long ago. "do you read?" he asks, holding up a book. "this is a personal favourite of mine, would you like to take a look at it?"

[ bt ] maybe they're not all bad

[royaljdae-blog]

Die Jungs DVD - Part 3 

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"uhm," jongdae pauses, pulling his gaze away before furrowing his brows. he eyes the guard carefully, lips turned downwards as he awkwardly shifts his feet. "maybe," is all that he replies with. but he's a little glad that it's jongin at the very least that's caught him because he's sure that if it were any of the other guards, the amount of trouble and nagging that would follow wouldn't be one he'd be all too happy with.

and though he doesn't know jongin very well, he's sure he knows the younger knight well enough to decide that he isn't all too bad be around. jongdae ponders over it for a moment, wonders if jongin has ever gotten bored in a palace like this with nothing but the walls surrounding every inch of the air you breathe. 

it gets lonely around these walls but he's not too sure if he's in any position to tell jongin anything as personal as that. "jongin," he says and it's tiring because he doesn't in any circumstance, want to be stuck in the palace any longer. it's been long since he's set foot outside and the air is too stale.

he debates running past jongin but he knows it's almost futile. jongdae isn't a complete idiot and he's sure that jongin could outrun him at any given moment -- but jongdae's unwilling to give up and so he sighs slightly, trying his luck at what seems to be the last (though not exactly the worst) resort.

"let's go somewhere!" he declares and he walks over to jongin before quickly tugging the knight by his wrist. "come on jongin," he turns to face the younger male, throwing the most comforting smile he could in a given situation like this. "an adventure!" 

— the great escape

{ ... }

he’s on his way to the prince’s quarters when he spots said prince running full speed down the hall. he doesn’t appear very happy to see jongin, and the knight’s eyebrows knit together in confusion before he puts two and two together. if he recalls correctly, jongdae is supposed to be studying right now. when he first became a knight, some of the older knights that trained him talked of the young prince’s fascination with the outside world and how they needed to keep a close eye on him.

"you’re not supposed to be out here, are you?" jongin asks, and it’s certainly a question, lacking any of the proper authority a more seasoned knight would speak with to demand he go back to his princely duties. personally, jongin can understand why jongdae is unsatisfied with a life inside walls and his nose in books. as someone quietly adventurous, jongin imagines if he had jongdae’s life, he would try to escape whenever possible.

[royaljdae-blog]

— the great escape

when he hears nothing, jongdae quickly grabs at his cloak, placing any kind of jewellery by the drawer. he hates it honestly, having the knights look after him from time to time -- it's an absurd concept. but truth be told the only thing he dislikes about it, about having someone look after him around-the-clock, is the minimal freedom he gets to do anything that interests him. and jongdae is a boy of many interests, though most of which involve the world outside, behind the palace walls.

jongdae's done this before -- he's done this countless times -- and has only gotten caught twice (something which he prides himself in). it's simple really, all he has to do is run as quickly as possible through the halls and out to the gardens before pushing a few bricks out of the way, an escape route to the world outside he'd found out about two years ago.

stealthily jongdae peeks out his door once more and when he realizes that the knights are switching their shifts, he slides out of his room, glad that he hadn't been caught yet.

he can almost taste it, the fresh kingdom air, one so different from the stale and tight one found in his home. he runs through the hallways, quietly as possible and he's almost free -- until he meets gazes with a knight.

"shoot," jongdae thinks and immediately he stops, smile dropping almost instantly. 

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Jongdae’s genuine smile when interacting with a fan

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when he had heard that a boy around his age was to stay at the palace, jongdae was more than excited, smile wide and heart thumping against his chest in anticipation. the sixteen year old boy, despite living in luxury and having almost everything given to him on a silver platter, did not know or receive anything as kind as friendship.

friendship, he had read somewhere amongst the books filling up the chamber down below his room, is a single soul dwelling in two bodies. he'd always pondered over this, over the concept of a friend because he knew people -- of course he did, he was the prince -- but he'd never been able to form an emotional bond with them. not as much as he'd like to (not as much as the kids his age whom he observed and envied from time to time whilst looking out the palace).  

"could i... perhaps meet him?" he had asked the servant, slightly shy at first only to be answered with --

"as you wish, your highness."

but jongdae's never really been too good at socializing, and it wasn't as though one could blame him; he had spent sixteen years behind the castle walls, only watching.

he leaps off of his bed, pulling a few books out of his drawer along with some sketches he'd worked on. a friend? jongdae pauses, exhilarated by the thought of it alone -- could i perhaps make a friend today?

carefully he places them across the floor, crinkling his nose as he shifts the books around. he's pulled out of his little mini-race when he hears a knock on the door and immediately his face lights up, eyes wide but heart almost unable to stay steady.

he nearly trips as he walks towards the door, using his bed as leverage. there's a moment of silence before jongdae breathes in shakily, hands trembling with excitement as he pulls the door open only to reveal a boy just around his age. "h-hi!" jongdae greets excitedly, taking in the boy's stature as he speaks. "i'm jongdae! you must be lord taemin right?" the smile on his face is almost impossible to wipe off as he opens the door wider. "come in please. i... i didn't know what you liked so i just have some simple pastry."

[ bt ] maybe they're not all bad

{ ... }

there’s a knock on his door, and he turns his head to watch a servant enter the room and bow his head, apparently unwilling to look taemin in the eye. “the prince requests your presence now, my lord,” the servant says, and taemin resists the urge to roll his eyes as he stands up and makes a show of stretching his arms over his head.

"alright," he says simply, before following the servant out and allowing himself to be led to what he’s sure must be the prince’s chambers. the servant bows again before scuttling off, and taemin watches him go before sighing and raising his hand to knock on the door.

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Safe behind these windows and these parapets of stone Gazing at the people down below me All my life I watch them as I hide up here alone Hungry for the histories they show me

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kim jongdae for ivy club

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