rubsta

[rubsta]

❀⋆.ೃ࿔*:･❀

[rubsta]

🐰🍵 ⊹ ࣪ ˖

[rubsta]

Magic Breakfast ✨

[rubsta]

Studio Ghibli: The Secret World of Arrietty (2010) dir. Hiromasa Yonebayashi

[rubsta]

There are days I get high and I feel so tall, then there are days I get high and I feel so small it’s as if my every movement is a crawl and as if I’m slithering along the ground. In this state I often encounter another version of myself. She’s solid and harsh and got a bit of a potty mouth. I watch her fake a smile behind hazy eyes, I wonder if she knows what she’s doing, I wonder what she knows. She kisses my friends and bats my eyes, are these my true feelings or projected lies? In class I write poetry in between notes and think about my facade.

[rubsta]

[rubsta]

horror kitty !

source

[rubsta]

Spooky Sanrio Friends Icons

Edited by me. Original post in source!

[rubsta]

You

YOU.

You’re a terrible decease that has infected me.

Pushing your illness into my blood stream.

I cannot rid myself of you,

I’m not sure if I want to.

It’s hard to find the words to say,

Because deep down I want to lay with you all day,

Deep under blankets, away from the sun,

I’m not sure it’ll ever happen.

Disrobe,

And come to bed.

I want our fingers to brush,

I want to see what you look like when you’re flushed.

Can you be happy to see me?

That’s what I’ve wanted all along.

A boy to be in love with me, so I’m not the only one.

[rubsta]

Do What Makes You Happy

There are many times when I find myself wondering if I am truly happy with where my life is now, or if I need to change a few things, or make improvements. I enjoy making playlists of all my favorite music, I like smoking, I like driving around with the windows down, I like writing pointless poetry that I don’t show to anyone, I like being a nerd and always over analyzing things, I like my fucked up tattoo, I like my life completely and entirely. Some people might not agree with everything I do, but I say “who cares!” I want to do what makes me happy and I don’t care what anyone else thinks! Maybe the world would be a better place if no one ever gave a single fuck and just did what makes them happy.

So, I’m not going to change a thing. Sure I’ll try to remember to brush the tangles out of my hair every now and then, but if I am enjoying life, I sure as hell am not going to upset the balance of my life for the sake of appeasing others.

[rubsta]

My Heart Needs

It’s been a long time since you’ve shown up in my head,

The last time I truly saw you you were scurrying from my bed.

I hadn’t been so close to home for so long,

Now that I’m here I just dream of being gone.

I want to be elsewhere,

I want to be completely free.

This town is where my home is, which is where my heart is,

But my heart needs a new city and location,

A new place to find out if love can grow in moderation.

Love me, Love me, Love me

Till my bones bleed dry.

Love me, Love me, Love me

Till all the stars in the sky,

Explode.

[rubsta]

ME

My skin tastes like flowers,

My eye sparkle like diamonds,

My hair is soft and untangled,

My lips are full,

My hands aren’t rough,

My legs aren’t hairy,

My toes are always painted,

I say things you want to hear.

All of these things are fucking lies.

I am me. I am how I am.

I DO WHATEVER THE FUCK I WANT!

I am whoever I want to be.

     And that’s not what you’re looking for obviously.

[rubsta]

On the Contrary...

Life has been hectic lately. Family stuff. Hospital visits. Angry poetry. Pictures. Smoking just to keep a level head. Making time to still have a social life while pretending I’m not entirely shaken up by the fact that someone close to me came close to death. My mind is jumbled. You know when you go to a river, or a beach, or even a lake and you look into the water and are able to see all the way down to the bottom and you think “man, there are a lot of rocks and sand down there” well that’s how my thoughts feel to me. I feel them in my brain, poking and prodding their way into my conscious line of thought. I know they are there. They are the water that glosses my eyes when I’m alone out in the cold at night looking at the stars wishing life were something other than what it is. I feel them creeping on me, in the back of my every word is a twinge of darkness. My voice is the one place that holds entire truth. I can never cover up my words.

 I feel like Jasmine Tea is the only thing that makes me calm enough to remind myself to go and smoke a little. It is only then that my mind is free. I still have the thoughts but instead of being saddened by them or scared I am enlightened and made stronger by knowing that I can’t run away. That these are real world things that I must face and by smoking I feel anew. I feel liberated.

I know many people think “oh she smokes, she must run away from her problems and envelop herself in a drug to get away from the world” on the fucking contrary. I smoke in order to be closer to my thoughts and my world and to calmly think everything through it in a fun and relaxing way. If I manage to squeeze in going to see the new Harold and Kumar movie with a friend stoned as shit…well it’s not a set back or a waste of time, it’s a time for me to relax and have fun in a world that doesn’t stop for anyone.

[rubsta]

March 1, 2012

I felt your lips get close to mine

While you whispered in my ear that you would cut me,

Cut me deep and hard and down to the bone,

Your hands are around my throat applying pressure and,

I like it.

I take a deep breath and count to ten

The jolts of electricity that seem to spawn from my heart

And travel down to my lady business 

Overcome my brain, 

Who Is hazy from the beer and champagne 

I know that you are off limits,

Mostly because I know you don’t feel the same,

But when your fingers brush the skin of my collar bone,

I can’t help but feel the lust.

No matter how hard I try I can’t help myself

I want you to bruise me,

I want you to be rough.

Not even running through the woods was enough,

To get you out of my head,

Since all I’d love to do is take you to bed.

[rubsta]

Poem: Madman

I am bursting with a deadly sin; Lust.

I cannot contain this much longer or I’ll surely bust. 

I try not to focus on your drunken words and touches,

But sometimes a girl can only withstand so many punches. 

Don’t touch my feet with yours, 

After all we’re only sophomores,

In college, getting that education at the corner of drugstores. 

I’m the girl listening to music in the dark,

My glow-in-the-dark pot leaves being my only guide,

Although you are the one taking me down new rabbit holes,

May God or the Universe or both take mercy upon our souls. 

I was once dead inside but you brought me back to life,

With your necromancy and our nightlife. 

You pulled on my insides until they were unfold, 

Then had the audacity to call me ice-cold. 

‘To thine own self be true,’

Do you even know of any other poetry other than a haiku? 

Cross my breasts and hope to rest,

Crazy, silly, lost heart I’m willing to put you to the test.

Through the city streets and under where bridges meet,

We’ll take off our shoes and get glass in our feet,

But at least we’ll know for sure we’re alive,

And not just stuck like workers in a giant beehive. 

Envelope my peaks within your mouth,

Silly boy, I just want you to take a visit down south.

Like all my alcoholic and drug addict friends,

I’ll find the source of my strife and treat it till it mends.

Unfortunately that is you, my Lurch and my Christ 

The entirety of the past two years you’ve been my only zeitgeist. 

I want you to love me,

In any way you can,

Even if that means I’ve got to accept you as a madman.   

[rubsta]

Game

My hair is getting longer,

Like the daylight in the sky,

My soul is but a dreamer

In this long story of goodbye.

You are still my cross to bear,

As I plunge deep into this,

Like your teeth into that crisp ripe pear,

But lovely boy steal my heart with a kiss. 

Your face haunts my thoughts,

Like a gorilla in the mist,

Like how your friends all think they’re hotshots,

And how your brown eyes put my brain in a twist.

Slowly, Slithery, Slimy and Sly

You’ve tricked my heart and soul

Into never wanting to say goodbye;

Even after we cash our final bowl

I feel as though I’ll never be rid of you.

You are my one and only in this moment,

And I practically treat you as though you were Vishnu

So sit your ass down and smoke upon my blunt,

Like a good little punk.

My poem as begun to come apart at the words,

And the rhyme scheme has become quite absurd

Don’t take your hand off the wheel boy, my vision is blurred.

You make me stop and forget all my pretty words

And with my anger I replace them with passwords

And puzzles for you to figure out,

But how can you ever get the game right,

When I haven’t told you what we’re playing?

~Rubi McLaughlin

[rubsta]

Paper Mache Heart

Downloading more songs to fit into your playlist,

Allowing me to once again focus solely on you;

The music you listen to and won’t bitch at me about,

The sounds you find appealing, while I shake my head in doubt.

Don’t stop listening to the songs I provide for you,

Cause my paper mache heart is held together 

By the giggles and laughs which you bestow upon me.

Caress my wounds but don’t get too close,

They might break loose and we’ll have a mess to clean.

Sweet, hideous boy take my hand with me into the sunset,

We’ll run around in rocks and forget all about the invention of socks.

Tuck my hair behind my ear please, I’d like a little bit of humility

And no doubt in my mind occurs,

When I see that you’ve been talking to ‘her.' 

Tearing apart my flimsily constructed pump for my blood,

You have rendered me heartless yet again

And I must take up some arts and crafts

In order to feel human again.