runawaytooblivion

[runawaytooblivion]

People are used to me being ALWAYS around. Always around that I have become their human punching bag. When they feel upset, angered, or stressed I am always the first one to get snapped at. 

[runawaytooblivion]

My imperfections make me wish i wasn't born.

[runawaytooblivion]

[runawaytooblivion]

Not able to defend yourself is the worst

[runawaytooblivion]

When you exerted so much effort, motivated yourself in any possible way, convinced that everything will fall into place this time yet still found yoursel stuck in the same agony, pain and disappointments.

[runawaytooblivion]

“How will I find the words to keep my soul from dying?”

— Nikos Kazantzakis, from a letter to Galatea Kazantzaki c. January 1923 (via violentwavesofemotion)

[runawaytooblivion]

I did try to like you. You're funny, sweet and an amazing person. I like it when you're doing your best for me, your openness whenever I ask random questions or even sharing yourself to me. It made me feel important and loved. The thing is I love the feeling of being loved and being taken care of. The idea of love that somebody has your back when everything seems to be falling apart. I realized today that it was stupid of me not to realize earlier that it was your gestures that got me and not you. I don't want to hurt you though I know it's too late but you should run away from me. I am a monster. I am a beast. I am not the sweet and timid girl you know. The mask I am wearing is a little bit harder to carry, as the days are dragging it is starting to fall apart. I don't want to further scar you just because I can't seem to find myself. Run. Run as far as you can. You cannot change me, the monster that I am.

[runawaytooblivion]

Back to the city and spend another hell.

[runawaytooblivion]

I'm lost not in sea but in me. I have wrestled with my thoughts night after night.

[runawaytooblivion]

[runawaytooblivion]

Emotions were bottled up

The host became a mannequin of her existence.

Her mantra "Breathe, collect and compose"

Turned her soul a prisoner of the body.

-intotheoblivion

12/18/2019

[runawaytooblivion]

You're still the same as I remembered you to be. Fake.

[runawaytooblivion]

There's nothing like deep breaths after laughing that hard. Nothing in the world like a sore stomach for the right reasons.

Stephen Chbosky, The Perks of Being a Wallflower

Today, after my first college recollection I laughed so hard that my stomach hurt. It felt good to be genuinely happy and smile for even the dumbest joke. Despite knowing that tomorrow's a hectic schedule of quizzes I've learned to live the present. I never laughed so hard when college life started because I always worry about tomorrow and I just forgot how to live the present. Now I'm recharged and ready to continue this chaotic life.

[runawaytooblivion]

The things that I'm only good at in a blink of an eye became a stranger to me. Things that no matter how hard I thrive feels like an ocean wave it keeps pulling back. The scariest part is that I don't know what to do anymore it feels like I'm a stranger to myself, lost and wandering with no direction to go.

[runawaytooblivion]

[runawaytooblivion]

http://iglovequotes.net/

[runawaytooblivion]

People think that depression is sadness, crying or dressing in black, but people do not know that depression is the constant feeling of being numb. You wake up in the morning just to go back to bed.