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lets be born with papa

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oh also? An absolutely freaky thing I'm seeing yt leftists do?

STOP TRYING TO TRACK DOWN PROTESTORS THAT DO 'BADASS STUFF'. STOP POSTING ABOUT IT ONLINE.

PEOPLE FUCKING DIE.

AND IT'S USUALLY SOMEONE MELANATED.

THE GOVERNMENT IS WATCHING YOU FUCKING DUMBASS.

y'all are so stuck on egoistic heroism that every time someone does something 'sick' at a protest you wanna turn them in to the next celebrity to have a parasocial relationship with and then they go missing.

Tf is wrong w y'all.

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flower studies of enamel, silver gilt, jade, diamond, and rock crystal, house of fabergé, russia c. 1885-1915.

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I don't care if this is real or not, i want this to be known as "having a rowling"

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yall tell me why i put in my request to resign on the 26th and my scheduling manager just said “that isn’t a two weeks notice” as if im not aware and tried to call me talking bout i need to do two weeks or theres no point in showing up at all….ok i guess i ain’t showing up at all then 😭? im picking up a shift with my agency for tomorrow for $25 an hour RIGHT now then! mind you she still didnt approve my hour reduction request for july because “ur our only full time dementia caregiver” oops i guess u dont have one anymore then? girl fuck you

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let's all lay on mama

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Let's follow mama!!

(Picture from Pinterest)

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アンデスネコ Andean Mountain Cat

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phineas and ferb quarantine episode where candace is convinced that this time her mom will see what the boys are doing because nobody can even leave the house but somehow linda is always in the wrong room

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my fave tiktok diet fad videos are the ones like "you could eat 100 calories of a cake or get much more on your plate with 100 calories of raw pumpkin puree". woooooah man that's such a hard choice, i'm always craving cold slop from a can

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let's stare lovingly at mama

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a redditor has mushrooms growing out of his homes electrical sockets

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I forgot that I had another friend make a very funny gay joke along the same vein as that time at the jewelry store.

When I was selling mattresses the first time I worked with my buddy Josh. He came in to work one day with a homemade burger his wife had made. This was a huge production of burgerness spread across the backroom table like it was an altar. There was a whole array of containers holding different ingredients like avocado, bacon, sauces, the buns, the patty. It was beautiful.

When he warmed it up and was assembling I was drifting to the back room like a Looney Toon, following my nose to see what smelled so good.

I saw his meticulous burger and begged, “Can I have a bite?”

“No.”

“It smells so good. This is illegal, share one bite…”

“No.”

I pouted and wheedled but he was resolute. I went away unfulfilled.

Later that week I was lounging in the back eating a container of cut up pineapple and Josh strolled in and casually pilfered a slice of my fruit. I was outraged.

“You wouldn’t share any burger but you just stole some of my food!”

“This is cut up already, it’s meant for sharing. If you had some of my burger you could have given me something.”

“Oh like what, my cooties?”

“I might have caught the gay!”

There was a beat as I stared into this audacious straight man’s eyes before I gave in and doubled over laughing.

In apology for not sharing he invited me over the next time his wife made burgers and it stayed an inside joke. He just wished me happy pride and reminded me of it, so please enjoy a very funny ally moment.

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When I worked at the jewelry store there was very little room to move around each other behind the cases. We managed alright but it made us pretty casual with our personal space.

At the time when I first started I was still getting used to that. One day I was shadowing someone who’d been there longer than me, a sweet young lad who I immediately clicked with. We were helping some ladies with a jewelry cleaning and I ended up on the wrong side of him to follow to our next destination, the ultrasonic cleaner.

He double backed around me behind the case and accidentally brushed my butt with the back of his hand. It was immediately clear from context that it was a complete accident.

His eyes widened in brief terror that he’d crossed a boundary. Neither of us reacted in front of the customers but we popped away a moment later into the cleaning room where they couldn’t hear us.

He grabbed my arms and stared into my eyes with panic writ large across his face. “How long do I have?!” he demanded.

“What? No- it’s fine.” I thought he meant how long until I, like, murdered him.

“No, I’m infected now, how long until it sets in?!?”

I stared at him in bafflement but started to sense a note of repressed laughter in his tone.

“I touched your butt! That’s how the gay spreads! How long until it sets in?!”

I burst out laughing and we both collapsed into absurdity. Every time I thought about it for the next week I broke down laughing, he caught me so off guard with one of the funniest gay jokes I’d ever heard.

It was several weeks afterward that he admitted to recently coming to terms with being bisexual and I tsked, “Didn’t make a full recovery from touching my butt, I see.”

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thinking about that time my mom ordered a bottle of vitamins online and they arrived with the tamper seal broken and she was going to just take them anyway and in desperation i had to bust out the “you know they never solved the chicago tylenol murders” to get her to mail them back

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never ever bring a stuffed toy to the hospital. they will inpatient your ass so fast your head will spin. this almost happened to me and i never found out why until i found out about the "teddy bear sign". maybe we should just feed all currently practicing medical professionals into the trash compactor and start over idk

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