runekept

[runekept]

Did a brand new kind of bowling shot today

we called it the "trust the Force Luke" shot or the "through God all things are possible" shot

[runekept]

at the grocery store i bought 2 limes and a lemon and the checker said to me "two limes and a lemon... Anything could happen"

[runekept]

easily the funniest part of the wigan kebab video is that the guy who's walking in like he's just stepped into an alien planet is from liverpool and lives, at maximum, an hour's drive away

[runekept]

the great thing about the wuxia genre is you can start a sect called the Evil Blood Cult in a place called Demon Mountain that’s a volcano full of poison and you all wear crazy gothic black and red hanfu and practice Sinister Backstabber Style kung fu and like. that’s not a deterrent to prospective disciples. do all that and a fuckton of bright eyed youngsters will still show up at your door and say hello i would like to join the demon mountain evil blood cult where do i sign up?

[runekept]

completely sober in the club googling WHY? WHY? WHY? WHY? WHY?

[runekept]

i will not be having an ipad baby. i will be having a Pea baby

[runekept]

Why is he so fun to play

[runekept]

stop reading tomes with the gnomes and come read a scroll with the ghoul

[runekept]

straight guy bouncing on it to prove he's an ally

[runekept]

just remember, one day you're going to open tumblr and the crabs will be raving like they never have before

[runekept]

give him soup.

[runekept]

my buddy brings her angel girlfriend to the function, I spend the whole time refusing to look at or even acknowledge her existence, because I am a staunch atheist and dont believe in that nonsense. she starts to throw things at my head to get my attention and between volleys of marbles and kitchen utensils I grunt "swamp gas. aurora borealis. probably a weather balloon.youre seeing things"

[runekept]

Did I ever talk abt the time i was at a bdsm club and one of the pups was on all fours and barking and being cute and the dom on scene was like “hi puppy! Do you do any tricks?” And he said “I can beatbox!”

[runekept]

my blorbo appears on screen and I start making clicking-chattering noises like a cat when a bird flies past the window

[runekept]

if we've been mutuals for over 5 years you're invited to my wedding btw

[runekept]

Helena Minginowicz aka Santa Helena (Polish, b. 1984, Poznan, Poland, based Ibid) - Details, Painting