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Terrible

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She’s crying now saying she can’t afford anything and she has to work at 110 she’s saying it’s not fair and she can’t . Now she’s saying she pays the water bill and she pays my phone bill . She wants to cut off WiFi. She said rudely “you know you normally pay rent for a place and you don’t?” She said she doesn’t want to talk to me about this anymore because I’m to much in get in that ass mode and as soon as I moved in and started using WiFi I owed her money she’s saying im lying niece

She says I’m antagonizing her . She’s being a drunk asshole .

She says have you ever lived anywhere where you haven’t paid rent? You’re just using me. She called me a fucking user. And sits there fat digusting drunk and hit me with her knee and said she wishes I went to bed

She keeps being so mean so nasty and mean to me telling me she doesn’t need me and then screaming she misses her mom

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Her threatening to go outside naked so the cops will kill me , says cops in this town are dumb

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Help

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Its 330 am im.going through my notes of what happened earlier today...another day of her drinking and abuse..

Another new day shes nasty asf to me because I'm tired and wanted to sleep she called me a binch of nasty names and left the room then came back nastier than ever and layer on the couch being a nasty disgusting fuck. Shes drunk and terrible all over again.

This is the same mo that happened with her other boyfriend  she beat him up abd screamed abuse . Today she bit me and punched me in the mouth and threatened to call the cops and said the cops would believe her because shes white and ts the something she did wit her ex. She told me her ex didn't do anything wrong she punched him and poured alcohol in his face because she was drunk and angry and that the cops are stupid in this town and I dont know who I'm telling with. She bit me so hard i feel it aching

Now girlfriend is taking about her grandpa being in the deilvery room having to help her mom deilver her . She starting screaming and crying then sucked it up and called him .

My arm is on fire from her biting me my chest is swollen because she squeezed it right after she punched me in the face.

Every girl ends up hitting me.

Am I not worthy of love?

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She snatched her phone out of my hand and we were re reading the text between her and her dad she said. Did I show you uwhsy my dad said to me last night? I said no . She said  oh lemme show you. She shows me the text says in not so many words in case she deleted it or something." If you split the money I gave you would Brandon help you with kasper I hate that you had to come home from work" she says basically ok . In the rest of the paragraph he says I know you are not well mentally and physically??? Wtf does that mean??? He goes on to say i know you don't want me in your house and you don't want to talk to me. Blah blah blah in this giant paragraph hes insinuating I don't do shit I should help her with the dog saying splitting the money.then go on to say she's not doing well and insinuating something bad is happening here thats why he's not aloud in the house. And all she says is "I'll look into it".

Well at the beginning of this paragraph she snatched her phone out of my hands when I said can you send me this screenshot?

I've said multiple times are you drunk

I dont wanna talk about it

She then said n o I would rather you talk about it right now not later. I said I am holding myself accountable she got angry took her phone abd said no we are not doing this.then started smoking and she passive aggressively starting moving the smoke out of her face as if she doesn't smoke weed she @ttacked me again today uploading a video later hopefully its not too big...shes too scary claims she hates me drinks too much threatens me and I don't know what to do

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5 am.. shes in bed I woke up with nightmares of her attacking me..is today going to break the cycle of her attacks and drunken rage...will she finally be happy? Hoping for the best....shes scary when she's angry

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Screamed at me while the door was open and when the conversation didnt go her way she said shes going go stay at her nana's knowing I'm here by myself she also got louder and louder letting people outside hear how loud she was now she says shes going to grab scrubs and see me tomorrow . When she comes home tomorrow I will be leaving. This is abusive behavior krystle used to do shit like this leave me at her parents and no I have no way to do anything now shes packing her things after screaming at me this conversation or issue started after she matter of factly told me that some chick named beastie see is in her people you may know I said what did I do because she so decisively was nasty and short with me over this chick her tone was nasty.now she got more mad and asked me if I was going home tomorrow or today I said I wasnt sure because the siutstion is getting escalated and I wanna tell her later and she told me I cant tell her later and to tell her now. When I say i dont know maybe not she says then why are you saying you're gonna leave dont say that in the most nasty aggressive tone. Then leaves for 5 minutes comes back talking to me with the door open screaming at me so Pete could hear and now i dont know what shes doing she went back to her room if i had to guess

She says she's more loyal than me while on acid and drunk super nasty nit cool .we talked about not doing this when drunk you disrespected me by fighting with mev

Im annoying

Im a douche bags

She's drunk and nasty

In New girl they had a joke where they said that that you as a brown woman have 1000s years of wisdom more than a white woman i laughed and she got nasty rude and made me afraid yesturday she got mad that I had reached out to the customer representative of a nutrient line and talked about getting a free sample . She freaked out madevsarurday miserable gotbdrunk and was rude thebfollpwing day all this happens.

She said I ruin everything because she dropped her fork coming in and washed it and I asked if it was the same fork and she flipped out at me threatening me.

Then she screams at me for putting something on TV and screams at the top of her lings I don't watch to watch this then I pass her the remote and she takes and shot abd throw it at me then says its. Ok if you throw it at me and not if I

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Shes drunk....again.

You're asking me about my patients and saying I worked with her abd my provider is Becca abd screaming and mad

The following morning I addressed how she made me feel how she made me feel scared abd afraid of the conversation or what could happen next . She got angry and disassociative she turned over and got so mad she became short and hostile with me. After arguing back and fourth I get up and let the dogs out and she screams. "I can do the 🐕" but doesn't get it up . I do the dogs and feed them even when at this time our very relationship hangs in the balance . So I do the dogs I come back in the room and she's up and I say are you ready to get in the shower for work? She  starts going off dismissing my feelings because she didn't hit me. Not realizing that making me feel that way or that that could happen makes me feel the excact same way. She says "why do you even love me if I do all these things to you" I say no im not doing this you're manipulating the conversation to fit your narrative . You don't wanan address all the issues I've brought up and how you were wrong for coming at me aggressively and making me feel scared while drunk. That is your fault. So we're bickering back and fourth shes screaming saying shes gotta get to work and im saying wtf are you retarded if you have to go to work stop arguing with me abd your emotions and get in the shower l. She flips out abd says i called her retarded. So i leave the room abd xover mt ears because shes picking up on anything i say or do and manipulating it to make her narrative.  I say ok im leaving the room. She gets up finally abd starts chasing me room to room saying "WHY CANT YOU SAY WHY YOU DONT LOVE ME" YOU KNOW WHAT I WANT YOU TO STOP GROWING WEED HERE!!! see her things to control me is the house and thats it. I try to get away from her by covering my ears and leaving the room she keeps chasing me screaming me . Finally I call her insane . For chasing me around knowing she has work mental illness and hasn't taken her medicine. She then harps on the insane thing. When I really was saying her mental illness was taking over I don't think normal she would attack me abd chase me room to room but she did. So basically I call her insane. She grabs a knife (dejavu) goes in the bathroom abd locks the door. Basically trying to emotionally abd mentally abuse me showing me that if I ever have something bad to say about how she treats me and she doesn't have an answer (aka something that I did that she can throw in my facd) she will try to cut and harm herself. In my situation thats scary. She's told me her ex has recorded her to make fun of her . I think it was to protect himself. She is out of control. I told her how she made me feel and she spinned out of control. She ruined her own morning by not being receptive and listening with her heart .

I lost my id shes upset and and is being nasty and angry she said to me im petty . Then called her a bitch . Then she called me a dick then I called her a cunt. She thinks that calling someone a dick is not the same as calling someone a cunt. It is. She tells me to leave the room i say I'm not leaving the room so unless she's calling the cops im not leaving and she threatened to call the cops. I am done with this saggy titted bitch she's an absolute cunt to me as I am having a bad day . I've lost my id my package never came and my bottles of nutrients that I spent money on broke  she doesn't know how to help her helping her trying to fight with me or saying shit that doesn't help me when In actuallyilty I only lost my id buying her fat disgusting ass alcohol .now she's basically threatened me abd forced me to retrack my feelings otherwise she threatens to break up with me or kick me out and she says why are youstill here if you feel all of that. Meaning she's ready to throw the towel in and so am I . She lives like a fucking slob she leaves a mess everywhere gets drunk gets nasty gets angry gets vindictive gets hurtful starts threatening and I can only sit here abd take it . She told me to leave the room as soon as I do she starts messaging me. Trying to start another fight. I have to not give that to her I need to keep my calm and shut up bide my time stack your money and go. Things don't have to be bad .it just takes one nasty ass drunk white bitch to ruin your fucking life. She knows if she called the cops on me because I'm black they would hurt me and do things to me. She knew all of my past with my ex and all the bad things that happened to me all the hurt abd ptsd and still said those words to me. If we make it past this mark im going to win I promise everyday going forward is strictly about that .

Id need pictures

She and I were both drunk she asked me to go to  the bathroom with her  I did as I walked in I saw her knock down the vinegar trap for fruit flies. She started getting mad and drunk and blaming me even tho I was 5 feet away at the doorl when I saw it when u was in the shower she said " I just wanna break up with you already " after I get out of the shower the common sense of her saying that to me is ridiculous. She knocked it down as it was behind the toilet me walking in after her like she asked me is not my fault

She's being nasty to me and fighting with me and saying I can't write it down  trying to manipulate me from being myself but I'm writing it down because she said my opinions don't matter when they have to do with her life but when I said that I don't wanna fight wit her over small things she blew up at me and said im annoying then said that she's gonna go back in her notes and read all the things she wrote to try to hurt me. I don't care. She doesn't like being held to the same standards she holds me to. Because she has all the powering her relationship she just yells at me abd becomes disrespecting abd hurtful .u mean we still aren't together from when she broke up with me last Wednesday. She leaves to go to liquor store and said that why am I looking at her. .everytime she drinks her true feelings come out shes nastier than I could of ever expected judt hurtful small minded abd wanting to attack abd hurt abd destroy everything m when I say small minded I mean one track minded with the sense of just srostrying everything. She doesn't care what happens to me she just uses me while I'm here for sex or comfort and when she's mad she disrespects me and tries to hurt me ahd makes me feel like anything could happen to me. Since I've explained my position she had gotten worse. More drinking. More attacks. More fear. Who knows maybe she'll get drunk and manipulate a fight so she can call the cops or she can attack me or she can do whatever she wants . She's a master manipulator who is a terrible drunk with no control constantly emotional and hurtful . She left in the middle of arguing go get a bottle so now im scared. Shes too wild

She brought up the fact I said "well if we're done I basically hope you die so 🤷‍♂️🤷‍♂️" not mentioning that I said that when we first met that" when someone breaks up with me or we break up im done im not in contact with any of my exes because once we're done it's like you're dead to me . She comes home after getting a bottle and doesn't day a word just bsngs on the door until I answer even tho she has a key and she is drunk still from earlier drove around and has yet to say a word to me but shes now on her phone going through charges to try to fight with me about when I used her card little does she know she I already gave her cash so she can't be rude or nasty to me m but we'll see whats the first thing she says since her 500th drunken attack episode

Had a bad dream about us fighting and her coming home with another guy and fuxking him and making eye contact and her saying were not together anyways remember I broke up with you a few weeks ago plus where you gonna go. Woke up in a sweat upset .putting things into perspective.

She woke up got drunk tried to think of ideas to call out of work I really didn't say much then she said tell her no. So I do. And I keep telling her no. And she stands up super aggressive and goes "you wouldn't understand" and storms out of the room insinuating I don't get it because I don't have a job

She's rude nasty and disrespectful after all of that she's at the door and she says I'm done you wanted to know if I would resent you... well I do. I say "dude you're being a bitch like wtf just go to work" she gets Angier and says you're telling me to leave my house that I pay for??? Getting more abd more Angier judt s are tbh. Shes out of control she drinks in the morning and drinks at night so much so her hands shake. Shes out of control her emotional swings are out of control .shes too emotionally unstable to have a job.

She wants to have sex with me and I absolutely do not want to have sex with someone who's mean as fuck to me all the time edoei slly when she's drinking shed out of control she's extra aggressive and makes me feel uncomfortable I repeat. I never want to have sex with anyone who can't be nice to me for more than a few hours especially if she says. Shut up and",just break up already " .she told me to stay home she needs space . My thoughts is she never stops i nthe middle of being nasty and says sorry I was out of line she doesn't have that in her. She's nasty as fuck. When I first met her I told her I don't ever ever wanan have sex with someone who's mean as fuck to me and treats me like shit .

I think k with the growing sexyal need for whoel dildos inside of her is gonns grow a want for something I can't give I can't give you 10 inches of dicj whenever you say or else. I told you how I work how if you're mean to me it makes me not ever wanan have sex. I need consistency. Shes not doing it. Her emotions change on a dime shes unstable. So because I don't wanan have sex we should break up? bitch you're a fucking bitch sttaight up a terrible person in the moment so stop being a bitch abd realize we need to get on the same page and have sex when we're good not when youre nasty to me. I don't wanna have sex with a mean nasty horrible person.

I tell her im in a bad mood and I dont wanna go to grocery store ill just drink apple juice. She retorts back and says I don't care what you drink . Then we start bickering back and fourth it gets to a point where she says just shut the fuck up I do not care about you shut the fuck up. While earlier in the day she had said "just break up with me already" well i say ok ill shut the fuck up . Then she keeps going she calls me an asshole . Says he didn't do anything wrong.(I never said she did) I just finished calling the eye lash place advocating for her so she could get her money back. But ok. Shes sitting right next to me calling me an asshole and a piece of shit and I finally get fed up . And say fuck you kill yourself I know I shouldn't of said that but I said it when I was upset and she genuinely makes a big deal when I call her a bitxh even if she's absolutely being one .so in the moment of having limited vocabulary and a ton of emotions I just said fuck you kill yourself. Then she went barreling in the other room trying to kill herself. My problem is asshole is a trigger for me . Psychotic self harming girls are a trigger for me. If this relationships ends one thing ive learned is they always show they're true colors. Once we get bickering their is no calming her down. We speak to each other not on even ground but. She has ultimate powerm so when she's drunk which is always she gets nasty and short. Within the week of her not drinking we had zero fights abd if there was something close to a fight it was easily resolved now that she's drinking again we've been fighting more and having more issues. I tried to stop her from killing herself by not giving her a knife or scissors but she comes barreling around saying"I KNOW YOU USED MY SCIZZORS FOR YOU FUCKING WEED" and keeps berating me until. I find them for her. I try to open the door its locked i tell her I don't waban be breaking doors down to stop you from killing yourself and I don't wanan be saying sorry when you were being terrible and don't hold yourself responsible. How is any single human being supposed to react when every fight we get into that is mostly alcohol filled on your side we sweep under the rug. How about the time you broke up with me and then next day said we don't talk about it we just sweep it under the rug. So why can't this be that? Where does the line end? I don't understand your trigger words have been crazy which I don't use or insane which I don't use. You know mine is asshole but still choose to say it and not only that when confronted on your fault you rely on your emotions and feelings to get you out of your responsibility the fact is you also say and do things absolutely fucked up . But you don't deal with the same consequences because I don't kill myself this is your house your white im black im a man your a woman . This is your Town. Our playing fields are not even so when you say my triggers or disrespect me  I can do nothing but I say triggering things to you and everything comes crashing down. When you drink you're a terrible person you a nasty manipitive and make me feel unsafe.

She says earlier today its ok if I don't want to have sex then treats me like shit when i don't wanna have sex fuck no i would never evr have srx with you again as you continue to be rude and nasty to me. Calls me a douche  bag then tells me to go in the room and leave her room and now she's yelling at me and telling me im far behind telling me to go in the other room theb telling me I don't leave the house so why can't I go in the other room then is screaming at me telling me to go in the other room telling me to go in the other room and calling me stupid and annoying saying its not fair I never leave the house why can't I go in the other roon.( the room with no ac and is now taking a bunch of pills. I refused to talk to her while she's drunk nasty and pathetic I will never have sex with a person who's disgusting barely showers and fights with me over any and everything shes literally insane and has mental illness and then ripped the blanket off of me and saidxwhere the fucj are my keys  and is screaming at me .now she's threatening to kill herself tooka knife to the car came back more threatening of my lease and attacks then went back to her room

On our anniversary she got mad at me because I said I didn't smoke this morning and she was claiming I did. I said its our anniversary whatever you say I did I did I don't wanna fight which made her Angier. I asked do you need me to leave the room she said yes absolutely. I left the room afterc20 minutes she screams you can come in now I come in and I tell herm hey. Its not cool how you just het so angry and nasty there's no stopping you and the only way to stop you is to leave the room. She says I never asked you to you leave. I said you never asked me to leave because I've done this dance with you before and it won't stop. She says well why are you saying I asked you to leave. I said. Because yo unknown thats the only way to calm you down. Then after bickering back and fourth she cries cuts herself goes in ghe other room while I'm just chilling here. Shes been cutting herself everyday for like a week. She is so unstable.

She bow is looking to renew her drivers license. Can't find her birth certificate..says to me. you fucking lost it didn't you! . I said no.. iwouldnt touch itmm she says you're always here you just of touched it . I said ik not doing this with you your manic grabbed my joint and went in the other room. She called me a mean name and said yeah ok you fucking pothead  .....

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I'll be posting notes from this full year with my girlfriend Courtney.....shes bipolar manic and an alcoholic.... you can imagine what's next.

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A log of my life