rutalonidir-a-blog - Tumblr blog

[rutalonidir-a-blog]

                you  crown  me  in  thistle  &&  tell  me  the  cross  is  my  throne  ;  but  when  has  the  crucifix  ever  been  anything  less  than  broken  bones,  sweaty  palms,  the  serpent’s  promise  that  it  hurts  just  a  moment,  a  second,  a  fraction  of  time  before  it  stops.  (  DID  IT  STOP  ??  time  is  of  essence  but  time  has  no  essence  of  its  own  so  what  if  a  second  is  just  another  word  for  millennia  ??  )         the  void  is  calling  me,  devoid,  MY  BONES  EMPTY,  i  was  born  to  be  a  bird  but  there  are  seeds  in  my  lungs  and  when  i  cough  up  flowers  and  blood,  you  only  see  the  petals,  not  my  dying  breaths.       but  the  snake  tells  me  :  GATHER  THE  FRUIT  OF  YOUR  LABOUR     &&     i  set  the  world  on  flame.        /     satine  kryze.  loved  by  joan.

[rutalonidir-a-blog]

nvm mood drop back to sleep i go

[rutalonidir-a-blog]

         two  words:  assassin  au.  thanks  4  coming  2  my  ted  talk

[rutalonidir-a-blog]

obi-wan       //       infinitesorrow

               “SELFISH IS NEVER A  word I would use to describe you, Satine,”  he answers, soft words & a cold tone. Not cold enough for there to be an inkling of sarcasm or irony, for the compliment is genuine, but cold enough to be distant. He has erected his façade again. It is easier this way – he does not wish to allow her to peer into his heart because to do so would only cause her more pain. He has done enough damage. 

                       ARE  YOU  FOREVER  DOOMED  TO  HURT  EACH  OTHER  SO  -----------  ??         hands  tremble,  so  you  curl  your  fingers  into  fists,  and  when  that  does  not  stop  the  tremor,  you  merely  allow  for  a  dejected  sigh.           “  i  am,  though,  you  know.  selfish.  ”      there  is  a  great  weigh  upon  your  shoulders,  but  still,  you  remain  tall,  as  if  afraid  you  are  going  to  shatter  if  you  so  much  as  bow  under  the  pressure.     “  i  knew  i  shouldn’t  love  you  .  .  .  and  yet  i  love  you  still.  is  that  not  selfishness  then  ??  to  go  against  nature  for  sheer  ---  sentiment  ??  ”

[rutalonidir-a-blog]

unknown.       //       puerluunae

DO   YOU   REMEMBER    THE   WEIGHT   OF   WINGS SPROUTING   FROM   YOUR   BACK    ?    pristine   ivory    ;     when   luminance   of   sun    caught   feathers   in   its   luscious  beams     silvery   haze   would   cast   you   in   a   wholesome   glow    !   DO   YOU    REMEMBER    THE   HALO     ‘PON   YOUR   BROW    ?     a   child    so   innocent   ;   wherever   you   threaded    flowers   would   flourish   ,   the   world   would   sing   &   coiling   shadows   would   slink   back   in   their   pits   of   darkness   !    DO    YOU   REMEMBER   THE   FEEL   OF   SPRING   GRASS   ‘NEATH   BARE   SOLES   ?     a   young   boy   ,   laughing   ,   caught   ‘twixt   the   fold   of   mothers    loving   embrace    ,    a   boy   who   crafted   a   flower crown   &   placed   it   atop   her   golden   head   !   DO   YOU    REMEMBER THE   FEEL   OF    SUN   KISSING   YOUR  SKIN   ?   no   .    

you   live   in   darkness   ,   you   became   the   shadow     ;   the   obscuration    you   ,   when    a   child    kept   at   bay    !      wings   torn   from   scarred   back    ,    leaving   nought   but   gaping   chasms    ‘twixt   protruding   shoulder blades    .    &   the   halo    ,    radiant   in   its   sacrosanct  light    replaced   by   crown   bedecked   with  BONE   .     you   are   a   killer   /   sinner   you   are   a   walking   blasphemy   &   god   has   cast you   out   !

‘   life   is   not   fair   &   it   will   never   be   .   we   just   have   to   find   a   way   to   live   with   that   .    ‘

                  BURNT  AMBER,      SUMMER  GLOW  ---------   there  is  laughter  dying  within  the  cage  of  a  chest  thorn  open  by  the  claws  of  the  BEAST,     glass-heart  aflutter  on  the  cold  concrete,    still  twitching  and  spurting  blood.              do  you  even  remember  what  warmth  feels  like  ??     GLACIAL  QUEEN  entrapped  within  ivory,    the  fingers  ripping  at  your  flesh  to  feed  the  hungry  is  are  naught  but  your  own    &&    when  the  morning  comes,     do  you  realise  that  you  are  empty  ??       a  vacuous  mass,    black  hole  which  consumes  the  nothingness  within  you  and  nothing  more.         /          you  were  a  child  once,     a  lamb  to  be  placed  on  the  altar,  donning  ivory  and  silk  so  white  so  that  when  the  blood  seeps  through  from  the  dagger’s  kill  to  your  chest,  it  may  form  poppy  blooms  upon  your  skin.     childlike  empress  in  a  world  ruled  by  the  gaping  maws  of  monsters.       what  changed  ??          nothing.         EVERYTHING.

                             pallid  cheekbone  turns  so  that  the  moonbeam  may  illuminate  the  genteel  swoop  of  your  neck,      lashes  spider-web  shadows  over  your  skin  &&  for  a  moment,      you  are  silent.      the  shiver  running  its  course  through  your  body  may  be  caused  by  the  evening’s  chill,  but  you  know  there  is  more  to  it  than  it  meets  the  eye,     animalistic  instinct  to  RUN  AWAY  from  the  wolves  searching  for  their  prey  into  the  night.  you  steady  your  trembling  hand.  steady  your  voice.              tilt  your  head  in  apparent  confusion. 

                                                          “  ----------  no  one  ever  said  it  was  MEANT  TO  BE  fair.  what  truly  matters  is  how  you  work  the  hand  you  have  been  dealt.  ”

[rutalonidir-a-blog]

anakin       //       @oletherian​

a shame to see. a little boy with no home to no longer call his own. a mother to no longer hold. lonely and isolated in a world he was unsure of. only nine years old, still a child. still learning and adapting, with the help of a mother’s hand   -   a mother’s hand that is soon ripped from him. a mother who’s body he saw breathless on the ground. her skin was cold and he didn’t understand why. she wouldn’t open her eyes, no matter how much he begged and begged. no matter how much he cried and shook her skin. she wouldn’t wake up and the young child never understood that in that moment, he had lost his only family. but that was until she came along, a woman who took him away from the horrors of the orphanage, away from the bullies, from the kids that hurt and tormented him. she had taken him away, somewhere safe. 

he was unsure at first, small and careful steps were taken into his new home. his eyes, curiously taking in everything. it was more decorated than his apartment with his mother was. there was no leaking pipes, no holes in the walls, no furniture that belonged in a junkyard. no   -   it was filled. it was a home. it was HER home and now his. looking up to meet her gaze, the boy forced back the lump in his throat.   ❛ it’s … big. ❜  he softly answered her, unsure on how to feel about a place that was bigger than any other house he had ever seen.  but god, did his face light up at the mention of his own room. he had never had his own room. he shared a room with his mother, slept in the same bed as his mother, she was his comfort blanket … and now she was gone.   ❛ my own room?! ❜   he practically lit up, quickly nodding his head in anticipation to see his room. HIS ROOM. one he could decorate, anyway he want. a place for him and him alone.

               DEPRIVED  ---------  a  child  brought  up  within  the  cradle  of  WHAT  IFS,    a  question  no  grown  up  can  answer  for  him,    not  when  a  world  so  cruel  digs  clawed  digits  within  the  chest  of  infants  to  leave  them  bleeding  on  the  bathroom  floor,      unsuspecting.      you  have  seen  such  CRUELTY  and  still  remain  soft  .  .  .  morning  dew  ‘pon  the  lily  petals,  graceful  goddess  to  try  and  bring  JOY  in  the  hearts  of  the  unfortunate.    those  kids  mean  the  world  to  you  ;  amidst  the  chaos  that  is  your  PERSONAL  LIFE,  interwoven  with  the  mess  of  a  political  career,  visiting  the  orphanage  has  been  an  oasis  of  calm  ---------  and  then  you  met  anakin  and  simply  KNEW  that  he  was  meant  to  be  held  in  your  arms.  

                         “  your  own  room,  yeah.  ”     the  smile  you  give  is  BEAMING,     sheer  difference  from  the  one  borne  out  of  an  innate  need  to  please  ---  but  there  is  so  much  more  to  give,     your  fingers  gentle  as  they  tug  him  through  the  open  space  of  your  living  room  to  the  room  to  the  right.      “  i  didn’t  really  know  what  you  would  like,  so  i  took  tomorrow  off  work,  ”     hardly  difficult  ---  you  have  overworked  yourself  to  exhaustion  more  times  than  you  can  count,  they  would  have  given  you  the  week  off  if  not  for  your  insistence,  “  so  we  can  go  shopping  for  everything  you  need.  ”                      (  and  you  swear  to  yourself  now,  that  you  will  be  stronger  than  your  mother.  that  you  will  be  nothing  like  your  father,  because  the  child  next  to  you  deserves  the  whole  night  sky.  )

[rutalonidir-a-blog]

i want to die like satine in moulin rouge: being applauded, covered in petals, and in the arms of ewan mcgregor

[rutalonidir-a-blog]

saltine  bryze  is  the  best  mother  in  the  galaxy  thanks  for  coming  to  my  ted  talk.

[rutalonidir-a-blog]

Send “Who did this?” for your muse to discover my muse with a black eye or a busted lip

Potential TW warning

[rutalonidir-a-blog]

the only spoilers that matter

[rutalonidir-a-blog]

i have gotten good at never thinking of you. when we were reunited, it was almost as though we were strangers & i was thankful, because anything else would have been too difficult.

                                    (  i  wish  i  could  hate  you.  )

           take a child out of her mother’s arms and throw her into war. what do you get  —  innocence lost of martyrdom gained  ??     when the battlefield cuts into her skin, tears apart at vertebrae so that she may crown herself an EMPRESS OF LOSS, the galaxy does not weep for the infants born to the sound of blasters.           rip a child away from her mother’s bosom.  show her the blood coating her hands where she tried to stop the bleeding.  tell her  :  little girl, you will drown.  tell her  :  you will choke on your dreams and on your love and you will die not knowing what peace truly feels like.  tell her  :  be the sacrifice, throw yourself at the lions so that others may survive.    what do you get  ??

                             selflessness. no sense of self. you would kiss the devil if it meant keeping your people safe.          (  you get a being made of flesh and bone who does not know she is made of flesh and bone  —  she will think herself fire, ardent and bright & she will think herself ice, freezing and thawing and glassy. do not let herself look into the mirror least she sees past the glaze of ivory to the beating heart within  !!  )

                   a story as old as time  :  girl meets boy, boy meets girl and they fall in love  —  STAR CROSSED LOVERS have littered the history all thorough the ages, so why would you be any special  ??            (  it’s because of the pain, MY PAIN, my choice, the weigh of decision hanging heavy atop my shoulders alone  —  and no matter what choice i made, it would hurt  &  i’d find no help in him  .  .  .  it’s the way he took my breath away with him when he left and now i’m left lungless, heartless, FLOATING by, more machine than human, more   ———-   no, no, GIRL-CHILD.  you are no different that anyone else.  )

                  strangers.  two beings gravitating towards each other but never touching  —  did you ever know him  ??  was the time spent together not a CLEVER LIE, built around the need to keep you docile, soft, agreeable  ??  a MIND-TRICK, jedi games, your heartstrings wrapped around his hand so that he may rip it out of your chest when he leaves.      (  wasn’t it easy  ??  you see him turning his back at night, when you twist and turn with the ferocity of your nightmare.  venomous words still coil around your throat, constricting with each passing moment  &&  you  truly hope he does not writhe in the same agony that you do  ;  you hope he is happy.  you hope  .  .  .  )

                 so take this weapon-child away from her people, give her love. what do you get  ??  a walking tragedy.  a broken shell, a broken soul, half a being.   but it’s also easier, isn’t it  ??  offering yourself to naught but the cause. once broken, your heart does not mend and in a way, you ought to be grateful to him for doing it so soon, so as to spare you the hurt.

                     i wish i could hate you, you want to tell him. because you can’t  —  because you see him, so many years later, and find the garden he had planted within your chest still alive and thriving.    because you love him.

                                     (  sometimes, in your sleep, you do not think of him, but when you wake, there is a hole within your chest  &&  the moment you inhale to fill up the gaping chasm, you are drowning in memories of him.  )

[rutalonidir-a-blog]

[rutalonidir-a-blog]

(｡♥‿♥｡)

[rutalonidir-a-blog]

I have aged 80 years.

                           me rn.

[rutalonidir-a-blog]

my life for @rutalonidir and everything red does 2017

[rutalonidir-a-blog]

the only spoilers that matter

[rutalonidir-a-blog]

           I  JUST  WANTED  TO  MAKE  THIS  POST  to  tell  you  guys  how  important  you  are  to  me.  when  i  made  satine  7  months  ago,  i  wasn’t  really  aware  on  how  much  i  would  love  her  ---  but  i  cannot  ever  regret  making  this  blog,  because  you  guys  are  simply  the  best.  while  the  community  might  not  be  the  tightest,  i  have  found  people  who  share  the  same  love  for  their  characters  as  i  do  and,  even  more  so,  people  who  are  simply  the  best  writers  i  have  had  the  pleasure  to  interact  with  on  this  hellsite.  anyway  i  love  you  so  much.  i  would  personally  punch  george  in  the  face  for  y’all.