ruthiebathory - Tumblr blog

[ruthiebathory]

Catherine Gildiner, Good Morning, Monster: Five Heroic Journeys to Emotional Recovery

[ruthiebathory]

Will you still love me when all I can offer you is darkness, infinite distance, and absolute silence?  Will you still hold me when annihilation breaths my name and an ice storm beats in my chest?  Will you still kiss me when my eyes are filled with shadows and all I crave is to forget?  Will you love me then, when I am lost beyond redemption, and death and desire become one and the same? 

e.v.e.

[ruthiebathory]

sorry for being online. experiencing misery

[ruthiebathory]

If I die...

Please play Radiohead songs in my funeral. Thanks.

[ruthiebathory]

Needle & anchor 🪡⚓️ (Mama & Papa) 📷 @silong_artcollective (at Silong Art Collective) https://www.instagram.com/p/CgHibE7vyvB/?igshid=NGJjMDIxMWI=

[ruthiebathory]

*trigger warning*

It’s sad but honestly, if it wasn’t for the fact that I know it would completely crush my mom and dads hearts if I died, I would have killed myself a long time ago.

[ruthiebathory]

One day this will kill me and I can't wait for that day to come.

[ruthiebathory]

I wouldn't mind getting hit by a truck and just *die* ...I really wouldn't mind...

[ruthiebathory]

I don't think I'd regret killing myself, I think I'd regret the pain it would cause others. I wouldn't regret what could have been or my "potential". But I'm trapped here. I fear failing, I fear the pain and loneliness of that last moment.

28.03.21

[ruthiebathory]

I'm really just considering giving up at this point

like I'm literally just a burden to people

[ruthiebathory]

"Please, forgive me, I've got demons in my head. Trying to eat me, trying to feed me lies until I'm dead."

Hayley Kiyoko, "Demons"

[ruthiebathory]

I want to die so badly. I’m so beyond tired, and I don’t know what to do anymore…nothing can be done, there’s nothing I can do, there is nothing anyone can do…I just don’t want to do this anymore..I don’t want to wake up anymore…I don’t want to do this anymore..I want to die so badly..I just can’t take it anymore my limit is tearing my insides apart..and I need it to stop..I need everything to stop..

[ruthiebathory]

[ruthiebathory]

I feel so scared rn and thoughts are getting worse again I just want this all to stop

[ruthiebathory]

No one and nothing feels like home to me anymore.

[ruthiebathory]

“Just fake a smile, fake a laugh, fake everything you can, you know nobody cares, nobody wants to deal with how miserable you really are”

-the honest voices in my head

[ruthiebathory]

"All these days have turned these months into a year. And I've been spending every second wishing I could disappear."

Mayday Parade, "I'd Rather Make Mistakes Than Nothing At All"