s-a-d-journal - Tumblr blog

[s-a-d-journal]

but you see, it’s like, nobody’s fucking business

[s-a-d-journal]

Art of " Mariam Sitchinava "

[s-a-d-journal]

September 18th, 638

I'm starting to get whiplash from the emotional roller coasters that I keep getting on every day. I went to the Lamb and found some friends, including Finch, who tried to offer me a drink, but. I declined, obviously. A nightmare, that one, really.

I had to talk to Jovee today too, since I've been trying to find a way to cover the burn scars on my body. I figured a tattoo artist would know best, so we'll figure that out in due time.

Smokey showed up, then Nadia did, and we were chilling, you know, like we do, and then one of those bastards that killed that dude showed up. So I gave him the Sybil special, charged after him, knocked him on his ass, then we flew over a ledge and I blinded him before stabbing him at least four times.

I broke my arm, but Nadia was able to heal it up for me and I'm just dealing with some bruises and soreness now. That man was lucky to walk away.

After that, things seemed to settle down. I scurried off to find Sky, because after yesterday I was very worried about his sanity. I found him in the Lamb, high off of his fucking ass. I wish I knew how to help him.

Jovee and Xan decided to play matchmaker as well, and I'd like to think that everything turned out okay afterward. He and I spoke and we went back to my house for dinner.

We confided in each other and shared thoughts and secrets. Things that I dare not put in ink and paper. I'll take it with me to my grave. I'd be laying to say I wasn't smitten with him, that he hasn't already won a bit of my heart. I'm looking forward to getting to know him more.

'Til next time,

S.A-D:

[s-a-d-journal]

just a girl in her 20s who’s sitting on the floor and contemplating things instead of doing something about them

[s-a-d-journal]

[s-a-d-journal]

September 17th, 638

((TW // Animal Death, Drug Use ))

I don't even know where to start after the day I've had, man. I was at the corner and Skyler showed up, which is always great because he's the best and I (platonically) love the guy, and then Finch and Oliver appeared. Oliver is chill, I do like his company, but holy shit Finch doesn't know how to talk to women.

He was talking about how apathetic he is, and I asked him if he actually meant it when he asked me on a date or if I was just entertainment for him. Said I wanted to see if he was worth the effort and if I should give him an honest chance. I also made a comment about how his apology from yesterday felt distant and not all there.

His response? "What should I add to it?" In a very sarcastic and rhetorical way, immediately followed with. "Don't give me an honest chance." and a wink. So I called him an asshole and walked away.

I found Smokey and he spoke to me a bit about it, which was nice and I was okay after. Thought the day was going to be okay after that, and Baxtyr found us so we went to the corner and then decided to go to The Shady Lady.

Get there, and the whole gang shows up. It's me, Bax, Smokey, Nadia, and Elijah. Elijah tries to do another line of arcane dust, Baxtyr takes it and they go outside to talk, Elijah grabs an empty mug.

Next thing I know, we're talking back toward the house because Eli told him to go away, Baxtyr gets a mug to the chest or something, and then he breaks the vial and tosses it into the canal.

At this point, Eli is pissed and charged, hoping to throw Baxtyr in, but he managed to pull them both away from the ledge, only to get yelled at in a scene that I can only describe as a pomeranian talking shit to a dire worg.

After that Cell shows up, I talk to her, she talks to Elijah, and we all talk to each other MINUS Elijah. And everyone goes home. I ran in circles for a bit until I found Lily (another bestie), and we spoke for a bit. Then I saw Skyler and went over to him to meet with his friends and stuff.

This is when my day goes from bad to worse, though, because I walked away after the crowd got too big and decided to finish my drawing of Skyler and his baby otter, Sneaks, who absolutely stole my heart the first time I saw him.

I finished the drawing and went to go give it to Sky, but he was bleeding and writhing in agony on the ground after some lunatic shot him for making a joke about the M.E.B. hiring a criminal. This, is totally valid in my opinion, what kind of law enforcement agency lets a known criminal into their rank?

Find out this bitch shot him in the CHEST? For telling a joke. Like, at least when I shot Skyler I got him in the leg. But, whatever. After we get him healed, M.E.B. agents are swarming the place and breathing down necks, as they do, and it takes them several minutes to actually handcuff and arrest the woman who shot him.

Then, my worst nightmare came true. Jo asked Skyler if Sneaks was okay. He wasn't. He died. After that I just saw red.

At this point on the page, the writing became scribbled and hard to read, thick ink scratching into the parchment.

Kill

Kill

Kill

Kill

KILL

KILL

KILL

KILL

KILL

i wi l l k i l l t h e m

A L L

The rest is just random doodles on the page, circles, and x's and lines.

[s-a-d-journal]

September 16th, 638

Day started off harassing Skyler, as usual apparently. I got to see his art! It was lovely. And when he saw mine, he said it was lovely too. Even wants to collaborate on something.

Then Finch and Oliver and a lady named Olivia showed up, and everyone around me started trying to pressure Finch into asking me on a date. So he did. And I nearly cracked under the pressure. It's been a year and three months since Joshua died, I absolutely am not ready for dating and relationships. So I asked for a moment and walked away.

And then Finch fucking following me and I had to send him off. Sky showed up, just sat with me for a while. It was nice, I guess. I joined up with Smokey and Nadia, and we went to the corner.

A jester of some sort came and harassed us. That was a nightmare. Been a while since I wanted to blow someone's brains out that badly, but I'll live. She harassed us, and when a paladin attacked Smokey, the M.E.B. agents decided to frame it as us being the problem. Which was fun.

Then Elijah did a line of arcane dust. And in my stupidity, I sniffed the vial to figure out what it was. I started feeling some withdrawls nearly instantly, my head was pounding and I became so much more aware of my own paranoia.

We got to Cellicity's house and I literally could not stop pacing, I felt like I would explode if I did. Some dude named Diedrich gave me a tonic to help the symptoms, and I nearly choked and died on it which SUCKED, but I didn't die so slightly less suck.

And then Eric, Baxtyr, and myself were out at the harbor talking about what we could do to help Elijah. I never thought I'd say this, but I hope we can figure out what's wrong with him. Always figured the next time I thought about him this hard, I'd want to kill him.

At the end of the day, he's probably the only person I'll ever meet who made me feel like me, even if it was only for a few short months. If I can return the favor by helping him back to normal, maybe we can be friends again. Maybe.

'Til next time,

S.A-D:

[s-a-d-journal]

[s-a-d-journal]

I like beautiful melodies telling me terrible things.

~Tom Waits

[s-a-d-journal]

paullina simons the summer garden

kofi

[s-a-d-journal]

“When you love someone you protect them from the pain, you don’t become the cause of it.”

— Unknown

[s-a-d-journal]

“Sometimes life has a cruel sense of humor, giving you the thing you always wanted at the worst time possible.”

— Lisa Kleypas

[s-a-d-journal]

you approach life in a practical way, i approach life in a whimsical and joyous way that holds undertones of dread and fear. we are not the same

[s-a-d-journal]

September 15, 638

(TW // Death, Spousal Death.)

I forgot to update yesterday. But a lot has been happening. Today, however, was absolute fucking hell.

I found Skyler by the Shady Lady and we hung out for a bit, talking about our tattoos and just chilling. Then Baxtyr and Smokey showed up, which was cool. Love those guys. And, obviously, where Baxtyr is, Cellicity is soon to follow, which I'll never complain about.

But then my dumbass decided to climb up onto the awning, and when I tried to get back down, I slipped and busted my head open on the stone. Everything was fuzzy for a while, but I think I'm okay. My ears are ringing really badly, though.

While I was trying to recover, these Westfall hicks showed up and said some shit, before walking away. I zoned out, and by the time I returned to reality, everyone had abandoned me. :(

I found them again, and we were about to go look for those hicks, but they found us first. Only three of them, two of them were barking and one seemed all scared and shy like. Of course, us being us, we started a fight with them. (By us, I mean Baxtyr and Smokey whaled on them.)

It did seem more like we were just bullying them because we had a knight and what I can only assume to be a really cool pirate on our side, and we literally never lose fights, so I really don't know why these bitches keep testing us.

Baxtyr flattened 'Boss', Smokey laid the other guy out. The shy one I mentioned earlier? I pulled him out of combat, set him on a crate, and tried talking to him. He wasn't listening very well though, fuckers manipulated the poor thing so badly that he seemed more like a shell of a kid not knowing better. I can relate to that more than I want to admit.

At this point on the page, wet dots seemed to gather in clusters, indicating that the author had been crying.

I tried to hold him back. I really did. The people he dedicated himself to, his friends, his allies, his people-. They stabbed him to death. Right there. And then ran like cowards.

That could've been me once upon a time. His name was Jonny, that's all I know. I don't even know if he had a mum or a pop waiting for him, or siblings that needed his help. All I could do was cry and bring his body to the Cathedral to be buried.

I wish I could've done more for the kid.

I will kill every last one of them.

'Til next time,

S.A.D:

----------------------------------------------------------------------------

Sybil sighed, her eyes glossy from what felt like hours of crying. How long had it been since she last felt so much remorse over a death? The only time she could recall was when her husband died a little over a year ago.

A mismatched gaze lifted from the pages of her journal, a pained countenance illuminated by dim candlelight with a stare that pierced through the glass of her bedroom window. She was distraught, and stressed, a feeling not so unfamiliar to her in recent years.

She used her palms to wipe the tears from her eyes and stood, a hand reaching out to close the curtains, concealing her from the outside world. Her feet dragged in protest as she took slow steps toward her bed, flesh-bound fingers curling around her mechanical arm, pulling it free from the magical clasp that held it.

The Gilnean stared off silently, though her routine was not lost to her. She set the arm on the protective display, shutting it tight and locking it.

The words of her friends still echoed in her mind, one in particular calling for her attention. "Sybil, you have a whole child. Calm down!" The voice taunted, the sound grating against her brain. "Go home and take care of your child instead of dreaming about killing two homeless men."

She closed her eyes and inhaled sharply, shaking her head as a way to dismiss the annoyance. Hell, Syb. Why can't you ever admit she's right? You know she is.

Her jaw set and she crawled into her bed, rolling onto her back with another heavy sigh. Her eyes settled on the painted ceiling of the room, a hand moving to position over her head while the other traced idle lines of the various burn scars tattering her torso.

She didn't know it, but she was in for a long night of terrors.

//END\\

[s-a-d-journal]

[s-a-d-journal]

Helen Oyeyemi, from White is for Witching

[s-a-d-journal]

Virginia Woolf, The Years