s-e-a-21 - Tumblr blog

[s-e-a-21]

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suburbs at sunset 🌄

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The Boy in the Green Bomber Jacket

I love you I always have and I always will Since the first day I met you I’ve loved you Every time we talk I start to tremble For I love you so much my body can’t handle it You are my soulmate From music to memes to tv we are one in the same No one has ever completed me like you do No one has ever made me smile like you do You make me laugh till my sides hurt You make me so happy that tears swell at my eyes I remember that movie theater The first time we met Where I held your hand till mine got sweaty And you held it back with the same intensity I never wanted to let go I remember the dance Where stars decorated the bleachers Where I told you that I loved you I remember the classroom full of computers Where we laughed and played computer games Where we created memories that are saved forever onto hard drives I remember 100 hugs I remember being enveloped in your arms Your lovely smell coating my heart till I could not stand to breathe in air without it I remember “running” the mile The black fence was our marker and our always I remember math class Where we lived in our own little world and drew pictures while Mrs. Romero so desperately tried to get our attention But we didn’t care I had you, and you had me And that was all that mattered I know it ended the first time because of me And I want you to know that was the biggest mistake of my life The year of radio silence caused me much pain I could see your heart growing colder The smile once spread across your face turning sour Your jokes became sharper and angrier As if you had something to prove You tore down people because you could feel yourself falling I gave up on you I didn’t see the boy I loved anymore in this hollow shell of a human But I still felt a twinge of pain when I was reminded that you weren’t mine I couldn’t explain why and I denied any love I had for you Till one day it just became too evident The parking garage The boy I had loved returned You smiled more You cared more I tried my hardest to get as close to you as possible To feel your touch without giving away how much I loved you was near impossible You were so alone and all I wanted was to reach out and tell you that you weren’t You had me You just didn’t know it So many nights I stayed up with you We would talk for hours upon hours And it was pure bliss I worked up the courage and told you how I felt And then suddenly neither of us were alone in this world We were happy And we had each other We were beautiful But as time went on we had our flaws You wouldn’t dare to touch me when that was all I craved You grew angry at me for something that I could not change but would have in a heart beat Because I would do anything for you These things boiled to resentment and further mistakes were made We were left broken and angry Me more broken You more angry He played us both But it was still my fault I hurt two people that I cared about deeply I’ll never forgive myself And I’ll never forget Somehow from the rubble we managed to build back what we had lost Even though it wasn’t in the same way It was enough to keep me alive and sane Till the night when the cops came Where we both looked the law straight in the face and lied We got through it Though the fear of being arrested clawed at both of our backs But what little love there was in your heart was replaced with anger and bitter hatred I thought all hope was lost for us I gave up on myself I was ready to say my goodbyes As what felt like the moment where I was to pull the trigger on the gun that was put up to my temple A beacon of hope shown through the darkness A simple hey from the depths of hell broke my suicidal train of thought And suddenly Like from a dream Everything I ever wanted unfolded before me You said you loved For once I felt beautiful and adored For once I could imagine us together and so could you What would we do together? Everything And for once it was great But then something happened You forgot that you had said it You took everything back You said you weren’t interested And once again I was left broken and confused You lie and you lie again But I’m still in love with you I know you are mad for whatever reason And I know you don’t feel the same way But I’m still in love with you I’m sorry for everything that I’ve done I’m sorry for all of the mistakes I’ve made You can call me names You can call me disgusting But I don’t care I’ll still love you for an eternity And I know deep down, Under all of that anger, You still love me too. Always and forever, No matter what, I love you. -S.E.A.

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FREAKS ANS GEEKS 📺📚

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APPLE PIE 🍎 PRINCESS NOKIA 👑📼

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I’m not going to sit here and pretend that I understand your reasons In a way I get it You were bored Unfulfilled I understand But I’m not going to pretend I felt the same even in the slightest You were bored and thought it was the end Where I merely saw the beginning So if you can imagine I’m a little pissed But not at you Hell, I don’t even know what I’m pissed at All I know is that I made a mistake And that you didn’t love me You never did Just like I’m not going to pretend that I felt something I didn’t you shouldn’t pretend that you ever loved me I didn’t need you to say it I didn’t even want you to From the beginning I knew it That you were lying to me I didn’t need the lies I never forced you to say it You said it first I shouldn’t have trusted it You said it on the first day Wow isn’t that some bullshit? You didn’t like me since seventh grade I wish you wouldn’t lie like that Oh well you hurt me You hurt somebody you “loved” God just hearing that word makes me sick Trust Love Truth They mean nothing to me now No person will ever bring those meanings back You destroyed them when you said you loved me I guess I am a little pissed at you But despite all of this I just want you back I want to be in your life I want your hands on my body I want to give myself to you I just want you My heart aches to the point where I can’t breathe To the point where food won’t go down my throat because it swells with the pain of heartbreak My stomach churns and my chest is heavy without you I was right I am darkness without you Bones stick out in places they never did before Everyone thinks I’m dying And they are right You made me sick and broken I’m beyond repairs

S.E.A.

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I made a makeshift raft I tied together the people in my life to keep me afloat Water over blood They fill the void my family cannot If they fall apart, I drown Together they make my makeshift raft My makeshift family

S.E.A.

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I loved you too late And now I must pay the price I think about you almost every night Though I lay with him and you lay with her My thoughts often wander to that one time When you wouldn't let me go Our bodies had become one You've seen parts of me no one else has Yet I never got a glimpse of you It was merely by accident That I fell in love And I was able to stop for the sake of a friend But I can't forget how I felt Sometimes you smile and my heart melts a little I want to feel your skin against mine But then the feeling is gone within a second And I am content with my choices But sometimes my eyes wander in your direction And you sit there and smile

S.E.A.

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She was my worse half, a part of me I hated and everything I was scared to be, yet I still fell in love with her I was the dreamer She was the cheerleader I was the freak And she was the queen Popular in all her glory Me so small and unimportant She looked at me with those beautiful icy eyes And suddenly I mattered She made me promises she couldn't keep Lies she didn't have to tell She told them for herself and not for me Pathological Liar The worst things I saw in the mirror That's what she was The selfishness I so despised Was hidden behind those blue eyes That truth she had run away from Pumped through my veins She was my other half So disgustingly beautiful and pure I miss her sometimes The first girl I've ever loved I wanted to kiss her everyday Those soft beautiful lips tempted me I knew she didn't feel the same But those eyes kept haunting me Oh the lies she told I believed every word Till the love in my heart died for her I see her walk through the halls occasionally But no flame of passion ever ignites For I have a boy A boy I love truly and dearly To keep me warm all through the night

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My lover is a star who shines bright in the dark sky that is my introverted soul. The nothingness that I am is filled with his joyous light. It cannot illuminate all that I am but the parts he touches glow so radiantly. When his light dims I return to my Stygian state of melancholy. The desolation takes its toll and slowly I wither away to nothing. Not even darkness exists in my place. I need his luminescence for it keeps me from becoming something I am afraid to be. He will never know how much I love him for he will never know the pain I feel in his absence.

S.E.A.

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