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It’s OK to NOT BE OKAY!

I’m definitely one of those people who enjoy social media. I use it for news and shopping and to keep up with my family and friends in NY. It's a great way to stay connected....most of the time. I have spoken to numerous people about oversharing vs. stalking vs. “perfect lives” on social media, most of the discussion centered around how social media can sometimes send us into a spiral of discontentment and comparing our lives to others and their “perfect” lives. I have to keep in mind that many of “perfect” pictures are enhanced and may not be a true reflection of life. 

The word authentic came to mind. How many of us are truly our authentic self with all the influences in social media and the world telling us how to be? Of everything I see and hear and read, nothing is screaming “it's ok to NOT be OKAY”. Everything tells me I need to appear happy and content and to always put on a smile, but what if I don’t always feel like it. When asked “Are you OK”, aside from having something protruding from your skull, do people ever answer, “NO, I’m not ok”?

In church yesterday, the topic has been marriage and the pastor was preaching on the first years of his marriage and how tumultuous it was for him and his wife. He told a story of reaching a breaking point during one of their arguments where he grabbed his wife by the collar and balled up his fist…. yes, the pastor. That was the MOST profound and transparent I had ever seen someone in my life…. the pastor of a huge megachurch admitting that he was NOT OK in that moment. He didn’t hit her…and that’s not the point of this story…. the point is his transparency, his honesty, his vulnerability in that moment spoke volumes to the people of the congregation. And for me, it made me say, oh snap…. even the pastor has issues…. life ISNT perfect. Expressing that things were NOT OK, I think, let regular people, like you and I know that we are not the only people in the world that are sometimes not ok.

Late last year, I was not OK! I was going through a financial hardship and I was at my wit's end trying to figure out how to get back above water, I was drowning. I usually go through things alone, keeping everything to myself and I was tired…. exhausted. I had an “EFF IT” moment and text about 10 people my story and how I got there and asked for some help.

I need to say, first and foremost, telling people my story was the most FREEING thing I have ever done in my life. It was like a weight was lifted when I spoke my truth / lifted the veil of “I’m a strong woman” and I finally said, NO, I’m not OK. Now let’s not confuse it; I talked to people I trusted, people I felt would not judge me for my mistakes. And let me tell you, the help and support I received was overwhelming and brought me to tears (and people that know me, know I don’t cry). I came out of the situation thankful and comforted in knowing that I am not alone in the world and also learned that I’m not the only one in the world having issues while everyone else seems to be ok.

Everyone is going through something, don’t let social media posts fool you. I’m not saying to shout out all your business, good and bad, from the mountain tops, more so, I am encouraging you to admit “I am not OK” sometimes and seek out a friend, a small group, a therapist……somebody. Now for some of us, this could be a major paradigm shift, but it’s well worth it. Yes, prayer is key, give it to God first, but after that, let it out to another human being. You never know how someone else can help you, who may be able to give you solutions because they have gone through it, or who can pray for you to get through it. ITS OK TO NOT BE OK (and don’t let social media tell you what’s ok) just don’t keep it to yourself – depression, ulcers, high blood pressure and other diseases caused by high-stress levels can all be avoided if you can just say sometimes, I am not OK.

[s-h-e-day-blog]

The One Thing

One month into the new year, how are those resolutions going? How many things on that beautiful vision board you created have you started on since you pasted it on that board? If you are like me, you had all these thoughts, all these things you want to accomplish but may not know where to start. Last year, I came across this book – The One Thing. It was the focal point of a discussion group early in the year and the group was aimed at helping people focus, kind of like a counteraction to all those New Year’s resolutions and “visions” everyone (including myself) were creating. The book discussion was meant to challenge those “multitasking thoughts” and to focus on ONE thing. Needless to say, I couldn’t focus and I never did get through the book…. I also never really looked back at my beautiful vision board once I created it and that new me, new attitude was forgotten about by about February.

So this year, I revisited the book (actually, one of this year’s resolutions was to read more….) and since I already had the book, why not!?!?

So it starts….

Everything matters equally……LIES

Here was the truth….it made sense. Things which matter most must never be at the mercy of things that matter least, basically things are never equal. Equality is a lie – understanding this is the basis of all decisions – how do you decide what to do first? The things that are most important don’t always scream the loudest. The best decision gets traded for any decision – when everything seems urgent – everything seems equal. Hmmm, interesting.

So, I read on… bringing focus to our world can drastically change the outcome. Waking up with the end in mind helps you focus on what’s important. Be like a postage stamp – stick to one thing until you get there (that was in the book, I didn’t come up with that).

This is not a book report, but I will tell you what I learned….“The one thing is the best approach to getting what you want”. And I had to ask myself “What matters most? If I could just do 1 thing this week, such that by doing it, everything else would be easier or unnecessary, what would that be?” I’m still working on that – but wanted to highlight some other thoughts that hit me:

·       When ONE thing, the right thing, is set in motion it can topple many things.

·       Only one can be the most important.

·       No one succeeds alone.

·       Multitasking really means: to do two things at once is to do neither.

·       Multitasking is neither efficient or effective and is simply the opportunity to screw up more than one thing at the same time.

So, in true Cynthia fashion, I went and bought a pretty notebook and a pretty pen and started to write stuff down (this was in the book too). The first thing I wrote is below, still working on it, but it’s almost done.  

I don’t want to give everything away; I think it’s a good read or listen to anyone needing a little focus in their life. So if you’re interested, the book is called The One Thing: The Surprisingly Simple Truth Behind Extraordinary Results by Gary Keller, Jay Papasan.

Someday Goal - What’s the ONE Thing I want to do someday? 

Five-year Goal - Based on my Someday Goal, what’s the ONE Thing I can do in the next 5 years?

ONE YEAR Goal - Based on my 5-year goal, what’s the ONE Thing I can do this year?

MONTHLY GOAL - Based on my one-year goal, what’s the ONE THING I can do this month?

WEEKLY GOAL - Based on my monthly goal, what’s the ONE Thing I can do this week?

DAILY GOAL - Based on my weekly goal, what’s the ONE Thing I can do today?

RIGHT NOW - Based on my daily goal, what’s the ONE Thing I can do right now?