s0ftcr33p
188 posts
18+ | romantic emo boy :3 ˚₊‧꒰ა his creeper for eternity ໒꒱ ‧₊˚stalker & pet 💌 he / him
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I wish I had a support system or just someone to talk to…everything is falling apart all at once again
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everyone: ,,please love me, I want to be loved so bad,,
me: *loving them with all my abilities*
everyone: ,,someone else please love me, I want to be loved so bad,,
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I don’t mind if people take distance after we came to terms or had a discussion but how am I supposed to sleep and eat and live normally when I don’t know anything about anything rn?
I’m not trying to pressure or rush you…I’m sorry I just want to cope and post my thoughts but sadly you’re all I can think about…and it feels like you’re preparing everything to cut me off right now…but maybe it’s just my bpd being a bitch..I’m sorry..I will shut the fuck up
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your words and actions don’t align…are you lying or is my mind playing tricks on me? you won’t tell me…I know you won’t because nobody ever does…so I will just run in circles and loose my mind trying to figure it out myself…
#we could be how we used to be if you just come back#the only thing making me upset is that you’re gone#but maybe it isn’t about that…#i don’t know#i will try to wait…#not act on my impulses#but my anxiety is going crazy#idk how much I should share here#will u see? will u feel safer or more triggered?? will you come back or run away#i don’t know anything#I just want us to be okay#but I’m getting nervous#just guessing what your actions and words mean#it’s not good for me#i’m spiraling#and I just want to get out of it…
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they remove my existence in their life like it’s nothing…
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what am I doing wrong? every time I think someone may like me fr and I start to trust them, they suddenly take distance with no explanation or forget about me entirely, beginning to beg for love everywhere else again…It’s like I never existed…I’m holding my arms open but you walk right past me without a word…I feel like a idiot because I don’t understand and all I want is to understand.
If you don’t communicate your perspective my mind will fill the blanks.
#silence drives me insane#but my feelings and views change every hour currently#I’m just trying to explain myself#make you feel safe#and understand that I’m not upset#but I know it isn’t really about that…#I just don’t know what it is about#People never care to explain why they leave me and then return magically#if there was just one person caring enough to try#I want you to be that person so bad but maybe I’m just naive…#I wish I wasn’t…#I wish my hopes would become true just once#I’m feeling sick when I think of loosing you#it’s pathetic
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I know sometimes I should probably stay upset when someone triggered me or doesn’t communicate properly but all the negative thoughts and feelings vanish the moment they appear again just don’t leave me by myself in this all consuming darkness…please…it tries to kill me when everyone is out of sight and even when I manage to fight it, it hurts nonetheless…it’s an unbearable pain and mental torture that could be avoided so easily if we just used our words and found the courage to say the things we want to say so desperately…I believe we can find it someday even when the monsters try to keep it from us
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I had thousands of suicidal episodes in my life.
It never gets easier. It never gets less scary.
It feels like someone else suddenly shares the body with me and forces my limbs to move.
It forces me to rip out my hair, hit my flesh, destroy my skin, scream out my lungs or crack open my skull, just to cope with the true pain that is deeply ingrained into my chest.
And while I beg myself to stop, sobbing like a little kid, it just keeps pushing me to go further.
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