sahdoesstuff-blog

[sahdoesstuff-blog]

[sahdoesstuff-blog]

Her smile makes me smile.

[sahdoesstuff-blog]

emma: I want to cuddle 23/7.

regina: Why not 24/7?

emma: Snack breaks.

[sahdoesstuff-blog]

14 Oct 2018

so... i forgot\didn’t want to write yesterday (or in the past days) bc I just felt like complete crap. I’m actually going to Rome the day after my bday and I'll meet my friends and that keeps me away from doing dumb shit :))  My father never fails disappointing of making me feel like a useless piece of shit but at this point I don’t even care that much, even if that hurts it takes just a few moment for that feeling to leave and be replace by the usual numbness.  On the other hand, it’s just a few months until I finally meet mrs Lana Parrilla again.  so yup that’s it. I’m just on a rollercoaster of emotion rn :)

[sahdoesstuff-blog]

non sento più niente oltre ad un morsa stretta attorno al cuore. 

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11 oct. 2018

Sooooo today I went on that shopping spree and bought 4 pairs of jeans (including my first ripped ones), 3 shirts and a FUCKING FRIENDS HOODIE AND I M IN LOVE WITH IT ALREADY!!!!!! We went eating sushi and yup I really have nothing to say, except that today was pretty amazing. I went shopping with one of my best friends and then at the restaurant with my sister and her girlfriend (I'm not really a fan of her, but oh well). so... I guess that’ll for today. I’m heeeella tired so dinner, Netflix for a while and then time for my not-so-beauty sleep ahaha.

xoxo

[sahdoesstuff-blog]

this woman makes my day a 100000000000% better just by breathing I swear

[sahdoesstuff-blog]

and so my. anxiety is back and my depression is holding me down to the couch. Not letting me do anything beside writing crap on this laptop and editing crappy photos with my depressing quotes. gotta love life

[sahdoesstuff-blog]

UPDATE: my mother came home and my mood went to pretty decent to complete shit :). I can’t wait for my father to come back home and book my tickets and room for Rome. I need a few days away from here and them. 

10 oct. 2018

So yesterday I spent most of my day out. From 12 pm to 1 am. At about four I met with some friends for a coffe, that turned into a happy hour, that turned into a dinner and ended as literal night out with alcohol and more friends. I didn’t drink as much ad I used to, but stil did some pretty bomb ass stuff (Two beers and a Rossini which is the bomb.com istg, y’all should try it. It’s strawberry juice with champagne). I was already planning on going on a shopping spree on Thursday and now we’re all going! So for once I won’t be alone, or with just my sister or mother. (Sephora and H&M, here I come!) On the other hand I also thought a looooot about university and what I’d like to study starting from next year, and I’m very interested in educational sciences. I’ve been also thinking about what to do during this gap year and I have sooo many options, it’s crazy.  So here’s a little plan: ▶︎ October: Relax and wait for my badly (Oct 20th), going to Rome for a few day and reunite with some of my ibf, and starting to study to get my drive vincesse. (Type B so car, as I already drive a motorbike) ▶︎ November, December, January, February, March:  focusing on my physical health, so I’m going to go to the gym. I’m also gonna start studying for English and Spanish, maybe even French, certificates; ▶︎ April: GOING TO MILAN TO MEET THE ONCE UPON A TIME CAST AT THE OPERATION CONVENTION SHNSJHADKJFDJAJASJVNSKH *dies in fangirl*; ▶︎ May, June, July, August, September: I’ll hopefully find a job, but also have the chance to go on a little vacation; ▶︎ October: finally starting uni and maybe move out;

That’s it for now. Ofc until next October I’ll also keep on thinking about the Uni part, and I will also try to improve my self esteem through work outs and going back to my healthy eating plan.

This is today’s update, I may write some more later, but honestly I don’t know, I’m hella tired and planning on spend the afternoon sleeping and watching sex and the city ahah.

[sahdoesstuff-blog]

10 oct. 2018

So yesterday I spent most of my day out. From 12 pm to 1 am. At about four I met with some friends for a coffe, that turned into a happy hour, that turned into a dinner and ended as literal night out with alcohol and more friends. I didn't drink as much ad I used to, but stil did some pretty bomb ass stuff (Two beers and a Rossini which is the bomb.com istg, y’all should try it. It’s strawberry juice with champagne). I was already planning on going on a shopping spree on Thursday and now we’re all going! So for once I won’t be alone, or with just my sister or mother. (Sephora and H&M, here I come!) On the other hand I also thought a looooot about university and what I’d like to study starting from next year, and I'm very interested in educational sciences. I’ve been also thinking about what to do during this gap year and I have sooo many options, it’s crazy.  So here’s a little plan: ▶︎ October: Relax and wait for my badly (Oct 20th), going to Rome for a few day and reunite with some of my ibf, and starting to study to get my drive vincesse. (Type B so car, as I already drive a motorbike) ▶︎ November, December, January, February, March:  focusing on my physical health, so I'm going to go to the gym. I’m also gonna start studying for English and Spanish, maybe even French, certificates; ▶︎ April: GOING TO MILAN TO MEET THE ONCE UPON A TIME CAST AT THE OPERATION CONVENTION SHNSJHADKJFDJAJASJVNSKH *dies in fangirl*; ▶︎ May, June, July, August, September: I’ll hopefully find a job, but also have the chance to go on a little vacation; ▶︎ October: finally starting uni and maybe move out;

That’s it for now. Ofc until next October I’ll also keep on thinking about the Uni part, and I will also try to improve my self esteem through work outs and going back to my healthy eating plan.

This is today’s update, I may write some more later, but honestly I don’t know, I’m hella tired and planning on spend the afternoon sleeping and watching sex and the city ahah.

[sahdoesstuff-blog]

“I’m the only one who can save me.”

[sahdoesstuff-blog]

I won’t let go.

Yesterday a person I deeply care about told me something so deep, special and just overwhelming in some ways. It’s been almost twelve hours since she told me, but I keep repeating these words into my head, with a heavy heart and thousands of thoughts in my mind. She said:

“You’re letting yourself go. But I won’t let you go.”

As written in my ‘bio’ I’m taking a gap year. I tried University, but a panic attack was the only result of this experience. In the past week I was sucked into a spiral of depression, anxiety, and numbness. I relapsed into old bad habits and my eating disorder is what this person was talking about. It’s hard to explain how I felt and maybe still feel. Which is mostly a Failure. All the people who graduated with me are in Uni right now, most of them are studying languages to continue what they started in High School. Seeing all of them accomplishing something I wanted to do so bad, just makes me feel useless. But is it worth to waste a whole year studying something that won’t lead you that far? I have 3 English certificates and a Spanish one. I use in English in my everyday life and I honestly don’t think Uni would’ve helped me improve that much. I have no idea what I want to do with my life, what I want to study, what I want to be when grow up... So I decided to open this blog and use it a diary. I’ll try to commit seriously to this “journal” and post something everyday to document what I learn from life during this Gap year. I don’t care if anyone reads this or if it’s going to be just me. I'm doing this, hoping writing will make it easier and better.

[sahdoesstuff-blog]

Literally me. Staying up all night for my friends. Always being there for everyone. Now that I am the one in need, I’m drowning in loneliness.

[sahdoesstuff-blog]