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[sailorblossoms]

snowbaz wedding cause im thinking about them aggressively

pseudo prequel to this

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I saw this post and agreed. 🩵

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If you see me posting several posts in a row it means I’m going through my drafts, finally completing a thought, and hitting post… At this point there are still so many and I forget about them so I might as well do a “sent me an ask with a number from 1 to 37 and I might finish that post” lol

[sailorblossoms]

Violence and going off is the only form of release Simon knows. It informs his behavior around Baz (the only one he has ever experienced attraction to, which he’s telling you at least twice in WS, even if he’s not realizing the full scope of what he’s saying then) and it’s why he struggles so much when another form of release is presented to him (that actually feels good! That he actually wants and can choose! He has only ever associated pleasure with food before Baz, never a person, despite everything) (especially because Baz has been trying to be gentle… the complete opposite of what Simon is used to, but it doesn’t he doesn’t want it! He can’t handle a gentle touch, but he specifically notes that it makes him happy when Baz is gentle in the way he takes care of him, making sure he’s safe and comfortable and is eating well, etc)

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Simon going from “I can’t tell when Baz is mocking me” “he always looks pissed or sadistically amused or disgusted” and “only has two emotions” or whatever (Simon brainwashing himself into a simplistic Good vs Bad mindset with everything aside, and Baz having a bad case of resting bitch face is probably not off the table) in CO to “he looks so unimpressed with me which makes me want to jump him and inhale his oxygen” or something unhinged like that in awtwb shows that the big issue with Simon has always been that he couldn’t tell how Baz truly felt about him, how Baz really saw him, which drove him crazy… and he was reacting to assumptions. Baz looking like a mean little bitch? A turn on. That was never a problem, actually. Simon was always into it. Always has been! But here the difference is assuming the guy hates your guts when he’s looking like that vs knowing he loves you.

[sailorblossoms]

Baz might be more direct and explicit, but that doesn’t mean Simon isn’t communicating the same thing as him in CO, when he still didn’t know how he felt (even before Baz says it, they’re already matching)

When Baz is in life threatening situation, he finds comfort in Simon’s image and how he can’t be hurt. “Even if I’m hurt, even if I’m in danger, Simon is safe, Simon won’t be hurt.”

When Simon is in a life threatening situation, and he’s telling you he isn’t good with his magic, he starts telling Baz is. Baz is good and competent with magic and he’s so pretty when he uses it. That’s practically at the very beginning of the whole damn series and it’s essentially introducing Baz while communicating, if not the same, something very similar (and it’s very Simon to bring up Baz being pretty or attractive or desirable etc even completely unprompted). Simon is in danger but Baz isn’t. Baz wouldn’t struggle like he’s is struggling, because he is good at magic. Baz won’t be hurt (and if Baz is in danger, Simon will protect him – the memory of Baz prettily singing his spells also happens to be the chimera incident, which Simon comes to see as a romantic moment where he fights for Baz. Imagine, Simon telling you this, way before we learn that Baz is hurting and in danger, that Simon can’t do anything to help even though he will desperately try to)

[sailorblossoms]

Congrats on 1k! You deserve it!

If you're still taking prompts, how about Simon and Baz taking a nap together?

3/4 of the 3 yrs late prompts

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Probably too late for the prompts but just in case I’m not... Simon comforting Baz after a coffin nightmare? Or AU where Simon’s the one who found him in the coffin? <3

another extremely late prompt response

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Congrats on the follower milestone! ♥ if the ten sketching spots have not been filled up yet, how about a Baz carrying Simon? ♥♥♥

sorry this is like 3 years late 😭

[sailorblossoms]

is simon your favorite character?

it's actually Baz! Whenever I think about this series I'm never not thinking "but what does Baz feel about this?" ... did Baz do something wrong? I can see that, but you're simply going to have to find another bitch to care. Might as well call me Simon because you won't ever catch me giving more fucks about anything or anyone not Baz-related.

(I write so much about Simon because he's far less direct/more "confusing" with expressing himself, and most of these posts are me figuring him out in real-time. Said this before but another big motivation is simply spite, or having an itch to scratch. Behind a lot of those posts there has been an "I don't think this or that part about Simon is being caught because it's going by assumptions and not what he's actually putting down on the page, the fact that he's not doing obvious exposition doesn't mean it's not there," or "this is clearly motivated by wanting to fuck Simon, which is neither something I'm against or any of my business, but I can't image caring more about Simon fucking than on Baz's feelings, and actually neither would Simon, and perhaps there's a character analysis or two that can come out of here" or because I have Things To Say about good ol' comphet and the specific way it manifests in the "I'm not ever looking to process shit" guy, etc. It just happens more often, because when I feel Baz is being done dirty I'm putting out word vomits on his name too. Also, Baz being done dirty sometimes requires an analysis of Simon...)

[sailorblossoms]

“I never thought there was a path that would lead to both of us alive.”

Huge shout out to @inverted-typo for helping me draw Baz’s hairline while we yapped

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Beep boop a warm up Snowbaz

[sailorblossoms]

Simon always wanted to put Baz first. Even before want was even a possibility, a part of him was always driven to do that.

His obsession with Baz is a big indicator of his feelings for him. Part of those feelings are a need to make sure Baz is an important part of his life.

When they're "enemies," Simon only knows how to interact with Baz in anger (the one emotion he's familiar with... romantic love, and perhaps love in general, alongside sexual desire are completely alien to him). If Simon isn't angry at Baz, if he's not picking fights with him, then "he has no way" to secure even an interaction with Baz. It's part of why is so difficult to even contemplate that Baz's life doesn't revolve around plotting against Simon, why he can't listen to Penny and let the idea go, and why he instantly changes his tune when Penny says Baz is his sworn enemy (instantly downplaying it, like it's not actually that serious, like Simon doesn't actually want to define his relationship with Baz as enemies for real, and if someone else says it, it might make it more true)

Simon doesn't know how to exist outside of roles and worldviews he has been told he should conform to for much of CO. He doesn't actually want Baz to be his enemy, but if Baz isn't plotting, then “he would have no reason” to be part of Simon’s story – he would merely be a background character, barely mentioned as a roommate who has no role in the story (and no place in Simon's life) and so Simon can't let that go. If he accepts Baz wasn’t plotting nearly as much as he says he is, that means Baz isn't thinking about him all that much. It means he doesn't have Baz's attention – he's not on Baz's mind as much Baz is on his (and I've noticed that, while I'm sure Simon's list of moments Baz pays him attention or pranks him or related is incomplete, it's not super long... Baz mentions Simon wouldn't let him breathe and when he does, he's still not leaving him alone, and Simon backing off is only momentarily. Meaning Baz didn't have to do much/plot much to get Simon's attention because he had it all the time).

Baz has been cast as the antagonist, so in order to have any place in the hero's life, he must plot. He must be antagonistic. And so the only way Simon knows how to prioritize Baz – because he wants Baz to be a priority in his life, because he's obsessed with him, because he's in love and so attracted it makes him shortcircuit – is to never shut up about Baz plotting... to the point it forces his best friend, who he spends most of his time with, to limit how much he can talk about Baz. Otherwise, they would rarely talk about anything else

[sailorblossoms]

A reason I wrote so much about Simon and Agatha as a couple – a subject I would prefer not to dedicate a second of thought to – is spite. Another is because I'm too annoying not to overthink every single detail, and because I notice imagery of romance and shortcuts being applied to them, and I'm sure it happens without much thought involved. It happens because we're used to them, because we take them for granted, because it's hard to question even when we're told it's wrong.

Like the blushy boy looking at the pretty girl while she walks in slow-motion while romantic music (or music that talks about desiring a woman) plays is a movie cliché, and I knew damn well some people were reading Simon's memory about meeting Agatha like that, not because of what Simon actually says, but because of how used we are to that type of scene. Simon's words aren't about desiring her, but about wanting to be like her, about wanting what he believes Agatha's beauty gives her (acceptance, protection... notice how he keeps talking about being untouchable while being associated with her instead of talking about having feelings for her – he doesn't have them!). Same with the ideas of teenage romance, the image of young love I've seen associated with them (like the blushy kids bumping heads or the boy twirling the girl in the air or lying on the grass staring into each other's eyes as sparkles float in their air and so on) or the dozens of times I've seen people get that they're obviously not in love at the start of CO, but then they ruin it with "but they must have been at some point." Gonna be real here: if we were meant to read these two as "used to be attracted or in love but not anymore," I would question the quality of the writing. I would question the author's ability in the genre, because at no point do they ever say anything that gives me the impression that actual love or attraction had anything to do with their choices. But I know the author is good at romance, so I take them seriously when talk about being together like it's duty and expectation and they have no idea of what else they're supposed to do, and the idea of not conforming is too scary to even contemplate, because if you don't belong here something is wrong, etc. In a moment where Simon should be like "I don't want to let her go as a gf, because [insert romantic feelings here]" he's talking to you about how they became friends and how it would suck to stop being friends after so long. He's not ever like "she used to awaken [insert romantic feelings or attraction] but now I just feel nothing"... there's nothing indicating a romance that run its course!

I'm rambling here (don't even get me started on the assumptions regarding the attraction part, especially the ones associated with Simon because he dares to be a boy who happens to not be great at processing and thus doesn't always present things in obvious exposition) but something less important that kind of bugs me....

The image of Simon towering over Agatha. Now, I'll be the first to admit that I neither remember nor care about the canon heights, but this one bugs me in the way heteronormativity and its imagery bothers me when it's not applicable… isn't Agatha supposed to be tall? I mean, neither Simon nor Baz, who I do remember is tall, should be fitting in that girl's hoodie if she were supposed to be a petite pretty little thing who needs to stand on her toes to reach the boy she's dating (I think Baz mentions the sleeves are a bit short for him, but he should not be able to wear that shit at all if Agatha wasn't at least a bit tall, she doesn’t seem like the type to have clothes that are way too big for her). Isn't that an image that pops up simply because there's a boy and a girl? Even if I'm wrong and she's not tall (which I'll call an inconsistency, given the hoodie business) I'll be willing to bet not everyone indulging in this imagery remembers the canon heights either. I mean, a lot of people forget Agatha's eyes are brown, not blue (which I think also proves Simon's lack of attraction to her. Part of his attraction manifest as obsession – he won't ever let you forget Baz's eyes are grey, and he's very detailed about all the shades of gray those eyes can be. One would think Simon is intentionally getting close – close enough to be in Baz's personal space – to be able to catalogue those shades so clearly)

[sailorblossoms]

Simon always wanted to put Baz first. Even before want was even a possibility, a part of him was always driven to do that.

His obsession with Baz is a big indicator of his feelings for him. Part of those feelings are a need to make sure Baz is an important part of his life.

When they're "enemies," Simon only knows how to interact with Baz in anger (the one emotion he's familiar with... romantic love, and perhaps love in general, alongside sexual desire are completely alien to him). If Simon isn't angry at Baz, if he's not picking fights with him, then "he has no way" to secure even an interaction with Baz. It's part of why is so difficult to even contemplate that Baz's life doesn't revolve around plotting against Simon, why he can't listen to Penny and let the idea go, and why he instantly changes his tune when Penny says Baz is his sworn enemy (instantly downplaying it, like it's not actually that serious, like Simon doesn't actually want to define his relationship with Baz as enemies for real, and if someone else says it, it might make it more true)

Simon doesn't know how to exist outside of roles and worldviews he has been told he should conform to for much of CO. He doesn't actually want Baz to be his enemy, but if Baz isn't plotting, then “he would have no reason” to be part of Simon’s story – he would merely be a background character, barely mentioned as a roommate who has no role in the story (and no place in Simon's life) and so Simon can't let that go. If he accepts Baz wasn’t plotting nearly as much as he says he is, that means Baz isn't thinking about him all that much. It means he doesn't have Baz's attention – he's not on Baz's mind as much Baz is on his (and I've noticed that, while I'm sure Simon's list of moments Baz pays him attention or pranks him or related is incomplete, it's not super long... Baz mentions Simon wouldn't let him breathe and when he does, he's still not leaving him alone, and Simon backing off is only momentarily. Meaning Baz didn't have to do much/plot much to get Simon's attention because he had it all the time).

Baz has been cast as the antagonist, so in order to have any place in the hero's life, he must plot. He must be antagonistic. And so the only way Simon knows how to prioritize Baz – because he wants Baz to be a priority in his life, because he's obsessed with him, because he's in love and so attracted it makes him shortcircuit – is to never shut up about Baz plotting... to the point it forces his best friend, who he spends most of his time with, to limit how much he can talk about Baz. Otherwise, they would rarely talk about anything else

[sailorblossoms]

A reason I wrote so much about Simon and Agatha as a couple – a subject I would prefer not to dedicate a second of thought to – is spite. Another is because I'm too annoying not to overthink every single detail, and because I notice imagery of romance and shortcuts being applied to them, and I'm sure it happens without much thought involved. It happens because we're used to them, because we take them for granted, because it's hard to question even when we're told it's wrong.

Like the blushy boy looking at the pretty girl while she walks in slow-motion while romantic music (or music that talks about desiring a woman) plays is a movie cliché, and I knew damn well some people were reading Simon's memory about meeting Agatha like that, not because of what Simon actually says, but because of how used we are to that type of scene. Simon's words aren't about desiring her, but about wanting to be like her, about wanting what he believes Agatha's beauty gives her (acceptance, protection... notice how he keeps talking about being untouchable while being associated with her instead of talking about having feelings for her – he doesn't have them!). Same with the ideas of teenage romance, the image of young love I've seen associated with them (like the blushy kids bumping heads or the boy twirling the girl in the air or lying on the grass staring into each other's eyes as sparkles float in their air and so on) or the dozens of times I've seen people get that they're obviously not in love at the start of CO, but then they ruin it with "but they must have been at some point." Gonna be real here: if we were meant to read these two as "used to be attracted or in love but not anymore," I would question the quality of the writing. I would question the author's ability in the genre, because at no point do they ever say anything that gives me the impression that actual love or attraction had anything to do with their choices. But I know the author is good at romance, so I take them seriously when talk about being together like it's duty and expectation and they have no idea of what else they're supposed to do, and the idea of not conforming is too scary to even contemplate, because if you don't belong here something is wrong, etc. In a moment where Simon should be like "I don't want to let her go as a gf, because [insert romantic feelings here]" he's talking to you about how they became friends and how it would suck to stop being friends after so long. He's not ever like "she used to awaken [insert romantic feelings or attraction] but now I just feel nothing"... there's nothing indicating a romance that run its course!

I'm rambling here (don't even get me started on the assumptions regarding the attraction part, especially the ones associated with Simon because he dares to be a boy who happens to not be great at processing and thus doesn't always present things in obvious exposition) but something less important that kind of bugs me....

The image of Simon towering over Agatha. Now, I'll be the first to admit that I neither remember nor care about the canon heights, but this one bugs me in the way heteronormativity and its imagery bothers me when it's not applicable… isn't Agatha supposed to be tall? I mean, neither Simon nor Baz, who I do remember is tall, should be fitting in that girl's hoodie if she were supposed to be a petite pretty little thing who needs to stand on her toes to reach the boy she's dating (I think Baz mentions the sleeves are a bit short for him, but he should not be able to wear that shit at all if Agatha wasn't at least a bit tall, she doesn’t seem like the type to have clothes that are way too big for her). Isn't that an image that pops up simply because there's a boy and a girl? Even if I'm wrong and she's not tall (which I'll call an inconsistency, given the hoodie business) I'll be willing to bet not everyone indulging in this imagery remembers the canon heights either. I mean, a lot of people forget Agatha's eyes are brown, not blue (which I think also proves Simon's lack of attraction to her. Part of his attraction manifest as obsession – he won't ever let you forget Baz's eyes are grey, and he's very detailed about all the shades of gray those eyes can be. One would think Simon is intentionally getting close – close enough to be in Baz's personal space – to be able to catalogue those shades so clearly)

[sailorblossoms]

I’ve mentioned how that scene where Simon talks about when he started dating Agatha and how he have “wanted” her since he first saw her convey nothing but good ol’ comphet (he’s not desiring her because of her beauty or conveying attraction – those are the thoughts of a neglected kid who is imagining how it must feel like to be as beautiful as Agatha, he’s projecting “being untouchable” onto her, as if her beauty is a means to an end. Very different to how he talks about Baz – Baz is attractive, even before Simon knows how he feels about Baz he’s like “who wouldn’t want Baz?”… it’s tellingly Baz, and not Agatha, who is described as romantically desirable just by being himself)

Something I’ve brought up a lot, but that I did going by memory, is that line about how even sitting besides her makes one feel illuminated or something. I’ve noticed that the vibe is such that just this is a thought that wouldn’t be out of place in straight girl’s head, that his best example of closeness is superficial and has physical distance, etc etc.

But I recently noticed that Simon doesn’t actually says untouchable again, not illuminated, which is even farther away from anything remotely romantic. It’s almost like Agatha’s beauty is a power, rather than something that makes her attractive. (Something that can force something else, “inanimate objects are attracted to her” is Simon overcompensating instead of answering a yes or no question – a question he doesn’t start answering until he tentatively allows himself to actually face that, perhaps for the first time in his life, that he wasn’t actually attracted to her… it’s easy to express that when he focuses on Baz, as he says Baz is the only person he has experienced attraction towards more than once, but to say it while thinking about Agatha is difficult, even thought is pretty damn clear he wasn’t attracted if you’re paying attention, because of the things he associates to her beauty, because processing uncomfortable things and things he didn’t like is difficult… inanimate objects don’t have thoughts or feelings, they don’t make choices, they’re merely used and manipulated by others to fulfill their objectives)

Feeling untouchable while sitting besides Agatha makes it sounds like Agatha is protecting Simon. Not like she awakens anything romantic or sexual at all, not like Simon has those feelings… But like her beauty and being associated to her makes Simon feel protected from something (which very much sounds like comphet) while at the same, her beauty can force things to happen, as if it where a power (which sounds like conforming and fitting in – dating the prettiest girl to ever pretty is a form of success and fitting in, and Simon was willing to do anything to “prove himself” and be accepted in the only place he has ever been happy) (another reason to hold on to the comphet relationship: school and that world isn’t forever, so holding on to a traditional relationship seems like the only way to keep his connection to that world after school is over, but he says himself he has not ever been happy in that relationship) (when his relationship with Baz is working out, however, you can tell by his behavior that he’s the happiest he has ever been)