saint-sebastian-coded

[saint-sebastian-coded]

but on the real though, here is your guide to assyrian rice preparation from your friendly neighborhood assyrian:

start wanting rice. (or, if you are traditional, simply recognize your constant desire for rice.)

measure out two cups of rice. then one more. then two more. then another. this seems fine. you love rice. there is no way that this will backfire on you.

remember that your great-great-uncle’s recipe says it should be soaked overnight.

become consumed with despair.

decide to soak it for half an hour instead, acknowledging that the final product will be inferior and anger your ancestors but will still satisfy your now almost-overwhelming need for rice to be inside your body much faster.

remember that you should have set the water to boil when you soaked the rice. goddammit. 

once the water boils, put the rice in until it is half-cooked. the eyeballing or intuitive method is less effective than a timer but that’s how your aunt does it so you feel compelled to meet her standards.

now that the rice has fluffed up, realize how much rice six dry cups really is. holy shit. you’ve fucked up immeasurably. 

take a minute to dwell upon your failings.

grease a baking dish with butter. this will never be as elegant as you want it to and your fingers will get greasy, but the slightly shameful, self-indulgent joy of licking your fingers afterwards will make up for it.

pour the rice into the dish. wonder immediately if you actually buttered the dish beforehand and if you’ve just fucked up. 

melt approximately one thousand pounds of butter in the microwave and pour it over the rice, pondering your imminent death from rapid-onset arterial clogging. put a small pat of butter on the top to properly gild the lily.

put your pan into the oven, which you have absolutely preheated after your previous lack of foresight. shake the rice once or twice while it bakes to make sure the butter is well distributed. resist the impulse to climb into the oven with the rice. for the last ten minutes, sit next to the oven and count the seconds until it’s done.

remove the dish from the oven. shed a tear or two at the perfection laid before you. if you are dining with others, this is the time to serve the rice while making passive-aggressive statements about how oh no, you don’t need any help, you just made dinner all by yourself, you can serve everyone as well. (this is still fun if done alone, but optional.)

CONSUME THE RICE.

realize that you have eaten half of the dish in one sitting. no matter how much rice you made, this will always happen. 

put the leftovers away, if there are any, and enjoy a cup of chai while marveling at the amount of food you have just eaten. if possible, fall asleep in an armchair, sitting up, head tilted slightly back, like a grandpa.

for the rest of the evening, think fondly of how much rice you have in the fridge now and how many meals it will supplement, refusing to acknowledge that you will almost certainly eat the rest of it in a few hours for a midnight meal.

[saint-sebastian-coded]

Can we still send money to your current PayPal account? I remember the post from some day ago saying that you could not use your PayPal and that the money thee were on hold

Mine still closed paypal closed it forever

I’m using now my brother PayPal i have access to it since he’s in gaza and he doesn’t have access to internet all the time

Here is the link to anyone wants to help Me and my family 🫶🏼

[saint-sebastian-coded]

listen. i honestly do try my best to not be bitchy about stuff. but if you not-joking-joked that you wanted to watch a video essay from hbomb on the kendrick-drake rap beef. i think that you are obligated to watch fd signifier's 3 hour video essay. i KNOW the watch time is not the issue.

[saint-sebastian-coded]

(hasn’t inventoried my spices in a while) ohhh i got plany of thyme

[saint-sebastian-coded]

get loved, idiot *cat headbutts you full force with their little face*

[saint-sebastian-coded]

[saint-sebastian-coded]

[saint-sebastian-coded]

it's actually kind of crazy that everyone is sorted into 2 arbitrary categories at birth that supposedly predicts every single one of ur interests, skills, and personality traits throughout the next 80-90 years. and if, at any point in your life, you decide you don't really like this chosen-for-you persona, and you feel bad about being forced to act like it anyway, this is actually a diagnosable mental disorder in the DSM and half the country kinda wants you to die for "having" it. like personally I don't think there's anything mysteriously wrong with a trans kid's brain just because some doctor wasn't able to fortune tell that kid's life by reading the shape of their junk like tea leaves. you know?

[saint-sebastian-coded]

eating would be fine if it was only a recreational activity. instead, its a horrible sisiphean nightmare and you need to do it every day without fail on threat of pain and death

[saint-sebastian-coded]

Naughty is for real the unsexiest aord in the world you're not santa who do you think you are

[saint-sebastian-coded]

in order to unlearn racism u have to be willing to accept that u are racist. it’s not a bad thing to want to change for the better. it’s not a bad thing to say hey, the way i’ve been acting is racist and i don’t want to be racist anymore. when people of color are telling u ways in which u have been racist, it’s actually not cool to brush it off and say, well i didn’t mean it that way.. u actually have to make an effort to stop doing those things if u want to be able to actually say ur anti-racist. u can’t just say ur not racist because u don’t wanna be seen as racist. that’s not how unlearning racism works.

[saint-sebastian-coded]

can you tell them to use some wd-40 on the trains especially green line e

god i wish. screams of the damned down in fuckin. arlington or boylston or whatever

[saint-sebastian-coded]

who up pink ponying they club

[saint-sebastian-coded]

The IOF has already begun Occupying Gaza.

[saint-sebastian-coded]

A few months ago on a Saturday morning I was playing tennis with my friends at the public courts. And there was a guy on the court next to us who was standing there clearly waiting for someone. Like hitting some serves alone. Looking around. Bouncing a ball. Looking at his phone. Looking around more.

After about 20 minutes of this a second guy finally showed up at the court and said, loud enough for me to hear, "Sorry man. I accidentally drove to work."

[saint-sebastian-coded]

writing a book is so stupid. first you gotta cut yourself open and find words in there. then you gotta put those words in an order no other human being has ever put words in. then you gotta decide that the brand new order you put those words in isnt a good order at all actually. then you gotta find new words in there. and then you gotta do that over and over and over again until there's a deadline. and then you stop doing it and you go put words elsewhere. who invented this.

[saint-sebastian-coded]

The Watermelon Woman (1996) dir. Cheryl Dunye