saipng - Tumblr blog

[saipng]

exclusive suicide hotline for girls who have just gone shopping for jeans

[saipng]

I like how you refer to having sex as "the task at hand". Corporate email core

call me microsoft office the way i excel at spreading those sheets. to have sex in there. Word

[saipng]

this app is great bc i’ll be scrolling past gifs of two men having raw sex and then i’ll be inexplicably whisked away to the app store page for the monopoly app

[saipng]

[saipng]

[saipng]

I often think I could be such a good writer if I were better at writing

[saipng]

feeling like the health inspector

[saipng]

You're missing out on Drakes career going up in flames.Look up Kendrick Lamarrs new diss track on Drake and you will never look at him the same again

are you saying that prodigy and arguably the greatest lyricist alive Kendrick Lamar of To Pimp A Butterfly fame was able to publicly humiliate pop rapper and child predator Drake? im shocked.

[saipng]

I was looking at the Fool’s wiki page today - truly a character of all time

[saipng]

[saipng]

The drake Kendrick beef trending on tumblr is like finding out an isolated village in the middle of Siberia with no internet or television access knows who Michael Jackson is

[saipng]

picture this, i give you a glass bottle and tell you to open it, but bottle openers are forbidden, how do you do it?

[saipng]

Hi

This is fr terrifying to me

[saipng]

[saipng]

I cant find the original post anymore but I think about this at least twice a day

[saipng]

"come home and see my girl cave :)" I say flirtily. You agree, imagining a rec room with some couches and maybe a few vintage consoles. I lead you down into the basement, where I have carved out a slimy grotto with its own ecosystem. by the time you see me dive into the water and come up with a fish in my teeth, it's too late. You want to fuck me so badly.

[saipng]

so. um. the good news is we found your boyfriend. the bad news is that, well, we sort of…dug him up…in the middle of a car park. in leicester (buckley et al. 2013). leicester, yeah. sorry. they demolished the friary he was hastily interred in when henry viii dissolved all the monasteries. you know how it is. and as it turns out, well, shakespeare was…sort of right about him. scoliosis, yeah, sorry (appleby et al. 2014). if it makes you feel any better we analysed his bones and it turns out he had a pretty high-protein diet before he died (lamb et al. 2014). and he drank so much wine that it changed their chemical composition, which we didn't know could actually happen before we analysed him (lamb et al. 2014), so he was having a good time, at least. 

BIBLIOGRAPHY

Appleby, J., Mitchell, P.D., Robinson, C., Brough, A., Rutty, G., and Morgan, B. (2014). The scoliosis of Richard III, last Plantagenet King of England: diagnosis and clinical significance. Lancet 383, 1944. 

Buckley, R., Morris, M., Appleby, J., King, T., O’Sullivan, D., and Foxhall, L. (2013). ‘The king in the car park’: new light on the death and burial of Richard III in the Grey Friars church, Leicester, in 1485. Antiquity 87, pp. 519-538. 

Lamb, A.L., Evans, J.E., Buckley, R., and Appleby, J. (2014). Multi-isotope analysis demonstrates significant lifestyle changes in King Richard III. Journal of Archaeological Science 50, pp. 559-565.