saladnsoup

[saladnsoup]

now i finally found what i want to do with things i like

#saladnsoupsketches

[saladnsoup]

Chungking Express, Wong Kar Wai, 1994

[saladnsoup]

i'm running low on serotonin. chemical imbalance got me twisting things.

[saladnsoup]

hello from the other side

[saladnsoup]

me to me cats:

me cats:

[saladnsoup]

it feels really good to have things to look forward to that you dont have room in your head for the past and i havent been in this headspace for a long while. i don’t remember how it feels—until now.

[saladnsoup]

another page from my forthcoming book POND LIFE out soon with perfectably acceptable press. 160 pp, hardcover, spot colour offset.

[saladnsoup]

singing something poppy on the same four chords

[saladnsoup]

i miss you and all the things we haven't had a chance to do and talk about.

[saladnsoup]

—

rooftop at dusk, my favourite time and place to be in. to just sit there and talk while sweeping sight on the skyline, staring into the distance as the city lights lit up the dimmed horizon little by little. feeling the cold wind on my face as the night falls. i can completely immerse myself in that very moment. and if you were there next to me, i promise we would feel infinite.

[saladnsoup]

—

road trip is one of the few things i lust after in this life. this is something i keenly want to experience before i leave this world. the whole idea of it is enough to lit a half of the sparks in me. i even have a list of playlists to jam on all along the road. and even though i’ve been in many road trips with my family, i can’t cease having image about going on ones with close friends or a partner in my mind. say no more, because i’m so down for it. feels like my heart would be so full to the point i can no longer contain it. because to wander is to be alive.

[saladnsoup]

—

if reincarnation was real, i am one hundred percent convinced that i was a polar bear or maybe an inuit in my past life. simply because i can’t bear hot weather as my hair keeps mad falling around this kind of weather. also because i keep longing to live in subtropical countries i’ve never been in. and the last one is because, i don’t know how, but i even think about spending my time in arctic as an elder then finally die and decay six feet under ice and tundras. lol.

[saladnsoup]

—

i once told a best friend of mine, in this uncertain life, i want to open a small coffee shop–that also serves tea–somewhere in the corner of the world. i would put a case filled with some best selling, classic, and personal favourite literatures, in case someone needed a book to keep them company–of course norwegian wood would make it up there. i also think about selling small bouquets of flowers, because maybe some people wanted to bring their loved ones a little piece of happiness after spending some solitary moment in my shop.

[saladnsoup]

lately it is that hard to keep the happiness and my positivity around. i’m tired carrying this heavy heart.

[saladnsoup]

pertanyaan-pertanyaan hari ini

"ini apa?" kataku selepas membuka kotak merah kecil darinya.

"cincin. buat kamu," dia jawab singkat.

"cincin? kenapa cincin?" tanyaku lagi tak puas.

"kenapa, ya?"

"kenapa kasih aku cincin?"

"kemarin aku temenin ibu, terus liat itu dan inget kamu."

"cheesy banget. seriusan? ibu ga tanya buat siapa?"

"he-eh tanya. aku bilang buat kamu."

"ibu ga marah?"

"kenapa marah?"

aku diam.

"kamu juga pernah kasih liat gambar-gambar cincin yang kamu suka. kamu pernah cerita juga nyari-nyari cincin kaya yang kamu pengen sama ibu. sampe satu pasar baru keputerin, tapi gak dapet juga. inget gak?"

"emang itu aku cerita ke kamu ya?"

"emang apa yang kamu gak ceritain ke aku?"

"banyak."

"suka gak?"

"mau bilang banget, tapi tengsin."

"makasih ya. aku seneng dengernya," ia tersenyum lebar sekali.

"bukannya aku yang harus bilang makasih?"

"kamu mau bilang makasih juga?"

"mau. makasih banyak banget. aku sampe bingung harus bales pake apa."

"kenapa harus dibales?"

"soalnya kamu udah baik gini. tapi kalo aku ga terima, kamu marah ga? aku ga enak sebenernya."

"kalo aku gak terima kado atau apapun yang kamu kasih ke aku, kamu gimana?"

aku menggumam panjang.

"aku kasih itu bukan buat dibales apa-apa. kita kan udah sepakat, jadi aku gak perlu panjang lebar jelasin lagi."

sewaktu ini kepalaku penuh dan bising.

"bukannya suka banget?"

"i know. it's a perfect ring. tapi-"

"kenapa cincin?" potongnya.

"kenapa cincin?" aku mengangguk, mengulang tanyanya.

satu hari di juli 2019

[saladnsoup]

how many times did i build my walls up too high and didn’t let someone in just because i’m scared as fuck that i might end up broken again. that’s such an uncalled selfish defense, because i actually ended up being the one who hurt others.

[saladnsoup]

menunggu kau mereda.