salamometer

[salamometer]

alternative white boy with a japanese name how you vex me. your puritan ancestors were walking around named shit like kill-sin and posthumus and onesiphorus and dust. you could have named yourself hate-evil. there's record of a person named persecution by trial in 1619 i mean you look at these records they were having a blast. and you could have been the one to bring these names out of the shadows of obscurity but you didnt want it did you daisuke

[salamometer]

[salamometer]

the thing about people is that they love to reduce complex scenarios to binary dichotomies, which is entirely understandable psychologically and sociologically speaking, but is also undeniably like trying to do home improvement on an ancient sprawling labyrinth to renovate it into a white-walled unfurnished studio flat

[salamometer]

ocd is so fucked bc if I see a bug and I don't kill it I'll spend 5 hours thinking about where it went and how its probably on me somewhere and if I do kill it I'll spend 5 hours telling myself I'm morally reprehensible and asking what makes my life more inherently valuable than the bug so like basically I gotta just die.

[salamometer]

we’ve been on that diorite

[salamometer]

joke i'll never get tired of: "they died doing what they loved, [something no one would ever do on purpose]"

[salamometer]

i will not be having an ipad baby. i will be having a Pea baby

[salamometer]

currently running the Sweetie Pie Challenge where i dont hit anyone with a tire iron as hard as i can for seven days

[salamometer]

easily the funniest part of the wigan kebab video is that the guy who's walking in like he's just stepped into an alien planet is from liverpool and lives, at maximum, an hour's drive away

[salamometer]

dont come near my ass hole i am protected by black bat in my back wall

[salamometer]

"Firefox sucks" "firefox is clunky" "firefox doesn't work" with all due respect what the fuck are you talking about

[salamometer]

its just to get through a few early blinds, okay?

now pick up that joker that helps a specific suit.

you don't need discards silly, use them all to get your best hand.

you don't need to think anymore kitten, just buy jupiters, sort by suit, and let mommy take care of you

#forceflush #handshame #jimbofication

[salamometer]

i can handle one (1) Event™ per day. whether it be a phone call, an appointment, trip to the grocery store, play date with a friend, etc. only one, that's it. any more than that and i am Stressed

[salamometer]

just met a three month old pomeranian named horchata. her paw was the size of my fingertip. she looked like half a dandelion fluff

[salamometer]

daily affirmations:

i am kind

i am in control of my emotions

it does not bother me when someone is in the kitchen while i was planning to be in there alone

everyone in the house has the right to be in the kitchen

i am kind and in control of my emotions even when someone is in the kitchen while i was planning to be in there alone

[salamometer]

Why isn't "too scary" a good enough reason to never drive a car

[salamometer]