samael76

[samael76]

[samael76]

me every time i come back to the crossroads with even the slightest bit of new lore

[samael76]

★ 【cyrover】 「 Dandadan 」 ☆ ✔ republished w/permission ⊳ ⊳ follow me on twitter

[samael76]

it really is insane how waking up early will grant you access to some of the most beautiful sights and sensations in the world that will make you want to live forever, but only if you overcome the gauntlet of a thousand razors that is getting out of bed early. truly one of life's little saw traps.

[samael76]

[samael76]

"it's so fucking over" yeah dude it's 11pm it's the end of the day it's time for you to go to bed. and tomorrow you'll be so fucking back because you'll be awake. go tuck yourself in dude you'll be ok

[samael76]

I still think we should celebrate Kissinger's death even if he didn't face justice and lived a confortable life, just so that everybody knows what a piece of shit he was, just so that when some Great Stateman like I don't fucking know Biden tries to eulogize him he is flooded with insults and mockery y quede bien para el culo, so that nobody can even PRETEND he had any worth, millions should celebrate he's fucking dead and this is how he will be remembered, as an imperialist criminal hated all over the world with no redeeming qualities, none should be able to even pretend he was some some great man except for the magnitude of his crimes

[samael76]

[samael76]

2.0 replay goin good

[samael76]

War & Chainsaw

[samael76]

idk man sometimes a baby girl is just a divorced middle-aged man with an accidental felony charge and a nicotine addiction and a certain sadness in his eyes 🤷‍♀️

[samael76]

"what's your dream job??" Uhh to have 17 weird little hobbies that I don't have to be good at and hang out with friends. I get money via being the world's specialist little princess

[samael76]

Let's all go to McDonald's and ask if they have the White Gilgamesh. The spirit of Enkidu will rise up from the underworld and with his rage rend the sky in two, cause mountains to shiver away in fear, dry up the canals and marshes, and split the earth into a thousand canyons!

[samael76]

[samael76]

[samael76]

A sad day for the acting community. Whether you’re a guardian, demigod, or just visiting the Continental Hotel — there’s no doubt that Lance Reddick’s involvement heightened the experience. He was talented, charismatic, and had an allure that will never be matched.

Now if y’all excuse me, I’m gonna go cry my eyes out…and maybe reload Destiny. For old times sake.

[samael76]

The chili plant made a deal with their God to only be consumed by things that could spread its seeds and fly. The chili received capsaicin, making itself painful to eat for mammals, but not birds, and all was well for the chili.

Then the human shows up, tastes it, and likes the pain. So now there's this flightless fucking mammal eating the chili. Like not even a fruit bat or anything, a flightless fucking mammal chomping on the chili.

What the fucking shit, God, cried the chili, I specifically requested the opposite of this.

Now hold on, wait a moment, replied the God who talks to plants but has no idea what the fuck these apes are going to do next. It might be something cool.

And in a flash of a second, in barely fraction of the time that chili took to develop capsaicin, the humans went from walking across land bridges and rowing little boats across small waters, into building ships that could cross oceans. More humans tasted the chili, and liked the pain. They took the seeds with them, and planted it elsewhere.

See? They spread the seeds.

They're still not flying, said the chili, still feeling insulted and betrayed.

But before the conversation was over, the humans were still not done fucking around and nowhere close to finding out. The ships became machines, and another machine was invented, capable of flight. Now, not only were the humans farming chili on continents far too far away for any of the birds that originally ate it could dream of flying, but the chili flew with them to lands where it could possibly not grow, so that humans over there could also eat it and enjoy the pain.

You see? They spread your seeds and fly.

It doesn't count as keeping a promise if you only manage it by a fucking accident, said the chili, still somewhat insulted. But nonetheless, the chili thrived.