samaraxcastro

[samaraxcastro]

Samara found herself studying him, perhaps a little too closely. His words flushed her cheeks and she bit down on her lower lip. "Look at you," she teased, "you're absolutely right. I turn twenty-five tomorrow," Samara's tone continued to be playful. At the mention of his breakfast routine, she felt her smile falter. Not because she wasn't still bemused by their conversation but because it reminded her of someone that she used to write letters to. "That's a very healthy breakfast," she said with quick recovery. Samara was going to say something else but the words were completely forgotten as he said that he wanted to take her out on another date. Her lips parted and she almost forgot to keep walking. It was only when he was a few steps away that she caught up, "You know, I'd like that." Samara answered, wondering if at this rate the pink flush to her cheeks was going to be permanent. @spencerredding

"Maybe not old enough to be your father old, but, definitely older than you." Though he paused as he realized he'd admitted something she wouldn't know he knew. He wasn't supposed to know how old she was. "Because there's absolutely no way a girl as gorgeous as you is a day over twenty five." he winked, placing his hands in his pockets in an attempt to keep himself from fidgeting. "Though, my breakfast routine is pretty straightforward. Three eggs, black coffee, slice of wheat toast." he admitted. "If I'm lucky enough not to forget berries in the back of my fridge until they're moldy I'll add that in." he shrugged. "But, pretty easy breakfast, and one that I swear if you ate it you'd age backwards." he added with a slight chuckle. Her admittance that the Hoffmans were good people made him nod; he trusted her opinion probably more than anyone else for that matter. "I appreciate it." he smiled, looking back at her as they took a few steps forward, making it in front of the next booth. "I'd like to save as much money as I can; I have to take you on another date." The ending was bold and he almost regretted it the second that he said it, but, he let himself smirk, indicating he was serious if she'd allow him to. @samaraxcastro

[samaraxcastro]

"I'd be having some choice words with him if I heard otherwise," she gave Verity a smile. She, too, knew that her brother never had anything bad to say about anyone. It was something she admired about her younger brother. "Great, I'll set something up," Samara stated with her smile growing. "I am not nearly as good as Eddie, but my daughter likes it. I've always enjoyed it, though." She explained to the other woman, "It's definitely Eddie's thing in the family, though." @veritywagner

Verity didn't hesitate and gestured towards the chair sat unoccupied in front of her. "Please do." She told her with a small smile on her lips, before she replaced the smile with a sip of her coffee. "Yeah, me too-" She smiled, a bit more genuine, and slightly less nervous than before. "He's told me a lot about you. Only good things, of course. I don't think Eddie has anything bad to say about anyone.." She chuckled softly. "And yeah, we should do a dinner!" Verity nodded in agreement. "Do you like cooking too? Is that something that runs in the family?" @samaraxcastro

[samaraxcastro]

Her heart went out to Ruby. However, she knew that he words could not fix all. That it would take work between Ruby and her daughter to truly make amends, but Samara hoped that she might be able to guide the other woman in the right direction. "It's not foolish, Ruby." Samara stated, not wanting her to be down on herself. From experience, she knew that did not bring positive progress. "Hope is what keeps you here. Hope keeps you showing up. Hope keeps you trying." Hope was what kept her alive while she was trying everything to keep her daughter alive. Hope failed her, but she did not suspect it would fail Ruby. "Patience is part of this, yes. I will agree with you there, but you have to give yourself compassion as well." A pause came, Samara thinning her lips. "How about this," she started, "when you go home, trying writing yourself a letter the way you'd write to a close friend who was struggling. It doesn't have to be long, just a few sentences but it will help you practice speaking to yourself with gentleness." @rubyelliot

[samaraxcastro]

Samara nodded her head, "I was looking forward to the girls doing that with one another." Even if it came with arguing every now and then. "I'm sure your brother won't mind. Will save him from all the shopping she might want to do. That's what aunts are for." She was grateful her daughter still had Eddie and Isabella around, even when she had lost her uncle and sister. "Yeah," she said with a nod of her head. "I think it's making a big difference for her." Samara continued, giving Haven a softened smile. A faint pink flush touched her cheeks with the blonde woman's compliment. "Well in that case," she teased, "feel free to call me whenever you need a hand." Samara laughed with a smile reaching the corners of her eyes, for once. "I'm happy to fill your life with charm then, in his absence." @havenhawthorne

"Sometimes I wish I'd been a girl mom so I could share a closet with my girls once their older." she admitted. "But, I think Eloise and I have a strong enough bond that my brother will just have to accept it when I send his daughter home with clothes that I never even got to wear once she's in that stage." she laughed, eyes focusing on Samara. "I -" Haven paused, looking at the other. "Don't really remember being a kid." she stated, knowing she'd blocked out a lot of those years herself. "But I do remember some of the friends that I met as a kid and how crucial those friendships were to me, so, I agree. I love that they have the chance to make friends in other ways." she shrugged. When Samara said that Julian loved her more than racing she nodded. "Without a doubt." she nodded. "And our boys. I know it's just as hard on him being away." she admitted. "But I also know how much racing means to him, so I have just learned to let it work out how it's supposed to. When his time if up I'll get him back." she laughed. "I know, and I appreciate it." she chuckled. "Though, you are just as charming as he is, don't sell yourself short." she laughed. "He better watch out or I may just fall in love with you while he's away." she joked. @samaraxcastro

[samaraxcastro]

"Oh, you're old?" She tipped her head to the side, "Well, see, that's news to me." Samara quickly teased. The woman didn't know where it came from, the joking nature coming so naturally. "I want to know what you have for breakfast to maintain looking so young while being so old." She continued, "You have to share your secret to youthfulness." Laughter pushed her lips into a smile, "Yeah, you don't have to worry there. He's one of the good ones out there." The Hoffmann's themselves were good people from what Samara knew and remembered. "Okay, fine," she was still smiling, glad that she was not losing his company so soon. "I can help you so that you don't leave with artwork you can make yourself." @spencerredding

"I hope you're right." he laughed. "I used to be really good with names; and then I landed myself a position with a job that only required last names to be learned and now I can't remember shit." he chuckled. "Though I like to blame that on my old age." another chuckle; Spencer really wasn't that old. Mid forties, but most would consider that a prime age. "I'll be sure to do that though as soon as I have someone to complain about." he winked. Spencer wasn't one that complained a lot anyways, but, he couldn't deny that he'd be happy when he learned more than two names to be able to talk about anything other than work projects. The mention of Makayla made Spencer nod. "He seems like a good guy." he nodded. "Obviously Makayla loves him; I wish I had the opportunity to know her to say 'he's perfect for her confidently' but I didn't get any weird psychopath vibes from him so I'll take it as he's decent." he laughed. He'd only met Ethan a couple of times now as he hadn't wanted to intrude on their home life with a new baby, but, he was enjoying getting to know some of his family more. "That's a shame, but I'd love the opinion of someone with better taste than me." Spencer laughed. "If you leave me on my own I'll be coming home with a solid green canvas that I could've painted myself for half the price." @samaraxcastro

[samaraxcastro]

Her heart went out to Ruby. However, she knew that he words could not fix all. That it would take work between Ruby and her daughter to truly make amends, but Samara hoped that she might be able to guide the other woman in the right direction. "It's not foolish, Ruby." Samara stated, not wanting her to be down on herself. From experience, she knew that did not bring positive progress. "Hope is what keeps you here. Hope keeps you showing up. Hope keeps you trying." Hope was what kept her alive while she was trying everything to keep her daughter alive. Hope failed her, but she did not suspect it would fail Ruby. "Patience is part of this, yes. I will agree with you there, but you have to give yourself compassion as well." A pause came, Samara thinning her lips. "How about this," she started, "when you go home, trying writing yourself a letter the way you'd write to a close friend who was struggling. It doesn't have to be long, just a few sentences but it will help you practice speaking to yourself with gentleness." @rubyelliot

Ruby wasn't sure what supportive would look like for her because if she was being honest, that felt to far away to even think about. Right now, her focus was more on trust and hoping that her daughter would at least trust her to let her in. "I don't know." She said honestly, her voice wasn't confident, it was hoarse. She was tired of trying so hard to connect, and so badly she wanted to run away like she had done so many times. Running had always just been easier than solving the problem at hand. Now, things were too complicated for that to be an option, and she had to face them as hard as they seemed to be. "I guess, I just want to be someone she can come to. That just seems so far away now. It's been six months and we barely know each other. I guess a part of me was hoping we would have at least a little bit of trust by now, but I guess it was stupid of me to even hope for that." Ruby said as she leaned back in the chair, fiddling still with her hands on her lap. "I think that I just hoped so much for something foolish of me. I need to be more patient." @samaraxcastro

[samaraxcastro]

Samara knew exactly what Haven meant when she said she hated it. Their children grew up way too fast. "Truly," she laughed, though she didn't have quite the exaggerated situation with two girls. "Though except for me, it was they were tearing through my closet." She said, not choking up in the mention of both her daughters. As a therapist, she knew that it would get easier. She'd tell her patients that grief wasn't linear and that one day speaking of that grief wouldn't make them burst into tears. Right now, that was that moment for Samara as she conversed with Haven. "Yeah, she might," though they were a few weeks away from finding that out. "That has to be a relief for them. I remember being a kid," she laughed, "I mean, barely, it was ages ago, but friendships were so crucial." They still were, just in different ways. "It's hard when it's a passion so engrained in someone, but I'd have to bet he loves you more than racing." Samara had a feeling that Haven would never ask Julian to quit, though. "You'll have me around, should you need company. I know I'm not quite as charming or good looking as your husband, but I can make up for it in other ways." @havenhawthorne

"I kind of hate it." Haven laughed, shaking her head at the words. She was thankful to be a mother. Thankful to be able to watch her children grow; there were so many parents and people that didn't get that opportunity after all. But thinking about how big her boys were - Lake and the twins already - made her really sad. She couldn't imagine them growing up and moving off to college. She'd burst into tears if she even tried. "Isn't it wild?" she asked. "One minute you can't get them to eat the same dinner you cooked the week prior and the next they're clearing out all the cabinets." she admitted. It was truly something she didn't think she'd ever get over. "I'm glad to hear that she's doing well." Haven smiled. "The schools here are truly great; I was fortunate to start Lake in school here, but, honestly I think for starting someone late these are the best schools to do it in." She'd always speak highly of the Kismet Harbor school system. "Maybe she'll have some of her camp friends in her classes; that's always something Lake enjoyed finding out." And it had been true; some of Lake's best friends in town were kids he met at camp in the summer; and she's thought he'd hate camp and had been close to not sending him at all. "Julian is still racing." she nodded. "Sometimes I think he'll have to die before he'll ever leave but I know he loves it." she smiled. "It's hard, being away from him for so long, but, it's part of it and at some point I have to learn to suck it up." @samaraxcastro

[samaraxcastro]

Samara didn't push, knowing it was not the right time to do so. She knew when it was appropriate to give her patients more direction, more suggestion but she knew that Ruby was coming to the point on her own. "Understandable that you want to start to remove yourself from the situation at hand." Samara assured her, knowing that what Ruby wanted to do was not wrong. "You should focus on balancing that hope for connection with patience and self-care. You don't want to burn yourself out emotionally, even more so, while waiting for her to come around." A pause filled the space between them, only a beat before Samara spoke once more. "What does being supported look like for you? While you wait for her to come around? What will make you feel grounded?" @rubyelliot

Ruby let out a heavy sigh. Heavy breath that she had been holding in, the emotions that she had been holding in. Ruby knew that it wouldn't be easy to get to know her daughter, that it would take time. Yet it had been nearly six months now, and she still felt as if she was at square one. It was Ruby, a moment before she was able to speak. She listened to every word Samara said, taking it in her words. "I know." She said in a soft voice, hoping that it would have gotten easier with all the emotions she had for Felicity. I know it had been the only thing she had been able to get out.

She sat there in her own thoughts. Thinking about how she was so much like Felicity at her age, as a teenager. Even know she was so guarded to everyone around her besides Riley. "I guess she gets that from me." Ruby finally added. Samara, knowing fully of her past, how her parents had treated her, didn't care about Ruby's feelings. "I always had to put up those walls around my parents and my siblings. I still do." She stopped again trying to shake the thought of them, because talking about her parents still caused her so much pain after how they had treated her. "I guess I was just hoping by almost six months in, I could know her at least a little. But, I need to give her space to come to me." It wasn't what Samara had directly said, but at this point, Ruby wanted to remove herself from the situation at least temporarily for her own mental health. @samaraxcastro

[samaraxcastro]

Samara wished that she could solve other's problems in an instant. She wished she could solve her own problems in an instant. That her words would be the magic that people needed to feel better. Though, Samara knew better than that it didn't stop her from trying. From wanting to help people to get to the point where they could live their lives again. Unapologetically. "I hear you. It makes sense that you would want control." Especially after not being in control. "You're trying to keep the people you love safe and there's nothing wrong with that." Samara stated softly, "Wyatt does that because he loves you. That does not mean he's going to resent you." She reached up, tucking a piece of her own hair behind her ear. "I'd be surprised if your family needed less of you. Rather what they might need is a version of you that trusts they're stronger than the worst-case fears that overtake your thoughts." Her voice remained steady as she spoke. @nelxruiz

[samaraxcastro]

Samara's laughter was lighthearted, "Ah, don't worry, it will only be a matter of time before you do remember their names and then you can complain about them to me all you want." She teased him, knowing that there were few people in Kismet Harbor that even she had a problem with. "Makayla?" Samara's voice held surprise, "She's just a few years older than me but I grew up around her husband, Ethan." She told Spencer with a smile. "I don't think I know anyone with a booth here," admittedly, she might have been out of touch for far too long if there were people she knew showing off their artwork. "I'd be happy to help you look, if you want." @spencerredding

"Yeah, I figured I'd give this place a shot." Not an entire lie; he was just leaving out the motive for the move here to begin with. "It seems to be pretty welcoming; I've met several people now. No one to complain about and that's only partially because I can't remember names of most of the people I've met." he admitted. Though he looked at her, pointing for a second as if to remember something. "I did actually reunite with a cousin of mine in the grocery store here." he admitted. "Makayla Vau- er, Hoffman I think." he stated. "I haven't seen her in years so that was a nice welcome." he admitted, turning to look back at the art work he'd been eyeballing, nodding at her question. "I thought about it." he stated. "Have some blank walls and I've not gotten around to getting any kind of frames or anything yet so I thought getting some art made by someone local would be ideal." he shrugged. "Anyone your friends with I should support?" @samaraxcastro

[samaraxcastro]

Continuing to listen to Ruby, she kept her attention on the woman. Her expression softened as Ruby spoke. "Ruby," she spoke the other's name gently, "I hear how hard you've been trying." That much she could attest to, even if it were seemingly taxing on Ruby as a whole. "Relationships, especially ones with this much weight behind them, don't follow a schedule. Which is incredibly frustrating when your heart is already all in." Samara gave her a small smile, wanting her to know that she heard what she was saying. "But, she's nineteen. She's young and t hat's without the complication of a whole new origin story unfolding for." Even nineteen year old Samara wouldn't have known what to do in Felicity's shoes. "I'm not saying that to make excuses for her, but remember that her slowness does not mean she isn't curious or interested. Perhaps she's protecting herself too." Though she'd only know that if she talked to Felicity as well. "What would it look like if knowing her as a goal you had to reach but rather as a process you allowed yourself to be in, even without guarantees?" @rubyelliot

It had been hard for Ruby; it had been hard for her to keep all of these emotions inside. She bottled them up, just as she had before. Bottled it up until she just wasn't able to keep in anymore, until it had come out here. Ruby lifted her head, looking at Samara, and she gave her suggestions. As much as she appreciated them, it was something she had done; she had taken them out and shared something personal. "I have tried those things. I have given her personal handwritten notes. I have taken her out to lunch." She started before stopping again, not sure what else to do or say. She let herself pause before she finally spoke again. "I just feel defeated because I have been trying, but all I know about her really is her parents' name and that she is in college." Not that she isn't grateful to know her at all, she just wishes her daughter would open up more. "It's been almost six months since she showed up at my door. I guess I was just hoping to know her more by now and feel safe opening up to me." @samaraxcastro

[samaraxcastro]

"They do have a tendency to grow fast, pretty much for their whole lives." She joked with a slow shake of her head, "Even, Sabina. I swear, she hits these growth spurts and I'm looking at a whole new kid." An exaggeration because Sabina was always her sweet girl at heart. "Sabina is great. Yeah, she's adjusting so well, especially with coming so late into the school year." Samara had kicked herself for moving in March, perhaps thinking she should have waited but really, there was no good time. At least coming home to Kismet Harbor meant that she had some time to make friends before summer. "I think she's going to be devastated when the camp closes for the school year." Samara laughed softly, her smile growing. "That's amazing to hear," though she had no doubt the wedding had gone off without a hitch. "And Julian? He's still racing, right?" She had never been big into racing but she knew enough to ask. @havenhawthorne

"It's so good to see you." she smiled, letting her eyes focus on the other. Samara had hit a sweet spot in Haven's heart when she'd reached out to her before, it had been an easy decision when it came to renting Samara the house. It had been Haven's dream for it to go to someone who could get the same use out of it that Haven had; Samara had been that plus some. "The boys are great." she smiled. "Growing, but great." she admitted. "How's Sabina?" she questioned. Have was a sucker for kids; but Sabina had really tugged at her heart. At the mention of the wedding Haven smiled. "It was amazing." she stated. "Everything I could've dreamed of and more." she nodded. "Thank you or asking." @samaraxcastro

[samaraxcastro]

Samara laughed softly. "Ah, young love at it's finest." She teased, though her heart was full for Enrique and Alina. There had been a time, a long time ago, that Samara had felt similar feelings. She didn't think she'd ever get there again, though. "No, I hope she doesn't, but you're right." She told Enrique, "If she does need a nurse, she will be in good hands." Though she didn't know Alina incredibly well, it was obvious that the young woman had a good heart and gentleness with the kids. "You've got yourself a good one." Though she knew that Enrique already knew that. @enriquemarrero

END.

He paused to ponder for a moment as he stifled a smirk, "Hm maybe. Or maybe I am, subconsciously at least." He let out a large gh at the thought, his two cats subliminally changing him from man to feline. Now that would be a first. "Yes ma'am," he nodded while sporting a wide grin, before breaking into a wince, "yeah I'm doing my best. I've got a pretty good record going. Though the last time I did it was kind of earth shattering and turned my world upside down... Or rather right side up?" He asked, his face scrunching a bit, because that hit to the face opened his eyes to the love of his life, right in front of him. "That's good," his lips curling into a smile again, "and hey that's great and glad to hear it. Also I hear the nurse is very pretty and super sweet. Not that she'll need the nurse, but just in case ya know." @samaraxcastro

[samaraxcastro]

Samara welcomed the hug, her arms instinctively wrapping around him like it was a natural thing to do. There was still something that felt familiar about Spencer, despite her having only met him recently. "That's great news," there was a spark in her eye with his admittance that he planned to stick around. It was a feeling she had not felt in many years, almost unrecognizable at first. "No," laughter pressed her lips into a smile, "no more mystery dates I have to complain about. Just the one," she teased, as if she had gone home and complained about dinner with him. It had gone surprisingly well, considering they hadn't meant to have dinner together in the first place. "Looking for some art pieces for your place?" She questioned, pointing to the piece he had been admiring before she interrupted him. @spencerredding

He'd been admiring a piece of artwork, lost in his thoughts when he heard someone speaking his voice. Not many people in this town knew him yet, and he couldn't deny that he didn't mind that. Being able to start fresh in a place where no one really knew him had been a huge achievement in his grieving process. So he was already a little on guard, but also certain no one was calling his name anyways. He was still getting used to going by Spencer after all. It was the tap of his shoulder that made him turn around, his lips forming into a smile when he realized who it was. "Samara, hi." he greeted, leaning in to hug her. He let it linger for just a moment, taking in the smell of her shampoo, doing his best to engrave it to his memory. He wanted to remember that smell for the rest of his life. "Yeah, I think I'm going to stick around for awhile." he admitted. He truthfully had no desire to leave, now or likely ever but that was to be decided. "How've you been? Any more mystery dinner dates you need to complain about?" he winked, both joking that she'd complained about him but also offering a listening ear if that's what she needed. @samaraxcastro

[samaraxcastro]

Samara wished that she could solve other's problems in an instant. She wished she could solve her own problems in an instant. That her words would be the magic that people needed to feel better. Though, Samara knew better than that it didn't stop her from trying. From wanting to help people to get to the point where they could live their lives again. Unapologetically. "I hear you. It makes sense that you would want control." Especially after not being in control. "You're trying to keep the people you love safe and there's nothing wrong with that." Samara stated softly, "Wyatt does that because he loves you. That does not mean he's going to resent you." She reached up, tucking a piece of her own hair behind her ear. "I'd be surprised if your family needed less of you. Rather what they might need is a version of you that trusts they're stronger than the worst-case fears that overtake your thoughts." Her voice remained steady as she spoke. @nelxruiz

Penelope lowered her gaze as the other spoke. Perhaps to protect herself, but she was taking in what Samara told her, letting the words sink in to process them before she would consider answering. She knew that it wasn't going to be solved with a snap of the finger, but she really wanted it to. If only it was as easy as flicking a switch in her mind and leaving it behind her. She wasn't as strong as she always believed herself to be. She survived falling down a third floor balcony and walked away from it too, for this to be what actually broke her was something she never saw coming. "I'm scared it'll destroy my family." Nel admitted after a while, looking up again so she could properly face the woman's eyes. "Like I'll be too overbearing and too protective of my son. Wyatt has been dropping everything when I had a bad day." And there had been plenty. "What if they'll end up despising me for it? What if they leave?" @samaraxcastro

[samaraxcastro]

“‘We’ve known each other forever,’ she said. ‘I can hardly remember not knowing you. It’s hard to remember the days before you. I don’t even know if there were any.’”

— David Guterson, Snow Falling on Cedars (via thelovejournals)

[samaraxcastro]

Samara watched as Ruby placed her head into her hands. It was a motion that she was all too familiar with, even for herself. She listened, wanting to take in the full scope of what Ruby was going through, what she was feeling with having her daughter reappear in her life after all these years. "It makes a lot of sense that you see yourself in her." She saw her own self in her daughters, well now, just daughter. "But, to me," she started, "it sounds like you want to break that cycle and you don't want her to feel alone like you once did." Her tongue wet her lips as she paused, "The desire to be there for her, even when its most uncomfortable is you growing, Ruby, even if you can't see that right now." Samara spoke softly, as she did with all her patients. "There are plenty of ways you can start to invite openness between the two of you." She crossed on leg over the other, "You can share something personal with her, in a more casual setting that isn't too heavy. Or what about suggesting a weekly or bi weekly activity with her. That would allow for some predictability that might allow her to open up." @rubyelliot

It felt good to have a safe space to discuss everything she was going through emotionally. Not that she didn't talk to Riley about it, she did. He understood those feelings because he had lived them too. Ruby had put her head in her hands, the tears she had been holding back for months slowly streaming down her face. It was something that had so heavily weighed on her heart. At Samara's suggestion, Ruby pulled her head from her hands, wiping the warm, salty tears. "I would really like that, I think it would be a good start." Her voice was shaky, yet confident that it could help with the situation. "It's really hard. I look at her, how reserved and nervous she is about opening up. All I can see is myself in her." Ruby said with a pause before continuing. "I closed myself off so much to protect myself at her age from my parents. Opening up to people is still something I struggle with." There was only a handful of people with whom she was closest that she really, truly let into her life. @samaraxcastro