sanctuarymade - Tumblr blog

[sanctuarymade]

PSA . i'm going to be making one last attempt to continue roleplaying on tumblr. i'll be making a new blog, a multimuse, with both my ocs and canons. i'm going to be completely revamping, re-establishing canons, and dropping all threads. i also won't be posting the new url here. if you'd like to stay in contact/maintain mutuals/keep muse dynamics, like this post and i'll send you the new url! if not, it's been real.

[sanctuarymade]

PSA . i'm going to be making one last attempt to continue roleplaying on tumblr. i'll be making a new blog, a multimuse, with both my ocs and canons. i'm going to be completely revamping, re-establishing canons, and dropping all threads. i also won't be posting the new url here. if you'd like to stay in contact/maintain mutuals/keep muse dynamics, like this post and i'll send you the new url! if not, it's been real.

[sanctuarymade]

You smell like him. And the voice, too. Same fucking voice.

Tom at the Farm (2013), dir. Xavier Dolan

[sanctuarymade]

some people say a man is made out of mud a poor man's made out of muscle and blood muscle and blood and skin and bones a mind that's weak and a back that's strong i was born one morning, it was drizzlin' rain fightin' and trouble are my middle name i was raised in the canebrake by an old mama lion can't no high-toned woman make me walk the line you load sixteen tons, what do you get? another day older and deeper in debt saint peter don't you call me, 'cause i can't go i owe my soul to the company store

[sanctuarymade]

                       “   ROMAN BRIDGER ,   DIRECTOR    —     AND BROTHER .   ”

              ind + sel   roman bridger   from    wes craven’s scream 3.

[sanctuarymade]

the fact that a gifset i made in 2015 for a niche fandom that has less than 300 notes on it can appear on my dashboard eight years and countless blogs later, by someone i had no connection to when i made it feels fucking illegal.

[sanctuarymade]

because sometimes there are invisible tests and invisible rules and you're just supposed to ... know the rule. someone you thought of as a friend asks you for book recommendations, so you give her a list of like 30 books, each with a brief blurb and why you like it. later, you find out she screenshotted the list and send it out to a group chat with the note: what an absolute freak can you believe this. you saw the responses: emojis where people are rolling over laughing. too much and obsessive and actually kind of creepy in the comments. you thought you'd been doing the right thing. she'd asked, right? an invisible rule: this is what happens when you get too excited.

you aren't supposed to laugh at your own jokes, so you don't, but then you're too serious. you're not supposed to be too loud, but then people say you're too quiet. you aren't supposed to get passionate about things, but then you're shy, boring. you aren't supposed to talk too much, but then people are mad when you're not good at replying.

you fold yourself into a prettier paper crane. since you never know what is "selfish" and what is "charity," you give yourself over, fully. you'd rather be empty and over-generous - you'd rather eat your own boundaries than have even one person believe that you're mean. since you don't know what the thing is that will make them hate you, you simply scrub yourself clean of any form of roughness. if you are perfect and smiling and funny, they can love you. if you are always there for them and never admit what's happening and never mention your past and never make them uncomfortable - you can make up for it. you can earn it.

don't fuck up. they're all testing you, always. they're tolerating you. whatever secret club happened, over a summer somewhere - during some activity you didn't get to attend - everyone else just... figured it out. like they got some kind of award or examination that allowed them to know how-to-be-normal. how to fit. and for the rest of your life, you've been playing catch-up. you've been trying to prove that - haha! you get it! that the joke they're telling, the people they are, the manual they got- yeah, you've totally read it.

if you can just divide yourself in two - the lovable one, and the one that is you - you can do this. you can walk the line. they can laugh and accept you. if you are always-balanced, never burdensome, a delight to have in class, champagne and glittering and never gawky or florescent or god-forbid cringe: you can get away with it.

you stare at your therapist, whom you can make jokes with, and who laughs at your jokes, because you are so fucking good at people-pleasing. you smile at her, and she asks you how you're doing, and you automatically say i'm good, thanks, how are you? while the answer swims somewhere in your little lizard brain:

how long have you been doing this now? mastering the art of your body and mind like you're piloting a puppet. has it worked? what do you mean that all you feel is... just exhausted. pick yourself up, the tightrope has no net. after all, you're cheating, somehow, but nobody seems to know you actually flunked the test. it's working!

aren't you happy yet?

[sanctuarymade]

bastien and jules.

tell me you need me,  icarus says and his lips are shivering against your sunburned skin, tell me you need me, tell me you can’t fucking breathe without the scent of my cologne or the taste of my skin under your tongue.

tell me you love me, please, tell me that all the flesh i burn and all the blood i swallow underwater is worth it.

tell me you won’t leave me.

r. meisel

@lovcdandlost / @chaoscajun

[sanctuarymade]

JONATHAN TUCKER as JAY KULINA in KINGDOM (2014 - 2017) 03x01 | WOLF TICKETS

[sanctuarymade]

“I don’t understand.”

[sanctuarymade]

♢      —        send  [ THEY’RE A 10 BUT … ]  and finish it in my muse’s inbox.

[sanctuarymade]

𝐌𝐔𝐒𝐄’𝐒 𝐇𝐀𝐍𝐃𝐖𝐑𝐈𝐓𝐈𝐍𝐆 go here and pick out a font which resembles your muse's handwriting the closest.

[sanctuarymade]

OOC. gonna try to do a soft reboot this weekend. gonna clear out my drafts from everything except what i actively intend to respond to. might end up dropping a few threads/dynamics completely but if i do that i'll make a full post about it. i've been drifting farther and farther from tumblr lately and this is my last ditch attempt to reclaim the means of serotonin production.

[sanctuarymade]

I have a tab open and it still has the old tumblr dash and it seems to stay that way as long as I don't refresh. Guess it's time to never ever ever close this tab ever again.

[sanctuarymade]

OOC. gonna try to do a soft reboot this weekend. gonna clear out my drafts from everything except what i actively intend to respond to. might end up dropping a few threads/dynamics completely but if i do that i'll make a full post about it. i've been drifting farther and farther from tumblr lately and this is my last ditch attempt to reclaim the means of serotonin production.

[sanctuarymade]

being debilitatingly touch starved is so embarrassing tbh. like ooo look at me im so big and tough and strong unless someone hugs me and then i completely forget how to function. oooo look im extremely anxious about physical contact and im constantly daydreaming about being held. ooooo look even the slightest touch makes me hyperaware of my skin and i'll cry if someone ruffles my hair. oooooo look i cant sleep without hugging a pillow and being buried under a weighted blanket bc im so lonely that it manifests as physical symptoms. like what??? im literally clinically unloved that's so CRINGE ahdjk

[sanctuarymade]

KINCAID BROTHERS CHEAT SHEET

FORD.

oldest

bisexual

owns/manages/tends bar at kincaid's. lives upstairs.

has all but literally been a single father since childhood

learned to change a diaper and warm a bottle when he was five years old and has been taking care of everyone around him ever since

would die for his baby brothers in a heartbeat

well known for taking in strays (human and animal alike)

self worth and identity issues

SAWYER

middle child and it shows

pansexual

whore

recovering addict

undiagnosed adhd

co-owner, tattoo artist at mayhem tattoos

way more codependent on ford than anyone (even ford) knows

commitment issues and fear of abandonment oh my god

will purposefully strain any relationships (friendship/romantic/etc.) to see if the other person will leave

RALEIGH

the baby. frequently takes advantage of that fact

gray asexual. biromantic. attitude toward sex fluctuates. he's figuring it out.

the quiet one

the kincaid that looks least like his brothers: blonde hair and green eyes as opposed to ford and sawyers brown hair and blues. also the shortest

ex military, discharged after an ied injury. began working for the police afterward. looking into going to school for social work

doesn't drink. will go to kincaids to play pool and drink soda though

the only kincaid who went to therapy hallelujah

still has intimacy issues, but trying to do better