19they/themIcon by scoobydoodean
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reallyyy specific, but do you have any fic recs for circa season 6 about dean emotionally cheating/actually cheating on lisa with other men or castiel? or just anything with internalized homophobia/ comphet dean as a theme
so you could start with the paradox of free will by laguardiere. which i don't think is taking a gay dean perspective but is about dean having an emotional affair w lisa.
houndoom has one that almost exactly fits your request called my girl's in the next room.
i've deffo written at least one, it's called three card stud. so much smoke in a hall of mirrors, surveil and punish, one more thing you can do for me [which was inspired by another work, which is worth checking out], and he's gonna take my files are also kind of variations on this theme, but aren't exactly what you're asking for. he's gonna take my files is probably your closest bet.
i also have a rec list of season six fics specifically, let me dig that up and reblog it. in particular there's some fics by thraced on there that may be of interest to you. thraced is one of the few authors i've found that gets the vibes right in season six overall.
does anyone else know if i'm forgetting something.
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Adam Siao Him Fa (FRA)
2024 World Championship Free Skate (206.90)
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what if dean and sam went to like a comic con, and while sam is just laughing about how stupid and silly all the merch and cut outs are dean is just like,, secretly buying cas merch. like the little castiel plushy and like a shirt with some stupid cas quote…what if man..
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DEAN WINCHESTER — 1.22 Devil’s Trap
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i think dean reads a lot of mystery novels and annoys the shit out of everyone in his life by correctly solving the mystery within the first quarter of the book
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"how did cas know about the deancave but sam didn't?" bitch do you think all that furniture brought itself in? cas was out there hauling it in, a solid wood bookshelf under one arm, a foosball table under the other, meanwhile dean was in there like, ok my empty liquor bottle collection will go here, a zeppelin poster will go hereee
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dean asking sam to explain why and how he’s so buddy buddy with ruby and what went on while Dean was dead and then Sam firing back nastily with “ok let’s trade stories. what happened in hell? Don’t spare the details” as if the two situations are in any way the same. Sam’s four months of grief is in no way on the same level as dean’s 40 yrs of gruesome torture. And sam is being cruel using that, knowing dean does not want to talk abt it, as a way to deflect so he can continue to keep his secrets abt the demon blood and his true relationship w/ ruby, bc he knows dean will drop the subject once he starts pressing him abt hell.
#soooo fucked up for this#and then sam wonders why dean doesn’t want to tell him his feelings and shit#i wouldn’t either!!!
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i know for a fact i am not the first person to make this post but. they should have had kathryn newton play apocalypse world cas. it could have been SO fun and juicy.
#yes yes yippee#she would’ve been so good and it would’ve been SUCH a good confrontation for Cas#this version of him that does not care#that wouldn’t have spared Claire that fate#that would’ve looked at Jimmy dying and felt nothing but the mission#oh man oh boy#and kathryn newton would’ve killed it!!!
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I do love the first "shop-talk" scene in 4x02:
and not just because it effortlessly, primally occurs in THE KITCHEN MY SPECIAL INTEREST (and it's a late-night kitchen-talk at that... how intimate!) There's just... so much more to this scene that I want to ramble about!
First, there's something so adorably "big brother" about Dean taking the floor while Sam gets the couch:
But in terms of symbols...
In this dreamscape, the living room represents a known place. It’s a familiar territory, a space shaped by childhood and the daily rhythms of a little brother Dean knows like his own heartbeat.
In this shot with Sam, we see "an open window" and the clearly lit figure of the kid Dean grew up with—(well raised, really).
Here, Dean knows the rules. He knows how to move, how to deflect, how to care. He knows his mission. His role. His scripted lines.
BUT
Here, the kitchen is different. Murkier. It’s not representing the known rhythms of childhood. It's an emerging, liminal, domestic space.
The windows are flanked by shutters, filtering the light. There’s no clear view to be had... only silhouettes and suggestion. (This is the space of adulthood. Of individuation. Rawness, fear, and confusion abound!)
Unlike their first meeting, Cas doesn’t burst in with wings and thunder. He stands still. Quiet. Mysterious. Secretive? A stranger, yes—but one who already sees Dean in ways that unsettle him.
And ofc, this isn’t just a conversation. It’s a visitation—a mythic moment that happens while Dean is vulnerably caught between states: sleep and waking, safety and fear, childhood and transformation.
Cas is imposing, a low-level threat presence, but he waits for Dean to approach.
Aaaaaaaaaand
CAS: Excellent job with the witnesses.
Cas opens with shop talk. It’s clinical. Detached. The tone is 10000% at odds with the intimate motif of the dark kitchen. We've somehow launched straight into the "We raised you out of Hell for work," vibes, like Dean is a mission parameter, not a person.
But it’s not cruelty—it’s just his angelic default. It’s how Cas knows how to speak. Orders. Objectives.
War room briefings.
And Dean seems… strangely betrayed by this.
Not because Cas has done something obviously cruel, but because of what’s missing—human warmth, care, acknowledgment. (You were hip to all this? You did nothing? You?)
Dean is offended, even affronted—but beneath that, he’s clearly craving some kind of warmth.
Who knows why he expects it?
And then—Cas fidgets. Just barely. A shift. A pause.
There's this little "uh" that slips out in his answer. It's such a small thing, but in context, it's HUGE. Dean asked something direct—accusatory, maybe even vulnerable—and Cas can't seem to give a clean answer:
CAS: I was, uh, made aware.
Dean reacts bigly.
What’s endlessly fascinating about this moment to me is that his sense of betrayal seems soooo genuinely emotional. His pivot to sarcasm—"Well, thanks a lot for the angelic assistance"—quickly escalates into something almost childlike: "I almost got my heart ripped out of my chest!"
First, the line reads like an appeal: "Don’t you care that I was in danger? *I* was in danger!" It reads like he's low-key fishing for a reaction, testing whether Cas felt any way about that fact.
Second, his body language zeroes in on his own chest—his heart. He gestures forcefully, repeatedly. It’s not just verbal—it’s visceral, almost like his body is trying to say what his words can’t: Don't you care? Don’t you feel? I'm hurt. Worry about me!!!!
And Cas?
Cas answers with a flat, "But you didn't."
It’s even. Unbothered. It lands like a brush-off, like he’s reducing Dean’s very real, very human fear to a statistical non-event.
You’re overreacting. That’s the subtext Dean picks up here.
Which of course causes Dean to get even more huffy:
DEAN: "I thought angels were supposed to be guardians—fluffy wings, halos—you know, Michael Landon. Not dicks."
And well. It's another appeal, really. Dean's saying, "I thought you were supposed to protect us. Protect me."
But also it's so funny because Dean is low-key insulting him. He's of course testing Cas—feeling him out, trying to see if Cas even CARES, but it's so hilarious, too. They're already sniping!
Cas remains stubbornly even. Stoic. Hard.
CAS: "Read the bible. I'm a soldier."
(It reads like: "So what if I AM a dick, Dean? What then? Beware. I'm cruel. I'm warning you. THIS is what I am.")
But I love how Dean remains obstinate nevertheless. ("Yeah? A soldier, huh? Why didn’t you fight?") And Cas doesn't give. ("I’m not here to perch on your shoulder.")
Their attitudes clash, beat for fucking beat!!!! Cas sways forward aggressively, squaring up like he's starting to get a bit ruffled by Dean’s testing: "We had larger concerns."
Excuses, excuses.
It spirals further as Dean starts mining for more—emotional—information. "Concerns? There were people getting torn to shreds down here!”
Again, he's in a coded way feeling out if Cas cares about PEOPLE: "Don't you care?"
(Don't you care don't you care don't you CARE?)
Because here's the kicker: There’s something about Cas that makes Dean suspect he does.
Maybe it’s the way Cas holds himself. Or when he chooses to look away—shame, maybe?—or maybe just how Cas settles his breathing when challenged. (Cas stiffens and digests things in ways that read like guilt.)
Whatever it is, Dean picks up on those small signs and it TOTALLY emboldens him to keep hurling his emotions at him!
The conversation goes even deeper after that, lurching into dangerous territory for both, territory about values and Faith.
DEAN: “And by the way, while all this is going on, where the hell is your boss, huh? If there is a God? ... I’m not convinced. Because if there is a God, what the hell is he waiting for, huh?”
And throughout this entire exchange, Cas’s doubts are visible in his body language.
Frankly, I think that’s what gives Dean the courage to push so hard. It’s like he sees through the armor, maybe thinking to himself: "Jeez, maybe this angel doubts all this bullshit, too."
Unfortunately for Dean, when Dean breaks, he breaks wide open.
DEAN: "What the hell is he waiting for, huh? Genocide? Monsters roaming the earth?" This is very raw. "The freaking apocalypse? At what point does he lift a damn finger? And help the poor bastards that are stuck down here?"
For some reason—some maddening, magnetic reason, whether it’s the nonverbal cues or recently dying and going to Hell or whatever—it just cracks Dean apart. Even as he’s trying to get Cas to break, to flinch, to feel, it’s Dean who’s unraveling.
Of course it’s also: At what point do YOU lift a finger? Why didn’t you help ME? I almost died. Other people DID. That’s the real question pulsing underneath Dean’s rant. He’s not just condemning Heaven. He’s confronting Cas the individual as much as his own crisis of faith and disappointment.
And Cas... Cas breaks eye contact. He has to.
Not arguing. Just… withdrawing. Retreating into formality. He defaults to a scripted line... doctrine:
At that—Dean explodes.
Why won’t Cas meet him halfway? They’re not on the same emotional wavelength at all. Dean is so frustrated!
And yet, with Dean's "So help me, I will kick your ass!" comes a turning point. Cas literally throws up his hands, and it’s beautiful because it also shows a yielding.
It's a small, rare sign that Cas is finally letting Dean’s truth reach him.
An "Okay, fine."
Dean breathes a beautiful little sigh of relief at that yielding. His shoulders relax. It felt good to get all that out.
Like maybe he feels like—oh my God, hey—maybe they actually got somewhere. Maybe now they can finally really talk.ey can finally really talk. His shoulders relax. It felt good to get all that out...
But then!
Then, adorably, Dean’s eyes dart around in a panic.
Because Dean’s brave to a fault—but even he’s thinking, WHAT THE FUUUUUCK AM I DOING? WHAT THE FUCK DID I JUST SAY????
When Dean peeks at Cas again, it’s different.
The air between them has cleared a little bit. There’s a new kind of honesty between them now: raw, foundational, and open.
Dean feels it, and he tentatively broaches that new space. (Because Cas yields—softening just a bit, nonverbally—Dean feels comfortable enough to try.)
So he moves a little closer to Cas, mirrors his body language, and speaks to him like a fellow soldier...
This shoptalk too is yet another coded appeal. It's a: "Please talk to me. Tell me something."
Cas shifts uneasily, throwing out another clipped company line: "big things afoot."
But then!!!!
Then Cas decides to tell him... what he can.
"But you need to know," is code for, "I'll tell you what I can." It functions as a bit of rationalized logic. You NEED to know, so it's okay if I tell you.
And so, they fall easily into what will become their infamous rhythm. As Dean moves forward to tentatively join Cas by the sink, Cas can’t help but lean in just a little—another subtle fidget.
They're swaying into each other's space.
As they inch closer, testing one another, the light from the blinds slices across their faces, casting all these sharp lines and shadows.
And as they test each other and throw their frustrations and emotions at one another, they see each other a little more clearly.
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today is a beautiful day to think about cas telling sam he finds the sound of his voice grating
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i know there's like a genre of funny posts that are like "it's crazy that celestial eternal ancient cosmic angelic being castiel fell in love with a denim and flannel corn bottom from hicksville kansas"
but like. the thing is that cas fell in love with dean because dean is incredible! because dean cares about everyone and the whole world so much! because he's selfless and silly and makes space in the world for the misfits and specifically made space for cas to break away from all the programming and rules and fucked up shit that had shaped his whole life before that and to be the caring, loving person that cas really is as well! like cas fell in love with dean because dean is really really great!!!
(and for the record you can be incredible and selfless and caring and so in love with the world that you love it more than god and it shows through all of your actions and be a denim and flannel wearing bottom from kansas)
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saw your post about spn hot takes and i just wanted to ask why do you think only dean experienced time dilation in hell?
Dean and John are the only two characters who are ever ever ever confirmed as experiencing time dilation in hell. Adam spent ten years per a sentence from Michael, multiple characters confirm that Sam only spent a year in the pit, and if time dilation happened to other characters Crowley would be much older than he actually says he is and whenever the Winchesters pop into hell for something it would be used as a plot point (ex: when the Winchesters were apparently running "out of time" on the second trial. That wouldn't be an issue if hell had time dilation).
Anyway, Dean is the only character who verbally confirms that there was time dilation. Alastair does say that John also experienced it, but (for numerous reasons that would be a whole different post) I think he was lying. It would also make much more sense that Dean specifically had to experience time dilation during his time in hell because Heaven/Hell were on a tight timeline and needed Dean to break and they needed him to break quickly.
All of that is to say, they really put Dean in a specific torture chamber that was designed specifically to make him go insane and it took 30 entire years and I'm going to never shut up about it.
#this this this#also#if sam was actually in the pit for like a bajillion years we would have never heard the end of it
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There's a lot of queers out there that find it hard to plan for a future wherein society doesn't want them in it. Can you offer a queer reading list of queer folx who have resisted authoritarian regimes? Any particular figures that stand out? Quotes? Are there other Claude Cahuns in history to offer inspiration in these times? Any stories of support networks that persisted throughout the AIDs genocide like the San Diego Blood Sisters? I'm sorry for so many questions; this topic has been weighing heavily on me.
I absolutely understand this, and I have some stories for you.
For articles:
George Everett Klippert tells the story of a man who changed the shape of a country because he was loved.
Jackie Shane tells the story of a trans woman of colour in the fifties who had a happier story than you'd expect.
Simon Tseko Nkoli tells the story of a man who fought back.
Elvira de la Fuente Chaudoir, A.K.A Agent Bronx tells the story of a woman who survived.
For books (affiliate links below) :
The Women's House of Detention
A Queer History of a Forgotten Prison
Hugh Ryan
The Freaks Came Out to Write
The Definitive History of the Village Voice, the Radical Paper That Changed American Culture
Tricia Romano
Liberated
The Radical Art and Life of Claude Cahun
Kaz Rowe
Nothing Ever Just Disappears
Seven Hidden Queer Histories
Diarmuid Hester
The Faggots and Their Friends Between Revolutions
Larry Mitchell (Author), Ned Asta (Illustrator)
Double Cross
The True Story of the D-Day Spies
Ben MacIntyre
The New Queer Conscience
Adam Eli
If you need hope, take it from here.
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@vampires-ofwisco you know
women with deadpan humor get behind me. a man is about to miss your joke and explain that what you said is not accurate
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many worry about pro-shippers when they should be worried about the pro-letariat........liberation awaits and the only fanon you should be discussing is frantz
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