saniyasyeda

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© koni | ◇ Do not edit!

[saniyasyeda]

Stuff Eiji Can No Longer Do (contains spoilers of Banana Fish)

me and my best friend wrote these all last night after she finished Banana Fish, and I wanna cherish these so enjoy the pain and angst :) @velveticamoon

- eiji will never be able to look at pumpkins the same way, it reminds him of how ash’s fear of them.

- After hearing about ash’s death, eiji never be able to sit at libraries, let alone walk into one, it reminds him of how ash sat alone, hurting all by himself.

- eiji cant stand the tatse of natto or the smell of that fish anymore because ash didn’t like them.

- eiji doesn’t read comics anymore because ash used to buy/give him money to buy comics for him.

- eiji can’t wake up other people anymore because it keeps reminding him of how he would struggle to wake ash up.

- eiji hates avacodos and shrimps, they were ash’s favourite food.

(we were screaming at this point in the convo, we just kept adding on to the pain 😃)

- EIJI CANT STAND MUSTARD ANYMORE CUZ ASH LOVED IT - ESPECIALLY WHEN IT WAS RLLY STRONG BUT EIJI COULDNT STAND IT THEM ASH WOULD MAKE FUN OF HIM FOR IT AND NOW HE CANT STAND IT AT ALL.

- before, because of ash, eiji was able to pole vault again, but now that he’s gone, eiji can’t bring himself to pole vault, or touch or see anything of pole vaulting.

- EIJI HATES THE COLOUR EMERALD GREEN AND DOES EVERYTHING TO AVOID IT.

- HE NEVER GETS HIS EARS PIERCED BECAUSE HE THINKS BACK TO WHEN ASH GAVE AWAY HIS EARRING.

- HE ALWAYS CUTS HIS HAIR SHORT, BECAUSE IF IT GROWS LONG HE SEES ASH.

- EIJI CANT DRINK THE SAME BRAND OF BEER THAT HE AND ASH DRUNK TOGETHER.

- EVERY LONG HAIRED BLONDE MAN REMINDS HIM OF ASH, AND EVERY NOW AND THEN EIJI FORGETS AND RUNS UP TO THEM, BUT THEN HIS HEART BREAKS IN REALIZATION, AND HE WATCHES THE PERSON WHO LOOKS SO MUCH LIKE THE LOVE OF HIS LIFE WALK AWAY FROM HIM, HE FEELS LIKE HE’S LOOSING ASH ALL OVER AGAIN.

- EVERY TIME HE EATS PIZZA HE THINKS BACK TO THAT PARTY THAT HE THREW WITH BONES AND THE OTHER DUDE THREW FOR ASH TO SCARE HIM WITH THE PUMPKINS.

- HE HATES WITCHES BECAUSE HE DRESSED UP AS ONE IN THE HALLOWEEN PARTY HE THREW FOR ASH.

- HE CANT GO IN THE WOODS ANYMORE CUZ HE REMEMBERS WHEN ASH TOLD HIM ABOUT HOW HIS FEAR OF PUMPKINS WAS CAUSED WHEN HE RAN AWAY INTO THE WOODS.

- EIJI HATES HOSPITAL GOWNS BECAUSE THAT WAS THE LAST THING HE WORE BEFORE WATCHING ASH LEAVE FOREVER (this one hurt)

- EIJI HATES BANDAGES AND THE SMELL OF STERILIZER CUZ IT REMINDS HIM OF WHEN HE USED TO TREAT ASH’S WOUNDS.

- HE NEVER WRITES LETTERS ANYMORE BECAUSE HE FEELS LIKE IT’S SOMETHING PERSONAL BETWEEN HIM AND ASH, SOMETIMES EIJI FORGETS AGAIN AND THINKS THAT ASH SENT A LETTER BACK, BUT THEN THAT PAINFUL REALIZATION HITS HIM.

- HE CAN NEVER LOOK AT A GUN AGAIN BECAUSE IT REMINDS HIM OR ASH AND EVERYTHING THEY WENT THROUGH - BUT IN REALITY HE KEEPS THE GUN ASH LOVED TO USE IN A BOX HIDDEN AWAY IN HIS ROOM BECAUSE HE CANT SEEM TO LET GO ( THE MEMORY THAT HURTS HIM THE MOST IS OF ASH TEACHING EIJI HOW TO PROPERLY HOLD A GUN IN THE MEDDOW AND EIJI FALLS APART JUST THINKING ABOUT IT )

- EIJI HAS A COMPLETELY DIFFERENT CLOSET THAT HAS CLOTHES THAT HE WORE WITH ASH, HE NEVER WEARS THEM ONLY BECAUSE HE WANTS TO PRESERVE THE ONLY THING THAT HE HAS THATS CLOSEST TO ASH - EVERY NOW AND THEN WHEN HE’S BREAKING DOWN, HE’LL OPEN THE CLOSET AND EXAMINE THE CLOTHES, RELIVING EACH INDIVIDUAL MEMORY, EVERY NOW AND THEN A SMALL PAINFUL CHUCKLE WOULD COME OUT OF HIM.

- EIJI CANT SIT ON ROOFTOPS ANYMORE BECAUSE IT REMINDS HIM OF THE CONVERSATIONS THAT HE AND ASH WOULD SHARE STANDING ATOP THERE TOGETHER AND THE MERE REMEMBRANCE OF IT MAKES HIM WANNA JUMP.

- IN A SEPARATE BOX HE KEEPS SOME CLOTHES THAT HE MANAGED TO SALVAGE OF ASH’S AND HE PULLS THEM OUT TO HOLD ONTO DURING THOSE NIGHTS WHERE HE MISSES HIM TOO MUCH - HE ALWAYS MAKES SURE NOTHING GETS ONTO THEM AND KEEPS THEM CLEAN - IT DOESNT MATTER WHETHER THERES BLOOD OR HOLES RIPPED INTO THEM, AS LONG AS THEY STILL SMELL LIKE HIM THATS ALL THAT MATTERS TO HIM.

- WHEN HES STUCK ON A PROBLEM FOR HOMEWORK OR SOMETHING HE THINKS BACK TO HOW SMART ASH WAS AND WONDERS HOW FAST IT WOULDVE BEEN FOR HIM TO SOLVE IT.

- whenever eiji stays in a room with two beds, he thinks back to when he and ash would share that condo together. he might even accidentally call the person he was staying with “ash,” and his heart breaks when he realizes that it’s not him he’s rooming with.

- eiji occasionally visits the cape cod and asks if he can stay in ash’s room. even if there’s nothing of his left there now, the ghost of his belongings haunts him as he remembers the boy he loved so much and can never stop thinking about.

- he hates seeing pool tables because that was a prominent item when him and ash first met, and whenever he sees them, he sees flashbacks of every single memory.

- whenever he hears the words “pls stay by my side” in a movie or anything, his heart immediately breaks and he’s thrown back into a flashback of that night where he held ash in his arms as he sobbed his heart out to him. he then beats himself up because he couldn’t stay by his side. (this... she rlly came for our hearts with this one)

- eiji can never love the same, even if he falls in love again, he stays up in fear that he might lose this person too, so he distants himself and closes himself off from the person so eiji doesn’t get attached like he did to ash, he sees ash in every little thing that people do, every now and then, he sees something and gently whispers “ash would like that” “ash would do something like this”. he stays awake wondering what he could’ve done to possibly change this outcome.

- eiji forgets a lot that ash is gone, so every now and then, he’ll ask where ash is or if anyone knows why he isn’t answering his calls/texts. he watches the persons face drop and then turn into a sorry look, and the words hit him like a dozen knives and he’s brought to the painful realization, that the love of his life is gone, the realization that he’ll never be able to hold him in his arms again.

“eiji… ash is no longer here..”

[saniyasyeda]

whose hinata shoyo? i only know Ed Shoyo 😩🙏

[saniyasyeda]

idiots. literal idiots

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