sanjuan8258

[sanjuan8258]

06/09/2020

I’m sitting in my room in my apartment (Cortland view @TPC) Everything was going amazing I was having so much fun I live with my best friend and we literals have been having the best time and we have over came so much together and have passed all the test of friendship so far..... I fucked up I couldn’t pay rent and he had to help me pay 2 moths of rent I payed him back already super quick...I just feel so sad, he stated that I'm acting mean and that Im changing.. truthfully I might be and  I hate that its happening. 

yet again money is a problem looks like I have not yet learned unfortunately. 

on the positive note I have lost weight and I am un the path to going back to school I know what it is to be out and proud I feel like I am so close to telling my family that I am gay.

I miss Pepe because we are like the fairy gayfaters we love to have people over and be that bitch

So I know that I got to really work on myself and really get my shit together because I am about to lose my best friend and lose the best person that has ever been in my life I need to grow up NOW and realize that the road is going to be ugly but hey the top is where im going have fun, I need to stop thinking that I am going to get judged they are literally here for me and understand everything that I will go thorugh, I need to prioritize my shit and realize that FUN isn’t everything I need to be able to say No and not in a sad way or in a boo hoo way. I got to keep going and keep climbing and realize that the people I have In my life at the moment are the ones that will be in it forever, well I hope so haha. 

I can assure you that I really don’t ever want to lose them and that I will give my everything for them I love them and I can’t imagine life with out them. they each have a meaningful part of my heart and have been there for me in different ways. they have not shown me any reason to be mean or to have my guard up at ALL so stop your shit Johnny quit being fucking stupid and realize that you WILL lose them and you will end up alone. 

I promise taht I will stop and that I will live my life as positive as I can and be happy and not see the bad in people I need to have a kind heart and with that being said, I need to have no hate in my heart and have to forgive my dad.

I would have never thought that this day would've came, until now my dad has really fucked me up and really made me miss out on so much and honestly I just need to close that part of my life and move on. 

So dad I hope that you are doing good and that you find someone to love and to actually care for. I hope that you are doing good, thank you for everything that you thought me.. thank you for making me grow up fast. I know that you lived on drugs and drinking I know you are sick I know that you did not want to be like that. I know that you could've been a really good dad. I pray that you find peace and sanity where ever you are. Im sorry that I've been such a ass to you and that I haven’t forgiven you until now I haven’t given you a 2nd chance after you tried. I know that you have failed me in the past but hey if you really didn't mean anything to me I would have let you keep trying and trying even if you failed me after and after. God bless 

[sanjuan8258]

2/07/2019

Well it’s been a year now, so far I’ve gotten a car out completely by myself a year ago this month. I’m now a NRCMA and Certified phlebotomists. I work at a clinic on medical drive in San Antonio living with two of my best friends. It’s sucks because I love them both so much and I know that ya being together has brought out the worst in us. It makes me really sad that I get in to constant arguments with Jessica. Hopefully everything will be ok.

At this point in life I’m about to see if my life will be a hit or miss. I’m trying to get back on my feet and be a better version of myself then I am. I’m excited to announce that I, a gay, am going to be externo of a church retreat. Estoy muy orgulloso de esto. La verdad es que a pasado mucho tiempo que a querido este posesion. Este fin voy pa Del Rio to cut my hair and finally get some tacos. I’ll pick up Luis and come back to San Antonio to go see banda MS. I have a trip planned to go to Cancun but I’m not sure if I should go or not due to me just starting my job and not financially ready for it. I really can’t sleep and I hate it I hate that I need to be dependent of others and I Louth the fact that I’m so mammon’s and I take so much on that I can’t deal with it. I hope that one day I will learn and one day I’ll be ok and able to help out my family after they’ve helped me out so much. I want to prove everyone wrong and I want to be skinny and be gay and find love. I believe the scariest thing it to be in love. At any given moment your heart can break and tear you down completely. To know that and to still give yourself to someone completely is what amazes me and is what I want to experience.

[sanjuan8258]

[sanjuan8258]

[sanjuan8258]

What is gay privilege?

[sanjuan8258]

2/6/17

You live by yourself on 110 west You drive a blue 1995 Toyota Corolla You aren't friends with jasmine or ale anymore Israel is drifting it feels like I can't trust him anymore. I just read the post from before but I'm confused into what the whole thing about Izzy and gorge was about? Was I sad because they were friends and me and Julissa weren't? More then likely. I feel empty. I feel as I'm still not doing anything. I'm in between moving to San Antonio with Jessica or staying in del rio and working and trying to get a car out. In reality staying is a smarter choice but then again San Antonio seems like it's a new start and if I don't take the opportunity I will regret it taking it. "He restores Every heart That is broken." Keep going don't give up if you moved or not then honestly I'm really excited to know if it was then best thing or if you will forever regret it. You can do all things with God so don't lose your faith and keep strong. You will have what you need and who you need by your side. If they aren't then it's for a reason.

[sanjuan8258]

4/15/16

It's crazy to think that there are only 30 more days left of my senior year. At this moment I have just started working at whataburger I have 42 makeup hours to do and all of credit recovery. I need to get my shit together I'm just happy David's coming down this weekend even though his car is messed up after the hail storm. If I'm not living then I want to die. I feel stuck and I'm ashamed of my body but I guess that's all on me to change. Israel and George are fucking while I'm here looking at there love grow while I sit at the bleachers as if it was a bonfire. Loose lips sink ships all the damn time and friendships. I'm overwhelmed with the thought of finally being done with the drama of high school. I miss my best friend. I know we will forever be friends but I can't hold her back if I stay behind I wouldn't want to talk to me either. I guess that's the thing you make yourself someone who people want to talk to and be proud to be friends with. I used to talk to people and now I see them and not a word comes out because they stayed behind in the food chain. Hmm I finally see society's stereotypes of high school at my school. I guess it's just that I wouldn't care about anyone except myself to notice the fighting and bullying going on around me. That's a good thing and a bad thing I'm guessing. Johnny when your reading this in the future just know that shits real and your farther then you were on the day you wrote this. "Hope has a name Peace has a name Love has a name Trust has a name And that name is Jesus Christ" Stay strong don't let dads attitude bring you down because your are always going to be 100% better then him love you so much don't ever quit. You want to move out and at least loose 10 pounds haha.

[sanjuan8258]

I wish I was going to a college that I could be proud of.

“So which college are you going to?”

friend: I’m going to WPI :D friend: Whooo Fordham class of 2016! friend: CORNELL EVER HEARD OF IT? me:snynewpltz

[sanjuan8258]

Golden boy

G..ay O..riginal L..ovable D..evine E..jaculated N..ice

Boy

[sanjuan8258]

You just right through me only if you knew me

Taylor

[sanjuan8258]

Normally I’m not into guys this ripped, but fuuuuck this video is HOT! That cock. And the way it hanging out of his pants. Fuuuuuuuuuck!

[sanjuan8258]

You think I’m not a g o d d e s s ?

[sanjuan8258]

Backseat Shake Off ( Taylor Swift  x Kendrick Lamar Remix) - The Hood Internet

THE HOOD INTERNET are “on tour” San Francisco | Dec 27 | http://ticketf.ly/1sAb9U7 Honolulu | Jan 31 | http://bit.ly/1GMkx0v

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