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My beloved wife got super into baking during the pandemic. We have always loved and bonded over Bake Off. These two things culminated in my beloved being gifted with Paul Hollywoods cook book on bread. He’s the bread king, right? Must know how to make good bread?

Readers. Paul Hollywoods cookbook.

I don’t know if it was laziness or mistranslation but when converting the units to our stupid empirical measuring system someone done Fucked Up.

It doesn’t help that Mr. Paulywood is already very spare with his instruction and method. It called for an absolutely absurd amount of yeast, first off. About three times as much yeast as a reasonable person would need to make bread rise but perhaps Mr. Hollywood is compensating.

Next it wanted an egregious amount of salt. Both of us paused over the measurement, hesitating to get on board with such a high salt content. But he’s Mr Bread so we went with it, opting not to tweak the recipe until we’d tried it his way at least once.

It. Was. Awful.

Truly the most repulsive bread either of us had ever had. The loaf was dubbed Paul’s Salty Mess and lives in infamy to this day.

It took two more bakes for my beloved to actually find a proportion of ingredients that was actually agreeable to consume. This involved researching the difference between UK and US yeast which I think we can all agree the editor should have done, as well as finding the the metric recipe on Paul's website to compare. Even the non-fucked up one was still egregiously salty.

The recipe is now highly annotated and the rest of the book regarded with suspicion.

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A lot of things portrayed or marketed as bows are actually something else. So how can we tell the difference?

If you like bows, I use them also on Patreon

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Where are they now: little German boy

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Children please stop calling the slightest hint of sexual desire “gooning” I’m going to strangle all of you

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Apparently it's a SWERF group that's responsible for the takedowns on itch.

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Couple + Sibling/relative third wheel is honestly an S-tier trio dynamic and I wish we saw more of this in media.

"You are my soulmate. We are forged together by battle and tears and love. Also my brother's coming along."

"Yo."

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Reading the new checks that might come in due to the Online Safety Act in the UK and this is actually bullshit

[Image Transcript:

And how will I prove my age?

There’s a number of methods a site or app might use to ask you to confirm your age. They might do this check themselves or use another company to do the check. These methods include:

Facial age estimation – you show your face via photo or video, and technology analyses it to estimate your age. 

Open banking – you give permission for the age-check service to securely access information from your bank about whether you are over 18. The age-check service then confirms this with the site or app.

Digital identity services – these include digital identity wallets, which can securely store and share information which proves your age in a digital format.

Credit card age checks – you provide your credit card details and a payment processor checks if the card is valid. As you must be over 18 to obtain a credit card this shows you are over 18.

Email-based age estimation – you provide your email address, and technology analyses other online services where it has been used – such as banking or utility providers - to estimate your age.  

Mobile network operator age checks – you give your permission for an age-check service to confirm whether or not your mobile phone number has age filters applied to it. If there are no restrictions, this confirms you are over 18. 

Photo-ID matching – this is similar to a check when you show a document. For example, you upload an image of a document that shows your face and age, and an image of yourself at the same time – these are compared to confirm if the document is yours.

End Transcript.]

Not only is this such a fucking breach of privacy, but this is going to hurt adults in vulnerable and abusive situations. Some adults don’t have bank accounts or credit cards or even a fucking phone. I’m one of them. I could not give half of this information even if I wanted to. What the fuck is this. Fuck the UK government. This isn’t going to protect kids, this is just going to hurt adults, and I know full well when they say “sites that allow pornography” they’re going to be going after sites that have huge amounts of queer content, like tumblr and Ao3. Queer kids are gonna lose their fucking communities because of this shit. Abuse victims are going to lose online support systems because of this.

I’m genuinely fucked off about this, and worried about whether I’m going to lose every single one of my online friends. Anyone in the UK, please email your MP and sign this petition. It needs to reach 100k signatures to pass through Parliament.

I’m only hoping the backlash will be big enough for them to stop implementing these measures.

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Making Zopf for the store potluck, for morale (obtained by people telling me that it's good)

somehow instead of saying "as a treat", I've started using the phrase "for morale", as if my body is a ship and its crew, and I (the captain) have to keep us in high spirits, lest we suffer a mutiny in the coming days.

and so I will eat this small block of fancy cheese, for morale. I will take a break and drink some tea, for morale. I will pick up that weird bug, for morale.

I'm not sure if it helps, but it does entertain me

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"back on my bullshit" in reference to recurring hyperinterests dating back to middle school and beyond

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Is there a food you don't like that is considered very popular?

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Recycled tumblr humor

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big fan of when some edgelord isolates himself from the world hiding in his menacing magical castle, only for his future love interest to ram down the doors like YO BITCH! i live here now

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most murders are committed be people known to the victim, but next to zero murders are committed by men with meat hooks for fingers, so children are statistically safer around meat fingers than anyone else.

There's probably a name for this logical fallacy but I'm too tired to look it up right now.