sarangoh

[sarangoh]

skip to loafer chapter 71 analysis // spoilers

the chase for the perfect motherhood: for many chapters, we had the chance to hear the monster; now, it's finally time for the scientist to share her side.

the play is about to start, but the story has been going on for a while. for a long time, we had the chance to listen to shima and understand his side like never before, and now, it's time to stop and listen to the side of those who made the mistake. it's finally time for the scientist to give her account of the creation of the monster.

it's very difficult for me not to feel empathy for shima's mother in the present, but unfortunately there's no other way out for her than to reap the fruits that she herself planted. which makes me feel even more sorry for her, since i can understand that she was doing her best to do what she thought was right, but unfortunately the truth came out when it was too late.

in my opinion, motherhood is one of the hardest things in the world, especially when you have no support network whatsoever. you have to, all by yourself, raise a human being in the way you understand to be the best, giving them what you believe to be all the best opportunities you can give. but of course, we are all living life for the first time, so making mistakes is almost impossible.

we don't know exactly what yuki's family life was like and everything that really happened until sousuke came into her life. what we do know is that she lived in a completely abusive relationship and that she had a child with a man who doesn't even remember that he is a father. when we look at it from this perspective, we can understand where all the fear and control that she began to place on shima came from.

motherhood, loneliness. a home, a life, a new world in her hands. the fear of losing her child, the fear of making her child suffer, the anxiety of giving him everything she always believed to be good. the glass dome, the external pressure, the fear of others. the need to protect.

the problem is that, at some point, fear and overprotection dissolved into abuse.

it is undeniable that misaki takamatsu has a writing style that shows the characters' pain without turning them into villains. even if we only have one side of the story for many chapters, at some point the other person will have their chance to speak and the reader will be able to gain a little more depth about this character's life. but, of course, the story simulates a human life, so it is to be expected that the reactions and consequences will also be completely human.

i remember writing, in my analysis of chapter 68, that taiga was both a salvation and a tragedy in shima's life. a salvation for having given him the chance to be a child for a while, a tragedy for having been the butterfly effect that would cause all the subsequent events involving shima and ririka's careers (more details in my analysis). now, taiga once again fulfills this role and finally forces shima's mother to face her own flaws by exposing all her mistakes, something that everyone around her did know and gossiped about (which even shima knew about), but never had enough courage (or strength or they simply didn't care) to face her.

having all her actions exposed so coldly in front of yuki doesn't make her angry, but rather makes her finally see all the pain she had been subjecting her son to for so many years. the fog that covered her eyes, which she believed so much was care, finally disappeared, revealing something much more painful.

and she does what many parents can't do, or simply don't want to do, don't think it's right, don't see any point in it: she apologizes to her son and starts seeking treatment. when she says she's going to the hospital, i interpret it as her seeking psychological help to understand where she went wrong and how she can move forward from here. her life has changed, she found someone who makes her feel good and who takes care of sousuke. her son can finally be free to be whoever he wants to be...but what was done is already done.

it's understandable how angry shima feels about his mother and why he's so reluctant to open up and give her a new chance. for years, he didn't have a mother who was there or someone who took care of him the way a mother should. the wound that opened and remained exposed for so many years cannot heal overnight: it takes years and years of trial and error until the pain begins to be more tolerable than agonizing.

shima has been showing a desire to change ever since he took the initiative and invited his mother to go see his play. this is a huge step, which is the result of a lot of struggle on his part to want to change and find his own happiness. shima's growth is very explicit and palpable, being explored in several chapters — but it still needs a lot of work.

the story of the two still needs a lot of forgiveness to start moving forward. yuki also needs to forgive himself, just as shima needs to forgive himself. the struggle to find a healthy relationship between mother and son requires a lot, a lot of work and dedication, which i believe has already started on both of their parts. but, if shima decides, after all, that he doesn’t want to have any relationship with his mother, he’s in the right to do so and it’s his choice to make.

i hope that yuki one day finds the strength to be the mother she always dreamed of being in sousuke's life. i am very happy to know that now there is someone who is willing to help her and who treats her son with immense respect, as a stepfather should be. i'm also happy that she had a new chance with kieri, but sad that she can't change the past. 

now, for sousuke, i hope this play is his way of letting off steam and finally accepting this monster that lives inside him. embracing his past self so that both of them can move forward. taking all the scraps you left behind and analyzing what is still valid to be used in your new life and what needs to finally be left behind.

life is made of successes and mistakes, of scars that we cause to others and that are caused in us. made of wrong choices, badly said words and feelings much greater than we ourselves can control. it is up to us to understand where we went wrong and where other people went wrong with us and to find a new reason to continue. forgiveness is something that is entirely ours and should only be given when we feel safe enough.

ah! before i finish, just a little note: you can see that shima is way more comfortable with keiri now than he was before. i do believe there's a lot of mitsumi's influence there, but we can't deny the fact that keiri fought hard for his big brother's love!! it's clear that he admires sousuke a lot and wants to be closer to him. great to see them being so comfortable around each other.

what a ride, huh?? another chapter that highlight sensei's beautiful writing, that's for sure!! can't wait to see shima acting in the play and being way more open. sensei do love to make the school festival to be a very crazy arc!!!

thank you for reading 💛!! please support sensei if you can!!

see you next month :)

[sarangoh]

Transactions

I think something I really enjoy about Shima's character and the writing of his arc is how he has conceptualized wants as something that are beyond him - not necessarily because he doesn't have them, but because he believes they are not within his reach unless he is able to offer something of himself in exchange. Especially if that want is affection.

While Shima was definitely deliberately avoiding thinking about his feelings for Mitsumi, I do believe he had some understanding that he liked Mitsumi as more than a friend - that he wanted to be "special" to her.

While he did not (prior Vol. 9/10) conceptualize that "special" connection as necessarily romantic, he was definitely aware enough of that desire to be willing to ask her out.

While Shima has been pretty deliberate about not thinking about his and Mitsumi's relationship, he is incredibly aware of his attractiveness and place in the social hierarchy. From his perspective, romance is not necessarily a connection between two individuals as much as a part of a social politicking system.

This is definitely somewhat just me enjoying #problematic dynamics but I think that there is something very romantic about saying "I'm okay with being used if it's you" haha.

Since Mitsumi broke off their relationship, obviously, a big part of the development that's Shima has been going through has centered on him being able to confront even having desires, but I think they do such a good job with this of showing how his previous disappointments and rejections - largely from his mother - have led to him automatically assuming that others will not be amenable to his wants unless it benefits them in some way.

I think others might have another interpretations, but even this scene:

Is so funny to me because, yeah, obviously Mitsumi wanted some space to cool down, but also would have definitely said yes if he had just asked if he could tag along with her. His tendency to both be indirect and to show the "need" for him to be around are things that ultimately, don't work with Mitsumi.

Mitsumi beginning to move on from prioritizing him as a romantic interest, going back to just treating him as simply a friend - combined with him feeling unstablilized by not being wanted for his role as an object of desire, which he sees as the "value" he offers in exchange - is really what spurred his ask in Ch. 60 imo.

Still cannot conceive of a world where he can just ask for what he wants without needing to prove that he deserves it - or in this case, framing it as almost being "owed" it.

Tl;dr Shima is growing and healing but still definitely still in the torture cube

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Mitsumi really is such a liar though... She ends up being a bit of an unreliable narrator because the person she lies the most to is herself. She lies to protect herself and others from her own doubts, misgivings, and struggles. This is especially noticeable at the beginning of the manga, in which she is struggling more with the transition to high school, but the lies she tells later in the manga are more abstruse and denotative of her character, imo.

For instance, in chapter one, she lies to her family about how her first day went, saying, "there were no big issues." And then in chapter two, she lies straight to Fumi's face while at karaoke. If Fumi didn't know Mitsumi so well, she would have been fooled. Both of these instances were to keep her family and friends from worrying about her, as we know Mitsumi has placed a lot of pressure on herself to do well in Tokyo because this is such a rare opportunity for people from her town. She cannot bear the thought of disappointing the people back home.

But as the story goes on, Mitsumi's lies become more subtle that I think a lot of people end up overlooking her struggle. Especially when Shima's internal monologue is much more straightforward than Mitsumi's, so his angst is more apparent.

The most notable example of Mitsumi doing this is the entirety of Mitsumi and Shima's short-lived relationship. Mitsumi doesn't tell her friends that they are dating, which is a lie in itself, because she "wants to wait until they're more settled." But its only after they break up that Mitsumi admits that she never thought a relationship with Shima was going to last, though she doesn't delve into why she feels that way (screenshot below is from chapter 47). She didn't lie to her friends because she wanted to wait until her and Shima's relationship was more secure; she didn't want to admit to herself that she never thought their relationship would last in the first place. (My theories on that is for another post.)

After Mitsumi tells them, she ends up downplaying her feelings until Makoto knocks some sense into her with all the panache of a literary club member. But before Makoto does that, Mitsumi says that she's okay with just being friends and denies that she has any feelings towards him. After Makoto tells her that "Whatever you feel for him is just as valid as any passionate love affair," in chapter 57, Mitsumi, in her thoughts, admits that she thought that "letting him go would prove my feelings were never that serious... I guess it's okay that I still like him."

Skip and Loafer takes place in a world in which every character is given grace and a perhaps unrealistic degree of introspection. Mitsumi stands apart from them because she is the least self-aware member of the cast. Whereas Shima, Mika, Makoto, Yuzuki, and even newer character like Ujiie and Yasaka all exhibit some level of awareness of their shortcomings, typically through personal monologues, Mitsumi doesn't demonstrate that. Her problems, on a surface level, are usually external -- deciding what club to join, or, more recently, building her friendship with Yasaka. But she doesn't dwell on how the way she is treated makes her feel (and I could elaborate on this but that would be a tangent several paragraphs long) or even what she is feeling at all. As a result, readers need to take a more proactive approach in deciphering what she is feeling, or else Mitsumi's perspective is at risk of disappearing from the conversation.

Mitsumi's conflict with her sister during her visit to her hometown exemplifies this. We, the reader, are shut out from her feelings when her sister rejects her gift. We get no internal thoughts or perspective at all. What we do get is a plastered smile and a half-hearted joke.

Anyways send my girl Mitsumi your love and well-wishes, she's an emotionally constipated perfectionistic 16 year-old girl with a crush on a self-centered boy...

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mitsumi comm. my dotter

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im so in love

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Commission for a friend on FB 💚💙

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I been dancing in my room Swaying my feet Tryna give you love and a kiss on the cheek 

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long time no update im so hungry for jackemi please feed me #identityv #jacktheripper #emilydyer https://www.instagram.com/p/B9zxWhPFQGM/?igshid=2ocaad25uk54

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Can i rant about my otp here

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"When do you think you are in love?"

"I-I dont know, hes just...be there"

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Compilation of Jumin being a cute love starved puppy kitten™ 💜🐈💜 on Jaehee’s Birthday.

And my personal favorite:

💜🐈💜🐈💜🐈💜🐈💜🐈💜🐈💜🐈💜🐈

💜🐈💜🐈💜🐈💜🐈💜🐈💜🐈💜🐈💜🐈

“Wee…!” 😺😺

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fantastic beasts fan anyone? QwQ

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Gawd so sleepy and lonely 

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5mins sketch of Jumin Han after shower

Lazy sketch don’t mind me

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Happy Birthday, Jumin! 

I prepared you a very “90s” party! Assistant Kang, play It’s My Birthday! 😉

And for people who wonder where V and MC are ↓

Google “McDonaldland” if you don’t understand what I’m drawing…

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yea i know jumin birthdays cg is way tooooo sexy but how about just spending one of his most special day with the best GIFT of his life after that xD   

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*IMPORTANT*

I don’t understand ?????? why people associate the new welcome screen with Jumin be2 ??????????????????

You know MC and Jumin still have a sex life in his normal and good ending right ????????????????????

This is just.. an intimate moment between a couple ????????????????

In my case I’m just happy of seeing Jumin so comfortable with his sexuallity in a healthy relationship, when prior to this he repressed it all his life because he was so scared of hurting the other person the same way he was hurt before.

He looks so soft and happy, the way he touches MC is so tender… In which way this is like is bad ending??? I don’t understand 😕

If anything I think it takes the bad ending 2 and subverts it: sex is not a traumatic experience anymore, he can play with it with the person he loves.

I don’t know, maybe I’m looking too much again on a cute image, but it does feel for Jumin like a nice closure.