sardonic-but-not-unkind

[sardonic-but-not-unkind]

extremely funny to me that harley quinns real name is apparently harleen quinzel, a name that sounds less real that harley quinn. they should do that with more comic characters. batman real name batthew manning. daredevil real name darius devilson. doctor strange real name. well okay that one doesnt count.

[sardonic-but-not-unkind]

[sardonic-but-not-unkind]

Rest in peace to a legend

Lived to 97 years old, invented the Jello Shot, Wrote some of the best satire I’ve ever heard.

“If after hearing my songs just one human being is inspired to say something nasty to a friend or perhaps to strike a loved one it will all have been worth the while.” - Tom Lehrer

Listen to Poisoning Pigeons in The Park, Listen to The Elements, Listen to The Masochism Tango. His contributions shall not be forgotten.

[sardonic-but-not-unkind]

Goodbye Tom ☹️

[sardonic-but-not-unkind]

remember when tom lehrer said “Unfortunately, the civil liberties types who are fighting [obscenity laws] have to fight it […] As a matter of freedom of speech and stifling of free expression and so on. But we know what's really involved: dirty books are fun! […] It's simply a matter of freedom of pleasure, a right which is not guaranteed by the Constitution, unfortunately.”

[sardonic-but-not-unkind]

I need to be more disciplined starting tomorrow

[sardonic-but-not-unkind]

[sardonic-but-not-unkind]

Everything is political especially the knight fetish people seem to have on here. I’m canceling your fantasy boyfriend for being in the crusades

[sardonic-but-not-unkind]

this club smells like ham 

60 bucks for a gram 

consensual sex with a congressman 

lose subscriber 

kin dave strider 

broken dick fixed with duct tape like macgyver 

[sardonic-but-not-unkind]

TEAR ME UP AND BURN ME UP RIP ME UP AND LEAVE YOUR HAND ON THE WALL AS YOU GO BLOOD'S POURING LIKE MARTINIS GRAFFITI SWEET BIKINIS IS THAT WHAT YOU THINK OF ME NOW NO NO NO NO ARE YOU GOD OR DEVIL GHOST DISHEVELED CHILDHOOD FRIEND OR DRUNKEN REVEL I CANNOT STOP IM BLEEDING OUT FOR YOU YOU ANGEL HEART YOU MONSTER OH SOME GODFORSAKEN PROSPERO YOUR FEATHERS AND YOUR PAWS YOUR HELL FOR LEATHER APPLAUSE YOU DANCE ON TABLES ENDLESS LABELS ARE YOU CAIN CAUSE IM NOT ABEL YOU BASTARD LASTING NIGHT BUS ASKING WHAT'S THE EVERLASTING FABLE I CANNOT FIND THE WORDS TO KEEP YOU I CANNOT FIND THE WORDS TO KEEP YOU but your blood does not bleed red no more it's brighter than the sun burns white with the hum from within this gaping wound of ours a new us has begun a new us has begun A NEW US HAS A NEW US HAS A NEW US HAS BEGUN CAN'T WE JUST TALK ABOUT THIS

TOMORROW?

[sardonic-but-not-unkind]

[Nicole Kidman voice]: We come to this place for commercials. We come to AMC Theatres to watch 25-30 minutes of ads.

[sardonic-but-not-unkind]

Ah, yes, I see you’ve taken notice of the fine knight I keep dangling in a big gilded cage above my evil throne. Quite the pretty little ornament the would be savior makes, wouldn’t you agree~?

What? No, it IS a big cage. That’s- it’s the standard size for a knight’s cage I’m pretty sure. NO I’m not going to invest in 500 square feet of dungeon, it’s ONE knight! I’m pretty sure knights live in hovels in the wild anyways which is basically the same- Look, the cage is quite literally gilded. He loves the cage! He loves obediently preening in the cage! Yeah well, when you capture your own knight you can keep it in whatever size castle you want to, but this one’s mine. Especially since you’re so obviously jealous of me and my cute and awesome knight anyway.

[sardonic-but-not-unkind]

[sardonic-but-not-unkind]

[sardonic-but-not-unkind]

One guard lies. One guard tells the truth. One guard thinks he's telling the truth but operates from deeply unsound epistemological principles that were inculcated by his elders to steer him to specific predefined conclusions, he's not lying but nothing he says is as actionable as he thinks it is. One guard is honest but he's got that thing where he keeps confusing your left and right with his left and right, and even when it's just him he's always got to stop and think for a second to remember which is which, and long story short he's never once said the correct door on the first try. One guard says whatever the first guard to speak says because he's afraid of being left out. One guard claims the opposite of whoever was first to speak because he's a contrarian. One guard does that fuckass postmodern "what is truth" song and dance because he doesn't actually know which door is the correct one, he lost the briefing packet and for obvious reasons he can't pick a door to check in person. Defeats the whole point if you can come back

[sardonic-but-not-unkind]

Today's high schoolers romanticizing 2016 as if there weren't the clown incidents

[sardonic-but-not-unkind]

Evil Shakespeare be like: MacDeath