sassyasses - Tumblr blog

[sassyasses]

quite frankly nale’s losing streak should be studied because he is on a generational run

[sassyasses]

i was genuinely going holy shit oh my lord my weenor will never recover and then i read that her name is fucking new coke and ill need to duel tom atop mount rushmore for his sins against heaven

[sassyasses]

OUGH MY GODS WHEN YOU MUST REACH HEAVEN THROUGH VIOLENCE THEN TO SIN AGAINST HEAVEN IS TO SEEK PEACE AUGH MY GIRL MY HEART FUCK 😭😭😭

[sassyasses]

We’re so back

[sassyasses]

wizards are real but they're all the descendants of cassandra so they're also all cursed by apollo such that nobody would believe their powers so they basically don't even try

[sassyasses]

When I was younger and researching the autism diagnosis criteria and symptoms, I thought “oh I couldn’t POSSIBLY be autistic.” Because when I read “takes everything literally” I thought it literally meant EVERYTHING and I was like “I don’t take EVERYTHING literally, just most things!” And I just realized the other day that it didn’t actually mean EVERYTHING and that was an overstatement.

[sassyasses]

You, a heroic paladin have successfully slain a fearsome dragon. But the dragon warns you that death is but a door, and dragons don’t die, they reincarnate. You paid it no mind….until your son was born with golden, slitted eyes.

[sassyasses]

[sassyasses]

I have never seen an animal sleep in such a cursed way what

[sassyasses]

I just realized that I could share this flash game ad I saved off of MySpace in like 2005 to tumblr.

It’s so important to me. It makes me feel like I’m losing my mind even after 20 years.

[sassyasses]

What's the most controversial take you have that would get you cancelled on weevilblr

i dont actually want weevils infesting my rice and grains. in fact, if i saw weevils infesting my rice and grains. i would probably be distressed.

[sassyasses]

The most embarrassing thing In my life is whenever I see people and they ask what I’ve been up to . Literally nothing ever . Im like ohh you know this and that …. The usual ..

[sassyasses]

The most embarrassing thing In my life is whenever I see people and they ask what I’ve been up to . Literally nothing ever . Im like ohh you know this and that …. The usual ..

[sassyasses]

The most embarrassing thing In my life is whenever I see people and they ask what I’ve been up to . Literally nothing ever . Im like ohh you know this and that …. The usual ..

[sassyasses]

we've been living in this apartment for two months now, and while we've observed most of our new neighbours (my slavic Windowsill Watcher Grandmother gene already activated), I don't think they had the chance to see us often enough to recognise us yet.

I do know, however, from my observations, that the tiny funny dog upstairs is called Gucio. I've passed him once or twice during his walk and heard his owners use the name - and, while both the dog and his owners are oblivious to our existence, Gucio became an apt topic of discussion in our house. you know, we hear barking, ha, that's Gucio, he must be home alone again! or there's a stick left by the building door, that must have been brought by Gucio and he was forced to abandon it before entering! a household name, really.

yesterday as I was leaving to go to the store, walking down the narrow staircase, there he is! tiny funny looking dog, slightly startled by me suddenly appearing on the floor he just reached on his tiny funny looking legs.

"good morning Gucio!" I say joyfully, the most natural thing in the world.

well. remember that Gucio doesn't really know me. so he looks at me in the most flabbergasted way a dog can look at a person. he is positively aghast. agog! not sure how aware dogs are of their own names but he seemed genuinely puzzled at the apparent stretch of social convention.

and as I try to contain my laughter, I see his owner standing on the stairs below. the woman is sort of awkwardly frozen, speechless, and she looks at me.

"you... know each other?" she asks.

is that not the funniest way to phrase it. is this not the funniest question she could have asked. ma'am do you know my dog? you went to school together perhaps? you've met? do tell, are you old friends? maybe you worked together? you know each other, my dog and you? this dog? you know him? he knows you? he never mentioned you I'm afraid

[sassyasses]

This is the kind of abuse I am subjected to for believing that capybaras are unnecessarily big guinea pigs

[sassyasses]