can i mc reader and sylus where mc ends up in hospital after a mission gone wrong and sylus shows up but she wants him to leave in case someone sees him there
Careless
Pairing - Sylus x f!MC
Summary - You landed yourself in the hospital overnight after a mix up at HQ had you fighting too many Wandererâs alone. Youâre already bummed about being stuck at Akso, so the feeling of dread when Sylus turns up unexpectedly only adds to your unease.
Word Count - 2.3k
Warnings - Set in a hospital. Angst and fluff.
The incessant beeping of medical machinery echoing throughout the ward was getting to your sore head.
Akso Hospital was rammed full of casualties and emergencies, seeing as it was a Friday night. You felt a bit out of place amongst the partygoers and adventurous folk who had taken their fun a little too far.
In your opinion, you didnât really need to be here. The eggplant coloured bruise on the right side of your forehead definitely looked a lot worse than it felt, but the doctors werenât buying your claims that you werenât in any pain.
Likely because you were wincing when youâd said it.
A night under their watch was what the doctor ordered, and it wasnât up for discussion. You were just relieved that Doctor Zayne was working away for a week. Heâd have checked you in indefinitely and scheduled an hour long lecture on why you needed to be more careful.
A mix up at HQ had the system only requesting that you attend a spontaneous Wanderer attack in Linkon Library. Just one had been reported, but seven of the ruthless bastards had accosted you the minute you stepped foot in the evacuated building.
Confident that you could handle them, you didnât bother calling in for more Hunters. As it turned out, that confidence was misplaced, and the last thing you remembered before blacking out was a loud screeching sound. You had no idea what it was, but it hadnât been important in your unconscious state.
When you eventually awoke in the hospital, Jenna had been hanging over you, immediately giving you the third degree for continuing alone. You shouldâve known that the alert for only your assistance had been a mistake in the system, and you shouldâve insisted that someone accompany you no matter what it had said.
She made sure to drill that into your head more than once.
Admittedly, you were glad to see the back of her once she had finally left. Your head was starting to throb with the volume of her voice, and all you wanted was the bliss of being unconscious again.
It was late now, and you were exhausted. Sleep was looking to be impossible tonight, however. There were several other patients on the same ward, all admitted with varying ailments. The injured man opposite you had done nothing but stare coldly from the moment he was wheeled in in a full leg cast.
You tried to speak to him. You offered him a polite smile, which was met with a sneer. Whatever his problem with you was, it was beginning to get on your nerves.
You just wanted to go home.
âMiss,â a softly spoken nurse greeted as she approached your bed. âThereâs a visitor here to see you.â
You frowned, wondering if you heard her correctly over the hustle and bustle of the ward. It was well past visiting hours, and you couldnât think of anyone other than your colleagues who knew that you were even at the hospital.
The man with the broken leg frowned, too. âWhat? She gets special treatment because sheâs a so-called hero? I should get visiting rights, too!â
âWould you like me to let him in?â The nurse asked, ignoring the grumbling patient.
Him. That didnât exactly narrow things down.
âUhh,â you faltered, a little unsure. You didnât want to cause any issues with the other patients. âAre you sure?â
The nurse nodded and smiled, though it looked a bit forced. It almost seemed like she was desperate for you to say yes to your mystery visitor.
âOkay,â you finally agreed.Â
The look of relief on her face was not lost on you. She quickly hurried away to retrieve whoever came to see you, leaving you to endure the displeasure from the man opposite.
âI used to be a mailman, you know? If it werenât for me, people wouldnât have had their mail. Do I get special treatment, though? No, of course not. You Hunters get all the glory and adoration. And Iâll tell you another thingââ
âYouâve told her plenty.â
Prominent footsteps sounded from the doorway, the atmosphere immediately becoming heavy and tense. You almost choked on absolutely nothing at the sight of him.
Sylus.
Your eyes flared, heart hammering against your ribcage like a drum. He couldnât be here. The risk was far too great.
âI wasnât talking to you,â the grumpy man sneered back, looking him up and down, ââŠvampire.â
It was a colourful insult, and one that made your unwelcome companion chuckle. âIf youâll excuse us,â he began, the swirling red vines of his Evol appearing to drag the manâs cubicle curtain to a close at a leisurely pace. âMailman.â
To your relief, there was no backlash from the irritated patient across the room. Although that did make you wonder if he wasnât retaliating by his own choice, or if Sylus had silenced him somehow. The latter wouldnât have surprised you.
âWhat on earth are you doing here?!â you hissed quietly. âYou canât be here, Sylus.â
Crimson eyes didnât meet yours, his cold gaze set only on the bandages around your head as he approached your bedside, closing your curtain behind him. He didnât quite look like himself. His hands were balled into fists at his sides, green and blue veins prominently making an appearance.
âIâll think twice before taking advice from a woman who was very recently knocked unconscious amidst a 7v1 Wanderer fight,â he rebuked monotonously.Â
You scoffed. âIâm fine, if thatâs why you came. Feel free to go back toââ
âFine?â His face quickly turned from emotionless to severely unamused as he cut you off sharply. âThatâs quite the contradiction, sweetie.â
You raised an eyebrow barely high enough for him to see your questioning expression. The gesture hurt, which wasnât helping your case. âTo what?â
He dragged a plastic chair towards your bed before sitting down, his ankles crossed in front of him. You couldnât really read his demeanour. He almost seemed cross with you.
âTo what I saw from Mephisto,â he responded tightly.
Mephisto.Â
That explained the screeching you heard before you slipped into unconsciousness. âAnd what exactly was Mephisto doing there?â
Sylus merely shrugged, offering nothing verbal in response. The lackadaisy gesture did nothing but piss you off. Youâve told him countless times to stop sending Mephisto out to keep tabs on you, and each time it seemed to fall on deaf ears.Â
He clearly was not pleased with you, but you werenât stupid. He was here because you had concerned him. Sylus was a busy man, especially at this time of night. He wouldnât have come just to berate you with words that couldâve been put into a text message.
Not that you knew where your phone was.
The atmosphere between you both fell into silence, only the sounds of medical machinery filling in the lack of conversation. You didnât really know what to say to him, and he wasnât typically the type to lose his words. But it was clear to see that he didnât know what to say, either.
After a long moment, he cleared his throat, his hands flexing in his lap. âI told you those guns of yours were pathetic.â
âThereâs nothing wrong with my guns,â you mumbled with a roll of your eyes.
âSo itâs a skill issue?â
You glared harshly at him, flinching noticeably as you did. You werenât sure what was bothering you more, the pain in your head or the mood that Sylus was so clearly in.Â
His features softened ever so slightly as he recognised your pain. Still, that didnât stop him from being an asshole. âItâs one or the other, kitten.â
You felt your cheeks heat up. If there was one thing you didnât want Sylus to think of you as, it was weak. You werenât sure why you cared so much, but you did.
âI suppose my guns are a little on the outdated side,â you murmured begrudgingly.
He smirked, his hands finally relaxing a little in his lap. The awkward atmosphere was slowly fading, which you were grateful for. You didnât want to pry into his mind and make things worse again.
You buried your head a little further into the pillow beneath your sore head, letting your eyes fall shut for a moment. Fatigue was starting to settle in your body, almost dragging you into a swift sleep before your chilly hand was captured in a warm embrace.
Your eyes shot open again, finding Sylus out of his seat and leaning over you. His eyes were a bit wider than usual. âHave they checked you for a concussion?âÂ
âYeah,â you told him gently. The close proximity had you flustered. âIâm a little concussed, but Iâm allowed to sleep.â
His brows drew together slightly as he studied you. Youâve both had these strange little moments before, when his mask slips away just enough to see his true feelings.
âIâll be fine,â you whispered in reassurance. âYou should go, Sylus.â
He shook his head, his hand tightening slightly over yours. It looked like an effort, but he managed to smirk at you again. âTrying to get rid of me already?â
Beneath that facade of humour, he was a little bit wounded. You wouldnât point it out, but you could see it. He was a stubborn bastard who wasnât going to let you push him away, but he also didnât like that you were trying to push him away.
It wasnât as if you wanted him to go. Your relationship with him wasâŠcomplicated.
Complicated in the sense that you werenât in a relationship, but he had a habit of establishing a level of intimacy between you both that you werenât blind to. Good morning and goodnight texts, constant invites to events as his plus one with no other reason than to be beside him, and random gifts left on your doorstep so often that your elderly neighbour recently asked if you were âgetting some.â
A relationship with him would be very difficult to maintain. You both come from entirely different worlds that just could not merge. No matter how much you desired him, you had to maintain your composure.
âIâm not trying to get rid of you,â you sighed. âI just donât like how careless youâre being by showing up here. Some people do worry, you know.â
He slowly lowered his loom over you so that his nose was just inches away from yours. You couldnât help but swallow, feeling his steady breath on your lips as he spoke. It was intimidating and yet so intimate that you didnât know whether to cower or cut him off with a kiss you never knew you wanted.Â
âYou donât think Iâm worried about you?â he drawled in a rather serious manner.
âThatâs not what Iââ
âDo you not realise how it looked through Mephistoâs eyes when you were walloped a great distance across a library and crumpled to the floor like a lifeless body.â His teeth were gritted in his mouth, the word âbodyâ coming out tightly like his tongue was rejecting the word. âYouâre not the only person who is worried here. Do not brand me incapable of such feelings.â
Your mouth went a little dry, tears threatening to invade your eyes. It wasnât that you didnât believe in his worry, and you hadnât meant for it to come across that way.
âI just donât want you to risk your freedom for me,â you whispered shakily.
He lifted his hand from where it was holding him up beside your free hand, carefully moving some strands of your hair that had fallen over your bandages.Â
âIâd risk it all for you.â
He had never said such a thing to you in all the time youâd been acquainted. You knew that he would carry out every need you might have of him. You knew that he would listen to you sit and ramble on and on about anything, never interrupting you. You knew that he cared about you.
But you were still in the dark when it came to the extent of that care.
âTell me whatâs on your mind,â he murmured.
Thankfully, you caught yourself before you were about to shake your sore head. âJustâŠtrying to figure you out.â
A smile slowly spread across his lips. A real smile. It was enough to make your heart flutter, embarrassingly made noticeable by the heart rate monitor you were hooked up to.
âIt would require a lot of brainpower to do that, sweetie. Maybe lose the concussion first,â he said in his typically sarcastic tone.
You managed your own small smile, which blossomed into a chuckle. This was the side of Sylus that had you coming back to him whenever he asked for your company.
His real side.
He kept his hand atop your head, avoiding the bandages completely. His thumb swiped gently over the parting of your hair, pulling you off to sleep again. You were pretty sure that he was doing it on purpose to force you into rest, but you were in no position to argue with him. You were officially exhausted.
âWould you really like me to leave, kitten?â he asked in a soft whisper as your eyes fluttered.
The very thought of him leaving made you a little upset. Despite your attempts at convincing the doctors you were fine, you damn well were not. You needed his comfort, and he needed to know that you were safe and on the road to a speedy recovery.
âNo,â you whispered, succumbing to the soothing strokes on your scalp.
A soft brush of his lips was the last thing you felt before you finally drifted off, feeling secure enough to do so with his company.
âGood,â heâd whispered back before you fully clocked out. âIâll always be careless so long as I get to you.â
A/N - Long time no fic post. I apologise, life has been crazy. I havenât proof read this cause honestly Iâm just too tired so Iâll read over it in the morning and edit any mistakes. Hope youâre all doing well! đ€
when satoruâs little daughter is asked about the definition of love during one of those educational games in kindergarten, she answers with âitâs the way papa looks at mamaâ and then proceeds to impersonate him by tilting her head to the side and resting a cheek against her palm, dreamy and lovesick eyes â just the way satoru always looks at you when you talk, and now thatâs the shape of love in your little daughterâs eyes đ„č
Hoshina Soshiro coming back to work saw the fem reader carrying a baby kitty and smiling at it and her smile is like it was from heaven so soft and gentle.
You can FREELY at any twist on it be my guest. đ€đ»
lmao can we all agree that hoshina is a cat person but in my head this can mean two things - he is fond of cats, and he is a cat in human form iykwim.
hoshina does not consider himself a jealous man.
from an early age, he has learned the virtue of being contented of whatever he is given, and on scenarios when he cannot help but to be discontented with what the world has dealt him with, he has also mastered the art of being competitive enough to always come on top.
an ugly feeling started to gnaw at hoshina's insides when he saw you smile with a brightness he's never seen you worn even when he is around. maybe it's his instinct, but he cannot stop himself from already hating whoever is at other end of your smile.
you spotted hoshina by the corner of the street and though your first thought was ask him why he is frowning, the animal you are cradling in your arms started meowing. "look what i found!" carefully, you waved at hoshina who has started to walk towards you - his mouth is in a straight line, but you could not stop your excitement from spilling over. "he looks just like you, soshiro-kun!" you giggled.
on your left arm rests a kitten, its orange fur stained with so much grime it almost looks like a used feather duster. the animal gave out a high-pitched meow when you lightly touched its head, petting it. the kitten was such a small thing, he noticed, and the fact that its eyes are also half-closed does not escape him. "you think i look like a gremlin?" he asked you.
"sssh! he is gonna hear you!" you scolded hoshina in the lowest volume of your voice you could muster. "i already named him, by the way."
"i literally just saw you picked it up like, not even fifteen minutes ago," hoshina bantered. seeing it squirming against your chest, he attempted to touch the kitten, only to receive a soft hiss. hoshina gave you a betrayed look.
"you called hinata-chan a gremlin.â you laughed at your boyfriendâs offended expression. âyou gotta be nice to our son, you knowâ, you added sheepishly. you lifted the kitten a bit and nuzzled your cheek against its fuzzy head. hinata-chan mewled, and hoshinaâs frown deepened until he realised what you just said.
the topic of having children was something you have discussed with hoshina not long ago, and although both of you dream to have miniature versions of each other running around the house someday, you have also decided that neither of you are ready to be having kids at the present. a boy and a girl - thatâs what you and hoshina are planning to have maybe five, ten years from now.
the kitten looks awfully like a baby by the way you are holding it, and hoshina melted. you could sense his hesitation, so with your free hand you grabbed hoshina's wrist and directed him to put his palm on the kitten's fur slowly. "poor thing's only a few weeks old, i think. we gotta take care of it, or it's not gonna survive," you told him. the kitten, still resting on your arm did not make a move, and gaining confidence, hoshina began to gently stroke and scratch its forehead.
"i thought hinata would be a nice name - something sunny, something warm," you explained. "it reminds me of you."
the kitten's eyes remained half-closed, but after a moment it opened its mouth and its small tongue lapped on hoshina's finger, purring.
touched, hoshina breathed a sigh of relief. "nice to meet you, hinata-chan. you're absolutely going to be one spoiled cat."
a/n: lmao this is so messy but i see the potential, hoshina would definitely have beef with a literal kitten over you.
im going to need you all to send me happy thoughts please because i am having a very bad week and it's only monday lol anyway here's some angst. i know i have written a lot of stuff here already but so far this one is my favorite (despite me literally drafting this in my phone so expect some grammar errors or spelling mistakes), so if you can, let me know what you folks think. likes, replies, and reblogs are appreciated but i will bonk you in the head if you repost or copy any of my writings.
THANK YOU ANON FOR THIS ASK!
you could bring a numbered kaiju into submission but it seems that your heart is an entirely different monster.
you should have known better than to fall in love with a colleague, and you should have known better than to fall in love with the third division's vice-captain. your own commander, gen narumi, threw you a dirty look when he found out about your intimate relationship with the bowl cut bastard, and as much as you want to come up with a good enough excuse, the best thing you were able to give is a cliched the heart wants what the heart wants. narumi scoffed at you upon hearing it, following it up with a personal vow to never be romantically involved with anyone in the force.
it didn't have to be said but hoshina still did the honors - there's not a lot of ground rules in your relationship but the first one is this: you and he are soldiers first, lovers second. you pondered if it was supposed to hurt you, and you asked yourself what the hell is wrong with you to say yes to such a set-up: all those love advice by your family and friends about how you should not settle with the bare minimum flew out the window. "i have a responsibility to my division. but i also know i love you," was what hoshina told you. in hindsight maybe you did not care about anything else he said except the part where he confessed he loves you.
you convinced yourself that nothing is more important than being loved by hoshina soshiro. and you persuaded yourself that if he could place you second in his priorities, you would be able to do so too. "i mean, i was a defense officer before i became your girlfriend," you agreed with him.
but there's no worse lie than the one we tell ourselves, you realised too late.
hoshina soshiro took you to dates almost every weekend although he is also almost always late. but you guess being one of the highest-ranking official in an anti-kaiju division burdens him with a heavier obligation than the rest of the officers so you did what a good girlfriend would do: you tried to understand his situation and offered him comfort whenever you catch him overly stressed or fatigued in his tasks. "i'll make it up to you," he would promise, and you would kiss him on the lips.
but after a while he stopped asking you out entirely, blaming it to his busy schedule - and yours - and a month after that, you would see hoshina soshiro only when there are inter-division conferences. narumi gives you his ugliest frowns everytime he spots the vice-captain walking towards you. "get a room," the first division commander rolled his eyes at you and your boyfriend one time.
to be fair, hoshina is good at making you disregard his misgivings. may it be with his tongue or his fingers, even for just a fraction of an hour, you cannot deny that hoshina makes you feel loved and taken care of. hoshina would tell you he loves you and nothing else matters again in your world but those three little words.
you could have perfectly proceeded in your charade of being fine if hoshina only remembered your anniversary. the straw that broke the camel's back, disappointment and frustration and heart wrenching pain consumed you when it came clear to you that hoshina was not planning for some surprise for you after not giving you a single greeting throughout the day - he simply forgot.
"so it skipped you that today's supposed to be our day, but you had time to go to lunch with okonogi," you accused him, feeling a bit guilty that you are involving another person in the argument. the trip to tachikawa base was not short, and your muscles are already killing you, but you made the effort to see hoshina in hopes you can salvage the occasion. the guilt died down after several seconds when hoshina replied.
"how is okonogi-chan a part of this?" he defended her. it did not escape you how he seemed to not be answering you at all.
"okonogi-chan?" you mocked hoshina. "jesus, i am so tired of this!" you did not recognise the sound of your voice when you shouted. "i - i know what i signed up for when i compromised with you, soshiro. you said duties first, i just did not expect i would be at the bottom of the things you care about. that's if i was even in that list at all."
"that's not fair -"
"what's not fair," you gritted your teeth, "is that you keep treating me like shit." you held back your tears; you refused to cry in front of hoshina - you had already given him the power to hurt you, it would have been to much handing him the knowledge that what is happening is effectively breaking you from you within. softly, you determined to get the bottom of things - fuck your dignity, the most you can get from this scenario is hoshina's honesty. "do you still love me?"
"you know i do," he declared too quickly. hoshina strode towards you, crossing the three, four feet distance to reach you. grabbing your cold hands and attempting to cradle it with his own warm ones, hoshina looked sincere and sorry, and you regret that you cannot for the life of you remember the last time he was this tender with you.
"actually i don't." you did not know how you're supposed to bridge the sea between you and hoshina as you withdrew your clammy hands from his touch. you chose to ignore the sudden sadness that crossed his face when you stepped away from him.
the loud ring of the alarm announcing a kaiju attack echoed in your ears. "i have to go, we'll talk more later," hoshina offered, his stare at you was surely meant to glue you in your spot but you did not let it so. "i love you."
"no, wait." you are a defense officer, and a good one at that, and you thankfully did not have to remind the third division vice-captain of that. "i'm going with you." even on the verge of heartbreak, your response is to stand beside hoshina. you almost winced at the implication.
you did not wait for his approval. narumi will be pissed, he joked after seeing you in a battle suit, helping you out a bit as you pick your weapon of choice. "hey." his grip on your elbow distracted you. "be careful out there," he whispered.
bodies break in the strangest of ways, you found out while fighting a considerable strong honju alone in the sector where you were assigned. you weren't officially in the area to be on duty, and protocol says you cannot be under hoshina's command so you had to be borrowed as a back-up to another platoon. your tenure and experience could easily place you as a team leader, that is why you were confident to face a number of those monstrous creatures at once. that is until the suit you were wearing - just a spare one that hasn't been used yet by a recruit - overheated.
"retreat to somewhere safe," you heard hoshina in your in-ear comms, out of breath. "that's an order." you wanted to assert that he isn't really your commanding officer, that he is not upon him to command you in any way but air feels like liquid in your lungs, the exhaustion catching up to you. in a minute or two the suit will lose its integrity after overheating, and you will be vulnerable to attacks of even the smallest yojus. "stay there and i'll send someone -"
you hoped you were not making a habit of interrupting hoshina as you mustered your strength to speak in a firm sentence - "the mission, is to neutralise the kaiju, sir." you screwed your eyes shut, ignoring the searing sensation of the wound in your shoulder.
throwing caution in the wind, hoshina did not relent. "i will come get you."
"soldiers first, soshiro." the static in your in-ear comms was deafening after you had called the vice-captain by his given name, and knowing that whatever you say will be broadcasted to the other officers, you continued. "to hell with what happens to us, right?"
you couldn't say you recall what happened next. dizzying darkness claimed you as your suit gave out, your combat release putting your body to too much pressure. when you came to consciousness, it was at a hospital - in a white room too big to cater to only one patient. tubes were attached to you, needles poking at the delicate vein in your wrist. it hurts to move, it hurts to discover you woke up alone.
the hours passed, each tick of the hands of the clock racing against your own thoughts. a nurse found you awake while in a roaming duty, and alerted the doctor. it was not after that when you saw hoshina again.
"how are you feeling?" you could sense his awkwardness from across the room. you saw his hesitation to come close to you; you cannot decided whether to feel satisfied that he seems to be in pain seeing you like this.
"i can't do this anymore, soshiro." your throat was dry from not speaking in ages, and your words sounded hoarse, as if you had to scrape yourself for them. "i almost died, and i can't do this anymore."
a piece of you wanted for him to tell you to shut up.
"i could have died, and you weren't there. and my god, this entire time i had to assess if i am just selfish, or greedy, and i know there are people to save, but soshiro, it's tiring to be the one who loves the other more," you exclaimed. "maybe it's my mistake that i am in a relationship with the third division's vice-captain but i fell in love with hoshina soshiro."
"i'm sorry." you didn't miss the slight tremble in hoshina's voice, and your chest tightened because after everything, he couldn't say you what you needed to hear.
"i would have died trying to save you, you know," you added weakly.
"i'm sorry," he repeated like a chant, like some mantra that would cure everything damaged for you and for him.
"me too," you replied, because there was nothing else left to say.
Hi! Hope this finds you well. Saw the request and wanted to ask for a Yandere Sylus with player reader. Like Sylus knows Mc is a player and he is a game character. When mc was gone for too long, Sylus gets impatient.
If you can do it, of course. If no, ignore this. Wish you writing ideas and inspiration
Hi! Hope you're well too, anon! Sorry for the long wait on this one, got really stuck with it and wanted to make sure I did it justice-- it was such a cool idea!
(Also I know L&D has the microphone feature but I wanted to have fun with the limited communication of the player here, so no it doesn't, actually!! đ„°)
Summary: L&D is getting more and more real with each update. This is a new update... right?
Genre: idk really?? real world player x character
Warnings/Additional tags: yandere themes, player!reader, gender neutral, fourth-wall breaking, non-canon, swearing, mild threat, possessiveness, manipulation, Sylus is a little OOC here (we all know he's a sweetheart really!!)
| Word count: 1.5k | Masterlist |
Disclaimer: Characters belong to Love and Deepspace. All work is my own, so please don't repost or plagiarise!
Your phone lights up with a notification.
Sylus: Are you in a good mood, sweetie? The weatherâs nice, so letâs go out.
It makes you smile, even though youâve seen it before. You havenât played Love and Deepspace for two weeks or so, and youâre already thinking about how many dailies youâve missedâ more specifically, how many diamonds youâll be short of going into the next event. You had a couple thousand saved, you think? Itâs probably fine.
The truth is, you donât really have time for it these days. Escaping reality with fiction is fun, but itâs just that: make believe. Realityâs still waiting for you on the other side, and recently? All that escaping has finally caught up to you. You have a real life. Responsibilities. Yay!
But you are in a good mood, and the weather is nice, so youâll log in for old timeâs sake. Your finger hovers over the app, but something makes you hesitate. Youâve got some emails you should probably get back to, first. Ohâ and werenât you supposed to call your friend, too?
Another notification:
Sylus: Take your time, kitten.
A new one? Itâs just text on a screen, but youâre reading itâ Sylusâs voice in your headâand you just know itâs dripping sarcasm. Before you have any time to dwell on it, your phone lights up with more notifications.
Sylus: Iâm going to count to three.
Cute. Heâs not actually going toâ
Sylus: OneâŠ
Oh.
Sylus: TwoâŠ
Really?
Sylus: Three.
Ok.
You tap on the app, weirdly motivated by the time pressure given that itâs coming from a man who doesnât actually exist. He smirks at you knowingly from the kindled moment youâd set as the loading screen, his crimson eyes playful. Youâre not particularly patient either, so your fingers drum along the surface of your desk as you wait, your gaze caught between his and the slowly moving loading bar.
He crosses his arms. âThe countdown worked, huh? What are youâ five?â
You scoff and give his head a flick. He chuckles, running a hand through his hair as though youâd struck him hard enough to ruffle it. Itâs kind of cool that you get some unique dialogue when youâve not logged in for a while, although⊠have you missed an update or something? The animation feels smoother. More lifelike, now you think about it.
Sylus stares back at you, his lips playing into a subtle smile. His arms are crossed again and he tilts his head like heâs enjoying your scrutiny. âSomething wrong, sweetie?â he asks.
Not really. You zoom in with a practiced sweep of your fingers so you can get a better look at him. His eyes flit downwards, over youâ equally shamelessâ and then heâs meeting your gaze as he steps forward, closing the distance. He canât see you, but you still canât bring yourself to look away from him, and youâre not really thinking about the animation anymore.
He lifts a finger to poke at the screen, as if heâs caught you daydreaming and wants you back. You poke him, too: a softer, more affectionate boop on the nose. You canât help laughing to yourself as his face screws up beneath the touch. This game is getting a little too real.
With a sigh, you zoom out so you can set about collecting your daily log-in rewards. Sylus seems fineâ standing idly by as your attention drifts about elsewhere. He knows the drill. He can wait. Speaking of waiting⊠itâs also been a while since youâve seen the other guys, and youâre struck by a pang of nostalgic fondness. You might as well say hi while youâre here.
Sylus is holding his chin as he regards where your finger aimlessly meets the screen. Itâs like heâs looking at⊠the button? âOh dear,â he sympathises, âthat feature appears to have stopped working.â
You donât really hear him, honestly. Youâve never had a bug like this, and youâre determined to overcome it with sheer, stubborn persistence. Is it your phone? You test the theory by jabbing Sylusâs chest, and he glances down, apparently feeling it. You try the button again. Then six more times.
Sylus wanders closer to you. âYouâre hurting my feelings, sweetie. Am I not enough for you?â
Ok but why isnât this working? Youâre still trying the button; your hope has turned to frenzied disbelief.
âStop.â
A single syllable, concise as a punch and just as effective. You do stop.
Sylusâs voice is lower. Darker. âGood,â he praises, but he doesnât sound happy. âSomeoneâs gotten bolder in their absence, it would seem. I do hope you havenât forgotten to whom you belong, kitten. Althoughââ his smile is different than beforeâ âIâd be more than happy to provide a⊠reminder.â
Itâs an innocuous word but not the way he says it. Threats are just intimate promises and he toys with the fact like a crow enamoured by something that catches the light. Heâs not going to grow tired of it for a long, long time.
âDonât look at me like that,â he says, sensing you gawping. âDid you really think I wouldnât figure it out? What all⊠this is?â He indicates the space around him with a wave of his hand. âQuite frankly, Iâm surprised the others still havenât grasped it.â He reconsiders. Smirks. âI misspokeâ Iâm not surprised.â
Does he mean the game? The other LIs? Â
âHonestly, kitten,â he continues with a tut and a shake of his head, âyouâve been far from a gracious host. Iâm not a plaything, you know. WellâŠâ Heâs showing teeth with a sneer. âNot the sort you can throw away, anyhow.â
God, are you really being scolded by a video game character for having other responsibilities? The worst part is that you actually feel bad. You do care about him. You wish you could tell him you care about him.
âAre you even listening?â he sighs.
Shit. Yeah. You canât say anything he would hearâ as far as you knowâ so you give his hand a poke. He casts his gaze downwards, stretches his fingers with a contemplative flex, then raises his hand so it can be nursed by the other. Is he protecting it from you? Or is he protecting you from it?
âIf weâre to keep playing this game of ours, I think it only fair we lay down some rules,â he states. âFirstlyââ because it isnât up for debateâ âyou will come here every day, just like you used to. I have nothing to do, you see, and if you leave me to my own devices I might just have to find a way into that captivating little world of yours. So I can⊠investigate whatâs keeping you from me.â
Investigate. Another innocuous word he wields like a weapon.
âSecondly,â he continues, nodding towards the broken button on your user interface, âyou had better stop seeing the others. Ignorance is bliss, after all, and we wouldnât want to worry about them connecting any dots, now would we? BesidesâŠâ He approaches you again, leaning in close. âI donât share whatâs mine.â
Your breath is caught in your throat and youâre so glad you donât need to speak. You donât think you could; if you tried to get words out theyâd be unintelligible.
âSo,â Sylus drawls, filling your silence, âhow about it? Still want to play?â
This time it is a question, but only because he knows your answer. Youâre struck by a flash of inspiration, and you communicate in one of the few ways you canâ navigating the in-game menus until you can get your message across.
Thereâs a ping. Sylus retrieves his phone from his pocket, and after a moment of scrolling, he smiles. You canât see his screen, but you know what heâs looking at: a grumpy crow with an animated bead of sweat and a dispassionate gaze to go with it. That it? it asks.
He still looks far too smug, so you beckon him over with a relax time interaction, watching your characterâs hand outstretch on your behalf. He steps forward, linking his fingers with yours, and this animation you know. You tug him closer, except⊠he doesnât budge. Â
His eyes are fixed to where your hands are linked, and he runs a thumb over your skin as though heâs savouring the touch.
Did they change the animation?
âOh, sweetie,â he sympathises with a click of his tongue. He looks up at youâ holds your gaze as he presses a deliberately slow kiss to your wrist. âThis is going to be fun.â
Hiii :3 not sure if you take requests for the other lads boys, but I love the way youu write and wondered if we could get some Zayne fluff đđœđđœ Maybe like start of a relationship and mc gets her period unexpectedly when staying at his and gets super insecure about it and tries to go home but Zayne is concerned about her suddenly wanting to leave and finally gets the reason out of her, but heâs just super helpful and eases her worries. Thank you, love your blog!
The Bare Minimum
Pairing - Zayne x f!MC
Summary - You feel as though your world is ending when a day dedicated to some much needed time with Zayne is ruined by Mother Nature. You're desperate to get home without him noticing, but he was more prepared for this than you expected.
Word Count - 2.7k
Warnings - Multiple mentions of periods and blood.
You werenât sure what was suddenly bothering you, but you were certain that it was catching Zayneâs attention.
It was one of those extremely rare occasions where both of you had a completely free weekend. No hunting, no surgeries, no plans.
Perfection.Â
You were both at the very peak of your designated lazy Saturdayâsquished together on the recliner chair in his living room, eating takeout and watching the kind of TV shows that didnât require too much attention. Between your impromptu make out sessions that consistently progressed into you straddling his legs, you werenât even sure what was playing on the television.Â
You were just happy to be with him in such an unusual setting for the both of you. A typical day where you were both blessed with synced schedules would be spent outdoors. Long, scenic walks. Trips to the library to pick up and return a few books. You dragging Zayne around the local mall against his will.
Neither of you were up for any of it this weekend. Your missions for the past few weeks had been exhausting, a few ending in swift trips to Akso for wounds that had looked worse than they had felt. Between Zayneâs concern for you and the demanding nature of his own job, he was feeling rather exhausted, too. He didnât often indulge in lazy days, but you were pretty sure he just wanted to keep you cocooned in the safety of his home after seeing you injured one too many times.
After your fifth rather raunchy performance on his lap, you were feeling oddly uncomfortable. You put it down to aches and pains due to the exertion of your body recently, but even as you settled back beside him again, tucked under his heavy arm, you could feel the sensation creeping down your thighs and across your back.
It couldnât possibly be that dreaded time of the month. You had another five days to go before you had to come up with reasons to not stay at his place for a week. Your relationship was still fresh and new, so you werenât comfortable with the idea of being on your period whilst staying the night. There wasnât a clear reason why youâd be so conscious about it, it wasnât as if Zayne would chastise you for your womanly troubles.
For you though, it just felt a little too nerve wracking. Discarding sanitary products in his bathroom wastebasket. The possibility of leaking whilst youâre blissfully unaware in the land of sleep. And the most horrifying of all;
Your cramps.
Mother Nature was never kind to you in the first 24 hours of your cycle. There were many a day and night where you couldnât unfurl yourself from the foetal position you would so quickly find yourself in. Mood swings, hot flushes, and an need for all things sugary and sweet.
Zayne didnât need to see that side of you yet. The poor man would wonder where the hell his girlfriend had disappeared to, and why there was an emotional, writhing mess clutching a XXL tub of mint chocolate chip to her chest in her place.
As the minutes went by, you felt all of the familiar warning signs. His arm around you had been soothing and sweet all day, but was starting to feel like a furnace on your skin. The unmistakable feeling of the devil himself twisting your uterus with his bare hands was becoming stronger, and your squirming was drawing attention.
âWould you like me to move?â Zayne finally asked, brows slightly furrowed in your direction.
You had to get away from him. More so, you had to get off of the recliner, worried that if you were bleeding, you might have bled through to it.
Shaking your head quickly, you pulled yourself up to your feet, subtly eyeing the thankfully pristine spot where your ass had been perched all day. âNo, of course not,â you reassured with a synthetic smile. âJust have to use the bathroom.â
He opened his mouth to say something, but you quickly hurried away before he had the chance. There was no time to waste.
As soon as the lock on the bathroom door clicked, you rushed to check yourself. The sight of fresh blood on the stark white toilet paper made you want to cry immediately. Of all the times for you to get your period five days early, it had to be whilst you were at Zayneâs.
You were at a complete loss on what you could do. You didnât have any sanitary towels to hand, and your light grey sweatpants had succumbed to a slight stain that he may have already seen.
If the ground opened up and swallowed you whole, itâd be a miracle.
Silent panic turned to tears of frustration. All you could do was wrap a wad of toilet paper around itself to act as a makeshift pad, and steer clear of Zayne. Thankfully, you hadnât yet unpacked the gym bag you brought for the weekend, so swiftly grabbing it and legging it back to your own apartment should be easy enough.
You cleaned yourself up as best as you could and flushed away all evidence of your period, trying to compose yourself whilst you did. The sheer level of agony your cramps were already bestowing upon you had you almost doubling over at the sink as you splashed some cold water onto your face to rid yourself of your tears.
This had to be a nightmare.
A gentle tapping on the bathroom door almost startled a small scream out of you. Zayneâs soothing voice sounded from the hallway, âeverything alright in there?â
Things were getting worse and worse by the damn minute. You couldnât possibly get by him to retrieve your bag without him seeing your ridiculous tears and the evident pain you were in.
âYeah,â you called out, your shaky voice betraying you.
He remained silent for a moment, clearly not convinced in the slightest. âWhatâs the matter?â
You werenât getting away from this. He knew something was up, and he wasnât going to let you suffer in silence. It wasnât in his nature to just feign ignorance, especially when it came to your health or comfort.
âNothing,â you called out again, hoping to whichever god was listening that he would just accept your answer.
Another bout of silence hung in the air, like he was trying to figure you out through a closed door. You were beginning to feel like a cornered animal, desperate for a route of escape.
You waited and waited for him to say something else, but you heard absolutely nothing. A small sigh of relief escaped you as you quietly opened the door, only to find him still standing there. You quickly tried to shut it again, but his foot took place in the small gap to stop you.
Not wanting to jam his foot, you gave up, folding your arms around yourself as if they were going to hide you. âI need to go home,â you say quietly, avoiding his gaze.
He nudged the door open with his socked foot, still saying nothing. You could feel him analysing you from head to toe.Â
He was such a bloody doctor sometimes.
Eventually, he folded his own arms across his chest. âWhy do you want to go home?â
âNeed to go home,â you corrected, not wanting him to think that you didnât want to spend the night with him. âIâŠI have toââ
He cut you off with an outstretched hand, waiting expectantly for you to take it. All you did was stare at it, confused by his intentions.Â
Well, you also winced as Mother Nature gave you a swift boot to the abdomen.
âCan you come with me for a moment?â He asked in that gentle tone of his, eyes softening. âPlease?â
You took his large hand with a small sigh, not seeing any other way out of this situation. Heat pooled in your cheeks in your sheer embarrassment.Â
This wasnât how your weekend together was supposed to go.
Zayne led you into the bedroom, letting go of your hand once you were both inside. Panic flashed in your mind as you couldnât think of any reason why he would bring you into the bedroom.
âI really canâtââ
He turned away before you could finish your sentence, heading into the en-suite bathroom and reappearing with a small wicker basket.
You almost gasped at its contents as he approached you again.
Pads and tampons of every shape and size were nestled within, along with painkillers and heating pads for your back. You eyed multipacks of brand new, comfortable underwear in there, too, and some small plastic bags to dispose of your sanitary products.
You werenât sure if it was just the beginnings of your expected emotional rollercoaster, or the innocent way he was holding it out to you, but you burst into very pathetic, blubbering tears.Â
He quickly placed the basket down on the bed, holding your waist with his hands. âDonât cry. Iâm sorry, did I get the wrongââ
You quickly shook your head, dragging your forearm across your eyes to diminish your tears. âNo. No, Iâm sorry,â you reassured him. âIâm sorry. I justâdid you buy all of that?â
âI did,â he said quietly, looking a tad bit sheepish. âI didnât know which ones would be best for you, so I asked a female assistantââ
âYou asked someone?â You were in disbelief. Heâd gone to the store, looked like a lost sheep in the sanitary products aisle, and asked a clerk to help choose some options for you.
âI realise now that I shouldâve asked you, instead.â
You shook your head again. âNo, Iâm not chastising you, Zayne. IâmâŠIâm hugely impressedâin awe, in fact.â
Zayne frowned at you, evidently puzzled. âImpressed? Is this not what a boyfriend typically does? I didnât do anything special.â
Little did he know, he actually had.Â
You were certain that you werenât the only woman on the planet who had previously been made to feel inferior or shamed by others in regards to your period.Â
There were so many instances where menâand even the occasional woman had mentioned it as a way of insult. Must be her time of the month. Time for someone to change their tampon.Â
Once, you had accidentally pulled a pad out of your bag instead of your notepad in the middle headquarters, and every last one of your male colleagues avoided you for the remainder of the week. It was as if you were infected with a disease that would kill them.
Finding yourself standing before the exception was a shock to your system. A good shock.Â
A real gentleman.Â
You felt your eyes well up again. Tears of fear and worry had become tears of contentment. Finally, for once in your life, you were comfortable in the presence of a man during your cycle.
âI just wanted to make sure you had everything you needed here whenever you stay,â he explained further.
âI love you,â you simply whispered back, a small smile curling your lips.
He still looked thoroughly perplexed at your reaction, like this shouldnât have been something that was happening to you for the first time. Like every other man youâd ever come across will have treated you the way he has.
âI love you, too,â he said, cupping your face with his large, gentle hand. âWere you really going to leave?â
You nodded guiltily, feeling a little silly about your initial freak out. Something had been healed within your soul by his nonexistent judgement of your cycle, and even if he didnât understand it, you were so very lucky and grateful to have a man like him.
He brushed away some of the damp streaks on your cheek with his thumb. âI donât want you to go, but if you want toââ
âIâm not going anywhere,â you whispered back.
The corner of his mouth twitched. âGood. We have more episodes of Love Hospital to watch.â
âI thought we were watching Police Passion?â
He blew out a short laugh before dropping a tender kiss to your smiling lips. It made your heart feel warm and full, a feeling you never wanted to let go of.
âIâll give you some privacy,â he said before taking his leave.
You took the wicker basket of supplies into the en-suite, the smile on your face not wavering as you studied it. Heâd even put a rather pricey bottle of body wash in there for you, the description on the label claiming that its contents would soothe and relax you with scents of chamomile and jasmine.Â
Everything was so tidily placed inside, a true reflection on how much he actually cared about your needs. Even a single incorrect pack of sanitary towels kept somewhere in the bathroom would have been enough for you to know that you didnât need to be uncomfortable with him, but heâd made an effort.Â
A serious effort that he saw as the bare minimum.
After picking out the best suited candidate in the sea of pads and tampons, you got yourself showered and sorted into fresh pyjamas from your bag. The cramping in your stomach started to bother you as soon as you finished getting changed, so you fished around in the basket for the unopened box of ibuprofen and a heating pad for the seizing muscles in your back.
Once youâd emerged from the bedroom, Zayne was nowhere to be seen in the living room. The area around the recliner you had both been lounging in all day was cleared and tidy, not an empty takeout carton or half drunk cup of tea in sight.
Making your way into the kitchen for a glass of water, you found him steeping a mug of raspberry leaf tea to aid your cramping. You quietly grabbed a clean glass to fill with water, popping two capsules of ibuprofen into your hand to take.
Zayne glanced at the clock to memorise what time you were taking this dose, in case you required another later on. âHow are you feeling?â
You smiled softly at him. Despite the storm of misery striking through your body, you still had a reason to smile.
âHappy,â you murmured sincerely. âDespite the devil himself tearing away at my insides.â
He offered a small smile of sympathy back, pulling the sopping teabag out of your mug of tea to discard it. âDo you need anything else? I can go out if thereâs anything you want,â he offered sincerely, not at all troubled by the idea of you needing anything more from him.
Good lord did you love this man.
âJust you, please,â you requested, wanting nothing more than to just cuddle back up with him until the painkillers kicked in.
He obliged your request immediately, picking up the steaming mug of tea with one hand and slipping your hand into the other to lead you back out to the recliner. Before you could seat yourself in the little gap beside him, he gently pulled you onto his lap.
You couldnât help the little flash of panic that shot through you at the thought of sitting on him during your period, but he clearly didnât care. His hands just got straight to work with the heating pad, placing it where you needed it the most.
The rest of the evening was spent with Zayne giving you some luxuriously soothing back rubs to ease the painâwhich had quickly been alleviated thanks to the ibuprofen and teaâfollowed by your regularly scheduled make out sessions whenever his hands started to wander. There wasnât an ounce of bother in him whenever he turned you to straddle his lap, his all time favourite place to have you.Â
He wasnât bothered by anything when it came to taking care of you.
Zayne carefully arranged pillows to support your sleeping form before settling beside you on the bed, your baby bump now beneath the covers. His hand wandered to stroke gentle circles over the swell, awestruck as always by the miracle inside.
"Hey little one," he murmured softly so as not to wake you. "It's just you and me for a chat." A tiny fluttering kick met his palm, drawing a quiet chuckle.
"I want you to know how excited your dad is to meet you," he continued, voice full of wonder. "I'll teach you everything how to walk, talk...".
His eyes drifted to your peaceful expression, love swelling in his chest. "You're going to have the best mommy, you know. She's the kindest, bravest person I know." Brushing hair from your cheek, he pressed a tender kiss to your forehead.
Turning attentions back to your unborn child, Zayne smiled. "I promise I'll support both of you no matter what. We're gonna have so much fun together, the three of us."
Caressing the bump once more, he whispered, "I love you so much already, little peanut. Can't wait to hold you in my arms."
As if in reply, a stronger fluttering pressed against his palm. Smile stretching ear to ear, he rested his head by your side, content to keep watch over his perfect little growing family.
You were curled up asleep on the couch, your baby bump pressing against the cushions as you rested. Rafayel came over quietly and knelt beside you, gently placing a hand on your stomach.
"Hey little one," he whispered softly so as not to wake you. "It's daddy."
He still couldn't believe there was life growing inside the woman he loved most. Your child wasn't even born yet and already he loved them fiercely.
"I just wanted to tell you how excited I am to meet you," he continued, rubbing gentle circles with his palm. "Your mommy and I have been waiting so long for this."
There was a flutter of movement under his hand and Rafayel's breath caught, overcome at even the smallest response. "I know you can't understand me yet, but I promise I'm going to be the best daddy."
Throughout your pregnancy so far, he had doted on your every need and craving. But in quiet moments like this, he also spoke his heart to your unborn baby through your belly.
"We're going to have so much fun learning and playing together. I'll teach you how to draw if you want!" He chuckled softly. "But most of all, I want you to know how much you are loved already, little one."
He placed a tender kiss to your abdomen resting his cheek there.
The evening sun slanted gently through the bedroom window as you slept, your soft breathing the only sound amid peaceful quiet. Xavier lay beside you, propped on an elbow while watching your belly rise and fall beneath his palm.
9 weeks along now, just the faintest swell showed your child's growth nestled safely within.
Leaning down, he placed a tender kiss to your belly through fabric before whispering, "Hey little one. It's Daddy. I know you can't hear me yet but I just wanted to say hi."
He scooped gentle circles with his hand, half expecting to feel answering flutters even this early. His heart swelled impossibly at the idea of hidden tiny fingers and toes taking shape, getting ready to greet him.
"I can't wait to meet you. Your mom and I will do everything to take care of you, keep you safe and loved."
"You'll know so much love, little peanut. We're going to be a perfect happy family together - just wait and see." Xavier sniffed, emotion rising in his voice. His eyes strayed reverently to your peaceful face.
"You're so lucky to have her as your mom. She's going to be the best." He murmured placing soft kiss to your stomach.
You had drifted off to sleep early in the evening, Sylus sat beside you on the couch, watching your peaceful slumber with a quiet smile.
His large hand drifted to rest gently against the swell of your abdomen, feeling the occasional flutter of tiny movements stirring within. His child, strong and spirited even now, responding to his touch.
"Hey there little one," Sylus murmured low, careful not to wake its mother. "It's just us guys for now. You keeping momma company in there?"
A curious prodding against his palm seemed to answer. His smile widened as he continued his one-sided conversation.
"You're going to turn our whole world upside down soon. But me and your mom, we can't wait to meet you. We'll teach you everything - how to walk, talk. Maybe how to wrestle if you're up for it."
Soft chuckling accompanied the mental image before growing serious once more. "Most of all, we'll make sure you know how much you're loved. No matter what."
His fngertips traced soothing patterns over stretched skin, voice dropping lower. "We'll be here for you always, little crow. Me and your mom against the world."
Glancing once more at your sleeping form, he placed a tender kiss to your belly. "Be good to your mom, you hear? See you real soon, little one."
âYou look so dirty...so beautiful I wanna mess you up some more.â He let out and began pounding you in full abandon. The sound of your skin slapping echoed around your room as your body involuntarily swung with the intense force of his thrusts.
âMhmmm...mhmn!â You whined as your knees buckled. He was quick to lift you up, hooking your legs over his elbows.
âYour pussy taking me whole like this is... goddamn sexy-â He changed his pace now withdrawing his cock full teasingly slow so youâd feel his girth and length whenever he thrust right in. âLook at that and tell me whoâs my pretty girl?â he demanded and you whined, impatiently wanting to have him grazing against your walls. âWhoâs my pretty girl? Tell me...whoâs my pretty girl?â
He pulled out and you cried pathetic for his cock, âMe! Me...Iâm your pretty girl...please~â
âVery good.â
And he forcefully shoved his cock inside you and went straight ahead to screwing you like crazy, plunging into your pussy so hard and wild that it felt like your insides were being gouged out. Your juices drizzled as he went in and out. His cock was blazing your flesh as he brought you to an endless build-up it felt so good your vision turned hazy. Your body convulsed uncontrollably as you cried his name out and almost blacked out with the intensity.
He groaned, "Fuck...you feel too good- You're too good for me! Canât hold it in! Canât hold itâ" His face scrunched and you felt his cum warmly oozing inside you.
Catching your breaths, he gently placed you down, hugging you tight so you wonât lose balance. He nuzzled against your neck and lovingly kissed your cheek.
âNow, donât you ever look at the mirror again doubting how beautiful you are.â
From the reflection in the mirror, you tried not to react at the twist in his brow and the momentary confusion in his eyes. Wordlessly, he moved behind you, fingers taking the necklace out of your hand. With his gaze focused on the task before him, you could see him open his mouth, hesitating to speak.
âDid I do something wrong?â he questioned.
Zayneâs deft hands carefully laid the chain around your neck, centering the pendent between your collarbones.
You plastered on your most innocent expression, despite the twinge of guilt you felt at his question.
âHm? Why do you ask?â
Swiftly, he clasped the ends of the chain together. His eyes flicked towards yours in the mirror.
âYouâre calling me by my first name. I thought pet names were an important step in a relationship for you.â
You nodded. âYes, Zayne, I do think itâs an important step.â
His eyes narrowed at your continual uncharacteristic responses.
Folding his arms, he mused aloud. âIt took you some time to drop the title âdoctorâ for me and to just use my name. After we became official, you were quick to call me âloveâ.â
You fiddled with your necklace, trying to, impossibly, force away the heat from your face.
âSo, either I did something to make you upset, orââhe leaned in close to you, the side of his face almost touching yoursââyouâre playing a trick on me.â
You gave a mock frown. He cocked his head to the side, awaiting your response.
âOkay, okay, it was a prank.â Sighing, you surrendered to his deductions. âI wanted to see how youâd react, but you saw right through me,â you mumbled.
His lips quirked. âIâve known you for long enough to figure these things out.â
Wanting to wipe off the amused look he had on his face, you quickly planted a kiss on his cheek. His face turned into surprise. He chuckled, shaking his head at your triumphant smile.
âThank you for helping me, my love."
SYLUS âĄ
âSylus, could you play that new record you bought?â
You called from the sofa. Standing by the record player, he turned to face you. The offence on his face was unmistakable as he placed his hands on his hips.
âSylus?â he scoffed. âWe both know thatâs not what you call me.â
Your brows furrowed, feigning confusion. âWhat are you talking about? Isnât that your name?â
âSweetie,â he levelled a look scepticism at you, âthat hasnât been my name for the past month weâve been together.â
âI still donât know what you mean, Sylus.â
He paused. Gears turned in his head trying to unpack what was happening, much like he would do when reading the truthfulness of a dealer during a bargain.
âY/N.â
Youâve never heard your own name being said in such a serious manner. Perhaps you got a taste of your own medicine.
âIâm not particularly fond of lose-lose situations.â The softness in his tone made you feel weak. âYou can tell me if Iâve done something to annoy you. I wonât be angry.â
âNot at all!â you quickly blurted out. Unable to hide it any longer, you confessed. âYou havenât done anything to annoy me. I was just trying to pull a small prank.â
All the tension visibly released from his body. A relieved sigh escaped him. âYou really do play some dangerous games, kitten.â
Playfulness returned to his voice. âNow then, how will you correct your mistake?â
âHoney,â you drawled out each syllable, making it sound as syrupy as the nickname itself, âcould you play that new record you bought now?â
Sylus couldnât help but laugh at your exaggeration. âWhy of course.â
XAVIER âĄ
âXavier, do you want to try this?â
Subtly glancing at his reaction from the kitchen, you saw his face immediately fall into a pout. The look was fatal, and it took all the willpower you had not to drop the ruse right then and there.
âThatâs not my name,â he answered.
âWhat do you mean?â you chuckled, continuing to put icing on the sugar cookies you baked. âOf course it is!â
âNo, itâs not,â he insisted.
Placing his book down, he walked to stand at your side by the counter. You avoided his eye contact, pretending that nothing was amiss.
Resting a hand under his chin, he began to think. âYou usually call me bunny, sweetheart, sunshine, or darling.â
Your jaw dropped in amused shock. âYou remember all the names Iâve called you?â
His mouth twitches. âThere are some more, but⊠they might be a bit embarrassing to say aloud right now.â
That was enough to make you look at him with wide eyes.
âXavier!â Your face turned pink as you slapped his shoulder. There was no force behind the hit, but enough to convey your embarrassment.
âYou did it again. You used the wrong name.â He stuck his bottom lip out.
You gently poked at his cheek, trying to lift the corner of his lip upwards. âCome on, donât be sad darling.â
Immediately, he brightened before you.
âIt was just a joke I saw couples do online. I wanted to see how youâd react.â
He nodded thoughtfully. âAnd was my reaction satisfactory?â
âI think it was,â you smiled at him, "but itâs a shame I didnât film it, it wouldâve made for a good Moments post.â
He shook his head. âBut, the nicknames we use are only for us.â
The finished cookie in your hand had a bite suddenly taken from it as Xavier leaned down to have a taste.
âI donât want anyone else to know.â
RAFAYEL âĄ
âAre you ready to go yet, Rafayel?â
He continued to hum to himself, completely ignoring you. You folded your arms as you watched him busy himself with something trivial. He flung open a random cupboard and inspected what appeared to be an assortment of spare art supplies.
âRafayel,â you called again.
He then turned his attention to the fishbowl in the centre of the room, where a small orange fish darted around.
âReddie, do you hear something?â he asked, gazing so earnestly into the bowl. This fish paused its movement and stared back at his owner.
âRafayel~â you sang his name aloud this time, extending the last syllable.
He gasped, apparently receiving some confirmation from Reddie.
âYou hear something too? Thank god. I was thinking there must be something wrong with my ears.â
Surveying the room around him, Rafayel intentionally looked past you standing barely a few metres from him, tapping your foot against the wooden floorboards of his studio.
âIt sounds likeââhe continuedââsome kind of voice. Someone familiar to me, but I canât make out who it is.â
âRafayel!â you shouted his name between fits of laughter. Only he could respond to your jokes with his own dramatics.
He sucked in a breath in puzzlement. âI wonder who this person is calling out to.â
âBaby,â you finally conceded, âIâm talking to you!â
It seemed like he couldnât keep up the act either, as he started laughing with you.
âTook you long enough,â he huffed, moving towards you and linking your arm with his. âOtherwise, Reddie and I would have been searching for this phantom voice for the rest of the day.â
summary: you've loved soshiro since you were seven. he will always place his duty above you.
chapt 1 / chapt 2 / chapt 3 / chapt 4 / chapt 5
There is much to speak about, so much to talk about. Hoshina Soshiro says that he loves you, and youâre not sure what that truly means for you, but your brotherâs wedding is not the time to discuss all of that.Â
âWe should get back. Someoneâs going to come looking for us.âÂ
He grips you tighter. âLet themâ, he declares, cheeky grin warm against your mouth. âStay out here with me tonight.âÂ
âCâmon, we canât stay here for too long.â You forcibly extract yourself from the tangle of his arms, and he whines, a needy child deprived of his favourite toy. âOh gods, thereâs lipstick on your mouthâ, you exclaim in horror.
âLeave itâ, he dodges your attempts at dabbing him with tissue.
âDonât be ridiculous, if you appear back inside looking like this, people will talk -â
âLet them talkâ, he says, smirking shamelessly. âI want everyone to know.âÂ
âAbsolutely notâ, you snap, pulling at his collar to get him close enough for you to clean him up, but he just uses the opportunity to capture your mouth again. Itâs preposterous, the way he manages to turn your brain into mush with just the press of his lips. You have to scrabble at your last remaining brain cell to regroup your train of thought.Â
âSoshiro!â you squeal, swatting at him. âStop it!âÂ
âFine, fineâ, he laughs boyishly. The sound sends another wave of helpless affection in your stomach, but you strengthen your resolve and rub all evidence of - of what youâve been up to, well, before, off of his mouth.Â
âYouâre ridiculousâ, you say, throwing his haori off your shoulders, shoving it into a ball against his chest.Â
âRidiculously in love with youâ, he quips, and you groan at his cheesiness.Â
âCâmonâ, you push yourself onto your feet, balancing precariously on your crutches. âLetâs get back before anyone finds us out here.âÂ
He grumbles in protest when you point blank refuse to allow him to princess carry you back into the ballroom. You will not let him make a scene at your brotherâs wedding. Itâs already manifestly obvious to anyone with eyes what youâve both been up to, his hair a dark, tousled mess, his bottom lip red and swollen - and you suppose you mirror him, though you donât dare to check.Â
You try to insist on entering the ballroom separately, but he keeps his hand on the small of your back. Itâs a good thing that you left at the tail-end of the wedding when all scheduled events are over, making your disappearance less conspicuous, but his lean, lithe figure never fails to turn heads, especially when he follows you back to your seat like a shadow, delivering you back to your parents with a promise that heâll be back.Â
You want to melt under the table as your younger cousin's jawsâ drop simultaneously.Â
âIs he your boyfriend?â they demand, clambering over each other to interrogate you.Â
âWeâre friendsâ, you insist.Â
Itâs not a lie. You havenât had the chance to scope out what all of this means, where exactly you stand, what he wants from you, but from the way his shoulders stiffen, his gaze resting heavy on your back even as dessert is served, you know heâs chomping at the bit to exhibit his disagreement with your statement in a very visible way. Â
âNoâ, you mouth at him when you manage to get everyoneâs attention off you.Â
âYou just waitâ, he mouths back, folding his arms, sticking his tongue out at you.Â
You are glad he manages to behave himself until the festivities are over and youâve completed your remaining duty to stand by your parents and thank each and every guest for their attendance at your brotherâs weddings. His parents smile warmly at you, his mother even holding up the line of exiting guests to invite you out to dinner with them - âan opportunity to eat some good unagiâ, she says, looking inordinately pleased with herself, your parents looking on and nodding indulgently.Â
âNauseatingâ, Sochiro pretends to retch. âMy little brotherâs been staring at you all night.âÂ
âThe toiletâs that way if youâve had too much to drinkâ, you call after him sweetly. His mother drags him away by his ear.Â
You know Soshiroâs approaching you when your cousinsâ eyes threaten to bug out of their sockets. âMay I steal her away?â he asks your parents, hand flat against your back, electricity zipping up your spine.Â
âIâm busy - â you try to ward him off with an excuse, but your parents wave you off.Â
âIâll take care of her from hereâ, he says solemnly, a promise.Â
âIâm being kidnappedâ, you inform your parents, whose only reaction is to blithely tell you both to have fun and stay safe. Youâre glad he doesnât make more of a scene in front of everyone, but he still canât resist sweeping you up into his arms once the doors to the ballroom close behind you. âWhere are we going?!â you shriek, as he slides you into a waiting car in the lobby, his familyâs driver handing the keys over to him. Â
âWeâre going somewhere private so I can convince you that weâre not just friendsâ, he replies, winding the car through the brightly lit streets of the city.Â
You huff, head rolling against the headrest. âYou know I only said that because -âÂ
â-âcos youâre embarrassed?âÂ
âAbsolutely notâ, you snap, sitting up straight. âAnyone with a working brain could never be embarrassed of being associated with you -â, you break off as he starts grinning. âYouâre just fishing for a compliment now, arenât you -âÂ
âOh no, noâ, he laughs, turning the car out of the city into the quieter, residential suburbs where his familyâs resided for generations. âBut please, feel free to keep goinâ on, I rather like hearing you sing my praises -âÂ
âYouâre incorrigibleâ, you fold your arms.Â
âYeahâ, he replies, reaching over to hold your hand. âBut thatâs what you love about me, isnât it?âÂ
You squeeze his hand in reply.Â
He stops the car at a park, where you and he used to play when you were children, the metal frame of the playground corrugated and rusting but still standing, sturdy enough to hold your weight as he settles you against it. Youâre grateful that thereâs just a lone street lamp illuminating the playground, the light amber and low, hiding the heat in your cheeks when he leans in close enough for you to see count each crinkle at the corner of his eyes.Â
âSoâ, he says huskily. âAre we really just friends?âÂ
Your first instinct is to run far away from him (if your legs would hold up), because the truth is, youâre scared. You donât know what the future has in store for you both. You donât know if he can do his duty while leaving space in his life for you, especially if youâre still going to be in Osaka for the foreseeable future, more than three hundred miles away.Â
But lifeâs too short for you to be governed by fear. You hammer your spine straight.Â
âWhen I was - in a comaâ, he makes a noise of distress in his throat, shifting to hover protectively over you, âI had - Iâm not quite sure what it was, really - and I know this sounds like Iâm going crazy, but Iâm not, I promise -âÂ
âGo onâ, he urges, hand on your hip to steady you.Â
You tell him about the girl with sad eyes who loved the boy with midnight hair. You tell him how, in every lifetime, itâs the boyâs destiny to only live for his duty, the girlâs fate to live with a broken heart.Â
âIt scares meâ, you say. âIt makes me wonder if there is any hope for us.â
He stays quiet for a while. Itâs a relief that he doesnât laugh at you, but when he lapses into silence, you can hear the beat of your heart in your throat. You open your mouth to downplay your words, suddenly anxious that youâve said too much, he must think youâve lost your mind, but Soshiro finally speaks, his words slow and measured.Â
âI wonât deny that Iâve always put my duty first my entire lifeâ, he replies. âAnd I canât promise that Iâll ever stop. Itâs my duty to use my skills to hunt kaijus, just like my ancestors whoâve come before me.â
You nod. âI donât expect you to stop doing any of that.â Â
âI know you donâtâ, he says, his fingers slotting between yours, bringing your joined hands up to his lips. âThat doesnât mean I canât do my duty while doinâ right by youâ, he says, voice so thick with sincerity that you have to catch your breath. âGive me a chance to show you I can do both.âÂ
âLetâs both do our bestâ, you say against his mouth.Â
He kisses you again and again, as if sealing his promise with his lips.Â
The distance between Osaka and Tokyo remains an obstacle to his promise.Â
He tries his best, continues to visit you on his days off from work, takes you out on dates, outings to cafes where you both talk for hours on end, activities when your legs are finally mended enough to carry your weight without aid. He keeps in touch with you when heâs away, sends you bubbles of his thoughts in between training and patrols, funny videos that he thinks you might like.Â
When the doctors finally clear you, you decide to meet him halfway. âIâm moving back to Tokyoâ, you tell him over a call. Thereâs nothing but static for a while, before you hear him give a huge whoop. It leaves you grinning for days.Â
Your jobâs still waiting for you when you move back. The transition from convalescence to full-time physical activity overwhelms you at first, even when your physiotherapist gives you the greenlight. Your legs still feel like jelly, muscle mass dissipated from your long period of inactivity, but Soshiro sends you his encouragement, texts you his suggestions for exercises to rebuild your strength. Your colleagues rally around you, giving you the confidence to pick up your hammer and tongs again.Â
Your parents drive you and your pots of plants back to Tokyo, where you secure a little apartment in a quiet neighbourhood, nicely situated near Izumo Tech, not too far away from Tachikawa base. Theyâre overly eager to get you out of their house, though they deny it when you sourly point it out.Â
âWe just want to make sure you and Hoshina-kun get to see each other moreâ, they tell you.Â
âMy parents are throwing me at your headâ, you inform him via text.Â
He sends you a laughing emoji. âMy motherâs planning our wedding. Sheâs convinced that Sochiroâs a hopeless case, so Iâm her only shot at seeinâ one of her sons married off.âÂ
You snort, shaking your head. His mother had indeed made such comments all throughout the unagi dinner she hounded Soshiro into bringing you. Youâve known the family since you were a child, but you still harboured worries that they might think you fall short of their son. Your familyâs worked with his for generations, but the Hoshina clan is wealthy, well established, not like your familyâs working class roots.Â
But your worries are unfounded, because she forces you to take the fattest slices of unagi, much to the disgust of Sochiro, who was also threatened into attendance, scolds Soshiroâs father when he tries to talk shop with you, tersely reminding the men of her family that she wants âone dinner where the family can talk about something non-kaiju related, so she can finally get to know her future daughter-in-law sheâs been waiting her whole life forâ.Â
You want to sink under the table and combust at the same time. Soshiro mirrors your expression.Â
Sochiro glares. âWhy does everyone think Iâm incapable of findinâ someone.âÂ
His mother smiles serenely, patting his hand. âCos youâre you, mâdear. And thatâs quite alright.âÂ
You and Soshiro burst into laughter at Sochiroâs expression of disgust.Â
Itâs not as if your relationship with Soshiro is smooth-sailing, even when youâve moved to Tokyo. Your fears haunt you still, especially when he has to blow off some of your dates, occasionally going a week without seeing you because of work. And even when you get him to yourself, his work has a pesky way of getting between you.
Heâs mouthing your name into the hollow of your throat, hand on your hip slipping into your waistband. Heâs right where you want him - perhaps he could be moving a little faster, but then his phone buzzes and he immediately rolls off you.Â
âDuty callsâ, he tells you. âIâm really sorry.âÂ
âItâs fineâ, you say, though you stay on your bed staring at your ceiling for a good half hour after he leaves.Â
Itâs difficult to keep those ugly insecurities in check, and they eat at you, a festering wound that gnaws away at your insides, but youâre reluctant to raise your unhappiness. Your time with Soshiro is so limited, and you donât want to come across as ungrateful or insecure.Â
But itâs impossible to hide anything from Soshiro.Â
âItâs obvious youâre unhappyâ, he says, looping his arm around you when you next meet. âTalk to me.âÂ
âItâs a waste of time -âÂ
âNo it isnâtâ, he cuts in, cupping your face in warm, steady hands. âI always wanna listen to what you have to say.â
âAlways?â, you say, burying your face in his shoulder. âThatâs a bold claim.âÂ
âThatâs a promiseâ, he says with a chuckle. âSo, spill.âÂ
It takes the edge off your fear and unhappiness when you bring them out into the sun. You feel better with your gripes out in the open, acknowledged by Soshiro. To his credit, he really tries his best, and itâs the effort he puts into you appreciate. He schedules his weapon checks to coincide with your lunch breaks, just so you can spend a few more precious minutes with him.Â
Itâs fortunate that your work also gives you an excuse to see him from time to time. Youâre called in to adjust the hilt of his blade, to compensate for the minute change in his grip whenever he wears the Number 10 suit. Its sentience frightens you, now that you see it up close for yourself, its will jostling against Soshiro, debating the best way to attack, never defend, and you nearly jump right out of your skin when the metal tail slithers up behind you, curling around your ankle.Â
âThis human isnât too uselessâ, you hear a metallic, disjointed voice say. âBut youâre distracted around it.âÂ
Soshiro kicks the tail. âOi, sheâs not uselessâ, he says hotly. âSheâs the reason Iâm even here.âÂ
âOh hoâ, the suit chuckles. âIs this the sentiment that humans talk about? I donât understand it, myself but itâs interesting to see it up close.âÂ
You bend over to run your hand over the suitâs metal scales. âDonât give Hoshina-kun a hard time, okay? You canât go apeshit and destroy things if you donât work together properly.âÂ
It rumbles its approval, almost like a cat purring, its tail tightening around your shin. Soshiro, eyes narrowed, immediately orders you out of the testing ground. âIt likes you too muchâ, he complains, once heâs stripped off the suit and out of the earshot of his colleagues. âSays you understand it - itâs a fuckinâ kaiju, it doesnât even know you -â
âAre you jealous of your own suit?â you giggle at the absurdity of the situation.Â
ââCourse notâ, he says too quickly. âIâm just tryinâ to keep you safe.âÂ
âFrom a suit turned suitor?â you tease. âJealous you have competition?âÂ
He pouts. âI just donât like to shareâ, he admits sheepishly. âI already donât get enough time to spend with you, now this damn kaiju suit thinks it can sweet talk you -âÂ
You burst out laughing. He kisses you to shut you up.Â
Beyond work, you keep yourself busy with your plants and pottery lessons, and remind yourself that he canât help when a kaiju pops up, and one of the many reasons you love him is for his drive and determination to fulfil his duty. He comes to you once, slightly abashed, with yonju guts all over his form.Â
âSorry Iâm late. Had a yonju pop up just as I was leavinâ baseâ, when you gape at him.Â
You drag him into your bathroom, ordering him to strip. He waggles his eyebrows at you, but you grab the showerhead and sit him between your knees. He leans his head against your thighs as you scrub shampoo through his dark hair and talks about his day.Â
Softly, he asks. âAm I doinâ things right by you?â
âDâyou even need to ask?â you reply lightly, building a crown of soap suds on his head. âYouâve done your duty and more and you make me so damn proud. Just - just make sure you always come back to me.âÂ
You can feel his smile unfurl against your skin.Â
You fall into a comfortable rhythm. A year passes and itâs summer again. Â
Your house is filled with a sea of blooms when Soshiro buys you two huge pots bursting with hydrangeas and violets. Then he takes a week off work and spends it stuffing you with endless bowls of kakigori, taking you out to all the parades, lantern lightings and firework festivals across Tokyo.Â
âI made a promiseâ, he says when you question him, bemused by his sudden enthusiasm for summertime activities. âPlus, if I stuff myself with shaved ice, I wonât have stomach to steal your ice cream again.âÂ
âYou stay away from my fridge or Iâll strangle youâ, you laughingly threaten him.Â
He buys another bowl of kakigori to share with you, laden with golden peaches. Well, itâs a win win for you both so you donât interrogate him further. Itâs a treat to see Soshiro dressed up in a cotton yukata, cheerfully buying an armful of food from street vendors to snack on while watching the night sky explode in colour beside you.Â
At the end of the week, you both take the train back to Osaka for obon, Sochiro refusing to drive you both on the basis that heâs allergic to being a third wheel. You retort by sending him the numbers of your colleagues who find him cute, âthough you have no idea whyâ, you qualify, and he sends you rude gifs in response.
You drop by the Hoshina estate to spend time with Soshiroâs family. Everything remains as it was when you were a child, perhaps the way it has been in past lifetimes, the manicured bonsai trees, the precisely raked ripples in white gravel. Soshiro asked you to wait for him in the courtyard where you first met him as a child of seven, where the ghosts of your childhood linger. Youâre a few minutes too early, so you seek shade from the sunâs glare in a sitting room with a familiar looking katana. Â
An echo of a past dream draws you in. âHe died in battleâ, you read the caption below the blade softly to yourself. âHis body was never found.âÂ
(a boy who does his duty too well)Â
(and what of love, a girl asks)Â
In another lifetime, that couldâve been Soshiro. In this lifetime, it still could be Soshiro.Â
Distantly, you hear Soshiro call your name, waking you from your daydream. Warm hands rest on your shoulders, turning you to face him. âNot with your blade in my handâ, he says - and of course, Soshiro knows your thoughts, even if you donât put them into words. âNot in this lifetime.âÂ
The blade gleams in the lamplight. But the ring that Soshiro presents you sparkles in the summer sun.Â
Hand over mouth, you watch with wide eyes as he drops to one knee.Â
âIn this lifetimeâ, his hands shake as he threads your fourth finger with his ring. âLet me always come home to you.âÂ
In this lifetime, violets bloom throughout the year, improbable as it may be. In this lifetime, the boy still does his duty, but is not a stranger to love. In this lifetime, the girlâs heart is battered and bruised but ultimately is welded whole again, unbroken. In this lifetime, against the odds, your dreams bear fruit, your love awaits you.Â
âTadaimaâ, you say. Welcome home.Â
âOkaerieâ, he replies, nearly falling over when you throw your arms around his neck. Iâm home.Â
a/n: ty for hanging with me these past month and indulging me in my love for one hoshina soshiro. i'm not sure when i'll write again, but i'm forever grateful that you've given me and this fic another chance - do check out my other fics if you love this one!
"time cast a spell on you, but you won't forget me / i know i could have loved you but you wouldn't let me / you'll never get away from the sound of the woman that loves you" but make it about hoshina soshiro
when hoshina soshiro ended things with you, he said he did it because you deserve more than to be a young widow.
you would have called bullshit, but you recognise the truth is not far from his argument - defense force officers sometimes succumb to fatal injuries during kaiju attacks, and hoshina may be a skilled swordsman, but he isn't a god. as if the reason isn't enough, you knew that if he had wanted to stay with you despite being aware of the possibility of him dying in the field, he would have.
ten days before your third anniversary, hoshina abandoned your life and did not leave any traces at all. you did not know whether to be thankful that he was the one to tell your mutual friends of what transpired between you two.
it should have relieved hoshina; not being tied up in a relationship gave him more freedom to choose for himself - he even agreed to wear the weaponised kaiju no. 10 suit despite the likelihood of his lifespan decreasing because at least this time, he isn't worried that he will be leaving you alone in this world should something tragic happen to him. he's a more effective vice-captain if he doesn't have anything to lose.
really, it should have relieved hoshina but it doesn't.
he still makes his coffee the same way you taught him how to when you were just first seeing each other - two sugar and one cream, because he likes sweet things. everytime his jokes sell among the crowd of new recruits, he would get a flashback of how your laugh would sound like. he doesn't know if it's just in his head because it's been a while since he's seen you, much less heard your laugher. one time, when a particularly brutal kaiju attack occurred in the area close to where you live, hoshina soshiro prayed for the first time since he was a child - begging for any saint who would listen that hopefully you're safe, that you're alive.
really, the breakup should have relieved hoshina but it didn't. sometimes when he is too tired from training he would fall to his bed, his hand would trace the other side of the mattress for you only to find the cold and empty touch of his own blanket.
if there was one thing sharper than the blades hoshina soshiro wielded, it would be the words that escaped his lips.
hoshina knows how to sugarcoat his words. he considers himself a good talkerânegiotiator, if you would. however, when it comes to more sensitive topics, thatâs when it all starts to crumble down.Â
he never expected for him to catch feelings, especially with the line of work he takes. itâs too risky. dangerous. worrying. but he fell as deep as the ocean could get for you. you accepted it. him and his line of work. him as a whole.
yet soshiro seems to forget that sometimes.
getting out of a mission unscathed was impossible. he would always have at least one injury planted on him. it was a repetitive game of russian roulette where either his injuries would be severe or light. and unfortunately for him, today was sadly the former.Â
a knock was heard at the door of the hospital room heâs staying in. a mission had recently just finishedâabout three days had passed, and soshiro was unconscious for the first two due to how he overexerted himself. âcome in,â he says. and to his surprise, he saw you opening the door.
soshiro hasnât told you about him being hospitalized yetâso how?
âcaptain ashiro told me.â oh. so thatâs how. well, he was aware that you had also built a friendship with his commander. and that was completely fine with him. it was awkward when you walked over to the bed, pulling out the chair for you to sit on. you refused to make eye contact with him while soshiro just stared at you.
neither of you has an idea of what to say.
âi wish you told me as soon as you woke up. i was worried sick when i heard the news about the kaiju attack and all.â you said, keeping your gaze focused on your fingers as they played with each other. he flinches slightly as guilt starts to bubble up inside of him. it was already five in the afternoon and heâs been awake since ten in the morning. he wishes that he told you as soon as he woke up as well.
however, thereâs one thing that has started to creep onto soshiro latelyâfear. insecurity, perhaps. he gets haunted by the thought that you would definitely be happier in someone elseâs arms and that you would be more happy being bathed in someone elseâs affection. being with a man like hoshina soshiro was dangerous, as if it were a gamble to play.
because you never know if youâll still wake up to him being alive the next day. and believe it or not: hoshina was scaredâterrified of that possibility. he doesnât want you to be sad, he crumbles at the thought of you crying in the first place. so he made it a task for him to push you away. to be distant.
to be someone you would hate.
thatâs the only way he could keep you safe.
âsorry. i didnât want to disturb you.â bullshit.
âwhyâŠâ you trailed off. soshiro noticed that you werent playing with your fingers anymore and that you were now clenching your fists. âwhy would you think that? soshiro, your health matters to me.â his heart also clenched when he heard the slight crack in your voice. âwhy would it matter to you? i could die any day.â
âare you being serious right now?â he hates it. he hates the way that the first time he saw your eyes today, they were filled with such negative emotions. anger. hurt. confusion. âdo i look like iâm kidding?â
âsoshiro, why are you acting like this? did i do something wrong? i know we havenât seen each other a lot because weâve been both busy.â no, you didnât. this is my fault, but this is also for the best. is what he wanted to sayâbut he just swallows up his words. âitâs nothing.â
âno, itâs not just ânothing.â tell me whatâs wrong, please? so we can fix it. it pains me when weâre like this.â it pains him tooâit pains him so fucking bad. but hoshina soshiro is stubborn. so he will find himself accomplishing his task, whether it pains him or not.
because all he wants is the best for you, even if he wouldnât be able to provide that.
â â â â â â â âÂ
he doesnât know how things got so heated between the two of you. and heâs sure that you both might disturb the other patients who are confined in the room next to his.
âwhy wonât you just tell me whatâs wrong? i feel like an idiot, soshiro! what am i?! some fucking mind reader on what goes on inside your head?!â
âlike i told you, itâs nothing for you to worry about! what canât you understand with that?!â
âwhat canât you understand with me saying itâs not just nothing?!â
âand what canât you understand with me implying that you shouldnât care anymore?! dp i have to spell it out for you?â
you werenât sitting down anymore, and hoshina doesnât dare to speak anymore. fighting with you was the worst. and this time, he fucked up real bad. âi⊠itâs getting late. i should get going.â you say, and soshiro could feel a part of him shattering when he heard you hold back a sob.
the next time soshiro saw you, he was on his day off (a day off he didnât really want to take but captain ashiro forced him otherwise since the doctors told him he shouldnât be making his body engage in strenuous activities just yet). and the first thing he did? he visited you. he knew you get off work early on fridays, making you free for the rest of the weekend earlier.
he knocks on your door, although hesitantly. heâs nervous as he waits for you to open the door.
and heâs grateful that you still opened the door for him in spite of your last conversation with each other. you didnât say anything as you opened the door further, inviting him in. the awkwardness gave hoshina a rush of deja vu about the awkwardness in the hospital room.
âiâm sorry.â although these two words donât just cut it so easily, he thinks.
âdo you really mean it? what you said in the hospital?â
his breath hitched as he found the right words to say. if hoshina was going to be honest, he hasnât thought much about what to do at this point. surely, he had achieved his goal that night, right? âyeah.â
âliar.â
he turns to you immediately, and you were already looking at him to begin with. âyouâre lying, and i could tell that because youâre nibbling on your lip. you always do that when you lie. just tell me the truth, soshiro, please.â
why should he? would you accept his reason? would you accept the insecurities that haunt his every waking thought? would you accept him even though he said such mean things to you the last time you saw each other?
would you still love him despite it all?
you would. you always would.Â
and so he explains from the very startâwhen and where these thoughts started in the first place. and you listen to him intently, absorbing every single detail he says. once he was done, you took a deep breath.Â
âgod, youâre so stupid. did you know that?â soshiro lets out a weak chuckle at that, avoiding your gaze. you cup his face with your hands, making him face you. âlook at me,â he refuses. âsoshiro, look at me.â he then complies, slowly trailing his eyes across your features before resting them on your gaze.
âyou donât get to decide whatâs best for me when it comes to this type of thing, okay? i love who i want to love. you donât get to decide that iâd be happier with someone else. because i love you. i love you more than you could ever imagine, more than you could ever feel. remember that. engrave that inside your mind so you can never forget. you are the one i am helplessly in love with, soshiro.â
i love you. i love you. i love you. it repeats inside his mind. you are the one i am helplessly in love with. it echoes. soshiro feels stupid for attempting to become someone you hated in the first place. there was no way he could ever bear the possibility of you actually hating him.
how could he forget? you had already accepted him as a whole. through thick and thin, you will stand by his side.
when it comes to the medical team assigned to the tachikawa base, however, that is when he plays favorites (though you would never see the vice captain of the third division actually admit that; he prefers calling it his âpreferencesâ). whenever he finds himself in the baseâs infirmary, he will always look for you. and when heâs lucky, which on most occasions he is, then heâll have you treat his wounds. itâs just something that hoshina has grown accustomed to whenever he finds himself there. nothing more, nothing less (a lie).
you were a special case for the vice captain. there was just something about the way you handled his wounds compared to others. call it picky, but he just prefers the gentle treatment that you give his wounds. (how come hoshina constantly prefers to be treated by you when others would treat him the same? isn't that part of your job in the first place?)
(the answer is simpleâitâs simply an act of soshiro hoshina asking for some quality time, even if heâs all bruised and bloody.)
âiâm almost convinced that you do this on purpose sometimes.â
soshiro simply grins at you. you werenât entirely wrongâbut itâs not like hoshina asks himself to get hurt when he goes out on missions in the first place. he could handle himself pretty well; he has the high position of being the vice captain of the third division, for christâs sake. but perhaps it is inevitable that even the vice captain would come out of a mission unscathed.
âi like the concern from you.â
you give him a lighthearted eyeroll, to which he only grins even wider. "i'm sure you do," yet that grin slowly dissipated as he winced slightly at the feeling of the alcohol touching the wound near his eyebrow. âsorry, did that hurt too much?â you asked him, worried that it mightâve stung too much for his liking. this type of close proximity was normal for you and him. after all, itâs not like this is the first time your face was this close to hisâthough those are times when hoshina feels rather affectionate with you rather than in pain due to some wound he got.
ânothing i canât handle, love.â he says, recovering quite fast from the alcohol sting. he was then met with a gentle tap on the lipsâhoshina knows it was a warning from you. âwatch your words, vice captain.â you say, applying a small gauze pad to his wound and securing it with paper tape.
âcanât really help it when you look so pretty up close, sweetheart.â
you ignored his remark but soshiro could see the smile that tugged on your lips at the petname. you then moved on to his next wound, which is on his left shoulder. his expression softens as he watches you inspect his wound, a small amount of guilt bubbling up inside of him. âthis is gonna need a little stitch,â you sighed, grabbing another cotton ball, pouring the right amount of alcohol on it, and preparing to gently dab it on the wound. âand this might hurt a bit again.â you give him a heads up.
âlike i said, itâs nothing that i canât handle,â he reassured. whether itâs you heâs reassuring or himself to convince himself, neither of you really know. he hissed slightly when the cotton ball came into contact with his skin; it was barely even heard that he hissed in the first place. but you noticed it; you always do. you would notice everything about the man before you and he would do the same.
after cleaning his shoulder wound, you proceeded to prepare to stitch it up. there was no one else in the infirmary at the moment; it was now only you and hoshina there. he silently watched you as you quickly arranged the surgical suture. and even when you started the stitching, the deafening silence was still comfortable.Â
soshiro gently raised his right arm since it was uninjured and used his hand to smoothly tuck your other strands of hair behind your ear. you looked at him, raising an eyebrow at his gesture. he smiles at you in return. âyour hair might get in the way. we donât want my stitches to have your hair stuck in them now, don't we?â
you quickly finish up the stitch and put gauze on top as well. âiâm sorry.â soshiroâs apology is as genuine as it always is whenever he gets treated in this same room. âiâm starting to feel quite better now, though. couldnât do it without my favorite nurse.â he continues, as he grabs ahold of your unoccupied hand.
he hears you chuckle at his words as you interlock your fingers together. âavoid arduous training or activities for a good one week and youâll be good as new.â you said, sighing as now youâre finally done with treating your boyfriend. âeh? no fair. i have to go help the rookies train the day after tomorrow.â
âiâm sure captain ashiro would let you off the hook in the meantime, soshiro.â
âoh, weâre on a first name basis now?â he asks, and this time it was his turn to raise an eyebrow. you bring your other hand up to his cheek, caressing it as your thumb grazes his cheek bone. he leans into your palm as if it were a reflex. âweâve always been on a first name basis, dummy.â you say.
âmaybe all of my pain could go away if you just gave me a little kiss, you know, as your vice captain.â
ânow thatâs just abuse of authority. do you ask other nurses for a kiss too?â you pouted.
âthatâs why your my favorite nurse.â he replies, clearly emphasizing the word âfavoriteâ as he steals a kiss from you.
yeah, vice captain soshiro hoshina definitely does not play favorites.