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Discovering My Passion

My father was always taking me to the shooting range because it was his passion and one of his businesses when I was 8 years old. I was always bored because sport shooting was not my thing back then because an 8-year-old girl only wants to play, whereas an adult wants to learn new and interesting things. My father always told me that I needed to participate in at least one sport, but I ignored him, I began playing lawn tennis when I was nine years old. I thought I'd found my passion, but years have passed. I stopped playing lawn tennis due to a heavy workload of schoolwork, school activities, and organization activities. I was inspired by some sport shooters' vlogs, Now I am sorry that I did not listen to my father, but I am also grateful that I discovered and tried new things when I was younger, so I told my father about it, and now I consider sport shooting to be my hobby and talent.

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My Comfort Food

When I was seven years old, this became my favorite snack. It is a common Italian dish with flattened dough and top of various toppings that everyone enjoys. There are several variants, and some of the restaurants create their own style. pepperoni , meatballs, pineapple, bell peppers, and a variety of other toppings are popular. Baked easily at a high temperature.

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​            Duality within expectations is something I have failed to realize during the earlier years of my life. As a child, I saw these expectations as a goal that provides me with purpose in doing my work with great precision to impress the people around me. As an angsty early teen, I saw them as chains wrapped around my body that impair my ability to express myself fully, so I challenged them to determine my identity. As a somewhat young adult, I see both light and dark within the complexity of the expectations given to me by others and by myself, and for that, I lost myself.

Senior high school has always been a critical year for me. I was afraid of making a decision that could significantly affect the rest of my life. I had conflicting judgments on how vital those two years are for my future, and the pressure of choosing a strand is just preliminary stress from the impending decision for college. Weighing in the pros and cons and going through with the decisions I had made, I learned something that is beyond the four corners of my school.

              The implementation of the Senior High School Program aims to equip the students with skills and knowledge that would enable them to be globally competitive. It was a chance to make lives better, to give us more opportunities to succeed in life. But when the pandemic came, it shattered everything we know and changed our priorities entirely. As difficult things are, with all the changes and extra challenges, how does one determine when they've already achieved the most in life?

The pressure builds up as we are in a race against time; there is no room for errors. The race that we had long been running had just gotten more overwhelming. With all the choices besieging my head, I decided to stop, figuratively. It's something I've never considered doing before. To tune out the voices in my head that force me to be perfect. To stop looking at the judging eyes of those around me and to conform to the standards they've set. But when I stopped getting their approval, when I was no longer making them proud, does this mean I've failed?

Growing up, there is always this person I have to be, a person who changes to please the people around me. I had long equated my value on how others perceive me, practically begging for them to validate my existence. But it is when I stopped, I started to appreciate the little things around me—the simple joys of not having to run the race but appreciating the view. I let go of all the expectations, all the stress, and I am left with nothing but the burned marks of holding something so easy to let go of. I was free. Then, I was lost. I got rid of the masks and saw nothing but a shadow of who I used to be. Who am I when no one tells me who I should be? Slowly I let the voices be heard again. I took notice of the little details about who I am and how I am influenced by those around me. The journey of self-discovery is a long one, but it is a route I am willing to take.

During the pandemic, I took the chance to devote time to myself. With that, I am able to understand myself further and the environment around me. The world we live in today is not easy. We were forced to change too much, too fast. People, both rich and poor alike, had to adjust to a whole new way of living. We look up to leaders who empathize with the way we feel, who are honest and trustworthy, and who are able to lead us away from this nightmare. With all the mess going on in the world, I chose to find tranquility within myself.

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The Making of a Leader

Vince Lombardi once said the iconic quote “leaders are made, they are not born,” which is part of a longer one saying “Leaders are made, they are not born. They are made by hard effort, which is the price which all of us must pay to achieve any goal that is worthwhile.”. That quote was said on the belief that people can become great leaders when adequately taught and trained. However, what makes a great leader may vary depending on several external factors, such as the people being governed and the requirement for the role. As a leader of a nation, the role and the responsibilities are multiplied by a magnitude. Many people look up to them, searching for guidance as they have given their trust to those leaders to guide them to prosperity. With that being said, I believe that the three most important characteristics that make a great leader for a nation are Integrity, Adaptability, and Empathy, as they encompass all that is necessary. To know what makes a great leader, one must first be able to define what leadership is. Leadership is such a simple word, yet it brings with it so much complexity. Many great authors and leaders alike have brought themselves to define what it implies, but the definition they give often contrasts with one another. The pandemic truly tested what makes a leader great, from their priorities to their response, the people were helplessly looking at them for answers. No one is looking for that bravado or any useless antics. The people need a leader who has integrity for his/her country, who is adaptable no matter how drastic the change may be, and has empathy for the people's suffering.

Davis, Jeffrey. “How to Lead with Integrity.” Tracking Wonder, Tracking Wonder, 16 Jan. 2020, trackingwonder.com/lead-with-integrity/.

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The Road to Myself

Nowadays, It is easy to get lost within the compliments of others and the criticisms as well. We live in a time where we desire the validation of our existence, and with everyone online due to the pandemic, it could easily be derived from various social media platforms. A few likes and hearts give us short-term satisfaction, thus making us crave even more. Existing at a time where mental illness is a trend, communicating doubts became risky as people are divided whether victims are real or just joining the bandwagon. Due to this, real problems become more difficult to reveal, and we are pressured to meet the invisible standards set up by others. Instead of being an outlet for positivity, social media became a platform for comparison. Self-esteem is lower than ever; seeing how everyone else is doing better in life makes feelings problematic. The easiest solution is to unplug from social media, but since everyone and everything is happening online, that seems like a less probable choice. So I opt to change my mindset instead. The road to identifying myself beyond others' perception of who I am is difficult, especially since I have spent most of my life pleasing everyone else but myself.

Self-esteem is described as a person’s sense of worth or value. This may include but is not limited to confidence, security, identity, and belongingness. However, when social media took people by storm, self-esteem decreased as a result of storytelling online, wherein our online presence creates a much better reality than the one we live in. When the pandemic began, our online fantasy became our escape from the harsh reality we need to face. With people’s fear of missing out, the hunger to view updates, posts, comments, and tweets just grew even more. However, not everything online is dark and depressing. Social Media has also been an avenue to bring light to many issues formerly ignored. Though the lack of physical interactions sometimes sends the wrong message, there are times that opening up the conversation about it is sufficient. One of those conversations is talking about mental health. However, it became so mainstream that some people use it to justify their bad behavior, to think that having mental illness is cool and relatable. This gave a negative perception on the people who feel the need to express their emotions freely as they can come off as sensitive and easily offended. It made the conversation harder.

One of the silver linings from that mental health takeover is when everyone seems to be chanting Love Yourself, although I cannot wrap my head around it’s concept. It seems selfish and vain when love is meant to be selfless. To love yourself is to choose yourself. It seems easy enough, but for some reason, it was not. Having spent the entirety of my earlier years meeting everyone's expectations, it was too late to stray from it now without drawing too much attention. I have identified myself to please other people; thus, I tailor my personality depending on the people around me. At first, I thought it was expected to treat people differently since they require various things. To be kind and not hurt their feelings, to not feel left out, or for them to enjoy your company. Although, when the lockdown began and I am left all by myself, no one telling me who to be, I began questioning myself and the choices I had made so far. All of those things I usually do were fine until it became exhausting and impossible to put on this facade. It turns out that people-pleasing personality originated from low self-esteem that fuels the sense of inferiority. When the feeling of low confidence piles up, it gradually intensifies to the point of being self-critical and normalizing to seek validation from others.

​Though it is easy to blame the fault on social media, how is it justifiable to blame our low self-esteem on an inanimate object? People are the ones who abuse the use of technology to the point of no turning back. We cannot change what everyone else is posting online, but we have the choice on what we see and what we do. Taking a chance from that silver lining, I tried filling my social media with positivity. Changing my mindset was not easy, as my initial reactions were always negative ones. However, with sufficient knowledge, I rewire my train of thought and correct my initial response to a more favorable one.

I realized that only when we rid ourselves of the chains that bind us to others can we indeed be free. But to be free comes with the price of losing yourself. It is a challenging road, but I am facing it one step at a time. I don’t pressure nor expect myself to be better in just a few months. The journey may be long, but it is my journey, and comparing it would be unfair to me, and the people I love. I owe it to them and myself to try and discover my authentic self. When I am fully comfortable with being who I am, I get to enjoy how everyone else is the way they are; and it is when I learn to love myself can I truly love others. I make the choices now; and I choose to value myself based on who I am, not who I am supposed to be.