saurons-pr-department

[saurons-pr-department]

Morgoth lost? I am supremely disappointed in all of you

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the greatest silmarillion adaptation never made

original gonch poster by @/beelzeebub and milker by @/cy-lindric

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new cursed ship: ungoliant x tevildo

what if sauron wasn't joking about shelob being his cat??

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It's the last day of April

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When you read my posts, I hope you hear this woman's voice

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I initially read this tweet as saying he'd be so angry about this hairline and was genuinely ready to be like "yeah, he'd have nicer hair than that"

Anyway!

How can we expect a journalist who was only born a measly few decades ago to really understand the complexities of the events of the First Age? As if His Lordship would be taken down by a mere dog. Hah! Rediculous. There was a lot more going on than that. It is best to just ignore the works of the ignorant. It will only make you ignorant like them.

Now, how about we go find an article about how he defeated one of the princes of the Noldor in a contest of songs of power? A little Finrod fell before the throne, anyone? 🙂

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put those awesome boobs away dude now isn't the time

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Sometimes, I just imagine Ossë, after Maglor cast the silmaril in the sea, throwing it back and shouting, "Take up your shit, I don't want it!"

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tumblr irl meetup but we won't say who is who, instead you get a list of all the blog urls that are attending and you have to try to match each person with their blog. You can ask questions but you can't ask for the blog name directly.

it's like crime dinner but instead you gather clues by observing who laughs at which dick jokes.

[saurons-pr-department]

Fingolfin propaganda (art by @starshadeemilyart):

THE ICONIC BATTLE COMES AGAIN! Can Fingolfin defeat Morgoth this time?! Maybe he’ll stab Morgoth in his other foot.

Strongest, most steadfast, and most valient of the sons of Finwë

Entire line of children (except aredhel RIP queen. And argon but he didn’t exist) were high kings. Good for him

Led the elves through the Helcaraxë go king!

Both his weapon AND his horse was named

Held no grudges even after Fëanor threatened him TWICE.

Actually smart. Wanted to launch an assault on Morgoth while the peace lasted. Alas nobody listened to him

Had the balls to duel Morgoth himself and even stabbed him seven whole times and gave Morgoth a permanent limp

His dead body was rescued by Thorondor. He is so special

He was once Golfin son of Gelmir 🥺

Morgoth propaganda:

Most powerful being in Arda at some point. Perhaps he was the most sexy too. We never know

"He who arises in might" ;)

The original hater. Father of all haters

Killed the two trees (not sure what to say here but it was cool and sexy of him)

Crashes parties as a hobby hell yeah

He made all the dragons! If you like Glaurung or Ancalagon or Smaug you have to thank him

Wears an impressive and sexy crown with the silmarils

But also he is so so pathetic like. Come on. If you like pathetic guys then he is patheticness supreme

Destroyed almost all elven strongholds

Murdered both Finwë AND Fingolfin

Singing skills so memorable that he created discord in Eru's music

His whole decent upon Arda is the definition of swag

Had Sauron shaking in his boots after the Lúthien incident

And then wears a cute collar made of his own crown. Very hot

The original seducer! Men were most similar in form to him!

He was So sexy that the Númenoreans built a statue of him. I bet he was naked and had his cock and balls out too

Also since he has no bound fána until later he could be as hot as you desire him to be

Melkor is just a sick ass name. And Melko is an even cuter nickname

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I love how absolutely unhinged canon Mairon is compared to fanon Mairon. Man really:

Got his throat torn out and just…left

Lost EVERYTHING and decided to go take over the world about it

KILLED CELEBRIMBOR, who presumably thought Mairon cared about him

Started a death cult

Laughed in the face of god

Only stole black horses

Titled himself the Necromancer and proceeded to be The Worst

And last but not least: forged one (1) simple gold band in a VOLCANO

This man is on a whole other level of unhinged.

[saurons-pr-department]

Fingolfin propaganda (art by @starshadeemilyart):

THE ICONIC BATTLE COMES AGAIN! Can Fingolfin defeat Morgoth this time?! Maybe he’ll stab Morgoth in his other foot.

Strongest, most steadfast, and most valient of the sons of Finwë

Entire line of children (except aredhel RIP queen. And argon but he didn’t exist) were high kings. Good for him

Led the elves through the Helcaraxë go king!

Both his weapon AND his horse was named

Held no grudges even after Fëanor threatened him TWICE.

Actually smart. Wanted to launch an assault on Morgoth while the peace lasted. Alas nobody listened to him

Had the balls to duel Morgoth himself and even stabbed him seven whole times and gave Morgoth a permanent limp

His dead body was rescued by Thorondor. He is so special

He was once Golfin son of Gelmir 🥺

Morgoth propaganda:

Most powerful being in Arda at some point. Perhaps he was the most sexy too. We never know

"He who arises in might" ;)

The original hater. Father of all haters

Killed the two trees (not sure what to say here but it was cool and sexy of him)

Crashes parties as a hobby hell yeah

He made all the dragons! If you like Glaurung or Ancalagon or Smaug you have to thank him

Wears an impressive and sexy crown with the silmarils

But also he is so so pathetic like. Come on. If you like pathetic guys then he is patheticness supreme

Destroyed almost all elven strongholds

Murdered both Finwë AND Fingolfin

Singing skills so memorable that he created discord in Eru's music

His whole decent upon Arda is the definition of swag

Had Sauron shaking in his boots after the Lúthien incident

And then wears a cute collar made of his own crown. Very hot

The original seducer! Men were most similar in form to him!

He was So sexy that the Númenoreans built a statue of him. I bet he was naked and had his cock and balls out too

Also since he has no bound fána until later he could be as hot as you desire him to be

Melkor is just a sick ass name. And Melko is an even cuter nickname

[saurons-pr-department]

Can Sauron stop being horrible for five seconds? No.

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Dark Lord Sauron with wargs.

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broke: elves are reborn from Mandos without any disabilities or scars because those things are ugly and un-elflike

woke: elves are reborn from Mandos with the same disabilities and scars they had before their deaths because their body has become a fundamental part of their identity and lived experience

bespoke: elves are reborn from Mandos without any disabilities or scars and the idea of your body and identity being altered and your lived experience erased without your consent to suit someone else’s idea of perfection is played for horror