savingchristinn

[savingchristinn]

Being taken care of is literally my biggest kink. Being doted on, cuddled whenever i need, held, and reassured. Being checked on and made sure im okay. Literally just take care of me and i will be jello in your hands

[savingchristinn]

okay but saying "i wish i had known you sooner" — like the love in my heart is growing so big and fast for you that i wish i had the opportunity to have you way earlier by my side, because i want to love you longer than i can do now. my love for you reaches my past and makes a place for you.

[savingchristinn]

I am very sorry if you had to go through that…. I can be your family.

[savingchristinn]

Hey Dad, would you show up for me now? Just to bury your little girl in the ground. You broke my heart when you left me. Was just waiting, was just waiting.

Lonely || Palaye Royale

[savingchristinn]

When he died, all things soft and beautiful and bright would be buried with him.

- The song of Achilles, Madeline Miller

[savingchristinn]

there is a love that lets go, but i don’t think it’ll ever leave me entirely.

i won’t surrender my heart to the stones.

when my scrunchies and my polaroid and my band-aids are left in the shelves of your room, i hope you think of me. not as someone you lost, but as a heart you’ll always have in a bittersweet - but mostly very sweet - way. maybe i even left pieces of my heart in those shelves, too.

you carefully placed that polaroid onto the corner of your tv screen.

i wanted to ask of you not to forget me, but i can’t be that pretentious.

you told me to be okay and i said i would. i will. i am always okay.��i’ll survive, somehow i always do. 

i won’t surrender my heart to the stones.

you smiled. it was saddest smile i ever saw. your eyes were bloodshot and i think you didn’t want to cry. i know you never do - you didn’t have to. 

when you hid your head in the crook of my neck and asked me for a hug, i wanted to hold you until all the broken bits of your heart could come back together. but i’d have loved you with all the broken pieces anyway, i’m sure.

“i think someone hurt you very very badly and now you don’t want to let someone else in. i get it. you can’t let me all the way in.”

you told me i was right. 

“i wish i wasn’t.”

“she was the first person i ever said i love you to. those two years,” you said, voice cracking, steady eyes. “those two years wrecked me.”

it’s okay. it’s okay. it’s okay. i love you. it’s okay. 

the sweetness of it all makes it worse. the tenderness that lingers.

i didn’t lose anything. you know my heart is too big for my hands, it spills out everywhere and pours and pours and pours. there will always be love there. there will always be love. 

you asked me if i hated you now. you said it’d be okay if i did.

i love you too much, i said. that’s what my mom told me once, too, scolding me at the top of her lungs, “you love too much.” 

i won’t surrender my heart to the stones.

[savingchristinn]

“i can fix him” you are literally 10x as fucked up as him

[savingchristinn]

“19 hours inside these yellow walls and i can feel everything i had left leave me mom’s cheeks are sunken and sickly she asks me if i know how much a baggie costs; did she give you too much money for gas? and you, you are angry and you scare the shit out of me. i’m scared i’m going to hate you, too. we are out shopping and mom tells me she found a needle in your desk drawer as we pick out strawberries. i don’t know how to reach you. when you shut your bedroom door you shut me out, too sometimes i fear your limbs will grow into your bedsheets. i love you, don’t you understand i love you? i flip through the channels at 2 am and can’t watch cartoons even though all i want is to laugh because i know i will cry instead and i’m sorry, i’m so sorry i don’t understand how we can be from the same womb, the same hands holding ours as we crossed the street, the same health ed class, the same high school, the same town, two different worlds. it is the hardest thing to miss someone who is still right in front of me.”

— 2 worlds // a.s.m

[savingchristinn]

i hope you find a safe place to put all that love you have

[savingchristinn]

What doesn’t kill me gives me kinks that are difficult to explain

[savingchristinn]

Remember.

I don't want to write about how you watch the sunset ,

How you look on an early Sunday morning,

The way you look like you're riding the grandest high.

I do not want to write about how the moon looked that night,

Or how it glimmered in your eyes.

I don't want to write about how you watch the leaves fall in autumn,

Or how you run out in the rain.

I don't want to write about how the snowflakes catch in your hair,

Or how compared to your beauty,

Spring's seems so plain.

I cannot write about such things.

I cannot visualise it for eternity.

I will always forget the colour of the sky, or the positions if the stars.

The picture is hazy in my mind,

A moment so long ago that went perfectly.

But I can remember how it remained in me,

I can write about that.

I can write about the sounds,

That were a song in my ears.

Of the breath we shared,

The feeling of you.

The scent of heady air.

I could taste the salty air of the beach,

While the sun shot through my closed eyelids.

Casting the world in red and gold,

I remember the way you were sticky from the water.

I remember the way to clung to me,

I remember that hold.

I can write about how you were warm,

How all your shuffling woke me up,

I remember that you made tea.

You were still half-asleep,

Your breath on my face was ruffling,

Your limbs brushing against mine were still lazy.

I can write about how you were fresh from the shower,

How your hair was silken and damp,

I can remember the whiff of your soap,

And the leftovers in the kitchen.

I remember how your voice was a broken plea.

I remember the feel of your skin,

And all the nothings you whispered to me.

I remember the fuzz of your sweater as we curled up by the fireplace,

The crackling of the logs,

The woodsmoke,

How you kept whispering of all the leaves,

All the colours.

I remember how you were damp and laughing,

And your voice so giddy with joy,

How you dragged me out,

To dance with you in the rain,

Leaving me no room for doubt.

How you pulled me into you,

And rubbed warmth into my arms,

How you gloved hand grasped my own,

How you smelt of the coffee you'd drank on the way home.

I remember the tangle of the flower you placed in my hair,

And the how your steps were lighter,

How your lips were sweet as honey,

The echoing of your voice as you softly sang.

I remember you.

Not the world,

Or where we were.

I remember not the sight,

But the feel of you.

I remember.

I remember it all.

And I shall never forget.

I will remember until the world falls.

-Lovebird.

[savingchristinn]

“Part of her died with him, the most essential part of her, her sense of purpose.”

— Tanith Lee, from Night’s Master

[savingchristinn]

😇💗

[savingchristinn]

“Before you die , experience the love of a writer,poet or painter. If you are lucky enough to be an artists muse , they will immortalize you.”

-Soledad Francis

[savingchristinn]

Dalton😔❤️

You ever just sometimes randomly remember that the love of your life is dead and just never coming back?? You ever just want to hit the fucking wall until your hand breaks because the world fucking sucks? You ever just.. not want to be here???

[savingchristinn]

Girls with deep seated abandonment issues that channel it into aggressive neediness and desire to please >>>>>>

[savingchristinn]

why am i shy but also into disgusting and degrading things like what am i supposed to do