say-the-jokes-on-me

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its always like be careful this song might become a memory. this cologne might become a memory. this brand of beer might become a memory. i time travel all the time

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fundamentally wrong (i.d. under the cut)

There is something fundamentally wrong inside of me,

Sitting on my hands and knees I was told this before I was six,

There is something fundamentally wrong inside of me,

Festering behind my shallow defences,

Rotting in rich and ever consuming black like a hollow molar feasting upon itself,

I don't think the way you do,

I don't see the way you see,

Yet I fear the same evil staring from inside of me,

I fear the same greed consuming every part of me,

There is something fundamentally wrong inside of me,

Cut from the same flesh as the evil,

Moulded in the same ground as the greed,

I beg you to see me for me,

At six years old,

That there is something fundamentally wrong inside of me

[say-the-jokes-on-me]

several people have asked about this poem during my Ask Hours. It took me a while to hunt it down & even longer to decide to post it because it’s so old & I’m a little self conscious about it. Sorry about the screenshots, I don’t want to do all the formatting in-post, but I included alt-text! thanks for remembering my old poetry!

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rock flight, Hasib Hourani

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The relation between nature and human being: Agnieszka Lepka

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Yasmine Wüster

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I don’t know if I’ve spelled it out on tumblr yet, but I want to talk about The Mammal List. 

The Mammal List is something I came up with when I was in a mental health intensive outpatient program four(!!) years ago. The premise is that we are at our core animals, and if I consider myself the way I’d consider a pet cat, I’m much more likely to practice good self-care:

1. Mammals need food. Eat something! If the Hellbeast doesn’t pass judgment on a piece of cheese, neither should you. (She also eats anything small enough to fit in her mouth, so be judicious in that respect. Food is good. Lint is not.)

2. Mammals need hydration. Drink something! It doesn’t have to be water. It could be delicious tuna juice. You’re a discerning creature. I trust you. 

3. Mammals need sleep. Make a soft nest and let yourself enjoy it. Knead it until it’s comfortable. Let yourself rest as long as you need. Just existing is hard. You’ve earned a break. 

4. Mammals need movement. Take your precious body and do something. Don’t hurt yourself. Be kind.

5. Mammals need stimulation. Treat yourself to a new jingle ball or mousie toy. Get a bird feeder and stare at it. Let yourself really enjoy it. Play is in your nature.

6. Mammals need socialization. I know this one is particularly difficult these days, but if you don’t keep reaching out, you’re going to forget yourself and start biting people. 

7. Mammals need cleanliness. Nobody likes scooping the litterbox, but it has to be done. Don’t forget your own body. Make your fur shine. Treat yourself as the luminous creature you are. 

And most important of all: don’t feel guilty. This isn’t about deserving (although you do deserve it). You’re an animal and you need these things to survive, and I very much want you to survive. 

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We're all racing the clock, dearest.

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ismailboumhand16

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me: you literally have a disorder. this is symptoms

me: no perhaps my soul is rotten

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I’ll never forget it ⋆˙⟡

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Olivia Laing, The Lonely City

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there are calcified layers of shame in my soul that you could carbon date like rock strata

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We ask your questions so you don’t have to! Submit your questions to have them posted anonymously as polls.

[say-the-jokes-on-me]

Else Fitzgerald, from "Everything Feels Like the End of The World," publ. in 2022

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Daniel Arsham & Hajime Sorayama Sculpture: Holding Hands (2019)