sazfiz

[sazfiz]

7-11 CLERK: lovely day outside, isn't it ME: uhhh ME INTERNALLY: shit. I didn't notice. How do I continue this conversation MY INNER MONOLOGUE: Service workers love it when you tell them the things mortal men were not meant to know, when you speak to them of principalities and powers upon the earth ME: In the sun a wheel, in the wheel another wheel. Do you see? 7-11 CLERK: Yes, I see! ME: For each turn of the outer wheel, one thousandth a turn of the inner wheel. And within the inner wheel a point of perfect darkness 7-11 CLERK: Right, growing, devouring. The death of all light ME: Wanes the light - right - wanes the light and waxes the solar eye. Wanes the day of flesh and blood and waxes the night of crawling beasts. Chewing and swallowing. The name of the night to come is khoshek ha-gibbor 7-11 CLERK: Is that hot dog a quarter pound big bite or a spicy bite. They're priced different ME: Which one is cheaper

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4 shades of blue captured in a single image in Antarctica

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my liege we your council would not advise this course of action but we all agree it would be pretty funny regardless

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come get ur boy he just said flabbergasted in front of the hoes

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[through clenched teeth] good things can happen in the future. good things are coming

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More favourite tropes:

“Unfortunately, [thing that would ordinarily be described in much stronger terms than ‘unfortunate’].”  

“Fortunately, [thing that is in no way fortunate].”  

“Unfortunately, [thing that would be fortunate in nearly any circumstance except the particular circumstance at hand].“  

“Fortunately, [very minor benefit that absolutely does not offset the considerable drawbacks of whatever just happened].“  

“Unfortunately, [the exact, word-for-word thing that somebody just expressed that they hope won’t happen].“  

“Fortunately, [complete non sequitur].”

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this is literally the only tweet that ever matters

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this literally made me laugh so hard it shooke my BRAIN

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GET ME OUT IF NEW YORK NOWWW😭😭😭😭

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"ingredients you can pronounce!!!" actually i'm great at phonics and i love eating chemicals

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if you are a game designer and you force me to kill wolves AND you have them make sad puppy noises I'm killing you

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your 20s are about fucking up your hair and getting long overdue medical diagnoses actually