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BBC have their pants pulled down

In 2016 Gary Lineker fulfilled a promise. After declaring he’d wear his pants on Match of the Day if Leicester won the league, he did exactly that after his boyhood team were crowned champions. He didn’t u-turn, he didn’t wear a pair of what we call trousers and claim the bet was aimed at an American market, he fronted up and wore the pants for all to see on a Saturday night. Admittedly that may have been less daunting for Lineker compared to your average person, as he once shat his pants on national television, but nevertheless, fair play.

Meanwhile in 2016 you had Boris Johnson, a man who couldn’t even decide on what side of the Brexit argument he was on, tell us lie after lie. And then he was rewarded for with the highest job in the land, where he made more u-turns and scored more own goals than anyone could have imagined. Now his party and his backers are desperately trying to suppress voices of those who speak against them. Not too dissimilar from 1930’s Germany, you might say.

But of course where Lineker has one over his paymasters, is he sticks by his principles. To his credit he has been vocal about the treatment of refugees and taken two into his own home. So his position on the language used by the Tory party is no surprise. And even if you disagree with his view point, you can’t deny his consistency on the issue.

His fate and the fate of Match of the Day, whilst no means the biggest issue of the day, will be fascinating to follow. Alan Shearer and Ian Wright have made clear they’re willing to boycott the show and that’s significant given those two men are adored by the football watching public in a way no politician ever could be. Match of the Day is beloved for its tradition and many who tune in do so on a Saturday night to hear from the three former England strikers.

No presenter or pundit worth their salt will take up the gig temporarily for fear of the public backlash. The Tories, sorry I mean BBC, could drag in their new football expert Penny Mordaunt to host the show. You can see her applauding a goal from ‘left-wing striker’ Cody Gakpo for Liverpool away to Bournemouth. But she’d no doubt take the opportunity to remind viewers this was further evidence we needed to shore up defences on the South Coast.

The reality is in 2023, the viewing public want Match of the Day but they don’t need it. Highlights of every Premier League game appear on YouTube minutes after the final whistle and there are countless other ways across social media and subscription services to absorb the drama that plays out. It is fair to say there might be more than one Casualty on BBC One tomorrow night.

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Three heroic lions, one stupid boy

It could have all been songs in street, it was nearly complete, it was nearly so sweet.

But it wasn’t to be, by the narrowest of margins. England didn’t lose the final on penalties because the three who missed were young, or because they were too focused on trying to feed kids, or even because the universe was punishing them for the behaviour of a minority of overindulged, under dressed fans corrupting the streets earlier in the day.

England ultimately lost, because as Al Pacino’s character says in his rousing speech in the 1999 film Any Given Sunday, ‘Life’s a game of inches, so is football. Because in either game, life or football, the margin for error is so small. I mean, one half a step too late or too early and you don’t quite make it. You find out life’s this game of inches, so is football. One half second too slow, too fast and you don’t quite catch it.’

Whilst Mr Pacino was of course referring to football’s American cousin, the words are especially relevant to Bukayo Saka, Jadon Sancho and Marcus Rashford. Three young men who had the nerve, the strength of character and the bravery to step up for the biggest moment English football has seen in over half a century. All three men were only inches away from their goal and it is worth remembering how many miles so many of their team mates were from beating Iceland just five years ago.

To give balance to an unbalanced situation, the national reaction to their misfortune has been both heartbreaking and heartwarming. They don’t deserve a shred of the abhorrent abuse sent their way. But it was lovely to see Kalvin Phillips run down the pitch to comfort Saka after his penalty miss and to witness the humanity of those in Manchester repairing the defaced Marcus Rashford mural.

With those you disagree, it is often to help to put yourself in their shoes to gain perspective. But those who boo the knee, why? Gareth Southgate made clear the reasons why the team were taking the stance that they did. If you’re an England supporter, you’re there to support the players representing your country. If for whatever reason you disagree with their actions, nobody is asking you to clap. But to boo those you are there to support, is almost as perplexing as those whose first reaction to defeat is to fire across abusive emojis at a player who has just lost the most important football match of their life in the most heartbreaking way possible.

It was a great shame not to win on Sunday, but there is always a silver lining. In an alternate reality someone would have released the lions from London zoo, Atomic Kitten would have been on course for number one and Nigel Farage would have scaled Big Ben dressed as a red and white dragon.

In the end though, to boil Euro 2020 down to an anticlimactic disappointment is to miss the point entirely. To host a tournament across 11 countries in the middle of a pandemic is a miracle, a stupid miracle but a miracle all the same time. Christian Eriksen survived, Italy thrived and Scotland once again nose dived.

Whilst each and every player representing England can hold their heads high, the one real disappointment is Boris Johnson. One stupid boy, as David Beckham was unfairly declared after the World Cup 98′ shootout is the perfect description for someone who has no qualities of a man, unless that man is a clown. His pathetic faux outrage at racism, after making racist statements himself in the past, only shows his complete absence of shame. As much as one of the long-term answers to our very clear racism is problem is education, we won’t achieve much in the short-term as long as he is in charge.

Priti Patel is no better and thankfully England defender Tyrone Mings absolutely tore apart her tweet condemning the racist abuse his team-mates received for the hypocritical mess it was. It is beyond hilarious now watching politicians tell footballers to stay out of politics, when this time last week they were lapping up every last drop of our footballing success for political gain.

England may not have got the trophy it’s people so desperately craved but they have gained a connection, a bond and a respect for a group of players who have a sense of humble pride often lacking in previous generations. We were all so desperate for the golden generation of 2002-2010 to win something but it wouldn’t have been as sweet as this group winning. And the exciting thing is this group have plenty of time. Perhaps the real victory here is that we don’t have just three heroic lions, we have 26 and that is something no trophy can substitute. It’s coming home, soon, we’re knocking at the door.

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Football in 2030

It was another eventful year in English football with the outcome once again predictable as Liverpool won their eleventh straight Premier League title. Manager Jurgen Klopp briefly acknowledged their success before moaning that they would have been able to win by a greater margin if he was able to make ten substitutions instead of having the current limit of nine.

Spurs, also for the eleventh year running, were worthy runners up. Mauricio Pochettino, back at the club for a second spell, said ‘next year will be their year’ and is hopeful their twenty-two year trophy drought will come to an end. Veteran striker Harry Kane finally passed Alan Shearer’s record of 260 Premier League goals. Quite a feat for a man who has dropped so deep in recent years, he finds himself playing at sweeper. On the red side of North London, Arsenal continue to believe Mikel Arteta will ‘come good’. To be fair there was some significant progress for the Gunners, winning a North London derby 1-0 against Barnet to seal promotion back into League Two. The only other silverware claimed by Arsenal this season was for their sporting director Willian, who won most hated right winger of the previous decade, narrowly edging out Nigel Farage and Katie Hopkins. Arsenal fans can always be relied upon to win out in an internet poll. There was less good news in the blue corner of London. Chelsea manager John Terry was fired for telling his players not to take the knee. This of course wasn’t the first time Terry had been fired from a managerial job, having lost the Aston Villa job after going too far on a night out with Jack Grealish and King William. For legal reasons I should say that to this day Queen Catherine strenuously denies that a heavily intoxicated Terry ever climbed into their marital bed. Having been completely abandoned by Europe and European football after the British Civil War which followed Boris Johnson’s 2024 re-election, it was nice to see the first Premier League club allowed into the European Super League. Jose Mourinho’s Wolves were finally given permission to relocate to Portugal. Fourty-five year old Cristiano Ronaldo continues to impress and will be hoping to fire Wolves to a first European title in 2031. 2030 has been a momentous year for international football, the centre piece being the 100th anniversary edition of the World Cup. The competition took place in South America, with co-hosts Argentina lifting the trophy thanks to the inspirational performances of Benjamin Aguero, son of Sergio and grandson of Diego Maradona, who sadly left us ten years ago. Their 3-2 triumph over Wayne Rooney’s England side was a classic, with Aguero’s 90th minute winner enough to win the trophy, despite a brace from Wayne’s son Kai. Argentina manager Lionel Messi was full of praise for England, stating it was incredible that they’d made such strides despite being a third world country.

Young Kai Rooney made headlines for the wrong reasons later in the year, falling out with the family after an affair with his mother’s arch nemesis...Rebekah Vardy. 

The affair was revealed during a post World Cup reception hosted by Prime Minister Marcus Rashford. Having sadly seen his career ended by former Prime Minister Boris Johnson’s rugby tackle in a charity game, Marcus had of course got revenge by taking his job in the 2029 general election. Johnson himself had a bad 2030, even by his sorry standards. Having seen Covid-19 eradicated in 2029, he re-introduced it to the UK after a trip to Copenhagen Zoo. It transpired after a government enquiry that he’d had inappropriate relations with a mink the zoo had affectionately named Monica. The tabloids had a field day, describing it as his ‘Monica Lewminksky’ moment. On the subject of ex-American presidents, they had a mixed year. Ten years after losing the presidency, Donald Trump’s MLS franchise ‘New York Pity’ continued their dominance. The key to their success has been refusing to concede defeat. But 2031 looks the most challenging year for him since President Ivanka released him from prison in 2024. This is because next year will see Barack Obama launch his rival Hawaiian MLS team ‘Aloha Obama’. Rumours suggest he’s only going to play Kenyan born players, in a show of defiance to his old adversary Trump. I will be the first to order their ‘Make Hawaii Great Again’ replica kit.

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Ten decade-defining Norwich City matches

Norwich City had a more interesting decade than most teams, experiencing four promotions and two relegations. The decade began with a 1-0 win away to Gary Waddock’s Wycombe Wanderers and ended with a 2-2 draw at home to Jose Mourinho’s Tottenham Hotspur. Here I’ve looked at the games which defined the decade. In some way they all changed the course of Norwich City’s recent history and provided some unforgettable memories.

Colchester 0-5 Norwich – 16 January 2010 – Arguably the most wounding result of the previous decade was losing at home to Paul Lambert’s Colchester United 1-7 on the day of the League One season in August of 2009. So having been handed the chance of vengeance, Norwich took it with both hands. Shortly after the 1-7 defeat, Paul Lambert took overs the reins at Carrow Road, so Colchester had eagerly awaited his return to the Weston Homes Community Stadium. On one of the worst pitches you’ll ever see, the Canaries decimated their opponents, with Grant Holt getting the fifth in stoppage time, and revenge was served on a cold January afternoon. Norwich went on to secure the League One title, overhauling long time league leaders Leeds and returning to the Championship at the first time of asking.

Norwich 4-1 Ipswich – 28 November 2010 – Having recently been promoted, there weren’t great expectations on the shoulders of City players in the 2010/11 season. But in this game the Canaries soared, with Grant Holt grabbing a hat-trick. The third, led to scenes of absolute pandemonium, with seats being ripped out and fans going into a state of delirium. As a pitch side steward I was hit by a flying seat but the euphoria was worth the pain. Wes Hoolahan chipped in with a fourth and a joyous Sunday was complete. Holt was sporting a very unflattering moustache for Movember, but this was the day he became a Carrow Road cult hero. And more importantly the result acted as a springboard for yet another promotion charge.

Norwich 3-2 Derby – 25 April 2011 – Paul Lambert’s side sat in second place going into an Easter Monday tie against mid-table Derby. Having beaten Ipswich 5-1 on their own turf four days earlier, confidence was high. But it was a slog for Norwich, finding themselves drawing 2-2 as second half stoppage time approached. Stoppage time was aplenty, largely thanks to a slow walk off from constant irritant Robbie Savage when was being substituted. In the 96th minute a corner was whipped in by Henri Lansbury, arriving at the feet of Russell Martin, who smacked the ball towards the six yard box, where Canadian striker Simeon Jackson kneed it in to complete a memorable hat-trick. It was one of Carrow’s Road scruffiest goals but also one of it’s most celebrated. Perhaps the moment is best remembered for one overenthusiastic fan’s celebration leading him to fall well onto the pitch, as can be seen 19 seconds into this video https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=KDM88n9ZHk0. The late win kept City above Cardiff and in the automatic promotion places. The following Monday, Norwich sealed promotion to the Premier League by beating Portsmouth, thanks to another goal from Jackson in a 1-0 win.

Spurs 1-2 Norwich – 9 April 2012 – During Norwich’s only previous top-flight stay, back in 2004/05, they failed to pick up an away win, which significantly contributed to their immediate return to the second tier. This win at White Hart Lane was huge step towards survival in the 2011/2012. Goals from unheralded wingers Elliot Bennett and Anthony Pilkington were enough to sink a decent Spurs side, which included the likes of Luka Modric and Gareth Bale. City striker Grant Holt gave Spurs captain Ledley King a torrid time, proving a real handful. It was the Canaries first win at Spurs since 1993 and proved how far they had come in a relatively short space of time. Not only were they able to compete with Premier League sides away from home, the result had shown they could topple one of the best. A month Lambert’s side travelled to Arsenal and put in another superb performance to secure a 3-3 draw against the red side of North London.

Fulham 1-0 Norwich – 12 April 2014 – Fulham’s West London home, Craven Cottage, had been somewhat of an unhappy hunting ground for the Canaries in recent times. City’s previous relegation had come on the last day of the 2004/05 season, thanks to a crushing 6-0 defeat at the hands of the Cottagers. This time around, again Norwich’s position was precarious. After three seasons mixing it with the best, a return to the Championship was looking ever more likely. Manager Chris Hughton had been relieved of his duties following a disappointing run of the results. The inexperienced Neil Adams was given the job for the final five games of the season, largely based on his success in taking City’s academy prospects to FA Youth Cup glory in 2013. If the momentum was going to change, Norwich were going to need a good start to his tenure. This was particularly crucial as after their relegation dogfight with Fulham, given their remaining games were against Liverpool, Manchester United, Chelsea and Arsenal. Although the Canaries battled hard, they didn’t make their dominance in possession count. They lost 1-0, with Colombian Hugo Rodallega sealing a vital three points for Fulham. Adams’ side only picked up one point from their remaining four games, making relegation inevitable, although he did keep his job ahead of the 2014/15 season.

Norwich 2-0 Middlesbrough – 25 May 2015 - Bizarrely Adams’ last league game in charge was a 6-1 win over Millwall, but it was the right call for Alex Neil to take over in January 2015. He guided City to the play-offs where they conquered their greatest rivals Ipswich to set up a showpiece Wembley final against Aitor Karanka’s Boro side. The Spaniard had twice led his side to comfortable victory over Norwich during the season and most expected a similar result this time around. But the Canaries came flying out of the traps. Both teams hit the woodwork early on during a mad minute, before Cameron Jerome robbed Daniel Ayala in possession before slotting a cool finish past the Boro keeper. Minutes later, Steven Whittaker fed the ball to Nathan Redmond, who lashed the ball in the net to make it 2-0. Despite the nail biting in the stands, Norwich held on fairly comfortably to record a famous win. City were back in the Premier League after only one season away. The yellow and green faithful hadn’t visited Wembley for 30 years, so this victory was undoubtedly the highlight of the decade.

Norwich 0-3 Sunderland – 16 April 2016 – The 2015/16 season had started with much optimism, notably as Canaries won 3-1 away at Sunderland in just their second game, but things looked very different by the time of April’s return fixture. City’s recruitment had been poor, notably their strikers weren’t firing, whereas Sunderland had an in-form Jermain Defoe up top. Facing a side with the nous of Sam Allardyce in charge was always going to be a challenge, but no-one quite expected the Norfolk side to be cut apart in the way that they were. Defoe was of course on the scoresheet along with Fabio Borini and Duncan Watmore. After the thrashing, Sunderland were only one point behind City and had two games in hand. Again a daunting end of the season run of fixtures faced Alex Neil’s side, and they weren’t able to stay in the big time, eventually being relegated by a margin of five points.

Norwich 1-1 Ipswich – 18 February 2018 – The only draw to make the list. By this point, German Daniel Farke had become head coach at Carrow Road. His first season was unspectacular, with only James Maddison lighting up proceedings. When Norwich have a mediocre Championsip season, it is usually defined by how they performed against their greatest rivals. Back in October 2017, Maddison had given the Canaries a 1-0 win at Portman Road, but the home fixture came with a lot more jeopardy. Not a great amount happened until the 89th minute, when Ipswich captain Luke Chambers headed in to give Ipswich a 1-0 lead and a what seemed like a precious first win against Norwich in almost nine years. But never ones to give up, City produced a magical stoppage goal, with Timm Klose leaping to meet a cross from his centre back partner Grant Hanley to maintain pride in Norfolk. This game also contributed to the departure of under fire Ipswich manager Mick McCarthy, who had told his own fans to ‘F off’ after he thought Chambers had scored the winning goal. The contrast in fortunes of the two teams since this match could not be more stark.

Leeds 1-3 Norwich – 2 February 2019 – By this point of the season Norwich were flying in The Championship, but many saw Marcelo Biesla’s Leeds as the team to beat. Especially given the fact that the Argentinian’s ruthless start to the season had included his side winning 3-0 Carrow Road back in August 2018. City got off to the perfect start with Mario Vrancic curling a free kick in the back of the net. Teemu Pukki added a second before the break thanks to some calamitous defending from their Yorkshire foes. Vrancic then added his second and City’s third, to round off a superb team performance, as good as any from a Norwich side in this decade. Ex-Canary Patrick Bamford’s consolation goal in no way dampened the mood, players and fans alike were jubilant. They knew the message this sent not only to their opponents on the day but to all of their promotion rivals. The Canaries stormed to the title, only losing one match between this game and the end of the season they were crowned champions.

Norwich 3-2 Man City – 14 September 2019 – Exactly 23 years to the day I attended my first Norwich City game, a 0-0 draw against Southend, City found themselves at home to the Champions of England. Sadly I didn’t have a ticket but the drama that unfolded was box office from wherever you were sitting. The Canaries were ravaged by injuries, with up to 10 first team players unavailable. A makeshift side raced into a two goal lead by the half hour point thanks to Kenny McLean heading in an Emi Buendia corner and a great breakaway move finished off by local academy graduate Todd Cantwell. Sergio Aguero pulled one make before the break, before Pukki restored the two goal advantage just after the restart. Norwich held on for a famous victory, despite a late Rodri goal to reduce Pep Guardiola’s margin of defeat to one. This was a stand out achievement in the Norwich City story, with all the hard work of Daniel Farke, sporting director Stuart Webber and the players over the previous two years ago paying off. Pundits were marveling at the way they were playing out the back, remarking that it was a style Arsenal should aspire to. It was an excellent victory over a side managed by arguably the most influential coach of the decade. Although Norwich’s fortunes haven’t been fantastic since, football is all about moments, and those 90 minutes were something no Norwich fan will ever forget.

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Less is Mour

On Saturday morning I woke up a little worse for wear and decided to challenge a West Ham supporting friend to get me a ticket for their game at the London Stadium against Spurs’, seated as close to Jose Mourinho’s dugout as possible.

Said friend delivered, getting a ticket in row 2, just behind everybody’s favourite manager to love to hate’s technical area. So I rolled out of the hangover friendly pillow fort I’d created and made the 15-minute walk from my flat to the stadium.

As I made the short journey through the Olympic Park, there was a feeling of occasion that always come with a London derby, albeit this is not the fiercest of them. The West Ham support seemed deflated, probably knowing their chances of winning the game had dwindled since Mauricio Pochettino’s exit last Tuesday. And also in the knowledge that as long as they have Roberto in goal, they’re up a certain creek without a paddle.

Upon my arrival into the stadium, it was clear to see Jose enjoying himself and chatting to his staff. As I wandered over to the front to get a closer look, he came over to the West Ham fans and started signing autographs for the home fans. This was a nice touch, PR move or not.

As the early stages of the game played out, Mourinho was calm. He paced between the technical area and his seat, separated by a good few yards of claret carpet. My aim was to try and watch as much of him as possible, but naturally the football got in the way of that plan.

The highlight from the first half, was Dele Alli’s exquisite and intuitive flick in the build up to the second goal, which took place just in front of my vantage point. At 2-0 up Mourinho was clearly pleased but never settled. Even the third goal didn’t extinguish his mid-game fire.

Generally he kept his nerve in the closing stages as West Ham tried to carve out a comeback, the only real sign of his anxiety were the constant trips to grab his water bottle from atop a cool box. Even when small brawls broke it, he was careful not to leave his technical area, holding his arms up innocently to illustrate apparent restraint.

A 3-2 away win in a London derby was as good start as the man mostly warmly associated with Chelsea could have hoped for. Regardless of the emotion no doubt held for Pochettino, Jose had without doubt got the away section on board. After so little success on the road in recent months, it was exactly the tonic Spurs needed.

Whilst Mourinho seemed to enjoy his afternoon in East London, the question we all ask ourselves based on previous experience is how long will his stay in North London last. His intensity is what makes him but is also his downfall. If he can rein it in, he might just make it past his usual three season stint, but that’s a very big if.

On last night’s Monday Night Football, Gary Neville described Spurs and Jose Mourinho as ‘a marriage of convenience’. This is an easy assumption to reach, but perhaps not an entirely accurate one. The ultimate marriage of convenience was in fact when Manchester United appointed the Portuguese back in 2016. A manager desperate to be the centre of attention, and a club so desperate to be the centre attention it had forked out £89 million on social media’s Paul Pogba. In arranging this marriage both man and club lost all sight of long-term vision in favour of living in an awkward and eventually unhappy moment.

With Spurs, Mourinho has a squad at their peak and in a moment where, based on their ability to reach a Champions League final last season, glory is closer to a reality than a dream. If the artist formerly known as ‘The Special One’ can write a himself a different ending to his previous chapters, this story may not be as predictable as many expect.

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The Arse End of Nowhere

It really is quite impressive how often Arsenal are in ‘crisis’ these days. It’s almost as if their expectations are so unrealistic that it leaves no other state for them to be in.

Following their 2-0 defeat to Leicester, they find themselves eight points off the top four having played 12 games. Of course it is worth remembering many fans wanted to see the back of Arsene Wenger based on the fact finishing top four wasn’t good enough. Don’t get me wrong, if Wenger was still there, things would likely be even more toxic than they are now, but current coach Unai Emery, who took over in the summer of 2018, isn’t exactly flavour of the month in North London. The fact he’s being relentless mocked by fansfor the his inability to say the word ‘evening’ is in fact the least of his problems.

The football Arsenal play is barely worth talking about. It’s uninspiring, lacking any direction, any nuance and there appears to be absolutely no plan at all. This description also accurately reflects their current off the pitch approach.

The easiest place to start with the current never-ending crisis is January 2018. At the time, renewing Mesut Ozil’s contract for a mere £350,000 a week was painted as a victory. But he’s quite a unique player, with a specific skill set which doesn’t suit every manager’s tactical plans. So why were they so willing to fork out so much on his wages, surely knowing at that time Wenger’s days were numbered? Well the answer to that is question is because of the Alexis Sanchez situation. 

Sanchez, who much like Ozil had stalled on contract talks, didn't renew and joined Manchester United in a swap deal. However in return for dispensing of Sanchez’s services, they received Henrikh Mkhitaryan. He flopped at Arsenal almost as much as Sanchez did at United. Both now ply their trade in Italy, with millions having been wasted on wages by their parent clubs in the meantime. Arsenal’s attempts to save face by keeping Ozil have only ended up leaving egg on said face.

The other problematic signing at that time was Pierre-Emerick Aubameyang. On the face of it, it may seem to be an odd thing to say about a striker who shared the golden boot with Sadio Mane and Mohamed Salah last season. But actually their £58 million outlay, shortly after a similar splurge on Alexandre Lacazette the previous summer, was a move which suggested a lack of foresight. 

Although quite different players, they still both ultimately prefer to perform the role of a central pacey striker. So fitting them in the same team can be difficult. But because of their price tags, the two are seen as the first and second names on the team sheet. At the same time Aubameyang was bought, Olivier Giroud was sold to Chelsea. Whilst not prolific, Giroud offered the option of playing a more direct style, which meant changing approach mid-game was more feasible.

The funds spent on Ozil’s wages and Aubameyang’s fee could have been better utilised by improving the spine of the team. Which brings us nicely onto recently deposed Arsenal captain Granit Xhaka. Considered by some to be spineless, he seemed an odd choice for the armband from the moment appointed. Emery appeared to delegate the choice to the players, which smacks of weak leadership. On the subject of weak leadership, Xhaka’s shone through when he swore at his own fans after being substituted during the 2-2 draw. 

In the Swiss international’s defence he didn’t do a lot wrong on the pitch, though perhaps his slow walk when he was substituted gave the air he didn’t care enough. He then appeared to care ‘too much’ in the aftermath, meaning he hasn’t played since. The decision was made to strip him of the captaincy and give it to Aubameyang. It at least seems a more logical choice than Xhaka. However it is still a bit backwards, as much like his talismanic predecessors Ozil and Sanchez, the Gabon international is stalling on signing a new contract.

The 2018/2019 season ended in failure for Arsenal. They missed out on the top four after some below par performances at the tail end of the season before snatching defeat from the jaws of victory against Chelsea in the Europa League final. Well 4-1 wasn’t close, but in the grand scheme of things, Unai Emery did come quite close to achieving the primary objective of his first season, which was getting back into the Champions League.

After missing out on a Champions League windfall, they went on a spending spree before the start of this season. The signing of Nicolas Pepe was celebrated as a marquee moment. But a £72 million fee spread over five years is concerning. It’s effectively the same logic as drinking alcohol on an evening is stealing tomorrow’s happiness, i.e because you’ll be hungover. Unless Pepe is a transformative signing, which based on early season form isn’t the case, then all current Arsenal are doing is sabotaging future Arsenal. Bizarrely after showing glimpses of good form, Pepe was dropped for 18 year-old Bukayo Saka.

You could argue that at least Emery is giving the kids chance. But the kids are alright, nothing more. Saka shows flashes but probably isn’t ready to make much of a meaningful impact. Reiss Nelson and Emilie Smith-Rowe haven’t shone in various cameos. The best of the lot is arguably Gabriel Martinelli, but he won’t get many Premier League minutes as he is behind both Aubameyang and Lacazette in the pecking order.

The problem now is though there is some talk of Emery’s job being on the line, there doesn’t appear to be any immediate danger of him getting the boot. Arsenal don’t strike you as a sacking club. Anyone available mid-season is unlikely going to have the skill set and the resources to get them back into the top four at the first time of asking. 

There has been speculation about Jose Mourinho getting the job, which appears to be wide of the mark. On the one hand it’s a terrible, short term idealist given Mourinho usually burns out himself and his players by the third season. But, on the other hand he is at least the polar opposite of Emery, which could spark an upturn in form. The one thing you would say at Mourinho about Arsenal, is unlike the current malaise, it would at least be an entertaining ride.

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Varcical

There is nothing wrong with VAR. The technology works perfectly. It gives us numerous angles, slow motions replays and even has a reasonably aesthetically pleasing purple colour scheme.

And yet there is everything wrong with the application of VAR. The story this weekend should be about Jamie Vardy’s hat-trick in a record breaking 9-0 win. But inevitably podcast and newspapers will be full of chat about a few people sat in VAR’s Stockley Park HQ watching videos.

The Premier League season is 10 games old and yet the powers that be are further away, rather than closer to getting things right. At the Emirates Stadium this afternoon, Sokratis scored what looked a winner for Arsenal against Crystal Palace, only to see it ruled out for a ‘foul’ by his defensive compatriot Calum Chambers. I’ve watched the replay 10 times and it is hard to be conclusive as to who fouled who, so how the VAR officials declare the decision to give the goal a ‘clear and obvious’ one is beyond belief. Whilst I’m all for ruining Piers Morgan’s Sunday, football’s integrity is at stake.

Over at Carrow Road, the officials decided referee Stuart Atwell should have Manchester United given two penalties that he didn’t give. Hilariously, Norwich keeper Tim Krul saved efforts from Marcus Rashford and Anthony Martial, but at least one of them should not have been given. It didn’t have much of a bearing on the outcome but no doubt blighted the experience for the match going fan. When they were looking for a replay on the screen of the first penalty decision, they were instead shown an advert for a local restaurant. At least if you’re going to sponsor VAR, take a leaf out of cricket’s book and get an opticians involved.

The heart of the problem is the idea that VAR is generally there to overturn ‘clear and obvious’ errors. The very problem with that phrase is those two words have an ambiguous definition in the English language. The interpretation of something being clear or obvious is just that, an interpretation, it is rarely beyond doubt. Sky could have a red button referendum ‘clear and obvious’ after every major incident, but I can’t see that ending well. In the opening weeks of the season it felt like nothing was considered ‘clear and obvious’ to protect the pitch referee’s decision and now it feels like everything is ‘clear and obvious’.

The question we have to ask is why is VAR here? Ultimately it’s to help referees reduce errors, which it has likely done. But at what cost? The ultimate high in football is celebrating a goal, whether as a player or a fan. So if you dilute that moment, you mute people’s joy, which ruins the spectacle. Life has enough disappointing moments where it’s the hope that kills you. Football can be an escape from them. Yes the on pitch referee can still deny you, but what VAR has done is add an extra of layer of officiating capable of dashing your hope.

The boot can be on the other foot. In a recent game, Crystal Palace had a late winning goal ruled out against West Ham, only for VAR to overturn it in their favour. But the moment had gone, and through no fault of the Palace’s fans, the scenes just aren’t quite the same.

The solution isn’t a straightforward one. VAR is used across European competition so it isn’t going away. Most agree goal-line technology works well so that’s here to stay. Using VAR for offside is also supposed to be equally black and white, but again it doesn’t feel worth the hassle for the tiny percentage of decisions it might improve.

The application might be improved if it was only there for red card and penalty decisions. Penalties would work as they are given when the games reaches a natural stoppage. It would not be unreasonable in such situations to allow the referee to go over and watch the screen, to verify the decision if they felt they would like a second look. The obvious problem with that is what about all the penalties that should be given that aren’t?

As for red cards, these could be reviewed at the next stoppage in play. And if a goal had been scored in the intervening period, the game moved back to the point of the incident. Both these proposals are still fraught with issues, but given we need to accept VAR isn’t going anywhere, it might be a start.

Sadly the story of VAR has barely begun. We’re going to have to sit through months if not years of poor decision making, tedious coverage and those in power making calls that are dictated by money rather than common sense. But then again we’re all used to that by now…

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Yellow Fever

After predicting a mediocre 9th place for Norwich last season, I didn’t actually make it to Carrow Road until Boxing Day. By this point the Canaries were flirting with automatic promotion and hadn’t lost a league game in over two months.

Not long after the hour mark, City found themselves 3-0 down to a relatively unimpressive Nottingham Forest side. But even at that moment, Christmas wasn’t ruined. Norwich were creating chances like there was no tomorrow. Incredibly Norwich made it back to 3-3, with two injury time goals from Onel Hernandez, the player I suggested it was worth keeping an eye on last season. If you haven't seen Jeff Stelling’s reaction to the third Norwich goal, it is well worth looking up.

Norwich lost their next game three days later to Frank Lampard’s Derby County but hardly looked back from that point onwards. A defeat to Preston in February was the only blemish in an incredible end to the 2018/2019 which saw the Norfolk side finish as champions on 94 points.

As they head to Anfield on Friday, it’ll be almost six months since Norwich last lost a competitive game, so in a sense there no reason for Daniel Farke’s team to approach the match with anything other than confidence. Not necessarily a confidence that they can win the game, but that they can utilise their brand of football, lovingly referred to as ‘Farkeball’ to take on Jurgen Klopp’s Liverpool.

The first thing anyone looks for as we enter into August is the summer signings. With Harry Maguire heading to Manchester United for an amount in excess of £80 million, it is worth noting the only fee Norwich have out laid is not even 1% of that. Sam Byram, a £750,000 signing from West Ham, is likely to be a back up right back for the immensely promising Max Aarons.

The other business has involved free transfers and loans.  Swiss striker Josip Drmic, signed on a free from Monchengladbach will likely play second fiddle to last season’s top scorer Teemu Pukki. At the age of 30, Drmic will be looking for redemption after a few seasons of unfortunate injuries. His pre-season has been interesting, scoring a perfect hat-trick against Luton on a Saturday before releasing his own music video on the Sunday. Even if he struggles to find the net this season, he can look back fondly on the two days that were even more productive than Craig David’s seven.

Signed on loan from Schalke, German stopper Ralf Fahrmann provides much needed competition for Tim Krul in goal. Despite being a free transfer, a  leader and a Championship winning goalkeeper, the Dutchman came in for a lot of stick last season. He is no doubt a good keeper and an asset to the dressing room, but Fahrmann will fancy his chances of grabbing the number 1 shirt. I think Krul will get the nod at Anfield, but Fahrmann will be number 1 by Christmas.

The first signing Norwich made this season, Patrick Roberts, has arguably the highest ceiling of all the new arrivals. He’s a left footer, happy to play on the right wing, who hasn’t yet had his chance in the top flight, despite signing for Manchester City four years ago. After limited success at Celtic and Girona, Norwich seems a sensible choice. He should get given a chance by a manager who has pedigree for bringing through young players, notably Roberts’ ex team-mate Angus Gunn. Whether this proves to be his breakthrough season, only time will tell.

If Norwich get off to a poor start then inevitably sports journalists across the land will point to the lack of spending as the obvious shortcoming. But Norwich have been clear from the start that they don’t have the financial muscle to splash the cash. And more pertinently, the feeling around the club is a lot of the players can make the step up to the Premier League without too much fuss. Many of last season’s key players have signed new contracts over the summer. Farke and the indispensable sporting director Stuart Webber have even gone as far buying flowers for the players’ partners to thank them for their support last season. It’s moves like this that could help keep the team together and avoid players being poached by bigger clubs for a little longer.

Aston Villa have spent in excess of £100 million this summer which has gained them the most media attention of the three new promoted sides. The comparisons with Fulham, who spent that much are also lazy. Besides Jack Grealish and John McGinn, Villa had a fairly average Championship squad supplemented by useful loan signings such as Tammy Abraham. Sure Villa might go down, but they’d have been likely to be relegated not long after Christmas without a major overhaul of the existing crop of the players. The same goes for the other promoted side Sheffield United, who appear to have made some shrewd acquisitions such as Callum Robinson and Oli McBurnie to help them make the step up.

Going back to ‘Farkeball’, it does have the potential for success against better opposition. Daniel Farke’s first season at Norwich led to unimpressive 14th place finish in the Championship, which would have almost certainly been lower without James Maddison. But during that season there were very competitive cup games against good Arsenal and Chelsea sides, as well as a decent battle with Bournemouth during the most recent campaign.

Any Norwich fan with a modicum of common sense would be ecstatic with a 17th place finish. But I’d suggest a higher finish is by no means out of the question. The aforementioned will hope Teemu Pukki, the greatest free transfer in Championship history, will hope to turn his 29 league goals last season into double figures of Premier League goals. Bosnian midfielder Mario Vrancic became a greater influence in the second half of last season, and has a world class free-kick in him. But the jewel in the crown is undoubtedly 22 year-old Emi Buendia.

The skilful Argentinian lit up Carrow Road with some sensational performances after joining from Getafe last season. His influence was such that Norwich didn’t win any of the league games he played no part in. It’s not just his ability on the ball, he is superb at winning the ball back from opponents, which makes him deadly in the final third. Norwich fans thought Maddison was going to be as good as it ever got, but Buendia reached levels that have made most forget the Leicester man’ absence. I’d be surprised if any Norwich fan would swap Buendia to have Maddison back right now. Of all the City players, he is the one who could take the league by storm.

For all of my unusual optimism, things could go still go very wrong for Norwich. I’d be no more surprised if Liverpool put 5 past them on Friday as if Daniel Farke’s men snatched a point. The defence, likely to be made up of youngsters Max Aarons, Jamal Lewis and Ben Godfrey has brilliant potential but this is an environment they’ve not faced before. Also longer term, key injuries to the full backs (Lewis and Aarons) as well as Buendia or Pukki could compromise the free flowing style of football Norwich play.

City have got this far by doing it their own way. As they enter the Premier League, the one thing you can guarantee is that they'll continue along that path and see how far it can take them. Unlike previous promotions it feels like Norwich aren't just happy to be there, they really want to show what they can do. I’d expect as the seasons roars into action, the Canaries are much more likely to be making the noise than listening to it.

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Plane Stupid

So it has come to this. Football has reached a crescendo of stupidity. That’s quite a statement for a sport responsible for so many moments of nonsense in the past. But I’m pretty sure spending thousands of pounds to issue two entirely opposing views in the sky has to be up there, quite literally.

I recently went to watch Norwich v Blackburn and for most of the first half hour a plane flew around above the pitch with a message for the MP Liz Truss. I’m not sure why whoever paid for it felt a mediocre Championship match was the best forum for it, but as a fan the noise was utterly irritating. In the 20th minute Norwich’s left back Mitchell Dijks got a straight red card for an awful tackle but at least he got away from that bloody plane. Arsenal fans at the game on Saturday deserved their collective misery on Saturday for inflicting those planes upon West Brom fans. Not that Baggies fans were overly fussed after their 3-1 victory.

I’m not sure who was the first football fan to pay for a plane fly to peddle their agenda. The first time it was widely publicised was back in 2014, when David Moyes fell victim to an unkind banner, losing his job shortly after. This briefly started a trend where everybody felt the best medium of conveying their message was in the skies. It’s the sort of thing that seems funny at first, but once the same type of joke is repeated over and over it gets tediously dull, so it’s much like watching The Big Bang Theory. To be fair to United they were in a rut at the time of the banner episode, with their team stuck in seventh place. You can now see, almost three years later, their plane protest worked wonders as they now have Jose Mourinho in charge and have spent most of this season flying high, in sixth place.

My favourite example of plane stupidity was actually of a story that never quite got off the ground. At the end of the 2013/2014 season, Ipswich Town fans clubbed together £950 to fly a plane tailing a few words to mock Norwich City’s relegation from the Premier League. Unfortunately their plans never got off the ground due to high winds so they had to abandon their dreams. The fans collectively decided to donate the money raised to the Sir Bobby Robson Foundation, however two fans wanted their £100 back as they were only willing for the money to be spent on the plane. What sort of grown adult will happily spend some (clearly) spare cash on a comical plane message but won’t donate it to a cancer charity? Madness.

The sad thing is these stunts won’t end until somewhere in the world there is an incident or accident involving a plane, a banner and a sporting arena that is too scary for anyone to comprehend. There are much safer and less annoying ways to get your point across, like on Arsenal Fan TV. Ok, whether or not that’s less annoying is debatable.

To be fair to said Arsenal fans, whilst I don’t condone their aerial antics, the will they have to protest is somewhat understandable. Arsene Wenger is untouchable among the club’s hierarchy because of his past successes and remarkable consistency so they feel the need to shout louder everytime the team encounters a setback to bring about change. But it seems their cries are in vain as Wenger is set to sign a new contract before the end of the season. The only hurdle now appears to be when and how to announce that deal has been reached given the club’s current terrible run of form. I’ve got a pretty good idea...and it’ll only cost £950!

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Flabbygasted

So front page news today is a man eating a pie. This would have been a weird thing maybe five years ago, but it feels strangely normal in these times where the alternatives are far less amusing.

The media have churned out the usual faux outrage, and your average punter seems aggrieved that the unadulterated joy of watching a not even semi professional footballer eating an unhealthy snack was a publicity stunt.

The best place to start here is probably Wayne Shaw himself, the 45 year old Sutton United goalkeeper who has been bestowed fame for being ‘one of us’ and a ‘man of the people’ who hoovers the dugout pre-match. He’s never going to reach the hipster heights of a Jimmy Glass or Rene Higuita but at least provided us with a nice tonic to the superficial spectacle of modern football.

Shaw is no stranger to controversy, having previously been sacked by the club in 2013 following a clash with fans of the mighty Kingstonian FC. He doesn’t seem shy of the limelight so it is of little surprise that he was more than happy to oblige when Sutton’s sponsors for the day, Sun Bets, effectively goaded him into scoffing down South London’s finest cuisine. PR stunt or not, it was a truly majestic display of pie consumption.

Sun Bets of course, have probably come out of this best. They offered odds of 8/1 on him to eat a pie during the game. I imagine the market wasn’t heavily backed, largely because Sun Bets are yet to really establish themselves in the gambling market. This was a fantastic example of guerrilla marketing and also of The Sun continuing their tradition of making money out of some with a well endowed chest. Sun Bets old and new customers will hardly be worried about this morally questionable promotion, given in that particular industry customers only really care for the best value odds and nothing more.

It does bring into the focus the much more serious and troubling relationship between football and gambling. For example Shaw alluded to some of his team-mates backing him to eat the pie, which is a clear violation of betting rules. However given how often the much more serious instances of match fixing pass us and the authorities by, a betting market involving a pie hardly seems something to get upset about, the game isn’t exactly being brought into disrepute.

I’m sure a lot of the furore is because of the association to The Sun, but really no betting company is the moral centre of the universe. It’s interesting that something like this is seen as a travesty, whereas when an ex-pro admits to a betting scam, it’s seen as a hilarious anecdote. Matt Le Tissier, who was in the crowd last night, admitted to such an attempt made in his playing days (http://bit.ly/2lsDakT).

Sun Bets themselves are now at the centre of a Gambling Commission investigation over the incident, which has led Shaw himself to resign from Sutton, but in all likelihood little will come of the action being taken. The commission themselves doesn’t seem to dish out the hardest punishments. An example being a recent case which saw two men set up an unlicensed gambling website used by children (http://bit.ly/2lghGuv) and they escaped with fines.

Sutton United do look a little foolish using Shaw as a scapegoat, saying he demeaned their moment in the limelight against Arsenal. The second they as a club got Sun Bets involved they were already selling their soul. I’m not really sure piegate (or pastygate if you insist on your news being entirely accurate) was anymore farcical than the half naked gentleman in a giraffe hat who ran on the pitch during the first half. 

There is nobody to feel sorry for here, and nobody really loses. Wayne Shaw lost his job but has now been offered the prestigious role of a pie taster at Morrisons. In all likelihood he’ll end up on I’m A Celebrity and release a weight loss DVD in time for Christmas.

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England’s Clown

Much like our face painted foes, Wayne Rooney has not enjoyed much positive media attention lately.

Perhaps comparing Rooney to a clown is unfair. The remit of a 21st century clown is to either be either entertaining or scary. The England captain’s performances for club or country certainly haven’t been entertaining in recent times and he’s no longer scaring opposition. He is though surrounded by a tedious and dull circus, so there is at least that similarity.

Rooney is a victim of his own success. He burst onto the scene as a 16 year old in 2002 and his every movement has been judged and analysed. I don’t think anyone who watched his performances for England in 2004 expected anything other than for him to turn into a world class player. Unfortunately, a least for his country, that was his peak.

He’s been unlucky in that he ended the tournament injured, then went into the 2006 World Cup injured and England failed to qualify Euro 2008. If he was going to win something with England, it was more like than not going to be in the first half of his career. That said even a semi-final would have probably perked up public opinion of him, Paul Gascoigne was adored by the nation despite never actually winning anything.

It is quite telling that it’s hard to pick out a performance since Euro 2004 where Wayne Rooney has been outstanding for England. Despite being our record goalscorer, he’s never scored a hat-trick for his country, something that Peter Crouch, Jermain Defoe and even Theo Walcott have achieved in the last decade.

He is also a victim of other people’s success. If we take 2008 as an example, Rooney won the Champions League with Manchester United, putting in some stellar performances with strike partner Cristiano Ronaldo. Aged 22 and 23 respectively, that was the greatest achievement of Rooney’s career whilst the Portuguese phenomenon has gone onto bigger and better things. Though Ronaldo is a different player in many senses, few back then would have said there would be such a gap between them at this stage of their careers.

The most baffling thing about the latest episode of Rooneymania is the clamor of ex-players, pundits and other ‘experts’ clamouring to support him and his inclusion in any starting 11. For both Manchester United and England there are better players who can fulfill the roles Rooney could feasibly play - Zlatan Ibrahimovic, Paul Pogba, Marcus Rashford, Juan Mata, and Dele Alli to name but a few. So there should be no qualms that he isn’t an automatic selection on either front.

Those within the game also declare it an outrage when he was booed. Whilst I wouldn’t suggest booing is a particularly necessary activity, if you’ve paid in excess of 30 quid to watch England play Malta, I think you’ve earned the right to express your feelings. 

The difficulty for the public when it comes to Rooney, is he does very little to warm himself to them, even including Manchester United fans. On more than one occasion he is agitated for a move away from Old Trafford, for what from the outside looking in seemed to be financial reasons. He showed dissent to England fans, again when they booed him following his performance in a 0-0 draw. against Algeria in the 2010 World Cup. 

In an alternate reality, he could have been a national treasure. Going back to 2008, imagine if someone had told you out of him, Lewis Hamilton and Andy Murray, that the Scot would be the only one who would fall into that category eight years later.

Rightly or wrongly, Everton fans dislike him for leaving Everton, Liverpool fans dislike him for being from Everton, City fans loathe him for playing for United and Arsenal fans dislike him for always scoring against them. He does not have universal appeal of a David Beckham that goes beyond club ties, nor the begrudging respect of opposition fans in the same way a player of Luis Suarez or Sergio Aguero’s ilk.

It should never be forgotten that he has enjoyed a glittering career. He sprinkled his genius on the beautiful game but as the curtain comes down on his career, that is becoming a distant memory. Rooney has a tattoo of the words ‘just enough education to perform’. It’s a shame we’ve got to a point where he’s only just got enough ability to perform.

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Engxit

Just when you think the whole world is about to change, in the most horribly comforting way you can realise that some things will always stay the same. England’s failure at a major tournament is nothing new, but this time around it is perhaps a new low.

Looking back through the history books, only England’s 1-0 defeat to the USA in the 1950 World Cup comes close to losing to Iceland, but that embarassament came at a time when international football had nowhere near the spotlight it does now.

So what went wrong? Amusingly in one newspaper review, England players were referred to as ‘overpaid nonces’. If we go down the overpaid line, money is probably an irrelevance in the grand scheme of tournament performance. Most players at Euro 2016 are well re-numerated for their efforts and generally it doesn’t seem to affect other countries. Footballers themselves are of course overpaid in the grand scheme of things, the usual comparison is made to nurses, but until McDonalds start sponsoring hospital wards, the world will have to deal with this fact.

England’s campaign was ultimately ended on the pitch, through a combination of player ineptness, tactical naivety and a lack of cohesion. The first person to point the finger at is Roy Hodgson. The former Fulham man has overseen a largely dull tenure as England manager, but qualification did at least show some promise. He was beginning to get good performances out of the likes of Jack Wilshere, Danny Welbeck and Jordan Henderson. While Wayne Rooney wasn’t exactly setting the world alight up front, he did break Bobby Charlton’s all-time England goalscoring record.

However when England sealed qualification late last year, the picture was already very different. Players such as Jamie Vardy, Harry Kane, Dele Alli and Eric Dier were putting in performances for their clubs which couldn’t be ignored and so they were fast tracked into the senior squad. Couple this with injuries to Wilshere, Henderson and Welbeck, and nearly half the team suddenly looks very different.

Nobody could argue that Vardy, Kane, Alli and Dier were worthy of their places, but it meant that Roy deviated away from his previously consistent team selection. This wouldn’t have had such an impact if he had worked out his best team over the course of last season, but he didn’t. So as we approached the first game against Russia, the starting 11 was anyone’s guess. The second half against Wales was the one positive of the tournament as Vardy, Daniel Sturridge and Marcus Rashford gave England real impetus going forward. Whilst Hodgson could have picked the same team that finished the game to carry on the momentum into the final group against Slovakia, he bafflingly changed half the team. We can only assume this was out of loyalty to the likes of Wilshere and Henderson, however they failed to make an impact having not come in to the tournament fit enough, and any momentum was lost.

As for the Iceland game, there isn’t much more to say than has already been said. The two most capped England players on the field, Joe Hart and Wayne Rooney both had their worst games in a three lions shirt. They have been rightly castigated by the media and some have called for their international careers to be cut short. Perhaps the saving grace for these two is that they’ll be managed by Pep Guardiola and Jose Mourinho for their respective clubs next season, so should be highly motivated and improve their form, if not their ability. For all the criticism Rooney has endured, he is still learning the central midfield role, so it would seem daft for the next England manager to disregard him if he plays well for Manchester United in the future. What might be best for both players is to be told to concentrate on their club form before being introduced back into the international fold some months later.

The next question is who should be the manager making these decision now that Roy Hodgson has jumped up on the resignation bandwagon. The pity of it is there are very few candidates who appear to be right for the job. The bookmakers initally installed England’s under-21 manager Gareth Southgate as favourite. He doesn’t strike me as an obvious leader, and after viewing a post match team talk of his you may or may not be inclined to agree with me, https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=GcFNNAQ7hJQ.

All indications now suggest Southgate will turn down the job, which is a relief. However, somewhat terrifyingly, it was rumoured he would have only been keeping the manager’s seat warm for Arsene Wenger, whose Arsenal contract expires next season. That would have been absurd primarily for the reason that in the run up to the 2018 World Cup we need a manager who can get to know his players over the next two years, find a style of play that is effective and ultimately work out what players should make up his best 11. It would also makes no sense as Wenger is tactically outdated and his Arsenal sides of recent years have lacked mental strength, As pointed out by Gary Lineker today (http://www.bbc.co.uk/sport/football/36658398) these are the two areas in which England are currently most lacking, so appointing Wenger would be nonsensical.

There really is no straightforward answer to the question I pose. There will be debate over whether the coach is young or old, English or foreign but whatever comes of it, all that matters is they bring some level of improvement to what has been before. Right now I can’t think of a better option than combining the international know how of Iceland manager Lars Lagerback, with an up and coming English coach. Whether that be a Gary Neville, an Alan Shearer or even a David Beckham I really don’t mind, but they will struggle to do much worse than their recent predecessors.

Anyway it isn’t my decision to make. That will be a task for three FA bigwigs, one of whom, Martin Glenn, was quoted yesterday as saying ‘I am not a football expert’. Perfect man for the job then.

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How do you solve a problem like Arsenal?

Every year, at some point between your pancakes and your easter eggs, Arsenal capitulate in a manner so familiar it is almost comforting for the neutral.

The house of cards tends to tumble in similar fashion, though this years’ fall from grace has been amplified by a woeful FA Cup exit against Watford, the competition Arsenal have won for the last two years.

The narrative might be one we’ve become accustomed to, but the wave of discontent we’re used to is manifesting itself into a tsunami.

It is staggering that many in the game feel Wenger should be immune to criticism. What must frustrate Arsenal fans is that this season they find themselves in a weak Premier League which has been their for taking. I can’t remember a league with so few top class sides since Arsenal themselves went the whole 2003/04 unbeaten. An off colour Manchester United, a Chelsea side yet to reach their peak and  Liverpool side waning in the last days of Gerard Houllier, gave Arsenal an opportunity they so brutally took.

This time around, whilst both Spurs and Leicester have been very good, both have drawn a significant proportion of their games, giving more esteemed rivals the chance to overhaul them. Since the first game of the season against West Ham, Arsenal have found various ways to choke. Mesut Ozil’s magic has been a Heimlich manoeuvre of sort, but his team-mates haven’t matched his levels of brilliance.

To be real title contenders, Wenger needed his big guns to shine, much like Eden Hazard did for Chelsea last year. This season Alexis Sanchez has matched Hazard’s levels, but that is hardly the compliment it would have been this time last year. The Chilean hasn’t been the same player since his return from injury, while the experience and nous of Santi Cazorla has been sorely missed in the centre of midfield.

You could curse their luck, but time and again Arsenal have watched the treatment room fill up well before Christmas. The squad doesn’t have experience in depth and the youth players aren’t ready to step up, as was illustrated by their 3-0 League Cup exit to Sheffield Wednesday this season.

In previous years we have become accustomed to saying that Arsenal need a goalkeeper, a centre back, a holding midfielder or a striker to reach the next level. Petr Cech’s signing at the start of the season gave us the illusion that this sort of fix was a step in the right direction, but as the season has unfolded this hasn’t proved the case.

What Arsenal need now is a seismic shift in their mentality. Wenger does not appear capable of galvanising his players to reach next level. With Pep Guardiola, Jurgen Klopp and  Carlo Ancelotti all otherwise engaged, Arsenal’s options are limited. Diego Simeone is probably the best pound for pound manager in the world right now, but he doesn’t seem as interested in a move to the Premier League as one might have hoped.

Ronald Koeman could be a good option, having proved his worth with Southampton, but perhaps he is too similar to Wenger. When a club needs change, it often needs one that spans the paradox of managerial style. Leicester went from the fiery Pearson to the calming presence of  Claudio Ranieri, Newcastle have gone from the chummy Steve McClaren to the distant Benitez and Chelsea of course went from the circus that it is Mourinho to the understated presence of Guus Hiddink.

Given who is available, that means Jose Mourinho might be the best option. He’d be a brave appointment given Arsenal’s passive and friendly image, but he has a track record of winning and would relish following up the man he deemed a ‘specialist in failure’. Not meaning to start sound like I’m playing fantasy football, but a certain Mr Ibrahimovic is also available in the summer and perhaps has one eye on the Premier League. The acquisition of one or both could have a positive impact on the mindset of the club. It wouldn’t come without risk, but reward never does.

Of course given the business model of Arsenal, they’ll never sack Wenger and stick by the claim that a top four finish is a trophy in itself. It is not that the Frenchman doesn’t deserve huge amounts of credit for his consistency and success during his tenure, but at some point there needs to come a realisation that his methods are outdated. Much like his counter part at Manchester United, Louis Van Gaal, he is struggling to evolve his approach. If he stays at Arsenal next season, there is very little prospect of an upturn in fortunes based on the patterns of form we’ve seen in so many recent campaigns.

If as expected Arsenal fall on Barcelona’s sword, their last hope might well come this Saturday lunchtime against an Everton side finally finding their feet three quarters of the way into the season. Anything less than a victory and all Gunners’ fans will have to cling onto is the hope that Leicester carry on their remarkable fairytale and don’t let Spurs have a sniff of the title, as that would be the ultimate humiliation.

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Klose to survival?

Understandably the title race has stolen all of the headlines this season. With Leicester’s remarkable rise and the fact the defending champions Chelsea are nowhere to be seen, it has created a fascinating narrative. But the battle at the bottom of the league is just as intriguing, especially as no one wants to miss out on the untold riches that a new TV deal will bring from the start of next season.

Given the title of my article, Norwich would be the obvious place to start. Steven Naismith looks like he is on his way from Everton, which should give the Norfolk side more flexibility.  The Canaries, have consistently started game with one up front in a 4231 which can make it difficult to penetrate opposition defence, so perhaps the Scot, who isn’t an out and out striker, could give manager Alex Neil the option to play 433. The 16th placed side have been crying out for quality defensive cover and missed a number of targets this summer. Having been linked with Inter Milan’s Andrea Ranocchia and Lorient defender Lamine Kone, they’ve finally captured centre back Timm Klose from Wolfsburg. The Swiss centre back lost his place at the German club, following the arrival of the Brazilian Dante from Bayern Munich last year, which is quite concerning, given he is to defending what Bambi is to ice. Klose should provide more solidity to the back four which is much needed given Norwich are a team that all too often fall apart when things are going badly, as this weekend’s defeat against Bournemouth proved.

Bournemouth themselves are one point ahead of in Norwich in 15th. They’ve picked up forward Lewis Grabban from their recently dispatched relegation rivals for an inflated fee of £8 million. But perhaps the more exciting addition to the side is Benik Afobe, signed from Championship side Wolves for £10 million. The 22-year-old has been prolific in the lower leagues and opened his top flight account for the south coast side, putting the cherry on top of the icing of the cake in their easy 3-0 win. The two strikers were signed within 24 hours but it does seem a very logical move for a team who have looked promising throughout the first half of the season, but really struggled since their man attacking force Callum Wilson suffered a serious knee injury in December. The Cherries’ offensive threat has been further enhanced by the loan signing of Argentinian winger Juan Iturbe who has had a stop start career, but if you believe everything you see on youtube, could become quite a special player. Bournemouth’s defence has been shaky at times, so if their approach of ‘we’ll just score one more than you’ works they should have enough to stay in the league.

Propping up the table are Aston Villa. Though their form has picked up of late, it is still hard to draw too many positives from an abysmal season thus far. Given the trajectory of their form in the past few seasons, it has been no surprise to see the Midlands side firmly in a relegation dogfight. Tim Sherwood was an atrocious choice of manager to start the season with, especially as they gave him a loaded chequebook following the high profile departures of Fabian Delph and Christian Benteke. Remi Garde has hardly been better and was dealt a blow when the one player who looked he could conjure up something, Barcelona graduate Adama Traore, was ruled out with for 10 weeks with broken foot earlier this month. Given that they are 10 points from safety, Villa will have to pull something quite special out of the bag to pull off the greatest of escapes.

Just as disappointed to find themselves in the relegation zone, will be North East sides Newcastle and Sunderland. Much like Villa, both clubs have been heading into a downward spiral in recent seasons. Newcastle undoubtedly have the quality in their side to finisg comfortably mid-table, notably summer signing Georgino Wijnaldum, who has performed excellently this season and is the club’s top scorer despite playing in midfield. January recruits Henri Saivet and Jonjo Shelvey should offer the team an extra dimension in attack, but both represent risks given that they haven’t fulfilled the high hopes that were expected of them in their earlier careers. Newcastle’s policy of not signing players over 26 could come back to bite them, as when you look at their squad there isn’t a wealth of experience or knowhow when it comes to relegation battles. Given the discord between the fans and the owners, the club never seems to be in a comfortable position and Steve McClaren doesn’t quite strike you as the most suitable figurehead for such a situation.

On the other hand, Sunderland’s manager, Sam Allardyce, is the perfect fit for a relegation dogfight. His sides are often not easy on the eye, but tend to be very functional. His arrival at the Stadium of Light hasn’t quite gone to plan so far, but it seems to be partially his own fault for experimenting with a back three as opposed to a back four. I’m all for tactical variation but it is arguably not the best idea when you have hapless defensive options such as Younes Kaboul, Sebastien Coates and John O’Shea. Big Sam did attempt to reinforce his backline by signing German defender Jan Kirchhoff from Bayern Munich but his debut from the bench against Spurs this weekend was hardly ideal, with three goals being shipped by his side during a 30 minute cameo. More positively for the Black Cats, youth graduates Jordan Pickford and Duncan Watmore have begun to break into the first team, showing glimpses of their potential. In attackDame N’Doye has joined from Turkish side Trabzonspor, which should add firepower and his experience of Hull’s relegation battle last season will be invaluable, even if it was ultimately ill-fated. Though of course the greatest weapon in Sunderland’s fight for survival is striker Jermain Defoe, who once again proved his worth with a hat-trick last week against fellow strugglers Swansea.

The Swans are again a slightly strange proposition. They started the season promisingly with Andre Ayew and Batefimbi Gomis looking like world beaters. However they went on a dire run throughout the Autumn, with only a victory against whipping boys to Aston Villa to celebrate. Their demise saw club legend Garry Monk lose his job and in his place have come Alan Curtis and former Udinese boss Francesco Guidolin to form an unlikely double act. They’ve got quite a job on their hands with Ayew and Gomis reportedly unsettled and Jonjo Shelvey already out the door. The South Wales club certainly could do with signing some quality additions in the two weeks that remain the of the January transfer window. They will really need to get stuck into scraps with fellow relegation rivals as they’re often a team who are seen as a bit soft. In their previous four Premier League campaigns they haven't found themselves in quite such a perilous position so the remainder of this season will prove a real test. Tonight’s win against Watford is a big boost but they’ll need to continue picking up points at home fast, given their last three fixtures at the Liberty Stadium pit them against Liverpool, Manchester City and fellow strugglers Chelsea.

If someone had told me in August that just five months later I’d be weighing up the possibility of Chelsea being relegated, I would have probably had them sectioned. But the reality of the situation is the defending champions are on 25 points, only four above the relegation zone. Guus Hiddink’s appointment seems a sensible one but they’re drawing too many games. The bookies' odds of 80/1 on the Blues to go down probably suggest most expect them to stage an adequate recovery, but with the sides around them picking up vital wins, they’re definitely not out of trouble. It is surprising that the West London club haven’t done more business in the January transfer window given the underperformance of pretty much ever player in the team besides Willian. I expect them to push on and achieve a top half finish, but it’ll be interesting to see whether the return of the Champions League in February acts as a welcome or an unwelcome distraction. Their upcoming fixture away at Arsenal this weekend should tell us more about Hiddink’s side. Chelsea of old would normally come away from the Emirates with at least a point, but anything less this time around and alarm bells will really be ringing.

It is too tough to call who will go down at this stage. Even adrift Villa could kickstart their season, with fixtures against West Brom, West Ham and Norwich in their next three. Sides such as Watford, West Brom and Southampton could get dragged in too, though the latter have picked up in form lately and the signing of Charlie Austin will have caught the eye of many of their rivals. The most pivotal thing to think about when looking at the battle at the bottom is that the usual benchmark of 40 points may not be enough for survival. With the league being much more competitive from top to bottom, while it may take fewer points than usual for the title contenders to seal top spot, the opposite applies for relegation, where a figure even as high as 43 points could be needed to avoid falling into the clutches of the Championship. Fortunately for fans of Arsenal, Leicester and Manchester City, that means you’re already safe!

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Neil Out, Neil In

Last Monday Neil Adams resigned as Norwich City manager. To those who watch the team from afar it seemed a slightly surprisingly development, especially as the team had won their two previous home league games 5-0 and 6-1 respectively.

However the cracks had begun to appear as early as late September for Adams, when results weren't going the Canaries way despite dominating many games. Away form was becoming a particular concern with 2014 ending in defeat at Reading and 2015 beginning with a woeful defeat at the hands of League One side Preston in the FA Cup.

Adams left with his dignity in tact and will return to the club in the summer in an as yet unspecified role, which is great news for both parties as he is a man who bleeds green and yellow (for examples of those with a similar blood type see Darren Huckerby, Grant Holt, Jeremy Goss etc).

The burning issue then became who would take over at the helm and the bookies favourites were effectively a list of inevitably doomed appointments. The likes of Neil Warnock, Tim Sherwood and current City assistant coach Mike Phelan were all thrown in but eventually the board went for the left field choice of Alex Neil, who was at Scottish side Hamilton Academicals as player-manager.

Neil guided Hamilton into the SPL through a play-off last season and his side had reached a lofty third place before his departure, trailing only in the wake of Aberdeen and Celtic. Rather than this impressive ascent, it is perhaps Neil's profile that persuaded the Norwich City board to appoint him. At 33 he is a young and hungry Scotsman who is eager to have a managerial career that dwarfs the limited achievements of his playing career. He is very much in the mould of previous City manager Paul Lambert, though to my knowledge he has never marked Zinedine Zidane out of Champions League final.

As a player, Neil started out as a right back but was converted into a holding midfielder at Hamilton, where his ability to read the game came to prominence. It is that tactical nous that perhaps helped the Canaries topple Bournemouth on Saturday. Phelan and fellow coach Gary Holt had picked the team after taking training during the week and the Canaries were doing well to be holding the league leaders to a 1-1 draw on their on turf. However City suffered a setback suffered in the 64th minute when midfielder Jonny Howson was harshly red carded for a sliding tackle.

Having sat in the stands from the start of the game, Neil ventured down to the touchline and influenced substitutions as well as implementing tactical adjustments. Not only did City hold their nerve but in the 80th minute Cameron Jerome lashed in a winner from 25 yards to send the travelling fans into raptures. The win was a huge boost for a City side who will head into successive home fixtures against Cardiff and Brentford full of confidence.

One of the perceived advantages of appointing Neil early on in January is that he'll have time to make signings in the transfer window. Though given Norwich have arguably the strongest squad in the league, his time may be better focussed on the players he already has it his disposal. Hopefully he will use Sebastien Bassong who has just returned from Watford. The Cameroon international, who was voted the club's player of the season for 2012/2013 may be able to help Norwich rid themselves of the nasty habit of conceding a goal just after scoring one. That being said it would be of little surprise if Alex Neil brought in a player or two from his old club.

The new Norwich manager has signalled he will be bringing down his Hamilton assistant to work alongside Phelan and Holt. As a former academy director, McAvoy is credited with playing a key role in bringing through a very good crop of Hamilton youngsters. Both James McCarthy and James McArthur started their careers at Hamilton and now find themselves plying their trade in the English top flight. Hopefully McAvoy can get the best of the Canaries' youngsters, many of whom have had a limited first team opportunities since their FA Youth Cup win back in 2013.

In terms of what will be expected of Neil during the course of the season, a top six finish is a must given the club currently sit in seventh. Automatic promotion isn't out of the question after Bournemouth's setback at the weekend coupled with Ipswich's home defeat to Derby. Norwich find themselves seven points behind their East Anglian rivals and if they can eat up this deficit by the time the two sides clash at Carrow Road on the 1st of March, an instant return to the Premier League may be on the cards. 

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And the winner isn't...

Last month a 23 man-shortlist was drawn on for the captains, international managers and the media to choose between when voting for Ballon d'or, the award for the best football player in any given calendar year. There were no real surprises, besides the fact that some felt bite happy Barcelona striker Luis Suarez should have been included. Though the only real injustice was the omission of his fellow Uruguayan, Diego Godin, who scored the decisive goal in the La Liga title race, the goal that took his country to the World Cup knockout stages and so nearly the goal that won the Champions League. Not bad for a central defender.

It is likely for the seventh year in a row it'll be a battle between Lionel Messi and Cristiano Ronaldo. Messi had an unspectacular year by his own very high standards, though performed admirably in a deeper role and set the World Cup alight, well at least in the group stages.

2013 Ballon d'or winner Ronaldo continued to score goals for fun and has had an electric start to this season. However it wasn't a truly great year as he flopped in the World Cup and to an extent in the Champions League final, only to be saved Sergio Ramos and then Baled out by a certain Welshman.

Maybe we should look further afield for a winner this year. Philip Lahm was my choice for 2013 for adapting from being one of the best full-backs in the world to one of the best defensive midfielders in the world, all whilst winning a historic treble with Bayern Munich. FIFA have gone one better than last year (when they didn't list Lahm amongst their final three candidates) and have added German goalkeeper to Manuel Neuer to the Messi & Ronaldo show.

Neuer, would be undoubtedly my first choice. Looking back it easy to forget that the Germans did not stroll to their fourth World Cup. The 7-1 semi-final win over Brazil was a sight to behold, but ultimately down to Brazil's horrific defending. They weren't overly troubled in the quarter-final against France, but the second round match against Algeria proved a real test.

The Algerians were getting in behind the German defence time and again, especially in the first half. Neuer dealt with the situation by doing what was affectionally known in the playground as 'rush keeper'. The Germans really missed Mats Hummels in this game, and you only need to look at currently bottom of the league Borussia Dortmund to see what an influence he is. The sweeper role Neuer took up saved his defenders skin from what would have been a humiliating early flight home from South America.

Germany's undisputed number one then went onto only concede one goal in their final three games of the tournament, and given that goal went in the when his side were 7-0 up, he can quite possibly forgiven. Looking at his club form, the Bayern Munch keeper is a little more difficult to judge.

In the Bundesliga he can find himself twiddling his thumbs as Bayern exhaust the opposition with relentless possession football. Though when called into action he is always up to the task, as seen when he pulled off a brilliant save recently for Germany against minnows Gibraltar. It is often said one of the greatest attributes of a goalkeeper is to be able to spring into action when having an otherwise quiet game.

It is almost a shame that Neuer doesn't play for a club where he would be regularly tested. It would have been fascinating for example to see his approach as a goalkeeper at struggling Manchester United this season. Though as it is I'm more than happy to see the occasional Youtube clip of him trying an outrageous flick or dribbling out to flanks when Bayern are a few goals up.

This is not to say that Messi or Ronaldo wouldn't be deserving winners either. Messi after all is breaking records for fun this year and may well have won the World Cup had the likes of Angel Di Maria and Sergio Aguero been fully fit. Equally Ronaldo is scoring at a rate of 1.66 goals a game in La Liga this season, meaning as it stands he's on for an unprecedented 60 league goals in one season. Why I'd favour Neuer is he has shown us genius doesn't have to come in scoring goals, in fact in his case it comes by doing the very opposite.

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The Pointless Diamond

Pointless is a fairly apt word to describe most international football currently on our screens. I've yet to meet a soul who doesn't cringe at thought of wading through a fortnight of inconsequential qualifying matches for a tournament the best part of two years away.

The new format for qualifying may be good for the smaller nations, but particularly with the draw England were gifted, it has turned the campaign into a farcical sequence of games which don't offer a real test. The truth of the matter is for the remaining qualifying games we could only call up Championship footballers and still qualify. What makes these turgid games worse is that coaches and pundits alike still feel the need to treat these as if they are an appropriate barometer for tournament football.

Jack Wilshere performed well in England's recent games against San Marino and Estonia. Gary Lineker declared the Arsenal midfielder 'was blossoming into the player we thought he'd be' off the back of these two performances. Now I'd like Wilshere to fulfil his potential as much as anyone, but if he'd had two great games for Arsenal against Morecambe and Doncaster we wouldn't be saying this amounted to him proving himself, and this is the equivalent opposition we're talking about.

To Roy Hodgson's credit he is doing what everyone has asked for and bringing through the youth. However this isn't necessarily far enough. At the moment you're hearing a lot about the heralded 'diamond'. The problem with the conventional diamond is while it is all well and good in a meaningless qualifier, it requires a certain type of player when you reach games on a bigger stage.

The player at the base of the diamond needs to be able to break-up play and distribute the ball. England do not have that player at the moment, therefore I would struggle to see the diamond as a long-term prospect. The closest we have is a Lee Cattermole or a Jack Cork, so if we are going to persist with the diamond we may as well experiment with others in it. As much it is lovely sentiment that England coaches are sending videos of Andrea Pirlo and Xabi Alonso to Jack Wilshere, it is probably too late in his development to entirely reinvent himself. Not meaning to pick on Wilshere of course, as the main reason he shouldn't be at the base of the diamond is because he's much better equipped to operate in a more advanced role.

Raheem Sterling, one of the brighter sparks is starting to find himself used in a regular role at the tip of the diamond. While he has yet to score a goal for his country, the initial signs look promising. He didn't start the Estonia game due to complaining of tiredness. Again, according to the media this is 'a thing' now and we must all show grave concern that a young man doesn't want to play football on a particular Sunday. Again, if Liverpool had been playing a cup game against League One opposition and the youngster had asked for a rest, then no-one would have batted an eyelid. Hopefully once Sterling has apologised to the Queen for disrespecting his country, we can all move on with our lives.

Looking beyond the diamond, we find ourselves with a strike force who divide opinion. Daniel Sturridge is starting to look like the real deal, even if he is wasting countless chances along the way. Danny Welbeck's career is being reignited on both a domestic and international level thanks to his move to Arsenal. Though it must be said, as with Sterling, it may be beneficial to rest him once in a while given the increased workload he has taken on this season. Then that leaves us with only one player to look at, Wayne Rooney.

Despite the fact Rooney's next cap for his country will be his 100th, I have yet to make my mind up about him. Arguably Rooney's best work in football took place between 16 and 21, which is why so many feel he hasn't fulfilled his potential. On the international stage he looked promising at Euro 2004 and then threw it all away at the 2006 World Cup with a sending off and ever since England haven't got remotely close to looking like contenders. Even at club level Rooney has never really scored a decisive goal in a decisive match (for example a cup final) so it could be argued the only really standout moment since his younger days was the overhead kick against Manchester City in 2011.

That all being said, Rooney is the best we've got and his record of 43 goals in 99 international games is no mean feat. He will undoubtedly break Bobby Charlton's record of 49 goals for England which put him down as one of the greatest players our country has ever seen. When Miroslav Klose became the all-time highest World Cup scorer I felt it was only really justified if he won the trophy (which he and Germany subsequently did). I feel similarly with Rooney and England's goalscoring record, though I'd just take one major tournament performance where he lived up to expectations.