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Dear Brother

Leaving you to die was the hardest decision of my life. The night you called to tell me I broke your heart was the night I knew I could never keep you again. It was no easy feat, hurting you while you were already hurting, but you hadn’t cared about my pain in so long, how could I still carry yours? I chose you and you chose me, most days. Sometimes I wonder if we were family, or if you just…

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“Why should I apologize for the monster I’ve become? No one ever apologized for making me this way.”

— The Joker (via dok-o)

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There is No Me Without You

There is No Me Without You - An insight on the fear-shame dynamic within relationships and the spiritual connection.

A few years ago, during a psychedelic trip, I was shown an insight that would forever change my life. This lesson came to me with such a knowing, that I tattooed it’s symbol on my hand as a reminder – this is what will always lead me. The discovery came in response to the question, what is the most romantic thing in the world? Is it flowers, opening doors, buying gifts, writing love notes, trips…

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Be the Sound, Not the Echo

Be the Sound, Not the Echo - an insight into narcissism in all its looks and feels.

Echo was a mountain nymph who trailed behind the beautiful Narcissus from the moment she laid eyes on him. Narcissus sensed that he was being followed and called out, “who is there?” . Echo replied with the same. When she finally decided to approach him, she reached out to embrace her love and he pushed her away. Echo was heartsick and spent the rest of her life in mourning until nothing but an…

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if people don’t respect your boundaries they do not love you. I hope you all heard that. this weekend at a meeting, we spoke about love. and this is what I had to say on it... I love, love. I’ve loved love so much that I have searched for it in every place, person, and thing I could. I scoured. I dug until my hands bled. And not only that, I will be anything and everything you need. I could be your dream girl or your worst fucking nightmare - you just let me know. But in searching for love, because I was raised in a place that had it but couldn’t show it, I learned what love is not. love is not selfish. love does not ask you to shapeshift. love does not ask you to make a scrapbook of your person, picking a choosing what serves them best, and leaving the rest behind. love doesn’t lay blame on you and run when you get up after they’ve pushed you down. love does not take, without giving just as much back. love does not ask for forgiveness every night, and condemn you every day. in my quest for love, I’ve learned that what love may be, is keeping a little for yourself. and you won’t be selfish for it, because love wants you to have that. love knows that you deserve just as much as you give, and that you are beautiful with all your parts. please, don’t ever let someone take away the bits that someone else will pray to. you are worth keeping a little for yourself. you are worth loving, right. https://www.instagram.com/p/BxajUUxgAuM/?utm_source=ig_tumblr_share&igshid=7np62g5lt1wr

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sitting at a circus I never bought a ticket for. https://www.instagram.com/p/BwSQmv0gVMY/?utm_source=ig_tumblr_share&igshid=11g4x6l58h1aw

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wanting something and keeping it are two very different things. https://www.instagram.com/p/Bv4RRB4gXyl/?utm_source=ig_tumblr_share&igshid=zomu0i23izqb

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A post shared by word witch (@thefifthletter_)

I never was the princess-type of girl. But you can be damn sure, I’m a Queen. https://www.instagram.com/p/BvPuEoWAjPj/?utm_source=ig_tumblr_share&igshid=1p33bjifciovg

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you never know when it will happen, but you know when it is there. love daringly, darlings 💙 https://www.instagram.com/p/Bu4GiFEg8K_/?utm_source=ig_tumblr_share&igshid=lgzsy2gk29bf

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not everyone will be able to hold your galaxy, and meet your fire, or swim in your stars. you can open their eyes but you cannot make them see. some people are too afraid of the unknown, of the vastness of your love, of their own potential. but please don’t forget, you were not made to be understood - you were made to be loved. seek this, and all will be well. https://www.instagram.com/p/BusC0WfgikG/?utm_source=ig_tumblr_share&igshid=1uz9fqexgjqsq

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I used to think the heart I had was weak and I tried everything and anything not to use it. I drowned out feelings, I pushed them down, locked them away, never to see the light of day. I ran so fast the skin on the bottoms of my feet falling off were less painful than what I felt on the inside. but I promise you, there is greater strength in loving openly, and honestly, without expectation attached. if you can express love, in the face of fear, anger, deep wounds and resentment - you are stronger than those who use their traumas to shut the world out. it is not easier, it is not better, it is not even living. be brave, my love. be brave in your loving, be brave in the space you allow others into, be brave enough to heal yourself and others 💫 https://www.instagram.com/p/BuMIo0wgOBd/?utm_source=ig_tumblr_share&igshid=tmf906efx24j

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sometimes I get so comfortable in my progress that I forget where it started. I forget that only ten short months ago - I was rubble. I was broken beyond repair, I was empty, I was lonely, and about to become even more so. but hearing others choosing a new life reminds me and brings me back to the first days of my choice. I’m reminded of the pain. the pain and ache and hurt that pushed me so far it felt like I was free falling in the abyss for months. words fail to describe how shaking it is to go down this road. sobriety was not something I neither gained nor chose easily - I fought myself for years on this. the first month, I was a wreck. I was so unfamiliar with the person I was, and the emotions that wouldn’t let up. I felt as if I was drowning in myself, sometimes for days at a time. I was terrified of the person in the mirror, and the person I would be. would they be loved? could they be? my greatest fear was that I wouldn’t know the woman staring back at me, and if I didn’t know her, how could I love her or ask anyone else to? all of these “friendships” I had cultivated for endless nights were now gone - I didn’t even have a false sense of love, I truly had nothing. there was much work between then and now, but what I can tell you is this - the only person left at the end of the day was me. even when I didn’t want her to be. I tried to get rid of her so many times, I tried to lose her, kill her, change her, but I couldn’t. when the drugs are gone, and everyone has left, and you’ve wasted your hours and efforts and words - you are all that remains. I hope you find a way to live with yourself. https://www.instagram.com/p/BtteSIPnXkU/?utm_source=ig_tumblr_share&igshid=h94d37tjslk5

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more than my fair share, have I endured for love. or at least what I had made myself believe to be love. it has taken me years to truly begin to start understanding what love is. it is not the highest of highs contrasted to the lowest of the lows. I believe love to be the calm. like standing at the edge of a dock, watching the water ripple and allowing your thoughts to flow in and out the same as the body before you. I believe love to be the silence you can sit in, where feelings can hang heavy, and no breath is forced or held. I believe love to sometimes be painful, but more akin to growing pains rather than earth-shattering aches. I believe love to leave you on your own when you need to be tested, but always be there on the other side of those dark moments. I believe love to allow you the space to be alone and know you never truly are. some days, love is safe and scary all at once, but I believe true love to be afraid of losing the calm rather than enduring the calamity. like most else, love is a choice, a place we venture to be in. where do you want to be? https://www.instagram.com/p/Bs89I2YFxEy/?utm_source=ig_tumblr_share&igshid=14v1wtv0m1d4r

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more than my fair share, have I endured for love. or at least what I had made myself believe to be love. it has taken me years to truly begin to start understanding what love is. it is not the highest of highs contrasted to the lowest of the lows. I believe love to be the calm. like standing at the edge of a dock, watching the water ripple and allowing your thoughts to flow in and out the same as the body before you. I believe love to be the silence you can sit in, where feelings can hang heavy, and no breath is forced or held. I believe love to sometimes be painful, but more akin to growing pains rather than earth-shattering aches. I believe love to leave you on your own when you need to be tested, but always be there on the other side of those dark moments. I believe love to allow you the space to be alone and know you never truly are. some days, love is safe and scary all at once, but I believe true love to be afraid of losing the calm rather than enduring the calamity. like most else, love is a choice, a place we venture to be in. where do you want to be? https://www.instagram.com/p/Bs89I2YFxEy/?utm_source=ig_tumblr_share&igshid=35frjyh3dshe

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I hope you’re brave. I hope you’re brave enough to love someone with all that you are, but more importantly, I hope that you’re brave enough to ask for what you give. sometimes the scariest thing about loving someone else is asking them to love you back, in the ways that you want and need to be loved. don’t be afraid to ask for the things you deserve, and that your heart has endured for. you’ve earned real love, darling. the type of love that hurts and heals, but doesn’t let go when the road gets long, or bumpy, or completely broken. you are deserving of love that loves like you do 💕 https://www.instagram.com/p/BsdwoeGFmqM/?utm_source=ig_tumblr_share&igshid=17usc72738j39

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I hope this year finds you filled with love. love that doesn’t cost you, you. love that fills you not runs you dry; love that leads you into the light. and in this love, I hope you keep faith. I hope that when it hurts, because sometimes it has to, you keep going. I hope you trust your instinct to fall, and don’t climb back out only to wander aimlessly, lovelessly, lonely. I pray you find someone who loves you past a language you’re familiar with. I pray you find someone who will cover their skin in hieroglyphics, just to be able to make you understand that you are loved. you are safe. you are deeply wanted and protected. I hope you reap what you’ve sown, and I hope that when you reach out over that ledge that you know who will be there to catch you. fall fearlessly, darling. https://www.instagram.com/p/BsLvtLul1BS/?utm_source=ig_tumblr_share&igshid=8vv6tzfov7rs

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the words never had meaning until I met you. https://www.instagram.com/p/BrvwLK4l-Sr/?utm_source=ig_tumblr_share&igshid=hvxkmnctntiu