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[scarletballoons]

So

When did us become me?

I thought we’d always be side by side

In the face of everything and everyone

But we’re the cursed ones

So you had to leave soon

Then it was time to prove myself

Not by a mile was I ready, not by a mile

And that pace bore fangs

I couldn’t keep my time

So I lost to them again and again

Was I allowed to be there?

Though I tried, I lost what was left

It was poor effort or simply no heart

But my name won all my battles

So am I now good enough?

[scarletballoons]

The Light

I feel the light inside dimming

Somedays I don’t feel it at all

I have to stay strong all the time

and it’s exhausting

Somedays I want to put it out myself

What keeps me going I wonder?

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Won’t hope too loud, won’t be too proud.

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the rain knows all my secrets

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One day the wind will stop

You won’t feel it flow through the leaves

You won’t feel it on your face

and there’d be nothing that touches your hair

We’ll be stuck together and nothing will move

Such disaster, such impending doom

[scarletballoons]

Xomatok.

Astonishingly gorgeous mural work on staircases from Peruvian artist Xomatok across Lima, Peru.

The works are explorations in the alteration of space focusing on color and its relationship with humanity.

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Art is the feeling born from the soul and shared with the sensible world.

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»how quickly things can change« by anatol knotek

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what do you need to do for yourself today, regardless of external expectations?

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Sometimes I talk like a turnstile.

Sometimes I talk like a turnstile when I have had too much to drink A tangled tongue like English Ivy Just like a film dubbed out of sync The phone is ringing in the guest room A muffled voice on the machine It’s either someone I don’t want to talk to Or someone selling what I don’t need ‘Cause I’m waiting for you to come on home Sometimes I fall in fits of laughter My bottle shatters on the floor And you apologize profusely for the drunkard on your arm But I’ll change, love, change, love  Change for you  Cause even slurred words can contain some truth I’ll change, love, change, love  Change for you When I am ready to

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Spiral stairway designed by Leonardo Da Vinci, Chambord Chateau in France.

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Lessons From My Heartbreak

I learned that I wasn’t special, that I didn’t matter as much as I thought I did.

It was a time of disappointment. The shattering of a million illusions. The same ones that had protected me for such a long time. I stood on the precipice of a world I didn’t really know.

Lost.

I changed myself for others, I used people and people used me too. I let them. I tried to destroy my former self because that was the problem to begin with.

Time doesn’t fix you at all. It doesn’t fix anything, but it does mould you. It teaches you that certain thongs (things) are always going to hurt (I had to keep that typo in 😉😬)

I made a lot of mistakes and most of all I let myself down. That’s the worst thing you can ever do. Don’t give up on yourself just because someone else did. Learn to support yourself, learn to be there for yourself.

This isn’t an excuse to become devoid of empathy either. Don’t be selfish, think of decisions, think of circumstances, cause and effect, you know, cool stuff like that. It will help you understand the bigger picture, the one we all seemingly choose to ignore.

I tried so hard to do what was expected of me, what I thought people needed from me. But in the end, I realised nobody needed anything at all. Rather that I needed them to say it, that someone needed me. I needed to hear it.

But all you need is to listen to yourself. Do the right thing because you always know what that is. Hate is lazy, revenge is short-sighted. Be the bigger person because someone has to be, and yes, you don’t really get much out of it. To be immortal you must first survive mortality.

Love isn’t mine or yours to control. People are going to love you and leave you. Some people get to have it, some people don’t. There is no absence of it though, it’s everywhere. Especially within you. Love yourself completely, because chances are that other people won’t.

I tried hard to rationalise with myself that love doesn’t really exist. It’s the comfort of intimacy. We love to share our lives and we’re scared of loneliness. We want to make someone else laugh. Makes sense. I too have a great sense of humour, no reason to keep it to myself. Don’t be afraid of being lonely. It isn’t easy, but it is manageable. Don’t be secluded.

Allow yourself to grieve, but remember that grief and sadness are addictive. There is a lot of comfort to be found there. Feeling sorry for yourself only goes so far and nothing is going to make getting over that hill easy for you. Emphasis on hill.

Forgive yourself for not always saying the perfect thing. You are only human. Remember that others are too. Believe in second chances but not thirds. There is no such concept. Some people can change and some people won’t.

After all the cynicism and self-destruction, I still couldn’t tear myself from the concept of love. Call me a romantic and a dreamer. I’ll take both those compliments. I know exactly who I am now. I believe in magic, and childish things that have no real effect on the world. I think of the progression of time and how the world will look later. Probably going to need a robot dog by then.

On most days, the world is a dark place and humanity is evil, cruel and unfair. Civilisations always have been so, and It shouldn’t surprise us anymore. Perhaps where you are, kindness is nowhere to be found. What should make you hold on is that hope, that there will be kindness somewhere and someday. Somewhere there is that peace that exists only for you. We know what we are and that is why we seek answers. To justify. And that is okay.

Believe whatever you need to believe in. But know that you are not better than anyone; also that the wrong people probably get more than they deserve. At least the ones you consider the wrong kind. Be better, think bigger and don���t hurt people - whatever you do. Don’t harm another human. It seems to work well enough for robots, so why not us?

But I digress. The point is to reach the end of the race and do as little damage as possible. Don’t let society or anyone else control you, or dictate what you should look like and say. Most of all don’t seek their validation. Don’t waste time on that shit. Believe me cause I wasted a decade.

It’s a lot to take in I know. But it’s stuff I wish I would have read somewhere when I was younger. So in conclusion children, I’d just like to say it comes from a good place because it does come from my mended heart. It’s ugly and scarred but it’s freaking fantastic and awesome!

[scarletballoons]

Mienar  -  https://mienar.tumblr.com/tagged/myillust  -  https://dribbble.com/mienar  -  https://twitter.com/_mienar  -  https://www.instagram.com/_mienar  -  https://vimeo.com/mienar

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He doesn’t look a day over 129. 

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“Beautiful women and their cruel eyes”

The Secret Adversary - Agatha Christie

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Have you ever stayed up to see the city shut its lights?

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After since.

It’s terrifying to see you in my dreams

I get scared of how real your touch feels

I feel afraid because I want to slip deeper

I get frightened when I don’t want to wake up