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ppl love keeping their friends close me personally i cant wait to ghost them 5ever <3
#mine.txt#this is about some irls#the ppl who say never test your friends are liars some ppl want you dead without them realizing it
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does anyone else have like little personas they have according to the sideblog
#mine.txt#mine is like. citrus = scarlet = freak and freak = theo but theo =/= citrus and scarlet#then the confessions blog is just its own person lol
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in this regard i really dont see the point in expecting support when not even begging will get ppl to listen to you
i think one of the most annoying things about the normalization of saying shit like schizo and delusional is that i cant just comfortably avoid whoever says it now cause its literally just everyone 😭
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god theres so much frustration involved in this, even in leftist circles this kinda shit isnt taken seriously -- not that i ever expect it to get taken seriously cause honest to god who gives a fuck about some stupid fuck who sees something that isnt there
i think one of the most annoying things about the normalization of saying shit like schizo and delusional is that i cant just comfortably avoid whoever says it now cause its literally just everyone 😭
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I Am Gonna Throw Up 🔥🔥🔥🔥
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yeah youre paranoid but are you so paranoid that youre paranoid that youd get sucked into a cult cause of your paranoia?
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i still find it so funny that despite the fact that selfishness, solitude, and hatred are usually three of the things that hateful communities/cults use to lure in more members, it was those very things that made me avoid them which i think really speaks to the fact that i am nawt built for a community lmao
#mine.txt#this does nawt mean i am safe from cults since the no 1 way to not fall into cults is a good support network which i dont exactly have lol#not through anyones fault but my own mainly due to my very specific oddities#that make it feel as though im burning and ripping my skin when i feel emotional connection with somebody#anyways the reason i avoided getting lured into hateful communities through my own selfishness; hate; and solitude is cause#whenever i saw them spouting out something hateful i go ''but what about me??'' and get mad at how they would theoretically treat me#and no amount of social connection enticed me cause i Like being alone so i just end up hating them#id be fascinated by them ofc cause i like seeing how other ppl operate but at the end of the day i hated them#and so i wanted nothing to do with them
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i was about to pass out in the middle of frying some food 😭
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i think i really need to be able to stay inside for at least a month straight i think im gonna throw up 😭
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everytime i go on the sidewalks i fear dropping my phone cause im not seeing that thing ever again 😭
#mine.txt#for context the sidewalks where i live are simultaneously sidewalks and also sewers#the. bricks??? covers??? idk what theyre called have holes to let the methane out and stuff#couple that with natural weathering from water and being walked on and basically youve got a death trap for small items#i say water and not rain cause theres always a bursted pipe Somewhere and also we have godawful drainage#so the roads are basically like. always wet lmao
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reading an article cause i cannawt for the life of me figure out the difference between bakla, beki, bayot, and bading (all referring to gay men mainly effeminate ones, all can be used as normal words or slurs depending on usage) and damn its reminding me of the fact that priests here generally dont gaf about gay ppl and drag queens while the right wingers do which says a lot about our society i think
#mine.txt#priests: naay mas importante nga mga issue kaysa mga drag queens nga mag sanina ug pina jesu cristo#rightwingers: ANG KANI DRAG QUEEN KAY NAG BLASPEMYA NI JESU CRISTO IADTO SIYA SA EMPYERNO#also that situation reminded me of the fact that the whipping for repentance thing is still a thing in certain parts of the ph#despite the fact priests keep telling them not to do that 😭
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bough iron supplements cause i was getting desperate and immediately felt the slightest bit better damn
#mine.txt#i wasnt expecting immediate results and i still have a constant headache thanks to my outdated glasses#but damn im feeling the slightest but less fatigued now
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I got iron supplements, hopefully its gonna help with my fatigue
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i threw up stomach acid like a week ago i think and lowkey i think my throat is still a lil damaged
well either that or im dehydrated as fuck again
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actually diabolical where there are days where i genuinely cant process my own writing but still able to process others even those with a similar writing style to me like why tf am i being gatekept from my pwn thoughts tf
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im the kinda guy who effortlessly managed to avoid a lot of the internet shock horror pieces back in the day but looked them up puposefully anyway to see what the hype was all about
#mine.txt#actually what was wrong with me lmao#what is Still wrong with me tbh#im still the type to do it tbh if i didnt become so aware of my schizospecness and became cautious over what could trigger me#i was so desensitized at such a young age it was honestly a lil concerning considering technically speaking i had absolutely no reason to b#and i knew i shouldnt be reacting the way i did (or the lack thereof i suppose) which was probably how i became so recursive lol#didnt care about gore; violence; sex; etc on an emotional level and felt basically nothing when i saw them#didnt care that ppl said it was wrong either just that *i* thought it was#built my morality from (almost) the ground up; everything was logic and principle and ethics baybee
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