scarred-to-the-bone

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At 25 I learned that self care isn’t bubble baths and chocolate

It’s wrapping bandages on the marks on your arm so the pain would stop abit

It’s singing to yourself to stop crying

It’s forcing yourself and loving yourself and parenting yourself

To be your own father, your own mother, and your own .

And it’s so fucking hard …

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I lasted a day. Fml. - K.S.

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We don't deserve anything good. We don't do enough and our trauma isn't that bad. We're overthinking it and remembering things that are incorrect. That's all. We deserve punishment and people hating us. I hate us too.

-chasm

[scarred-to-the-bone]

Credit to @scary_booo on Instagram 💜

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[scarred-to-the-bone]

Tw: s*x, sewerslide, sh, brief talk of trauma.

I want to kms do badly right now. Life's no good. I'm tired trying to fit in everywhere. I have changed myself so much for them and I do so much. I now know it will never be my turn. I'm just a sex toy they take out of the box every now and then. I'm so fucking triggered. They know how my ex treated me and now they're doing the same. I just want to sl!t my wrists tonight. What have I done so wrong? They actually gave a fuck a year ago but now they always fall asleep or say not tonight. They asked me to be more assertive and now it's not working. They tease me then leave me. I just want to die. Can I die yet? I'm so tired I just want to sleep and never wake up.

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Found this pin at the mall the other day… It’s supposed to say never stop shopping but I read it as something else. 😭😭

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Mum was right. I am a nasty person. All I do is hurt others. I want to die so fucking badly so everyone can get on with their life without me weighing them down. Ik everyone would be so much happier with me 6 feet down. I'll be buried with stitches in my wrists. I want to fucking die so bad.

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i feel so unwanted

why is it so easy for people to leave me and forget about me

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It's a bad night. So fucking bad. So many bad memories I'm so triggered and I'm trying to fight off a flashback because my partner is in the room. I need to scream cry cut but I can't. They'll blame themselves if I cut. I just want to fucking die. Please. I can't live like this. Mum hates my guts, my family are disappointed in me. Everyone would be better without me here.

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I want to fucking kms! I am actually done with life. I want to go somewhere no one will find me and slit my wrists like I have planned all these years. I'm such a fucking disgrace! I don't deserve anything good. I'm selfish and broken. Why can't I just stick to the fucking rules? Just let me fucking die already!

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maybe there’s really something wrong with me

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T.W. VENT, TALK OF SEX, TALK OF SA.

I'm so tired. One of my partners told me they're still hung up over their ex. They said they still wanted to do stuff with me but then they dumped that on me and I didn't get off again. I'm so tired of being a sex toy. I'm just there for both of them to use occasionally when they wanna spice things up for themselves.

I hate my body so much. If I was cis I bet this would be different. I'd be more exciting than I am now. I can't talk about any of this to them because of their trauma but what about my trauma? They knew I was treated like a sex toy in my last relationship. All I can do is have flashbacks and silent panic attacks when they're sleeping so peacefully beside me after I satisfied them.

Why me? I want to be ace so much so sex doesn't bother me, doesn't have to be a requirement. But no, I'm hyper. 24 fucking 7 I am horny and it's so fucking shit. I'm scared to do shit on my own incase it ruins any chance I have that night and my mind wanders to the bad shit.

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I think yesterday actually did it for me. I'm finally triggered by sex. I'm good with fucking people but I finally get triggered by it if I'm receiving it. My partner told me he assumed I didn't want to do anything for me because I usually get me over and done with first. The one fucking time I'm not selfish with pleasure and I'm being told that I should have taken my turn first. I feel so fucking broken right now. They know how my ex used to treat me when it came to sex so why are they continuing it? But oh well. I won't bring it up of there's a next time. I'll pleasure them and then clean up and give aftercare. I will hold my tongue and never ask again because I'm tired of being pushed aside.

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You guys are getting a lil too goofy with your pronouns, like what the hell is ed/sh in yo bio 🤣

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I can't do anything right... I help them first and give aftercare, they don't help me and I have to fight for cuddles after. I give them privacy when they ask and yeah I break down bc my ex would never do anything to me they'd always receive, but that's it. I knew something like this would happen. I feel so fucking sick rn because even though I have enforced a silent rule on myself I got hopeful because they used the phasing they usually do when they want to do stuff with me. What have I done wrong? Why am I being punished today? I no longer feel welcome in the bed. I'm so tired... everything hurts...

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I feel so out of it. I just wanted private time. I knew I'd take a long time to finish but I felt shamed when my partner told me I was gone for an hour. I thought it would be ok but clearly not. I'll have to learn how to finish quicker. Maybe get my time to five minutes.