schattenwerfenkeineschatten - Tumblr blog

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Laelia lifted her brows, amused by his theatrics. It had been all of what? Five minutes?

"Hmm. Tacky," she noted, the same easy smile on her lips. "You're lucky you're cute."

As soon as he had put the money down — the generous tip did not escape her attention — she took Orin's hand and began leading him towards the exit. When he overtook her to open the door, she paused to meet his gaze in silent recognition. There was no mistaking it for anything but pageantry, but Laelia didn't mind a bit of pageantry. It was all part of the old familiar game.

"Are you getting a good look?" she asked as she walked past him with slow, deliberate strides, fully aware of the view she was presenting. With a glance over her shoulder, she added in a casual tone, "Before you get any ideas, I have a knife, so you better behave." It was nothing personal, just precaution. Usually that was all it took. "You live far from here?"

At last! He had finally secured the prize he'd already told himself was his. Though, Orin was at least smart enough to not say as much out loud. It had taken him enough effort to finally get her to come out and say she wanted to come back to his place, and he didn't want to ruin it by getting too ahead of himself. He didn't know if he had the energy to go through this whole song and dance again with someone else all over again...and besides, he'd gotten rather attached to Laelia, Or at least, as attached as he could get...attached to the idea of her.

But mostly he was attached to the idea of getting off tonight, preferably as soon as possible.

"I was starting to think you were gonna make me wait forever," Orin replied, deciding it was his turn to tease, though he had already nearly hopped off the stool he'd been sitting on. He could already feel his heart starting to race with renewed excitement knowing how close he was to his goal. "But don't you worry, I won't hold it against ya, especially when I've got plenty of other things I'd like to hold onto tonight."

He quickly placed some cash on the bar, more than enough to cover everything and with a healthy tip before he started heading for the door, even going so far as to hold it open for Laelia.

He may not have been any sort of actual gentleman, but he knew how to play the part here and there when it suited him and his motivations. Of course, that didn't stop him from giving his new friend a less than innocent smirk as he said "Ladies first".

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send me a 💿 and i'll shuffle my music and write a starter based on the first song i get!

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monkey man (2024) feel free to change as needed.

there are no fucking rules!

this is a sacred space.

that's the smell of victory right there.

you hear that? they fucking hate you.

don't spend it all at once.

there's hundreds of folks out there waiting to take your place if this isn't for you.

i leave politics to the politicians.

make it a double.

i don't want charity.

we don't just hire off the street.

look, i don't have time for all this.

give me the job no one wants to do.

you're gonna thank me for this one day.

watch my fucking leg.

you like john wick?

i want something small but effective.

okay, okay. don't cry.

i have a reputation to protect, understand?

i need you to learn some manners.

good stuff, okay? none of that cheap shit.

you. face the wall.

does it look like i need help from someone like you?

you want to make some money?

kill him, boy!

eyes to the ground unless someone calls you.

come on, brother.

let's boogie.

seat belt, buddy.

what happened to your hands?

they're all up there living, and we're stuck here in this.

that's no life.

that's red wine. this is a white wine glass.

tell me more about your trip, baby.

little birdie wants to fly away, do you?

you are not like the other girls.

i'll treat you like an angel.

we can fuck right here.

there you go. there you go. that's it.

every day, i would wake up to them singing.

stop feeding that dog. it's gonna keep coming back expecting more.

i nearly finished it all waiting for you.

who the fuck are you, you little rat?

what were you thinking?

you're awake. finally.

some people find that strange.

you should've died from those injuries.

we all have scars.

the police are looking for you.

stay with us. rest.

just some crazy kid from the gutter.

and that is why she ran away with the priest.

i never sleep.

i was once like you.

you need to destroy in order to grow.

it's time to remember who you are.

this is your home. you have nothing to fear.

i am nobody. i am nothing.

change never comes without a fight.

we cannot pay off some thugs.

i'll fuck your happiness.

hey, smartass.

anger will not quiet your soul.

don't call me "son."

my chariot is here.

only god can forgive you now.

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you're doing a great job with your blog. you're putting love into it, and the people around you can see that, and they appreciate that. you make this community better with your presence. no matter how many replies you do, no matter how many posts you make, no matter how many followers you have... you add value to this place. you are a positive addition. thanks for being here ♡

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“I am a cemetery by the moon unblessed.” ― Charles Baudelaire, Paris Spleen

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Caitlyn Siehl, What We Buried; from "A Letter To Love"

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Her eyes widen. Carlo... From the few times Tony's mentioned him, it's clear he means a lot to her. How could he not? He's her twin brother. They must have been very close. But Tony hasn't told her how he died until now.

She shakes her head. "Tony..." She wants to argue, nip the idea that Tony could be anything like the person who was responsible for her brother's death in the bud, but she bites her lip, takes a deep breath, and thinks better of it. "When did he die?" she asks, after a beat.

The confidence Tony places in her feels like a punch in the gut. There's so much she doesn't know, so much Laelia's kept from her, because she doesn't want to remember.

Amidst all these conflicting emotions, Tony's and her own, she's struggling to keep up.

"You want me to get rid of it?" She can't keep the surprise from her tone. It's not like she wants that thing near her, but at the same time it seems such a waste. Ugly as they are, they don't come cheap. She knows Tony paid good money for it, and she's sure she wouldn't have to look hard for someone to take if off their hands.

Her name from Tony's lips makes her look up again. Something bad. That's a wide playing field. She leans forward, locking eyes with Tony. "I'm not a killer. And, Tony, neither are you."

Tony’s gnawing on her bottom lip as the question of her guilt was asked. She’d so desperately wanted to avoid talking about it, but she assumed it would’ve come out eventually. So was life.

She turns to look at Laelia, skin pale and sweat beading on her forehead. “My twin. He was…he was shot and killed.” The boxer wipes her clammy hands on her pants with a shudder. Those same hands ball into fists.

“I ain’t better than his killer by carryin’ that with me. I don’t even remember how I got it. It’s…it’s that bad.”

It’d been a whirlwind the past few days. Her emotions had been bothering her, so she thought she’d try to do something about it. One thing led to another, and now she’s standing here wishing she’d chucked it into a river.

“I feel crazy or somethin’. But I trust you with that, ‘cause I feel you’d do better at disposin’ it than me. But me? I can’t be seen with that.” There was a sudden fear of her being caught and people thinking she’d returned to her old ways.

“Laelia,” she says, gaze steely despite her anxious demeanor, “can I trust ya not to do somethin’ bad with it? I can’t bear to think of somebody innocent gettin’ killed. Not again.”

Tony’s stomach was killing her. She wanted to cry, to scream, to get sick. But instead, she stood before the other woman with a cool resolve.

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« i'm sure my reputation preceeds me. » -Sergio go Félix !

"Well! There's no denying the family likeness," Felix replies with a laugh, doing his best to appear amiable and gloss over the fact that this place is... not at all what he expected. Not that he minds, but a warning would have been nice.

It doesn't seem like Paolo's style. Sergio looks a little out of place himself with his neat three-piece suit and stern features taking him in. Though the mismatch is not nearly as comical as Felix's own. Jesus, if he had known, he might have worn something a little less flashy.

He extends his hand to Sergio before leaning in closer, a conspiratorial glint in his eye. "Your brother tells me you're a bit of a troublemaker. Is that true? You don't look it." No, he looks exceptionally well-dressed and serious, more like a Wall Street type or lawyer than a restaurant owner. Felix straightens, still smiling. "Felix Tholomyes. Pleased to meet you."

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Why do you think Mother assigned you as my escort? Because anyone else would have thrown you off a roof.

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get to know me

taken from: @scrivellc tagging: @songandflame, @oddlies, @reverdies, @musikensangel, @escapedartgeek, @multamusa, @vuulpecula, @fromgallowsandgraves and whoever else sees this and wants to do it

alias / name: 🤷

birthday: sometime in october

zodiac sign: libra

height: 5'7''

hobbies: well... this. and singing.

favourite colour: i quite like greys and greens and dark reds.

favourite book: my brain doesn't work like this, but i quite like the hitchhiker's guide to the galaxy series for example.

last song: brain's doing a mashup of someone else by henry wolfe, mirror, mirror by dr. dog, and the neon bible by arcade fire right now.

last film / show: baby reindeer

inspiration: the horror of being alive. once, i saw a bird (possibly a cormorant) eat a live eel or snake that was very much resisting its efforts. it escaped into the water a couple of times, and the bird dived to catch it. i could see it move in the bird's throat, struggling to get out, but the bird managed to swallow it in the end.

the strangest thing about this scene was that no one else seemed to notice or pay attention to this deathmatch at all; they just kept walking.

i get inspired by all sorts of things i see and hear. things that happen in the world around and within me, watching people, noticing their little quirks, talking to people, desire, and of course reading when i can manage.

story behind url: it's a song by tocotronic. translates to "shadows cast no shadows".

fun fact about me: when i see a spider, my gut instinct is to admire it and tell it how beautiful it is, using various terms of endearment such as "darling" and "sweetness". that's because i'm normal, by the way, in case you were wondering.

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« i brought you a little… gift. » -guelemer

His eyes narrowed at Z. Receiving guests was unusual enough. He'd given them his address for emergencies, not surprise visits. Now this...

"A gift?" he repeated, as though he couldn't quite wrap his head around the concept. "Why?" And why did that sound like a threat? He trusted Z, but this had all the telltale signs of an ambush.

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Oh no, not this guy again... Was he following her? There were objectively worse people to meet after dark, she knew, but it didn't make her any more enthusiastic about running into Gordy.

That man would not take a hint if you hit him over the head with it — as she had, repeatedly. She'd hoped to brush him off and be on her way, but it seemed Gordy had other plans.

With a huff, she crossed her arms in front of her chest and stared him down. Just who did he think he was talking to?

"Who are you calling cheap?" she retorted. "Wearing that?" The nerve of that man! "Listen, Gordon, I know this may be difficult for you to grasp, but I don't owe you anything. And you've never seen me mean."

💿 starter for @schattenwerfenkeineschatten based on SILVER PLATTERS by Les Gold

Maybe it was the amount of drinks Gordy already had in him by the time he spied her that made him feel so bold, but really, in any state he should have known better than to poke at Laelia about personal matters. But well, maybe there was something in the air tonight. "So...do you put on this mean girl act for everyone, or do you just not like me in particular?" he asked, tilting his head down slightly as he spoke. "You always act so distant, like your made of marble or something...maybe more like alabaster. It's cheaper. Is it something I did? Can't imagine what it would be. I've only ever been nice to you."

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nature artwork by Andy Goldsworthy

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"Defying the Default"- Skin Tones and the Presence of Black Characters

Okay, this one is going to be half lesson and half a thought experiment- it may get a bit frustrating, as conversations like this often do- but remember, discomfort is not always a bad thing! So I ask that you walk with me for this one.

It’s also interesting, because I’m going to direct this towards everyone (readers included!), but specifically towards my fanfic writers of media with no visual medium, as I’ve noticed this pattern there, and it makes up a good amount of creators on this site. Okay? Okay.

Behold! Many shades of brown!

I had to wade through a lot of colorism for this, and even this link is subtly racist in its introduction- the idea that brown is ‘unexciting’ 🙄.

Anyway, you know where I’m going with this:

"Chocolate and Coffee"

Even the link above pulled this! Writers who use this... they’re not ‘wrong’ per se but… often uninspired. It feels... Lazy. When you can tell an author has put no thought into the brown of choice, it makes Black readers feel like you believe these are the only shades of brown- that that’s all we look like. Even chocolate is more diverse (white, milk, dark, marbled, cookies and cream?) Coffee can come in numerous shades as well (light, medium, dark roast? Type of bean?)

My first direction to help with this: make it a point to know what shade that character is (whether canonically, or if you're the original creator, look at a reference and write it down) and find a name! Be consistent! Find similar browns to one another. If the canon Black character's skin color is done poorly, find something similar and use that! (I'll get more into this in the next lesson!)

Our skin colors may modify as we age, it changes over the seasons/presence in the sun, and some people even have vitiligo! But we're not gonna be “dark roast coffee” one morning and “light milk chocolate” suddenly. We're not chameleons lmao.

And you know what? That shade you choose might very well be 'coffee'! But it's not going to be because you didn't look and assumed we're all some random brown! That’s the intent showing! If we can find endless ways to describe the beauty of white/pale skin, we absolutely can for brown! Be willing to unpack why you may not believe brown to be capable of beauty, and work through unlearning that- it will show in your writing! One way is by pausing with yourself, and recognizing when you had a biased thought. Even by this, you’re learning!

Here’s where I want us to get into the thought experiment:

I want you to think about the description of characters in stories (as a whole). Challenge yourself- in the fics and stories you read, how often is anyone blatantly labeled 'White'? Read a story or fic; how long can you imagine them as not-White before it's ever clarified? Because not even 'pale' automatically implies a White person!

You know how I’ve mentioned before that 'Black people are not a monolith'? I can find you at least some examples of Black people fitting some of the common descriptions of white characters.

"Brunette with brown eyes"

(Fun fact: I actually learned back in my Masters program that genetically no one has ‘black’ hair- our eyes are processing it as black, but it’s really just dark brown due to eumelanin. Regardless, if you stand us in the direct sunlight, you will see that our hair is usually just dark brown!)

"Red hair with pale skin"

“‘tanned’ skin with hazel/green eyes”

“blond hair" (period!)

Now, I’m not saying that blond haired Black people or Black folk with albinism are overly representative of my people. What I AM saying is that it needs to not be taken for granted that a reader is automatically assuming a character is White in your piece of fiction- I can assume your character looks like anything if it's not stated! Especially if the OG source is a book or a podcast! We’re just used to assigning these features- and characters- as white until ‘proven not’! The default!

I am guilty of this too! Even still, I reread many of my works and go ‘ah, I didn’t clarify.’ And I have to work on doing better at it. This is having intent for your Black characters, but really, it’s having intent for all of them!

(This doesn't mean going “the Black man said,” the way sometimes people say “the Chinese said” (which…. Tbh we should all stop doing that anyway, it's weird and racist))

My Next Challenge:

Some people may disagree, but- Ahem:

Say BLACK!

Breathe lmao! Take the time to recognize that it's OKAY to introduce a character as Black, to say Black, it's fine! Obviously be sensitive about it, don't shove it in there to “win your diversity points”, but like… People are Black. It's not a bad word. What matters is the context in which you used it!

You don't even have to say it every single time. Really just the first, introductory sentence will do. For example:

“[Character A], a bright, young, Black girl with knotless braids to her mid back, glittering hair clips matching her bright green t-shirt, and a brilliant smile that shined against her bistre skin.”

I recognize that some might argue that by saying “bistre”, you don't need to say Black. But 1) you don't have to be Black to be brown or dark skinned, and 2) There's a social stigma behind even saying Black- of discussing race in general, because it leads to discomfort. Race (as a sociological construct) exists. When we say nothing about it, allowing Whiteness to be the default, we're still emphasizing race, however silently! If you're already doing it... Why not mention it? 🤷🏾‍♀️🤷🏾‍♀️🤷🏾‍♀️

(here's a good clip of Ijeoma Oluo discussing the difficulty of discussing race; while I highly recommend the whole thing, the relevant clip is 4:25-5:39)

Maybe they're in the Black student organization in a lead position, maybe they're in a Black main cast of a play- it's okay to have those things in the story to help develop the idea that your Black character is actively Black! Just do your research to make sure you’re not leaning into stereotypes!

“There’s no races in my fantasy/future world!”

That’s fair! But I want to give you an example of how people will still project these identities onto your characters anyway:

No one has an explicitly stated 'race' in Avatar: The Last Airbender (afaik); they’re all divided by element culture. YET, many people were offended that a mixed-Korean actress was cast in her role in the live action- they ‘just didn’t see it’, because subconsciously they'd imagined her ‘face claims’ as WHITE, despite it never once being mentioned in the canon! (there’s also a firm sexualization and east Asian fetishization argument to be made about it, but that’s not within the scope of this particular conversation.)

Point is, if you are including humanoid characters in your fantasy stories, fine. You don't need to say ‘Black’ outright. But, that just means that you’re going to have to be even more detailed in your description. Because if I were watching a TV show and a Black actor shows up as an elf… I know what features I’m seeing! Entire protests have occurred over the casting of Black actors in a role ‘meant for a white person’; so... everyone sees it!

Conclusion

This is another reason why intention in character design and writing is important! Context clues and socialization help me understand who your character is. If it works like this for white characters, it can work like that for everyone else! You just have to know enough about me to write it in (and that's where the social and societal bias lie, because how much do you really know about me?)

A way to better understand this is reading books by Black authors (for fantasy, I would highly recommend Raybearer by Jordan Ifueko and Children of Blood and Bone by Tomi Adeyemi) as well as Black literary classics! Finding and reading Black fic authors in fandoms with Black characters! By learning how we describe ourselves and our skin colors, you’ll learn and practice how to appropriately describe us!

Now I can't make you do any of this! But I do want you all- writers especially- to start noticing our bias, how we may default to the experience of whiteness- and how that affects the way we write. When we have Black characters, and really any character of color, we need to start paying attention to how often their features, culture, and activities are emphasized, even for what we may consider to be 'background' details. That’s how we normalize creation and understanding, and become better at writing!

It’s just something to practice; remember, it’s the thought that counts, but the action that delivers!

In addition, if you are interested in a simple read into why approaching race is so uncomfortable as a whole, I've attached Robin DiAngelo's book here! Thank you to the PDF guru @toiletpotato for the link!

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That glint in Cosette's eyes did not bode well. "Yes, but where does it fall on the pH scale?" She pushed the brush she was using as a stand-in microphone up against Merlyn's lips. "Tell us, Mx Merlyn, would you say your ass is more basic or acidic? Your fans deserve to know."

“I got a fat ass and the attitude to match! Oh and that’s phat, with a ph.”