schizophrenicscoundrel - Tumblr blog

[schizophrenicscoundrel]

My teeth have been clenched since i was seven, my jaw aches, its tired i know. i cannot find peace within my mouth, its speaks only of worry and i can't understand why it wont let go.

what is it biting, i wonder? i am terrified of cleaning my apartment, because then i will finally have a reason to let go, for my beloveds find me peacefully laying in bed, finally able to rest, atleast they wont have to clean up the mess i've made.

and for a brief moment my jaw will be relaxed, i'm sorry mom, i'm sorry dad, don't open my door please, leave it to the professionals, they've seen many sons go to sleep for a while, while i would be your first.

don't be upset, i'm finally sleeping, if i clean my apartment you wont know the condition i survived in, anguish, a layer of depression draped the floors, i memorize the steps to my bed, careful not the step on the things i was too tired to throw away.

i could be the baby boy who would pretend to sleep so you would carry me to my bed, the angle you once saw me as, a smiling little boy filled with curiosity of the world, i dont remember the first time my bare feet touched grass but i'm sure you do, my face, my hair, what i was wearing, my giggles as the blades of grass tickled my toes.

i hope you see me that way again when my jaw finally relaxes, but i cant do that to you, for i rather have it hurt when i eat then for you to have a hole in your chest where it should beat.

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can you guys tell I didn't take my meds tonight haha

[schizophrenicscoundrel]

YOU CAN TELL

From the scars on my arms

And the cracks in my hips

And the dents in my car

And the blisters on my lips

That I'm not the carefullest of guys.

[schizophrenicscoundrel]

Average Sunday night at my apartment, raven chilling with me :)

[schizophrenicscoundrel]

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I'm crimson, this is my introduction on this app, I go by crim or crimson, I'm schizophrenic and on Clozapine.

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I'm into true crime and my favorite killers are Eric and dylan and Adam Lanza, This is one of my coping mechanisms please don't attack me for it.

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I'm 18 and turn 19 on December 20th, I live alone in a apartment in Scandinavia, I work at hot topic and might not post alot.

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Likes: Dylan klebold, true crime, rope, bracelets, mood rings, being alone, legos

Dislikes: bigots, people who make fun of me or dislike me for my coping mech.

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