Text
filtering down ao3 results from 14000 to 6 based on a single tag is foul. im sorry none of you are as enlightened as me ig.
#me clicking on the improper use of a corpse tag and seeing the one single work that i just read#who said that
104K notes
·
View notes
Text
#the tweet about giving a deaf guy head and getting a text that says 'you're not doing this right :('#bit awkward but probably pretty easy. i think even offline grandmas know what texting and blowjobs are
7K notes
·
View notes
Text
Marty Hart x Reader imagines
• he cheats on you
99 notes
·
View notes
Text
Fuck you *migrates to another environment and evolves entirely new characteristics over thousands of years*
23K notes
·
View notes
Note
i will lick yuour Poosay for €4.
Whaddaye say?
Sloppy Astyle??
(quite an alluring ofer if i do sayso myzelf……..
line 1: german pervert
line 2: scottish pervert
line 3: italian pervert
line 4: average frenchman
8K notes
·
View notes
Text
no animal was harmed during the making of this video. not one. for the few minutes that we were shooting film, the guns of each hunter fell silent. the industrial bolt throwers observed a moment's peace and the jaws of every predator hung softly open. no fish bit any hook and the bait worms held off on drowning only until the cameras stopped. the tails of ruminants ceased to flick just as their attendant flies, in unison, landed on their flanks to catch their tiny breaths. a spider instantly stopped winding silk around a wasp, patiently waiting for the caesura to end. a young veterinarian paused with the syringe in their hand. somewhere, a colicky baby stopped biting its mother's nipple and nursed happily for the very first time. we're sorry. we're sorry it couldn't have been longer. we didn't know this would happen.
23K notes
·
View notes
Text
just met a three month old pomeranian named horchata. her paw was the size of my fingertip. she looked like half a dandelion fluff
18K notes
·
View notes
Text
“it’s circus work.” not to me. not if it’s my monkeys.
37K notes
·
View notes
Text
friend I haven't seen in years just finished med school and is officially a doctor 🧍♂️
2 notes
·
View notes
Text
guy who has seen 1 tv show: riverdale is the greatest show ever made
guy who has seen 100 tv shows: ugh that awful CW teen slop. so cringe
guy who has seen 1000 tv shows: riverdale is the greatest show ever made
949 notes
·
View notes
Text
HATE that were calling every recipe Marry Me [Recipe]…. Fucking hate that. How bout Frig My Clit Brownies. Kill Yourself At My Feet Pasta. Shut The Fuck Up And Pay My Grocery Bill Cookies (vegan).
7K notes
·
View notes
Text
youtube shorts will be like dimpy music while a ugly baby goose is tripping and falling over and then transitions to the same music but slower and bass boosted and its a adult swan with walking with swag
24K notes
·
View notes
Text
the problem with buying food is after you eat it you have to go buy more food
25K notes
·
View notes