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fuck system accountability fuck someone rlse ruining my night and me having to just like. feel like ghis and deal with this now fuck this fuck him

im so. sad and upset and for what. what am i supposed to do about it

fuck system accountability! fuck me having to deal with the consequences of another part's actions it's not fair it's not fair it's not tsir

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qhat the fuck. who the fuck. i can see him. i can see him who thenfuck

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why are tbere so many of me

why are tbere two of me

my me and my anger

who was fhat. wjo is he

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it actually completely unironically pisses me off that there was times when i wasn't alive and there will be times when i'm not alive. i should have been there for everything

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shout out to programmed / ramcoa systems who...

- can never fully mentally mature

- were made to mature too young

- know and remember nothing or just snippets

- know and remember everything or most things

- can't currently access therapy for safety or personal reasons

- are currently in therapy

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it's my fault. i don't remember, i just lost more time, it's my fault it's my fault

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my sense of time is so fucked up. what fucking year is it. when is it. who am i. how long has it been

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how do i deal with the knowledge i was trafficked. how do i cope with this. how do i face her when i know what she did? what she let be done to me? what do i do with these memories?

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holy shit why are people still telling people they're ramcoa systems. why are they still sharing personal and sensitive details about their system with strangers in discord servers ehy are they hang on post cancelled got. upset

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experienced a trauma recently? you may be entitled to: a new fucking guy in your head

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surely it bodes well for me that the majority of newly split alters hate the concept of food or eating.

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struggling with being polyfragmented. struggling with being a complex did system.

i spent a long time being like. "why am i polyfrafmented? my trauma wasn't that severe"

guess who was a victim of familial traffickingggggg <3

guess who accidentally uncovered these memories last weekend after the worst college semester of my liiiiiife <3

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i don't feel like i'm a good thing

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maybe i will just ruin everything for my brother forever. maybe that's just all i'm good for. i'm only the host because he doesn't wanna be and when he is doing stuff he wants to do i just have to go and ✨ fucking ruin it ✨

im so fucking tired of everything. im tired of it.

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i know van is here if i can't let myself feel the feelings. the ones that are scary. i know he's here to contain the negative feelings i can't

but i think this time i want to try.

i want to try to feel them and sit with them instead of avoiding them.

i want to look at them.

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why is the trauma neverending. why do the realizations never cease. why do i keep finding whole sections of my life that i don't remember.

just because i knew all along that i had more trauma than i thought or i wouldn't have such a large & complex system doesn't actually make it easier to swallow.

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hi! i'm a diagnosed w/ did person but i am pro-endo & other types of plurality so long as they're not appropriative of closed beliefs and practices, so if you follow me & that's not your thing, feel free to block me!

not here for discourse but my opinions have changed over the years.