scourgeofmyownbrain

[scourgeofmyownbrain]

Her, y’all

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Soooo, if Bumblebee is an old man in your AU experiencing typical age-related mobility issues, would you say he has..... ....."car"-thritis? 

Sari loves a good pun! Bee does not unfortunately. Now he needs to come up with insults towards humans to get back at her 😔 Ratchet doesn’t know what they’re talking about and Prowl is about to kill everyone on sight.

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happy let papyrus say fuck day

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im so serious read the modest paposal

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Some sterix arts I don't think I ever posted. Go my stupid gauls.

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My favourite past time is just drawing random stuff until I’m comfortable drawing the character

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Just some stuff

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I love it when I’m forcibly reminded of the fact that Obelix is actually terrifying

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This probably isn’t anything, I just thought it would be fun to draw him anxious after drawing Obelix mad

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i'm watching the original star wars movies for the first time and all of the characters but especially luke, leia, and han are all deeply community college coded to me. these are bitches you would see fucking around on your local community college campus. obi wan is that one teacher that gets top scores on ratemyprofessor. darth vader is the head of on campus security. luke is in obi wan's philosophy class, leia is studying to be a lawyer, and han is selling drugs in the parking lot out of the back of his beat up van with chewie.

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Family Business

“Agh!” Han yelped, wincing at the sizzling sound from the heat elements, and tried really hard not to think about what was actually making the sound.

They weren’t torturing him for information. They hadn’t asked any questions. They were just torturing him.

Han may not have had much faith in the idea of the Force, but nothing else had pulled his blaster out of his hand, and that led to an unfortunate, terrifying idea.

They were torturing him to get to the Kid.

“Why – aah!” he said. “Why are you-”

The technicians raised the temperature, and Han arched his back as he tried not to scream.

If they were trying to interrogate him, he’d have broken by now. Given whatever information they wanted to hear. Lied if he had to, just to make the pain stop-

That idea flashed through into something else, something more complicated, something even more desperate, and Han bore the pain for another few seconds until there was a brief, fleeting respite.

“I’m the king of Corellia!” he said, blurting it out, then panted for a second. “I’m – the direct, male-line descendant of – of Berethron e Solo!”

He went briefly limp, then saw that the technicians were conferring amongst themselves.

Less than a minute later, a minute of blessed relief, Darth Vader strode in.

“Explain,” he said.

“It’s – it’s like I said, if you got told what I said,” Han replied. “I’m a Solo, the – ah – the Corellian royal family gave up their throne by turning the empire into a democracy, but, it’s not like we vanished.”

Vader examined Han with an intense regard, and Han tried to focus on how his cousin Thrackan Sal-Solo had always put on airs, how their family had been much richer than his, how they’d fallen on hard times-

-and Vader turned away.

“Return him to the cell,” the Emperor’s enforcer said, bluntly.

Han tried not to sag with relief.

“You said what?” Leia asked.

“It was the only thing I could think of,” Han admitted. “Leia, I – I was losing my mind, I had to think of something. I’ve got a surname that’s pretty common on Corellia, but it was the last card I had left to play. And… and at this point I’m just glad of the break.”

“You know they’re trying to bring Luke here, right?” Leia asked. “It’s a trap and we’re the bait. This was never about us.”

“Yeah, with Boba Fett standing next to Vader and wanting to take me to Jabba I’m pretty sure that part was about me,” Han replied, wincing. “But… I don’t know. Maybe he just decided that he’d done enough, with how I’d gone crazy, or… whatever it was.”

There was a minute or so of silence.

“Did you have to come up with the idea that you were a king?” Leia asked. “Is this a rank thing, Mr. Scoundrel?”

“It’s not like I could claim to be the Emperor’s kid or something,” Han shot back. “Though that would probably be worse.”

Leia shuddered, then closed her eyes.

“Let me tell you a secret,” she said. “I was adopted.”

“You were?” Han asked. “...how did that work?”

“I don’t know, I was never told,” Leia admitted. “I have… the vaguest memories of my birth mother. Just impressions. She was… kind, but sad. I only really realized who that had to be when my father told me that I wouldn’t show up as genetically his daughter.”

Han nodded, in a vaguely understanding sort of way.

“Who knows?” he asked. “Maybe we’re both full of surprises.”

If the torture had been enough to bring Luke to the rescue, they didn’t hear about it.

Han hoped that it hadn’t been. He knew the Kid was off to learn how to be a Jedi, and they’d all have a better chance of rescue if the Kid actually knew what he was doing. But he worried.

Then, four days after the torture session, stormtroopers took them both to one of the audience chambers in Cloud City. Lando was there as well, hovering nervously, and something about the expression on his old friend’s face told Han that – Lando had been placed in an impossible position.

How could he place an old friend’s liberty over the liberty of an entire city, all responsible to him?

...well, Han would have tried to avoid being in that situation in the first place, but something like that wasn’t always possible.

“So, what’s the occasion?” Han asked.

“I have done significant amounts of research,” Vader replied. “Examined Corellian records. Compared genetic samples.”

Han tried not to wince.

Vader’s expressionless mask turned slightly from Han, to Leia, and then back again.

“King Solo,” he said. “What are your intentions towards my daughter?”

Those words hung in the air for several seconds.

“...um,” Lando began, slowly. “I’m sorry, but… what did you just say? None of that made any sense.”

“That is not my concern,” Vader replied. “I will repeat myself. King Solo, what are your intentions towards my daughter? It would not do to make her my apprentice after having permanently separated her from a royal to whom she was attached. Speaking from experience, that really kriffs you up.”

His head tilted slightly. “I may be able to give her some advice.”

“...you mean… I’m your daughter!?” Leia asked.

Stopped.

Blinked.

“How exactly is that possible?” she demanded. “I was adopted, but – how did – that doesn’t make any sense?”

“You’re saying I actually am-” Han said, at about the same time, then stopped because there was no way he was going to push his luck at this point.

“Incidentally,” Vader went on, as if he hadn’t just dropped several bombshells at once. “While we wait for King Solo to answer the question, daughter, you should consider contacting your brother to inform him of the situation. I will no longer be engaging in torture to lure him here for obvious reasons, but other means may work better.”

Han processed that and felt like falling over backwards.

“Suddenly I’m starting to wish I hadn’t said anything,” he muttered. “Any chance we can get Threepio in here?”

He glanced at Vader. “You know. The golden droid. I’d kind of like to have someone around who’s more confused than me.”

“Threepio,” Vader repeated. “C-3P0? That… actually makes a great deal of sense, now that I think about it. Obi-Wan must have taken…”

He trailed off.

“Oh. R2 is with my son. I… may need to take that into account…”

Han determinedly ignored the last few sentences, in favour of trying to work out a way to say ‘I love her’ that he could face saying and that wouldn’t end up with Darth Vader taking any annoyance out on him.

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Sequel to this

Plot twist, Obelix accidentally being really good at flirting because he’s just acting how he did before they were dating and not even realizing it, which accidentally drives Asterix insane

Vs. Asterix being really mediocre at flirting because he tries too hard, but it’s also lost on Obelix when he’s trying to flirt with him because he’s already so comfortable with Asterix, which also accidentally drives Asterix insane

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Since my gifmaker isn’t gifmaking, look at this masterpiece in the meantime.

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Well I did say I’d post on Tuesday. The vibe was meant to be more ‘manmade horrors beyond my comprehension’ and not ‘manmade horrors that need to be comforted by their soul mate’

Devastated myself especially hard with the last one for no reason

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happy pride from optimus pride himself. been working on this since last year, i'm glad to get it done!

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do yall see the vision

please tell me you do.

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