screwballsblog

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What. Just. Happened.

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i never believed those cartoons with people that were round/fat like a balloon until i met this dude who was perfectly round it was crazy he was like muthafuckin Augustus Gloop.

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happy burfday 2 meh

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I hate it when video game characters are implied or said to not have been buried, because I imagine the characters spirit sitting over the body as the others walk away, screaming "Give me a burial! I can't move on without one! Please, guys! PLEASE!" and the others can't hear him.

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HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA YES! Oh so fucking totally!

And that, my friends, is how you destroy a half-demon’s ego.

(this was someone’s headcannon, but I don’t remember who. If you know who came up with this headcannon, please let me know)

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*cleans room for hours with promise of 5 dollars*

*realize company is coming over and thats why I have to clean*

*still clean in hopes of 5 bucks*

*company never steps foot in my room*

*never get the five bucks*

*cry*

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Me: *burp*

Guy: Ewwww!

There is no pun. Thats jst something that happens daily.

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I BURPED AND IT TASTED GROSSSSSSSS

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that odd moment when you adabon the thing you enjoyed doing

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He did it again. "Cry, make a spork out of your spine and scratch your foot with it? Gahd, you really are an inbred idiot." HAHAHAHAHAHA IM SO FUCKING HAPPY OMFG

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Cryaotic replied to me during his Twitch Saturday Stream. he said "Wow, Inbredidiot is surprised I'm 25. What an inbred idiot. No, guys its okay thats his username." I'm so fucking happy right now.

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Feminism be like "Dude I am a butterfly-kin transsquirrel lesbian super iron man cis-hating danish butterball, and SWEETROLLS ARE MY TRIGGER"

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do u ever feel like a plastic bag 

well u should bb

cuz you are one

Do you ever feel like a paper bag

WELL YOU SHOULDNT BITCH BECAUSE YOU ARE PLASTIC BAG

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How did people do sexy talk in the 1920s?

"Oh yes, darling, take that very large genitallia!"

"Oh, sweetheart, you're such a PROSTITUTE!"

"Mm, let me take a look at that vagina!"

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Friend of 4 years: I went to the doctor yesterday. I'm pretty sure he raped me, because when he went to check my vag for infection, he started digging around. He's a pervert. I saw another doctor do it to a little girl. And the mom just stood there! Ugh, people are horrible.

Me: Do... do you realize that thats how doctors check for yeast infections and stuff like that? He wasnt 'raping' either of you. Thats his job. You're an idiot.

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You bet, Cry.

i can’t believe i have this on my computer i’m fucking crying

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is the blue one eating those god damn panties.