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you will live to witness manmade horrors that are completely within your comprehension if you've paid any attention to a single piece of human history but are nevertheless still huge bummers

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Just learned this absolutely delightful bit of etymology:

During the 15th century, the English had an endearing practice of granting common human names to the birds that lived among them. Virtually every bird in that era had a name, and most of them, like Will Wagtail and Philip Sparrow have been long forgotten. Polly Parrot has stuck around, and Tom Tit and Jenny Wren, personable companions of the English countryside, are names still sometimes found in children’s rhymes. Other human names, however, have been incorporated so durably into the common names that still grace birds as to almost entirely obscure their origin. The Magpie, a loquacious black and white bird with a penchant for snatching shiny objects, once bore the simple name “pie,” probably coming from its Roman name, “pica.” The English named these birds Margaret, which was then abbreviated to Maggie, and finally left at Mag Pie. The vocal, crow-like bird called Jackdaw was also once just a “daw” named “Jack.”  The English also gave their ubiquitous and beloved orange-bellied, orb-shaped, wren-sized bird a human name. The first recorded Anglo-Saxon name for the Eurasian Robin was ruddoc, meaning “little red one.” By the medieval period, its name evolved to redbreast (the more accurate term orange only entered the English language when the fruit of the same name reached Great Britain in the 16th century). The English chose the satisfyingly alliterative name Robert for the redbreast, which they then changed to the popular Tudor nickname Robin. Soon enough, the name Robin Redbreast became so identified with the bird that Redbreast was dropped because it seemed so redundant. 

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Today in niche genres of joke that I can never get enough of and will probably still be secretly thinking about four years later

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Tyche and her multitudinous participation ribbons 😂🥰 She really showed well for me this weekend and got in a ton of practice. She was pretty done with me by the end, but she was fabulous. She stood confidently for the judges’ exams and held her stacks, and she really was such a good sport. We didn’t get any love in the Best Puppy In Show ring, but jfc, I looked around and found myself surrounded by some of the nicest puppies I’ve ever seen. The husky pup that won all four shows was just divine. I took one look and knew we didn’t stand a chance!

There is something inspiring about seeing such lovely dogs out there. Yes, I’m sad we didn’t take home a big ribbon, but you shouldn’t get into dog shows if you expect to win all the time anyway. And had I gotten a ribbon, I wouldn’t have felt like we earned it. The competition really was SO beyond us. But I’m glad it was. So often in shows, you see unworthy dogs winning over nicer ones, you see resentment and gossip. Not this weekend. Truly beautiful dogs were getting ribbons, and everyone I encountered was so kind. In fact, the owner of that husky helped us silken people all weekend because we didn’t have enough hands. Other competitors with puppies went out of their way to come tell me my puppy was cute. Judges offered me friendly advice and feedback. It was a good weekend.

Tyche was rock solid being surrounded by dogs of all breeds, and she was totally focused on me and on working. What more could I possibly ask for? She is everything.

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Pet sitting the rat bastard once again, but this time around there's a new addition that's actually genuinely happy to see me when I get there!!!!

This is the rat bastard (affectionate) by the way

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new variant on “your boos mean nothing; I’ve seen what makes you cheer”

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Doctors purposefully give people very conservative life expectancy estimates because it is better for the person to have their affairs in order long before it is necessary than to be shocked by how rapidly their health is declining. This should be obvious but you would not believe the amount of people who are like “My father was given 3 months to live 5 months ago. This is proof all doctors are idiots and stupid. Look at him. He’s fine.” pan to a guy actively doing the death rattle.

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Imagine if there was someone using they/them pronouns and every time someone asks them why they do that, like isn't that a plural, they just look at the asker with the most deadpan expression and say "my parents were really poor when I was growing up. They couldn't afford to get us all our own pronouns so me and my siblings all had to share."

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You can teleport one (1) single individual live seagull into any time or place in history. Where would you choose to put it to best fuck with peoples' heads and cause as much confusion as possible?

I'd pick Tutankhamun's tomb, just behind the sealed door, 30 seconds before the seal is broken and the tomb is opened. Imagine throwing that into the curse myth - just as these people are about to crack open the greatest cold one in history, knowing that this is what they'll be known for from hereon, they open the door that must not be opened, and out scatters a frantic, deeply baffled bird, entirely healthy and intact, fluttering away never to be seen again, with no apparent way of how it got in.

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i wish you could tell cats your food is poison. he seems to think the issue is i've forgotten that he is my kind and loving friend. the issue is Hospital

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Writing on the back of this photo from my collection says “General Nuisance. Summer 1954”.

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complimented a cashier on her turtle pin this morning and she said "oh thanks, I am a little bit of a Turtle Person" with the carefully contained energy of Cookie Monster telling you he's mildly fond of chocolate chips

I hope she and the multiple tons of turtle merch she definitely has at home are having a wonderful day

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The kindergarten-ification of society

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Those little hands, my heart